Scientists Create Equation For a Perfect Handshake 144
Hugh Pickens writes "Discover Magazine reports that despite the average person shaking hands nearly 15,000 times in a lifetime, one in five (19 per cent) admit they hate the act of the handshake and are unsure how to do it properly, regularly making a handshake faux pas such as having sweaty palms, squeezing too hard or holding on too long while over half the population (56 per cent) say they have been on the receiving end of an unpleasant handshake experience in the past month alone. But help is at hand as scientists have developed a mathematical equation for the perfect handshake taking into account the twelve primary measures needed to convey respect and trust to the recipient. The research was performed at the behest of Chevrolet as part of a handshake training guide for its staff and is meant to offer peace of mind and reassurance to its customers. A full guide to the perfect handshake is available on Flickr."
Reminiscent of Alan Moore's "The Bowing Machine" (Score:3, Interesting)
Very cool (Score:2)
Thanks for sharing that comic, it's hilarious!
The Seinfeld formula (Score:4, Interesting)
Re:The Seinfeld formula (Score:5, Funny)
Reach in, grab firmly, give one pump and two shakes, let go.
I tried that but none of the women in my life found it to be particularly satisfying ;)
Re: (Score:2)
Hey, that was my move!
Re: (Score:2)
Hmmm, let's see. A "handshake" involves hands on both sides of the equation. Simplifying, you can eliminate the hands on both sides. Have you tried just pumping and shaking her?
Re: (Score:2)
Then you must not be doing it well. If it's taking a long time to please her then you just aren't doing it right.
If its hot, passionate, and she feels properly taken then you won't have to make any special efforts and hold out. She'll finish as fast or faster than you will.
I think this very much depends on the woman in question. I'm lucky that my wife has a similar sex drive to me and takes roughly the same time as I do, we both get there fairly fast and afterward we both feel thoroughly satisfied. :)
Then again, for whatever reason, some women just take longer to come (or sometimes literally can't come at all no matter how long you last). I'm sure that this at least partly explains the huge disparity between women who want it just as much as men, and women who really don't e
Re: (Score:2)
It's okay Shakrai, lots of guy have the same problem you do.
Re:The Seinfeld formula (Score:5, Funny)
Re: (Score:2)
The Seinfeld episode that delved into the handshake protocol gave me the best advice I could need when it comes to a good handshake. Reach in, grab firmly, give one pump and two shakes, let go.
But whatever you do, don't be one of those goddamn 'early squeezers'. Sure, a firm handshake gives the impression of strength and personal power, but it's cheating to clamp down and squish their fingers together the moment you reach their second knuckle joint. I used to work with a guy who did that and if I wasn't paying attention, I'd get my fingers mashed together well before there was even any palm contact. It's like the sucker-punch of handshakes.
Re: (Score:2)
There are some people who give really awful handshakes. There's your early squeezers, but also people who squeeze too hard, as if they want to squeeze you into submission. And people who shake hands at a really odd angle so you're basically at their mercy.
I don't know why these people can't do a normal handshake, but the awful travesty they make of it leaves me with a desire to kick them. They seem to be mostly men, and business/manager types. Really odd, because it seems to me that in that line of work, ha
The fistbump (Score:2)
Mike Arrington from techcrunch has an opposing take on the handshake
http://techcrunch.com/2009/05/09/hand-shaking-is-so-medieval-lets-end-it/ [techcrunch.com]
First rule (Score:3, Insightful)
Re: (Score:2)
So..if I am greasy under the hood of the car, you WANT the greasy handshake?
Should I add more grime like I do if you happen to be an uninvited person peddling religion?
Phil
Re: (Score:2)
Re:First rule (Score:4, Interesting)
Re: (Score:1)
I actually appreciate you wiping sweaty hands before a handshake. The reason to not let me see it is that you've revealed that you are nervous to me.
Maybe that is good, maybe it is bad, depends on the circumstance.
Re: (Score:2)
i do this in my pocket.
ASLO:
If you are a male
DO NOT OFFER YOUR HAND TO A LADY. If she wants to be that familiar, she will offer her hand to you. Err on the side of classy.
i impressed my girlfriend's mother (now my mother in law) by adhering to this rule.
Bunk, I say (Score:4, Informative)
Nothing in here about actual grip strength. I'd think that a 'guide' would tell you how hard is too hard, etc.
Also, as a person with huge hands, I can tell you that size matters a lot in terms of too much/too little grip.
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Also, as a person with huge hands, I can tell you that size matters a lot in terms of too much/too little grip.
Oh I see what you did there. Clever.
Re: (Score:2)
lol
Don't read too much into that, though. Most of my best skills aren't helped by the size you're thinking of at all. ;)
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Shoeler and BobMcD, please get a room!
Re: (Score:2)
"I could teach you, but I'd have to charge..."
what? (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
I'm guessing handshake technique is like handjob technique - there's nothing worse than the other person gripping as tightly as they can and pumping for all they're worth. You just want to say... you're doing it wrong.
Re: (Score:2)
I'd hate to be your cock, wanker.
Re: (Score:2)
Ben Goldacre has written quite a few articles debunking them in the past. Here is a few choice quotes [badscience.net]
Now the fact is that Cliff Arnall’s equations are stupid, and some fail even to make mathematical sense on their own terms. His equation for the perfect long weekend is a case in point. It is “(C x R x ZZ) / ((Tt + D) x St) + (P x Pr) >400 (Tt = travel time; D = delays; C = time spent on cultural activities; R = time spent relaxing; ZZ = time spent sleeping; St = time spent in a state of stress; P = time spent packing; Pr = time spent in preparation).
I give you Cary Cooper, professor of organisational psychology and health at the University of Lancaster, in the Evening Standard. "Psychologists claim to have developed a mathematical formula, [(V x P x R) + A] x (VFM), which allows them to grade the nation's sporting triumphs. And they have produced a highly contentious 'top 10' covering everything from England's World Cup win in 1966 to the Ashes triumph over Australia last year." Can they be serious? "The people behind the equation boast that it's 'the first ever scientific equation that reveals just how good a game of sport has been to watch'.
Hollywood beauty, Jessica Alba, is ‘strutterly’ desirable – she has the sexiest ever walk, according to new research revealed today by Veet. Veet, the hair removal expert, has teamed up with mathematicians at Cambridge University to reveal a ratio to work out who has the hottest walk, and the Fantastic Four star clocked up the top score, thanks to her luscious legs and curvy frame.
Etc. etc. ad nauseum. Slashdot should not be providing advertising for companies which further distort the public's understanding of science.
Re: (Score:2)
Also, as a person with huge hands, I can tell you that size matters a lot in terms of too much/too little grip.
This. The next person who squeezes my four fingers instead of shaking hands is getting a quick ass kicking.
Next up: (Score:1)
Your Bailout Money Hard at Work! (Score:4, Insightful)
Re: (Score:2)
It is far more cost effective to make your salesmen as good a conmen as possible than it is to build reliable cars people want to buy.
Loaned (Score:2)
The "bailout" was a loan. What do you care how it's spent? You'll get, or have already gotten, it back. Plus interest.
Well you see (Score:3, Funny)
American tax dollars at work. Because it's very important to have a perfect handshake when you work for a company that needs a government bailout to stay afloat after bankruptcy.
Re: (Score:1)
FTFY
Re: (Score:2)
No unions held a gun to their heads when the exec signed those deals. They made their bed and should have been forced to lay in it. No union worker decided they should make cars people did not want to buy, the failings of GM have been management failures.
Re: (Score:1)
They made their bed and the taxpayers were forced to lay in it
FTFY
Re: (Score:2)
I agree that is what happened, but GM should have been left to die. They made these decisions they should have dealt with them.
Re: (Score:2, Insightful)
They should have been compelled to go through Chapter 11 without the White House interfering with the bankruptcy code and picking winners and losers. The bankruptcy code has a clearly defined pecking order but the White House apparently decided that rule of law wasn't the way to go.....
Re: (Score:2)
They might all suck, but management makes the decisions. The buck stops there.
Scientists are calling it... (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2, Informative)
There is nothing worse than the fist bump. I promise you, everyone you fist bump hates it and the office is the last place you should it.
Re: (Score:2)
There is nothing worse than the fist bump. I promise you, everyone you fist bump hates it and the office is the last place you should it.
Furthermore, there is this rule to follow with regards to fist bumps: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/3/7/ [penny-arcade.com]
I don't get it (Score:2)
Shake it three times and you're playing with it.
What??
</sarcasm symbol>
Re: (Score:1)
The rule says shake it MORE than three times. A triple shake is legal.
Perfect Handshake (Advanced Professionals Only) (Score:5, Funny)
2) Take one step in so that faces are around 12 inches apart.
3) Make eye contact (hold position until this happens).
4) Once eye contact is made, firmly grab person's forearm with your left hand.
5) Slide left hand up and down person's forearm, from wrist to elbow, twice, while maintaining eye contact.
6) Wink with left eye.
7) Break eye contact, let go.
Define firmly (Score:1)
Occasionally, you get these asshats who squeeze as hard as they can - you know they're faking it because they're an office worker and they're not built like Arnold when he was young. It's like WTF are they trying to prove?
You usually find them in you places: sales and HR.
Re: (Score:1)
Re: (Score:2)
I realize this is the descendent of a comedy post, but I would define "firm" as:
- about as hard as you'd grip a baseball bat to keep from dropping it (NOT in order to swing it hard). If you don't have one handy, try holding a lunchbox out at arm's length. ... I'm having a hard time thinking of better examples. :)
- like holding an egg hard enough not to drop it, yet not hard enough to worry about breaking it.
- not so hard as to imagine breaking things with your grip.
This is the future... (Score:1)
looks like the etiquette books don't need updating (Score:3, Insightful)
Despite all that science, the advice in that flickr summary are basically the same as the advice and diagrams in the section of Business Etiquette for Dummies [amazon.com] on handshakes.
(Don't ask me how I know that there's a Business Etiquette for Dummies, and that it has a section on handshakes.)
Post-docs (Score:2)
We got the same advice at an awful career fair for scientific post-docs that I attended. Sitting in a room with 300 other young scientists who recently earned their Ph.D.'s, being told not to give a wimpy handshake when meeting an interviewer - what a tremendously embarrassing waste of time.
Too hard vs Too light (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2, Insightful)
Agreed. A handshake is body language that can tell you if someone is nervous, uncomfortable, or even confident.
A firm dry handshake without need for pants wiping after a job interview can say a lot about the person's confidence level. That's useful information depending on how you intend to treat them after hire.
Re:Too hard vs Too light (Score:4, Insightful)
What irks the hell out of me is someone who grabs the hand too fast without getting skin-to-skin contact between each others' thumb-and-index webspace. I end up with some idiot who's got hold of my fingers only. Those are the clowns that get the do over and instructions on proper handshaking, usually punctuated with something like, "Slow down, idiot!"
Re: (Score:3, Interesting)
What irks the hell out of me is someone who grabs the hand too fast without getting skin-to-skin contact between each others' thumb-and-index webspace. I end up with some idiot who's got hold of my fingers only. Those are the clowns that get the do over and instructions on proper handshaking, usually punctuated with something like, "Slow down, idiot!"
There you go... that's my number-one pet peeve: grabbing my four extended fingers, leaving my thumb waving in the air? Wtf? I'd think that in any culture, the very least you want to do is have a symmetric handshake. I try my best to make the handshake symmetrical, firm but not crushing. I've had people grab only my fingers, other guys seemingly oblivious that they've crushed my knuckles such that I cannot return the grasp, and then the folks who offer their hand like it's a fresh pork chop, a piece of m
Re:Too hard vs Too light (Score:4, Interesting)
I've always hoped it wasn't just me, and that at least half of the blame for mis-coordinating the hand position lies with the other person, but maybe it's just me.
At least one thing I do know is I've got the pressure in a moderate middle ground . I've had enough that are too hard or too soft (one gal I met recently took soft to an extreme by extending her hand and then not moving her fingers at all -- it wasn't a soft squeeze, it was literally nonexistent) to know what the right pressure feels like.
I was hoping maybe this study would venture into some of the silly complicated extra convolutions people put in their handshakes. Mostly seems to be a phenomenon of younger guys trying to be hip, who have some ridiculous five-part ritual. Grab, slap, wiggle, fist, waggle some finger, whatever it is. I watch people around me going through the whole procedure like they know what the other person is about to do, but I've always felt sort of colorblind or tone deaf as far as those gestures go. Can anyone explain to me how the hell I'm supposed to know it's "grab, smash elbow, bump chest, slap back twice" this time, and next time it'll be "grab hand, clasp forearm, do the hokey pokey"?
Re: (Score:2)
Watch the hand until the moment you grab it. Then quickly look back up at the person. If you do it quickly enough, nobody'd notice that you're not making eye contact while grabbing their hand.
Re: (Score:2)
I believe it's muscle memory, and practice will perfect it. Bear with me if this sounds somewhat absurd and comical; I am quite serious that I think you should practice it. I've just never practiced shaking hands (I should!), so I'm coming up with these ideas as I write. Sorry.
Have you considered doing some hand-e
"Science" (Score:3, Funny)
Neal Stephenson in Snow Crash (Score:4, Funny)
Wow, 19 per cent? (Score:3, Interesting)
That's quite impressive, if 19 per cent go so far as to hate it, at least double that must find it irksome, another large percentage is indifferent to it, I wonder who are the freaks who actually think it useful, or go so far as to enjoy it.
Re: (Score:3, Interesting)
I wonder who are the freaks who actually think it useful, or go so far as to enjoy it.
The ones who are worried about you pulling a weapon on them.
Re: (Score:2, Insightful)
Re: (Score:2, Insightful)
I find a handshake useful. You shouldn't read too much into it. But a wet handshake or a wipe on the pants indicates nervousness.
A weak handshake indicates the person either has a low opinion of you or whatever business you are conducting. That might mean they disagree or it might mean they don't give a shit.
A firm handshake suggests the person is comfortable with you and takes whatever business is at hand seriously. For instance, after a Foosball battle in the office it is habit to go for a firm handshake
Re: (Score:2)
You shouldn't read too much into it.
Agreed.
A wet handshake or a wipe on the pants indicates...
A weak handshake indicates...
A firm handshake suggests...
Oh wait. You meant a different kind of not reading too much into it than I thought.
Re: (Score:2)
It suggests character so I might friend you but I'm not going to read too much into it and offer you my daughter.
Okay, points for saying "up yours" with style.
But more to the point, my own observations (anecdotal! I know) have been that most people just shake hands the same way all the time, basically the way they were sort of taught to as kids. It sounded like you were taking that position at the beginning and then took a 180 and described what all the handshakes meant. So I'll give my own counter list
Re: (Score:2)
"But more to the point, my own observations (anecdotal! I know) have been that most people just shake hands the same way all the time, basically the way they were sort of taught to as kids."
I generally agree. But that doesn't mean it isn't a useful indicator. Just about every other aspect of a person's behavior is the result of their upbringing as well. Nor does it negate the commonly accepted body language indicators I already mentioned.
"A wet handshake indicates that someone perspires at a lower temperatu
Re: (Score:2)
It's amazing how strong the correlation is. Phrased that way people might be thrown off because it sounds sexist but it isn't literally about having a cock and balls. It's about having been taught an old fashioned ethic that is passed from father to son and showing you listened and learned with every handshake.
I wouldn't base major decisions entirely around a handshake but its a factor.
I've noticed a similar correlation between a rural and/or midwestern upbringing and certain aspects of work ethic. At least
Re: (Score:2)
A weak handshake indicates the person either has a low opinion of you or whatever business you are conducting. That might mean they disagree or it might mean they don't give a shit.
So wrong - there are loads of people who don't like unnecessary bodily contact with other men, and thus are automatically reluctant. I'm not fussed really, but I know people who are, and judging them by their handshake is simple minded and shortsighted.
Re: (Score:2)
"So wrong - there are loads of people who don't like unnecessary bodily contact with other men, and thus are automatically reluctant."
I've never heard of handshaking falling into the realm of homophobia but that would fall into the don't give a shit category. If you care about what you are doing then your mind is on the business about the begin or just concluded not the handshake.
Re: (Score:2)
Do you work on the set of Friends, or something?
For what culture? (Score:4, Informative)
Re: (Score:2)
My procedure: (Score:4, Funny)
Step 2: Make a quick glance to verify that the person you'll be shaking with has a standard 5 fingered hand. I'll shake a stump, hook, plastic hand, or sub-5 finger hand, flipper what-have-you but you want to know about this going into the shake and not in the middle of the first pump.
Step 3: Grasp their hand or hand-like appendage firmly, shake about twice, and release whatever they've stuck out at you.
sim city 4 (Score:2, Insightful)
sounds like something that would flash across :P
your sim screen
The only perfect handshake (Score:3, Funny)
< syn ack=X+1 seq=Y
> ack=Y+1 seq=X+1
> DATA
The handshake isnt the confusing part (Score:2)
I have actually started making people start over and actually shake hands properly.
"No, put out your hand. Good. Now, the webs of our thumbs meet like this and then we shake. This is what we call 'shaking hands'."
Re: (Score:1, Insightful)
I have actually started making people start over and actually shake hands properly.
Seriously?
So using your specific empty gesture of greeting is more important than making a moderately amiable first impression with a total stranger?
Wow. Just... wow.
Do you correct others in other forms of etiquette as well? If I'm at McDonalds and fail to hold out my right pinkie finger while snarfing my Big Mac, might I expect the honour of a public correction from Your Highness?
Re: (Score:2)
Fixed that for you (Score:2)
"Scientists" (some professor) have "developed" (thrown together a bunch of bullshit about) a "mathematical" (numbers make math!) "equation" (brackets and operations make an equation!) for the "perfect handshake" (in their sole opinion) taking into account the "twelve primary measures" (which they came up with after a one hour brainstorming session) needed to convey "respect and trust" (or at least the illusion of it, in order to sell cars) to the recipient.
Seriously, dry your hands if you can, don't grip too hard or too soft, and look 'em in the eyes. Done. But why not add some bureaucracy to the process?
"Johnson, you're two points shy on your grip rating! No raise this month!"
Re: (Score:1)
Yeah, but I wouldn't put it that way. There is nothing worse than a weak handshake. You'd have to be trying to squeeze too hard, a good handshake is a firm one that speaks of commitment.
Depends on your goal (Score:2, Funny)
It really depends on your goal
1. Lick you palm. Make sure it is really slimy.
2. Grab their hand with both of yours so they can't get away. Preferably from behind.
3. Shake good and strong, bringing your hand above your head and down to your knees.
4. Release while at maximum height.
5. Rub you hand on your pants leg for at least 10 seconds.
OK, you will now be excused from shaking anyone elses hand. Forever.
Waste of Time (Score:2)
Who the fuck thinks trying to assign an equation to something subjective is a good use of time?
That person is a moron.
This sort of nonsense is depressingly common (Score:2)
Uh oh ... (Score:2)
Squeezing too hard? (Score:1)
Is this really a problem? Outside of trying to wound a good handshake is a firm one. There is nothing worse than a weak handshake.
bad science (Score:2)
Ben Goldacre talks about these "equation for the perfect X" stories which turn up regularly: formula for fame [badscience.net], equation for a neckline [badscience.net], perfect "wiggle" [badscience.net], a particularly bad propagator [badscience.net].
It's bullshit non-science to generate publicity.
I'm surprised.... (Score:1)
Secret Handshakes (Score:2)
Of course, this overlooks organizations or fraternities that purposefully use a non-median handshake as a method of identification.
Like, maybe I'm a professional wrestler or something.
Re: (Score:3, Insightful)
Posting on Slashdot? Somehow, I doubt that. :-P
The perfect handshake (Score:5, Funny)
The real trick to the perfect handshake is getting the hand properly pureed before you add the other ingredients.
Re: (Score:2, Funny)
It's also important to properly wash the hand, and remove the fingernails and bone unless your customer asks for "chunky".
Often forgotten is the use of a GOOD blender, and freezing the bowl beforehand to maintain proper temperature throughout the process.
Missing these steps makes the handshake weak and clammy rather than the firm, decisive, bold statement it is supposed to make.
If you really need your handshake to stand out, add some cayenne pepper and bing cherries. People love a bold handshake that promi
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
All those perfect "X" equations are bunk (Score:2)
Slashdot, Please! (Score:3, Insightful)
This isn't the kind of thing you expect from Slashdot, or Slashdot submitters/readers.
It's a PR stunt, but it's filed under 'science'.
It's also linking to a third party blog, 11 days after it was news.
Press release containing contact info: http://media.gm.com/content/media/gb/en/news/news_detail.brand_chevrolet.html/content/Pages/news/gb/en/2010/CHEVROLET/07_15_perfect_hand_shake [gm.com]
Original (as far as I know) blog entry mentioning it: http://jalopnik.com/5588201/this-is-the-formula-for-the-perfect-handshake [jalopnik.com]
Contact email on the press release is chevrolet@mischiefpr.com.
If a Slashdot contributor gets taken for a line with that one, and editorial staff allows it through as a Science (not Idle) story, while nobody bothers to do even the slightest amount of digging, it might be high time to revise standards and practices, since Slashdot is starting to descend to a less-timely, less-informed, more gullible version of reddit.
I remember when Slashdot was THE place for techie/geeky news, and the comments were considerably more often than not insightful. Nowadays, people seem happier to quibble over minor semantics in an article while missing the big picture. I'm not trying to put Slashdot, one of my favorite sites, down but I'd rather it retain or improve level of quality, not slip toward the same plateau as Slashdot Parody Sites[tm].
If you're going to accept PR advertisements, at least put them in the ad box in the corner and accept payment, so people can opt out.
Do like we English people do (Score:2)
Guys (Score:2)
Don't offer your hand to a lady. Let her decide if she wants that familiarity. It's presumptuous of a man to offer his.
i impressed my then girlfriend's mother (who is now my mother in law) by observing this rule.
Err on the side of being classy. You can't go wrong.
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
and the funny solution is... (Score:2)
to go even more archaic and switch to the various forms of bowing
(bonus points if you
1 are even partly oriental
2 regularly have your hands covered in "stuff"
3 are in a skill where you "can't risk" being on the receiving end of a crusher handshake)