WISE Discovers 95 New Near-Earth Asteroids 112
Posted
by
timothy
from the are-you-sure-you-want-to-know? dept.
from the are-you-sure-you-want-to-know? dept.
astroengine writes "NASA's Wide-Field Infrared Survey Explorer (WISE) has turned up 25,000 new asteroid discoveries, 95 of which are near-Earth objects (NEOs). This mission is as fascinating as it is frightening. Capable of spotting any cosmic object glowing in infrared wavelengths, WISE has become an expert asteroid hunter, seeing these interplanetary vagabonds, some of which get uncomfortably close to our planet."
Re:Of course I want to know (Score:5, Funny)
So Cletus turns to his friend Clem and says:
"Clem, if there was an asteroid and it was going to absolutely pulverize the Earth; by which I mean it will smash the Earth to frickin smithereens; and you have got only thirty minutes left to your god blessed life what in the world would you do with yourself?"
Clem chews his chaw a minute, spits, and retorts: "Well Cletus, I suppose I'd fuck the living hell out of the first thing that moved. How 'bout you good friend?"
Cletus mulls the problem and, in solemn tone replies: "Well Clem, I'd prolly just stand perfectly still."
Re:This isn't scary at all (Score:4, Funny)
Now we can go and track their orbits and if anyone gets close to being a threat maybe have some small chance at dealing with it or preparing for the really bad results if we can't deal with it.
Exactly. Call Bruce Willis.
Re:A WISE old owl? (Score:5, Funny)
I'm curious why the potato chip company would want to search for asteroids though.
A mass extinction event would seriously jeopardise their potato chip business. It's Business 101 people - always attempt to identify and classify any risks to your business. Jeez.
Re:This isn't scary at all (Score:2, Funny)
However, in some cases, sticking your entire body in the hole might help, if the hole is deep enough, and the predator is sufficiently large and unable to reach into the hole.
We're doomed (Score:2, Funny)
DOOOOOMED!
Re:A WISE old owl? (Score:1, Funny)
Yeah right. Next you'll be telling me there's no such thing as Panaphonics, Magnetbox or Sorny monitors.
Re:The question is... (Score:5, Funny)
Of course they would, but then the general public will also be told by..
Corporate lobbyists: Asteroids don't exist and these hacked emails prove it.
Greenpeace: Minning companies altered it's orbit so as to get their hands on the minerals.
Politicians: Dear voter, I think the same way about this issue as you do, whatever that may be.
BP: For $2 billion we can put a hat on it.
Obama: That's a mighty fine hat.
Bush: Heck of a job there BP.
Christians: Pack your bags, here comes the rapture.
Muslims: Pack your bags, here come the virgins.
Jews: I can see the promised land in my telescope.
Myans: We told you so.
New age mystics: There's a herbal remedy available for ass-ter-oids.
Re:Hey Slashdot! (Score:4, Funny)
What? An interview? Come on now, this is Slashdot - the vast majority of users don't even read the friggin' summary. Much less the article. Much less actually going OUTSIDE and talking to ANOTHER PERSON of the OPPOSITE SEX.
My God man, think about what you're saying.
Officer Crabtree (Score:4, Funny)
Grammar Nazis: stuff asteroids, apostrophes are the real threat.
Re:The asteroids are not ''new'' (Score:3, Funny)
Hush, they're just 6k years old.
Re:This isn't scary at all (Score:5, Funny)
Nope according to quantum theory they didn't exist before because we couldn't measure them. Or was that intelligent design? I always get the two confused. Both require the belief that in the beginning there was nothing and then it exploded.
Ob. Simpsons (Score:3, Funny)
Let's burn down the observatory so this kind of thing will never happen again.
Re:This isn't scary at all (Score:4, Funny)
Perhaps we could save precious strong barrier material by shaping it into closely spaced bars and put a lock on the over-surface hole.
We could even give the predator (who we will refer to by the arbitrary term "the man") the key and hope it one day lets us out if we (hereafter referred to as citizens) please it. We might call this "good behavior."
Nah... never catch on.
Re:Hey Slashdot! (Score:3, Funny)
Perhaps we could just forward on the most highly moderated questions in Slashdot tradition. For instance, I believe an AC above posed an interesting query regarding the size of her hooters...
Re:A WISE old owl? (Score:3, Funny)
Wise guy, eh?
Re:Great, how long till we can strip mine them? (Score:3, Funny)
Could also be useful in case somebody wants to build a bypass near us.