Researchers Say Women Secretly Desire Hairy Geeks

jasper_amsterdam writes "The Daily Mail has a story about a study looking into women's preference for men. More specifically, about how women say they want one kind of man, but really want another. From the article: 'Most women claim to be attracted to tall, dark and handsome men, but a new study has revealed that facial stubble and a geeky personality are their biggest secret turn-ons. Despite complaining that it looks unkempt and feels rough to touch, the unshaven look on a man is actually a turn-on for 41 per cent of women. A slightly geeky personality came second, proving that women really do like a guy who knows their stuff when it comes to technology. A hairy chest was voted third, followed by a man who loves to read or cries at a soppy film.'"

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Re:My research

[Beardo the Bearded]

Honestly Kozar, I'm not even sure if I still love her anymore. I feel like I'm always under attack for something. Last night she said that she didn't want to hang out with me and I said I'd clean. Once the cleaning was well underway, she was upset that she didn't get to spend any fun time with anyone all day. (This was after saying that she didn't want to do the couples councelling homework because she was in a bad mood and it would go badly for me.) I'm giving her a lot of slack because of her meds and some underlying medical issues, but I've just felt like she's taking all her stresses out on me. I don't feel much of anything for her -- love, hate, anger, compassion, or anything. I mean, I still care about her, but I don't think I'd be sad if she left.

You know what? I'm scared of the logistics and I don't know if I'm more afraid of the logistics or of losing her. I can't afford to buy another house or keep paying the mortgage if I'm not staying there. We've got two kids and I don't know how I'm supposed to give them a good example -- stick together or cut your losses when it seems hopeless? Maybe I'm more concerned with how the kids would react if we weren't together anymore.

It's been years since she's been interested in sex, and the dozen times a year for the last three years have been about the same as when I'm on my own. I haven't considered anything on the side, but she's convinced that I am having an affair. The morning after a family vacation, she said, "Are you stepping out on me?" "What? No, of course not." "Well, you would say that." I've lost a lot of weight, and she's basically the only one who hasn't noticed. (Hell, a strange girl at a bar grabbed my butt, which was the most touching I'd had in a long time.)

We're going to councelling, but it seems to be the two of them ganging up on me. I haven't been able to express my emotions for years -- biting my tongue instead of saying anything mean -- and they're both telling me that I'm disconnected from my emotions. I'm sad; she has depression. I had some heart palpitations; she had a year-long period. Whatever I bring up, it's always worse for her.

But then, her councellor (a different person than the couples therapist) told her that we were in a great relationship, about 8 months ago. Apparently that's all changed since then, and I've been a blank wall for the last ten plus years.

But then, she has supported me without hesitation through school, work... you know what, she didn't. She put up with it, but was always complaining that my marks weren't good enough or that I wasn't looking hard enough for work. The same with the weight loss (I weighed 250# when we met, and I'm 165# now). She hasn't been very happy about that either.

Although it sounds ridiculous to mention this online to a complete stranger, the two of us did meet online, long before it was trendy or even acceptable.

I know, tl;dr. That's why I didn't make this coherent. Where's that pesky copy editor that's been asking for freelance work?

Re:My research

[enormouspenis]

I'm sorry but your relationship is over. Your wife is hideously self-centered and from this corner, an objective viewpoint, she does not consider you as an individual worthy of any respect. This is common in Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She is incapable of viewing you as anything other than a support for her Mental Illness. To her you are simply a household appliance--one she will trade in at the drop of a hat if she feels it would be adventageous for her. She is using her illness to control you. The fact that you cannot express your emotions means that you are being psychologically abused. Over time, abused spouses learn not to speak up so they can avoid further abuse. Once in that position you lost any chance of ever having a healthy relatinship with your wife. Abusers do not change without becoming sober and spending years in therapy. She is not motivated to become a loving life partner for you. I'm sorry, but the longer you stay the longer you'll need therapy to recover from the abuse.