They Finally Found Out We Like Our Computers 184
Posted
by
Soulskill
from the who-let-the-cat-out-of-the-bag dept.
from the who-let-the-cat-out-of-the-bag dept.
I'm Not There (1956) writes "Sociologist Clifford Nass is talking about how people think of their computers as something like human beings. In one of his experiments, Nass found that people are more willing to 'help' computers when the computer helped them previously: 'When people were then asked to help optimize the screen resolution on a computer where the program had been "helpful," they were much more likely to do so than with the less helpful version.' He also found that people evaluating software's performance were more forgiving if the evaluation was done on the same computer the software was tested on. Nass has recently published the book The Man Who Lied to His Laptop, in which he 'uses our interactions with machines to investigate how human relationships could be improved.'"
A proposition (Score:5, Funny)
Nass has recently published the book The Man Who Lied to His Laptop, in which he 'uses our interactions with machines to investigate how human relationships could be improved.'
I propose forcing women to think like computers instead of like women. They would be much easier to interact with.
Of course we like our computers (Score:5, Funny)
Like I needed to know. (Score:5, Funny)
I don't know how to maturely discuss this. (Score:4, Funny)
Guess this lowers the theoretical barriers to the sexbot market.
We'll see robot girlfriends purposefully installing Microsoft software for the plausible deniability upon contracting a virus.
Wish I could quarantine my W32.Herpes/Worm. :'(
Re:A proposition (Score:3, Funny)
Re:A proposition (Score:5, Funny)
I propose forcing women to think like computers instead of like women. They would be much easier to interact with.
What? are you crazy? that would be horrible....Just imagine trying to have a conversation with a woman who continually pauses, buffers, and freezes as she is talking to you... ...damn, that actually sounds pretty awesome!
Re:A proposition (Score:3, Funny)
Skinjob (Score:1, Funny)
Mr Nass has shown his hand with such an obvious propoganda piece (which I didn't read - its how i keep my mind free of the effects of such manipulations), clearly he is a cylon.....
Re:A proposition (Score:3, Funny)
a woman who continually pauses, buffers, and freezes as she is talking to you... ...damn, that actually sounds pretty awesome!
Pretty awesome?! I can think of a couple of situations where that certainly isn't the best idea...
Oh yeah, keep going!...
*pauses*
Don't stop... That's the one...
*buffering*
What?! No, keep going! Don't stop now! Now NOW!
*blue screen*
Fine. I'll just go have a wank...
I prefer to beat my computers. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:A proposition (Score:3, Funny)
So logically, until you lose that beer gut, learn to pick your socks up off the floor, do laundry and dishes and clean up after you "help" by cooking and leaving a god-forsaken mess, and ask for directions when you're lost, you fail the unit testing process. Better be ready to go f$ck yourself :-)
Re:I prefer to beat my computers. (Score:3, Funny)
Operation completed successfully, say log files. [theonion.com]
Re:A proposition (Score:1, Funny)
He's probably used OS X too often and became jaded.
Re:Implications for android development... (Score:3, Funny)
Why would it be superficial to date a self-aware non-biological machine?
Sounds like uppity biological machine talk to me.
Re:Not me. (Score:3, Funny)
I once tossed a desktop in a river. The water was brackish, so it was fresh at times and salt at others. I fished the computer out after a few weeks. After letting it dry, I put it in from of the other computers. I threatened to do the same to the other computers.
I have not had a problem since with any machine. I am often told that the computer problem just goes away when I go near other people's computers to fix them. I think the computers got the message. Piss me off and I will toss you in the river.
The question remains: Can we do that to congress and not get jail time?
Re:A proposition (Score:4, Funny)
"I'm almost there! Almost! Now I am 39 years from it. Now I am 3 seconds! 99%.... 99%.... 99%...."
Never anthropomorphize computers ... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:A proposition (Score:2, Funny)
He's probably used OS X too often and became jaded.
That would also explain why he doesn't deal with women.
Re:A proposition (Score:3, Funny)
That will be all
Re:Like I needed to know. (Score:5, Funny)
1- Start doing some exercise (Say running instead of crawling to the refrigerator)
2- Now you can jog for a few minutes a day(You don't need to go outside just)
3- Start spending every weekend climbing some mountain
(By this point you are only ugly at worst, it is okay)
4- Do some muscular training (Women dig muscle even on an ugly man - just don't overdo it and become some muscle champion, women don't like small dicks)
5- Get or change job to one that lists female employees (We can't hope to get you into a bar successfully yet)
6- Force yourself to talk to the female employees (Start from the ugly ones just so you remember you don't want to fall for a coworker, they are only the last option if you can't succeed otherwise, the friend zone is your friend. And at this point you are likely to bring sexual harassment charges to yourself.)
(By now you should understand women a bit better)
7- Meet some woman you aren't going to see again (Say a fellow mountain climber) Talk her into a dinner.
8- After she has declined your advancements note at which point it happened and try to fix what you think might have failed. Remember to use what you learned of women thought from your coworkers, what kind of hair or dressing fits you better and the like.
(Volume is important to account for standard deviation, be sure to use equivalent lines for every single woman you meet. If every single woman dumps you before starting you have probably missed something in the previous steps.)
9- IF NOT DINNER GOTO 7
10 - "Damn it worked! It has never worked before! What am I supposed to do?" Nothing. Just talk to her and follow a similar debugging process. Here the goal isn't sleeping with her(That would be an advanced student bonus) you want her to repeat the meetings while knowing you are romantically interested in her. If you are put into the friend zone don't dump her, use as woman thought database material.
11 - UNTIL KISS GOTO 7 (Sorry)
12 - (Now you are pretty close, assuming you didn't force it, if you did you might be close anyways) Tell her you think you might feel romantically inclined towards her. Try to repeat the kissing experience as many times as possible. Then use as many low(but legal) tricks as you can(wine, long late dinners, I missed the last train) to run the final mile. Women can smell your insecurity long after they are into you. It is a lot easier to nail them when one is not an insecure nerd. Remember to bring condoms but not the whole box and if you think you might come in milliseconds that first time practice self-control techniques at home. Also practice for the opposite situation or at least fake an orgasm after about 30 minutes since penetration. Women aren't as tight as hands. Don't try anything but missionary position until the second sex date and don't ever cum on eyes tits mouth unless she asks you to or you are sure apologies will work.
13 - It's not the end, you might break up with her, don't despair, troubleshoot repeat and rinse. You should have a lot more self esteem after sex with a woman who wasn't a sex worker.
14 - ???
15 - Profit
Re:A proposition (Score:2, Funny)
Re:A proposition (Score:3, Funny)
I think I'll get a model where all the hardware is Linux or *BSD compatible.
But then you're stuck with a rather crappy UI, and who wants that on a woman...
Re:A proposition (Score:1, Funny)
You may have to work a bit to get it running perfectly but you can get great eye-candy on such a system, it's not as if the default theme on windows actually looks good. Plus, if you learn how to talk to her, she'll do amazing stuff owners of a windows system wouldn't even imagine possible.
Re:Like I needed to know. (Score:5, Funny)
Pff, I'm not taking advice from some noob who uses GOTO.
Re:Like I needed to know. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Like I needed to know. (Score:5, Funny)
But he was giving you basic advice
Re:A proposition (Score:3, Funny)
Yeah but it's still statutory rape if you need wine to ply her.
Re:A proposition (Score:1, Funny)
Fuck that. I'll lose weight and clean up after myself, but I'd sooner die than ask for directions.
Re:A proposition (Score:3, Funny)
Re:A proposition (Score:4, Funny)
Get a chatroom, you two.
Re:A proposition (Score:3, Funny)
Imagine a Beowulf ... oh wait ...
It's called a Harem!
Re:Like I needed to know. (Score:3, Funny)
4- Do some muscular training (Women dig muscle even on an ugly man - just don't overdo it and become some muscle champion, women don't like small dicks)
I'm not a muscle champion and I still have a small dick. What am I supposed to do about that?
Buy tiny furniture.
Re:Like I needed to know. (Score:3, Funny)
Can't run the program, system requirements are too high, crashes on launch. Can you write a more lightweight version?