Intel Says Brain Implants Could Control Computers By 2020 314
Lucas123 writes "Scientists at Intel are working on developing sensors that would be implanted in a person's head in order to harness brain waves that could then be used to control computers, televisions, cell phones and other electronic equipment. Intel has already used Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (FMRI) machines to determine that blood flow changes in specific areas of the brain based on what word or image someone is thinking of. People tend to show the same brain patterns for similar thoughts. 'Eventually people may be willing to be more committed ... to brain implants. Imagine being able to surf the Web with the power of your thoughts.' said Intel research scientist Dean Pomerleau."
Let me know when... (Score:5, Funny)
I can get direct neural input from the Playboy channel.
"I'm a Mac... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Last Thing I Want (Score:3, Funny)
I know what you mean, ever since I woke up in the future I've been having these recuring dreams about Lightspeed Briefs (tm).
Re:But my intel drivers don't work on my pc NOW! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:But Unfortunately... (Score:3, Funny)
Implants Could Control Computers By 2020
Computer implants will control brains by 2019.
Now i'm confused. What will control what in Soviet Russia then, and when exactly?
Re:Let me know when... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Let me know when... (Score:3, Funny)
Really if you are going to encourage the poor young man to expose his virgin soul to the RealWorld2.0 you should give him some good security advice while you're at it. Of course, as we all know, security is a mindset not a product. And for the ultimate defense it is best to keep an air gap between your local Genital-Net and the general Social-Webz.
Re:Quick, someone high five me! (Score:5, Funny)
Man you must have aids or something no one was willing to highfive you over half an hour.
Re:Let me know when... (Score:3, Funny)
I can get direct neural input from the Playboy channel.
I can't imagine this being a good thing:
YOU: browsing slashdot over coffee.
[Stunning, sultry woman walks up.]
SHE: Excuse me, can you tell me the time?
YOUR BROWSER: [displays top 10 porntube results for stunning, sultry women.]
SHE: You sick fuck!
...
JUDGE: I sentence you to 6 months at Pumpinhole State Penitentiary.
YOUR BROWSER: [displays goat.se]
The phrase 'Try to think of baseball' has never been more important.
Re:Why implants? (Score:5, Funny)
I though Piccard was saying he was "the cutest aboard". That all makes more sense now.
The Progress of Lazyness (Score:5, Funny)
In the future...
"Wait, Dad, you mean you used to have to move your arm to change the channel on the TV?"
"That's nothing, son. Great-Grandpa had to actually get up off the sofa and move to the TV to turn a dial."
Son physically reels. "Whoa, stop, you're blowin' my mind. But they did have motor-sofas to move you to the TV, right?"
Re:"I'm a Mac... (Score:3, Funny)
"Trust me."
Re:But Unfortunately... (Score:4, Funny)
In Soviet Russia, 2020 controls 2019 by computer implants!
Re:Let me know when... (Score:5, Funny)
Actually there is a Tor-like project that seeks to enable Girlfriend 2.0 while allowing Wife 1.0 to remain unaware. We need your help! Join us!
Re:Let me know when... (Score:3, Funny)
Of course some old stand-byes (Margarette Thatcher on a cold day) won't work as expected in those situations...
Re:But Unfortunately... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Fascinating stuff... (Score:3, Funny)
This reminds me somewhat of the AI computer to look at sat photos and determine if there were tanks in the photo. They trained it. They tested it. It worked great. And then it failed horrifically. It turns out the training photos that had tanks were taking on sunny days, those that didn't were cloudy. The computer had learned to distinguish between sunny and cloudy days and wasn't looking for tanks at all.
Here is wisdom... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Let me know when...nike jordan shoes,handbags, (Score:3, Funny)
Someone please mod parent up "Funny".(Just don't click the link!)
This guy is fucking hilarious.
"Pass by but don't miss it."
American marketing firms could learn something from this dude. I am still trying to figure out if he used Google Translate or crafted this fine specimen of marketing himself.
Man, can't seem to get the image of tracksuit wearing "cooldude" runnin' laps at the track in his Ugg Boots out of my head. Is that SIZE 1-24 Air Jordans, or can I just buy one?
...implants controling computers by 2020... (Score:5, Funny)
I wonder... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Let me know when... (Score:4, Funny)
I guess you haven't seen Farm Sluts [youtube.com]
(queue Twilight Zone theme song)
Imagine if you will, a world where technology can be controlled by thought. A man enters a building for a job interview, suddenly all computers begin displaying busty blondes, brunettes, redheads and a sheep. He thought it was just an interview, but his gutter mind has turned it into - The Porn Zone
Re:Let me know when... (Score:3, Funny)
P2OPP ?
Re:But Unfortunately... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Let me know when... (Score:3, Funny)
Still it needs a dependency of Guilt 0.87beta. It can be replaced by Jerk 1.0 or Self absorption 3.0 however they tend to conflict with some versions of Growing Up Lessons that tend to be required for a lot of other apps, including ones that includes make money. Which allows any version of Girlfriend to work.
Man it is dependency hell.