Russian Scholar Warns Of US Climate Change Weapon 415
According to Russian political scientist, and conspiracy aficionado Andrei Areshev the high heat, and poor crop yields of Russia, and other Central Asian countries may be the result of a climate weapon created by the US military. From the article: "... Areshev voiced suspicions about the High-Frequency Active Aural Research Program (HAARP), funded by the US Defense Department and the University of Alaska. HAARP, which has long been the target of conspiracy theorists, analyzes the ionosphere and seeks to develop technologies to improve radio communications, surveillance, and missile detection. Areshev writes, however, that its true aim is to create new weapons of mass destruction 'in order to destabilize environmental and agricultural systems in local countries.'"
Yeah (Score:5, Funny)
Yes, (Score:5, Funny)
It's called "SUV".
Well that would explain... (Score:1, Funny)
But seriously, shame on Samzenpus for posting this woo woo garbage.
Sorry, Comrade (Score:5, Funny)
We already made the unfounded claim that all natural disasters and climate related problems on the Earth are due to women dressing immodestly.
Re:Oh, yes, HAARP.... (Score:5, Funny)
What? You also have a giant immersion heater in the Yukon river?
You American bastards!
Somebody has to do it... (Score:5, Funny)
OK I'll take the bullet and get the meme out of the way so we can focus on serious-business /. discussion.
"In Soviet Russia, Climate changes you!"
Why don't the just... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:So, Conspiracy Theories Are /. Worthy Now? (Score:5, Funny)
Impossible, Russians have prior art (Score:4, Funny)
Couldn't possibly happen, because the Russians have prior art on this: https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Russian_Woodpecker [wikimedia.org]
The conspiracy-theories for the Russian Woodpecker were primarily mind control and weather modification.
But then again, if they didn't patent it, maybe we could use it after all.
Sarcasm alert - I know that citing patents and prior art against secret government weapons is silly. Sometimes the secret government weapons are, too.
Re:Yes, (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Oh, yes, HAARP.... (Score:4, Funny)
yes yes it is....
you see the Russians have been trying for years to stop our agents...
See! See my russian friends! Your failure to make big trouble for Moose and Squirrel has allowed US to create the best doomsday machine ever.
Rocky P Squirrel is our BEST climate change scientist.. and His Moose friend is a failed Magician in disguise... He really is the money behind the brains....
YOUR FAILURES HAVE DOOMED US ALL!
Re:Snowglobe (Score:4, Funny)
You don't get it, man. Like, government "leaks" are just distractions to shift attention away from their true goals. But the true genius is how they make everybody believe they're incompetent! Don't you see?!? If everybody thinks the government is incompetent, then nobody's going to believe they're capable of pulling off such a HUGE conspiracy, and anyone who tries to tell the truth, like me, is labeled as a raving lunatic!
Re:Yes, (Score:2, Funny)
* Note this is satire. I am not actually a new age environmental fanatic, so you FBI agents can put down your pencils and save your self the trip to my house.
Re:Truth is perspective (Score:4, Funny)
You want us to elect Sarah Palin as anything more important than the mayor of Wasilla?
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
HAARP? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Truth is perspective (Score:2, Funny)
Worst. Yakov Smirnoff joke. Ever.
Re:Oh, yes, HAARP.... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:HAARP (Score:4, Funny)
Yes, yes, yes... that's all very nice, but how good is it at making popcorn more efficiently?
Re:Well that would explain... (Score:3, Funny)
No Mr Bond, I expect you to fry
Not a problem... (Score:3, Funny)
This can be defeated by the: Guided Universal Indepednant Not Near Earth Survival System, or GUINNESS.
Re:Truth is perspective (Score:3, Funny)
"Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President Clinton?"
"It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed. DOOMED!"
Re:HAARP (Score:3, Funny)
That's exactly what the conspiracy would WANT you to say...
Re:Don't care enough to educate yourself? (Score:2, Funny)
Yes, but we were killing Iraqis on behalf of the Iraqi people, whereas Saddam was killing Iraqis just because he was a tyrant. When we get to heaven, I bet the 1.3 million Iraqis who have been killed will thank us for turning their country into a pro-American democracy. Maybe they'll give us the flowers and candy that Dick Cheney promised when we invaded Baghdad. I don't know about you, but when those flowers and candy didn't materialize after the shock and awe that looked so cool on TV, I sort of felt the Iraqis were being just a little bit ungrateful, if you know what I mean.