Philip K Dickhead writes "Is Douglas Adams scripting the saga of sorrows facing the LHC? These time-traveling Higgs-Boson particles certainly exhibit the sign of his absurd sense of humor! Perhaps it is the Universe itself, conspiring against the revelations intimated by the operation of CERN's Large Hadron Collider? This time, it is not falling cranes, cracked magnets, liquid helium leaks or even links to Al Qaeda, that have halted man's efforts to understand the meaning of life, the universe and everything. It now appears that the collider is hindered from an initial firing by a baguette, dropped by a passing bird: 'The bird dropped some bread on a section of outdoor machinery, eventually leading to significant overheating in parts of the accelerator. The LHC was not operational at the time of the incident, but the spike produced so much heat that had the beam been on, automatic failsafes would have shut down the machine.'"
Multi-world interpretation is correct and LHC is just a variant of quantum-suicide experiment.
That's what the birds want us to think. The truth is, they planned this, and there's more to come. We cannot allow even one more baguette to fall on the LHC. We must strike back.
That's what the birds want us to think. The truth is, they planned this, and there's more to come.
Your poor simple bastard. Fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.
The birds DID NOT plan this at all!!! They were *hired* by the Squirrels!
Even more insidious is the fact the Squirrels KNEW people like you would turn to KFC for revenge.... where addictive chemicals would make you crave it fortnightly!
In a park far away, two statues stood staring at each other across a fountain. One was a beautiful woman, the other a handsome man, both naked. One day, an angel appeared, waved his hand, and brought the statues to life. "You have been staring at each other for so long," said the angel, "that I would like to give you 30 minutes to enjoy each other's company."
The two people grinned at each other and ran into the bushes. The angel heard much giggling and merriment from them as he waited. Then, sweaty and out of breath, the two came back.
The angel looked at his watch. "You still have another ten minutes!"
"Awesome!" said the man to the woman. "This time, you hold the pigeon and I'll shit on his head!"
this theory has actually been proposed: That activating the LHC would actually destroy the universe, that is, the whole universe, even reaching back into the past. That would mean that the only possible universes are ones in which the LHC is never activated, which means that if we keep trying, implausible events will continue to occur, preventing the LHC from activating- after all, we're here now, right. That's _proof_ that the LHC will never be activated!
by Anonymous Coward
on Friday November 06, @08:06AM (#30004750)
The weirdest thing is that we found the wrapper of the baguette nearby but for some reason the best before date appears to be 23th Dec 2012. Go figure.
There is no proof that the universe won't allow paradoxes, such as going back in time and shooting your grandparents before your parents are born.
*WE* think its paradoxical, and therefore it "can't happen that way". One doesn't necessarily lead to the other - we just assume it does.
Maybe the universe simply "doesn't give a shit"... and that actually appears to be the case, not just from this, but from the whole "arrow of time" perspective. To someone whose frame of reference isn't constrained by a unidirectional arrow of time, paradoxes cease to be paradoxes. To them, if you go back in time and kill your grandparents before you were born, you continue to exist. No paradox, it just is what it is. It's allowed.
It's certainly a better explanation of everything than the "infinite multiple branching worlds" theory (and gives rise to a universe where the branching worlds theory would actually appear to be true).
and yes, you can subscribe to my newsletter explaining our baguette-flinging overlords:-)
What if the higgs only destroys *some* of the universes?
what if the higgs just "re-arranges" the universe?
what if the higgs just destroys itself?
what if the higgs doesn't exist?
Optimal outcome, with no paradox: Two Higgs walk into a bar. One destroys the bar. The other one goes back in time and destroys the other Higgs. Two Higgs walk into a bar...
From the point of view of the rest of the universe, the bar continues to exist. However, how many Higgs EXIT the bar? Is it
None - they're caught in a loop.
One - the Higgs that went back in time, and destroyed the other Higgs, and in so doing, altered its' own future
Two - the Higgs that went back in time, then continued in time to meet up with its' future self, so they both left
Two - the Higgs that went back in time plus the other Higgs
Two - the Higgs that went back in time merges with the current-time Higgs
Three - Both Higgs, plus the copy that went back in time because it doesn't "merge" with itself
#3 and #6 both open up some interesting possibilities... especially if you replace "Higgs" with "People". People wouldn't "merge" when their time lines rejoin. #4 "could" work, in some strange way, but you would have to allow for a universe that tolerates non-continuity (which ours does in some respects, strange as it seems at the macro level) #5 is definitely out. #2 is just boring. #1 doesn't work, if you think for a few minutes - it requires the rest of the universe to agree to stop "observing", or that time stop for the whole universe.
Douglas Adams is now in an alternate universe, controlling this one. Proof? Well, I had no idea what a "Baguette" was; French for birdshit, maybe? So I looked it up at [wikipedia.org], where I was presented with a picture of a breadstick.
The first sentence of the article is "Not to be confused with Breadstick. For the architectural ornament (decorative), see Baguette (disambiguation)."
Ok, I'll be sure not to confuse this breadstick with a breadstick. French people, sheesh... Or did the bird drop a decorative architectural ornament (not to be confused with a breadstick) down the hole?
Did you not the dimensions on that wikipedia article? A baguette is not a bread stick. It's that long loaf of bread that people on TV are always carrying in their grocery bags when something interesting happens to them.
Same thing: barn swallow and red-rumped swallow nest in Europe the summer and winter in southern Africa. So it's not what the bird was but when it was that determines whether it is European or African, not that I am clever enough to claim any uncertainty involvement between birds and LHC.
I have a feeling that a lot of things would be a lot clearer if we knew this.
Then again, the universe might reset if we found out.
Or perhaps it already ha*&@#!(.. <NO CARRIER>
This article [timesonline.co.uk] gives more information
Further investigation into the failure of a cryogenic cooling plant revealed an unusual impediment. A piece of crusty bread had paralysed a high voltage installation that should have been powering the cooling unit.
[...]
A spokeswoman for CERN confirmed that baguette was responsible for the latest hiatus, but she conceded that mystery surrounded the way it got into the vital power installation, which is protected by high security fences.
“Nobody knows how it got there,” she told The Times. “The best guess is that it was dropped by a bird, either that or it was thrown out of a passing aeroplane.”
“Obviously this was slightly surprising. Within the team there was some amusement once they had relaxed after initial concerns.”
The bread was discovered on a busbar - an electrical connection inside one of eight buildings above ground on the 17-mile (27km) circuit in the Swiss countryside.
The spokeswoman said: “The collider extends over a very large area – you have to have a very comprehensive system to try to avoid problems of this kind. We’re talking about a couple of days down time.”
Scientists hope that the temperature will be restored by around midnight tonight allowing work to continue. The failure of the cooler meant the temperature rose around 5 degrees to the equivalent of about -266C.
A lot of things will drop on sections "of outdoor machinery". It seems that this LHC machine has been designed in such a way that will never get a chance to work.
by Anonymous Coward
on Friday November 06, @04:05AM (#30003890)
The bird's briefing:
The approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point. The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station.
The approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point. The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station.
If the bird has been hitting womp-rats back home there should be no problem.
One wonders how much it would take to put some kind of roofing over the most vulnerable exterior equipment. Something like corrugated tin on a steel frame or whatever.
Or maybe a roof over the cafeteria and the rubbish bins, so that birds can't just come and steal baguettes.
I've never heard of such deleterious effects of a bird dropping anything on outdoor power station switchgear... what kind of vulnerable kit is this anyways?
One wonders how much it would take to put some kind of roofing over the most vulnerable exterior equipment. Something like corrugated tin on a steel frame or whatever.
You slashdot wise guys! Do you REALLY think PROFESSIONAL scientists would leave critical equipment exposed? That professionals paid to design and engineer a multi-billion dollar piece of equipment would forget a basic piece of covering? That you sitting there and speculating behind your keyboard sitting in your underwear in your mother's basement might have a better idea of how to protect delicate scientific equipment than hundreds of scientists and engineers with post graduate degrees?
Well in this instance it looks like you might be right?
The bread was discovered on a busbar - an electrical connection inside one of eight buildings above ground on the 17-mile (27km) circuit in the Swiss countryside.
They don't need to invest in roofs, what they really need are doors.
“Nobody knows how it got there,” she told The Times. “The best guess is that it was dropped by a bird, either that or it was thrown out of a passing aeroplane.”
If they've regularly got aeroplanes flying unnoticed through their buildings, they probably have bigger problems than birds and pieces of bread...
Obviously they should put up "no flying in buildings" signs.
... and it was not an entire baguette, just a small slice of it. An entire baguette would never have been able to tunnel through the roof (tunnel effect is inversely proportional to the mass of the "particle").
by Anonymous Coward
on Friday November 06, @04:18AM (#30003942)
Hypothesis: There are multiple universes. Many of them build the LHC. In those that build it, most turn it on, destroying themselves. Not only do they destroy themselves, but they take out their planet, their galaxy, and their universe, including time, such that they essentially never existed.
Obviously we can't live in one of those universes, so a series of accidents, bizarre or mundane, probably take place until someone decides it's not worth the effort and the project is scrapped.
That would explain the long delays and the mind-bogglingly arbitrary accidents.
Alternative hypothesis: The LHC is an internationally-funded, politically-changed science experiment of immense complexity. That alone would explain the delays and problems, and would also lead to it probably never being switched on.
3rd hypothesis: The LHC is switched on eventually, gives us much scientific knowledge, and doesn't kill us all. But really, that's boring and doesn't make for compelling science fiction. Just compelled science.
The LHC is designed with very good fail-safes so that random events like this won't shut down the accelerator for huge amounts of time. It would mean at most a day or two of no beam before things got started again. These kinds of safety trips are to be expected a couple of times a month with a machine as huge and complicated as the LHC.
"Never attribute to a time traveling malicious Higgs boson what can easily be attributed to human stupidity."
Physicists spend too much time in the lab in theoretical situations. It's amazing that when they design a machine that will go outside, they forget that birds tend to crap on everything.
... and why, pray tell, was such apparently critical equipment not in some sort of enclosure?
Because if it was, it would had been the roof collapsing that would had disabled it, and that would had caused a lot worse mess.
As a side note, I think that this confirms my pet theory concerning time travel: any attempt to do it will change the past, which changes the conditions of the travel slightly, which changes the past, and so on, until the travel never occurs and the past stops changing. In other words, a spacetime where time travel happens is unstable and decays into one where it won't. Quantum uncertainty would, in this interpretation, be there to allow causality to "stretch" enough to allow such decay; a hypothethical universe without quantum uncertainty but with sentience and time travel (which is an inevitable outcome of the Theory of Relativity, which in turn is an inevitable outcome from the laws of physics being the same for all observers) would tear itself apart. You can thus deduct the Uncertainty Principle from the Anthropic Principle (we are here, so this universe must be able to support sentient life).
I wonder if you could calculate the minimum required amount of uncertainty for spacetime to stay consistent, and how it would relate to observed/otherwise calculated values? Assume that the first singularity formed at t=0, and has been moving infinitely close to lightspeed ever since, and connects to every other time period through a wormhole, and go from there. The math is beyond me, does anyone else care to try?
Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
OK. That proves it.
Multi-world interpretation is correct and LHC is just a variant of quantum-suicide experiment.
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Multi-world interpretation is correct and LHC is just a variant of quantum-suicide experiment.
That's what the birds want us to think. The truth is, they planned this, and there's more to come. We cannot allow even one more baguette to fall on the LHC. We must strike back.
That's right. I'm calling KFC.
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:4, Funny)
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:4, Funny)
I'm pretty cock-sure all the birds have it in for us.
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Wow, you guys don't even have a plan for this bad joke thread, do you? Probably best to just wing it, anyway...
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
If we ever capture any, we had best not let them out on bail. I'm sure they pose a flight risk.
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Wait, what does KFC have to do with actual birds?
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
It has a lot to do with birds, just not much to do with chicken.
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
They're both foul?
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
> Wait, what does KFC have to do with actual birds?
Think pigeons and seagulls.
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
You can jump from a plane with a parachute and start defecating. If a bird got caught it would be an awesome revenge.
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Your poor simple bastard. Fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.
The birds DID NOT plan this at all!!! They were *hired* by the Squirrels!
Even more insidious is the fact the Squirrels KNEW people like you would turn to KFC for revenge.... where addictive chemicals would make you crave it fortnightly!
It's all part of their PLAN!!! Wake up!
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Dear Pigeons:
we were only kidding [xkcd.com]
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Reminds me of a joke.
In a park far away, two statues stood staring at each other across a fountain. One was a beautiful woman, the other a handsome man, both naked. One day, an angel appeared, waved his hand, and brought the statues to life. "You have been staring at each other for so long," said the angel, "that I would like to give you 30 minutes to enjoy each other's company."
The two people grinned at each other and ran into the bushes. The angel heard much giggling and merriment from them as he waited. Then, sweaty and out of breath, the two came back.
The angel looked at his watch. "You still have another ten minutes!"
"Awesome!" said the man to the woman. "This time, you hold the pigeon and I'll shit on his head!"
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Interesting)
this theory has actually been proposed: That activating the LHC would actually destroy the universe, that is, the whole universe, even reaching back into the past. That would mean that the only possible universes are ones in which the LHC is never activated, which means that if we keep trying, implausible events will continue to occur, preventing the LHC from activating- after all, we're here now, right. That's _proof_ that the LHC will never be activated!
Parent
ObSimpsons (Score:5, Funny)
I have a rock that keeps tigers away to sell you ...
Parent
Re:ObSimpsons (Score:5, Funny)
I have a rock that keeps tigers away to sell you ...
Please, this is the 21st century... there's an App for that.
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:4, Funny)
So then is this the improbability drive? Eee gads!!!! Douglas Adams was a prophet.
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Interesting)
Only if the universe cannot tolerate a paradox.
There is no proof that the universe won't allow paradoxes, such as going back in time and shooting your grandparents before your parents are born.
*WE* think its paradoxical, and therefore it "can't happen that way". One doesn't necessarily lead to the other - we just assume it does.
Maybe the universe simply "doesn't give a shit" ... and that actually appears to be the case, not just from this, but from the whole "arrow of time" perspective. To someone whose frame of reference isn't constrained by a unidirectional arrow of time, paradoxes cease to be paradoxes. To them, if you go back in time and kill your grandparents before you were born, you continue to exist. No paradox, it just is what it is. It's allowed.
It's certainly a better explanation of everything than the "infinite multiple branching worlds" theory (and gives rise to a universe where the branching worlds theory would actually appear to be true).
and yes, you can subscribe to my newsletter explaining our baguette-flinging overlords :-)
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Interesting)
What if the higgs only destroys *some* of the universes?
what if the higgs just "re-arranges" the universe?
what if the higgs just destroys itself?
what if the higgs doesn't exist?
Optimal outcome, with no paradox: Two Higgs walk into a bar. One destroys the bar. The other one goes back in time and destroys the other Higgs. Two Higgs walk into a bar ...
From the point of view of the rest of the universe, the bar continues to exist. However, how many Higgs EXIT the bar? Is it
#3 and #6 both open up some interesting possibilities ... especially if you replace "Higgs" with "People". People wouldn't "merge" when their time lines rejoin. #4 "could" work, in some strange way, but you would have to allow for a universe that tolerates non-continuity (which ours does in some respects, strange as it seems at the macro level) #5 is definitely out. #2 is just boring. #1 doesn't work, if you think for a few minutes - it requires the rest of the universe to agree to stop "observing", or that time stop for the whole universe.
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Multi-world interpretation is correct
Douglas Adams is now in an alternate universe, controlling this one. Proof? Well, I had no idea what a "Baguette" was; French for birdshit, maybe? So I looked it up at [wikipedia.org], where I was presented with a picture of a breadstick.
The first sentence of the article is "Not to be confused with Breadstick.
For the architectural ornament (decorative), see Baguette (disambiguation)."
Ok, I'll be sure not to confuse this breadstick with a breadstick. French people, sheesh... Or did the bird drop a decorative architectural ornament (not to be confused with a breadstick) down the hole?
Parent
Re:Evacuate this universe! (Score:5, Funny)
Did you not the dimensions on that wikipedia article? A baguette is not a bread stick. It's that long loaf of bread that people on TV are always carrying in their grocery bags when something interesting happens to them.
Parent
Birds dropping baguettes? (Score:5, Funny)
Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Interesting)
Parent
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
Yes, but what's its unladen airspeed velocity?
Parent
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
Yes, but what's its unladen airspeed velocity?
I am more interested in the terminal velocity of the Baguette.
Parent
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
Parent
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
I also want to know why the only thing the Baguette thought on the way down was oh no, not again.
Parent
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
Then again, the universe might reset if we found out.
Or perhaps it already ha*&@#!(.. <NO CARRIER>
Parent
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
A gag?
Parent
Re:Cosmic Time Travelling Karma? (Score:5, Funny)
A spit obviously.
Parent
Large Bread Collider (Score:5, Funny)
Impossible to operate? (Score:5, Informative)
This article [timesonline.co.uk] gives more information
A lot of things will drop on sections "of outdoor machinery". It seems that this LHC machine has been designed in such a way that will never get a chance to work.
Bird briefing... (Score:5, Funny)
The bird's briefing:
The approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point. The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station.
Re:Bird briefing... (Score:5, Funny)
The bird's briefing:
The approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point. The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station.
If the bird has been hitting womp-rats back home there should be no problem.
Parent
Put a roof over it or something? (Score:5, Interesting)
One wonders how much it would take to put some kind of roofing over the most vulnerable exterior equipment. Something like corrugated tin on a steel frame or whatever.
Or maybe a roof over the cafeteria and the rubbish bins, so that birds can't just come and steal baguettes.
I've never heard of such deleterious effects of a bird dropping anything on outdoor power station switchgear ... what kind of vulnerable kit is this anyways?
Re:Put a roof over it or something? (Score:5, Funny)
One wonders how much it would take to put some kind of roofing over the most vulnerable exterior equipment. Something like corrugated tin on a steel frame or whatever.
You slashdot wise guys! Do you REALLY think PROFESSIONAL scientists would leave critical equipment exposed? That professionals paid to design and engineer a multi-billion dollar piece of equipment would forget a basic piece of covering? That you sitting there and speculating behind your keyboard sitting in your underwear in your mother's basement might have a better idea of how to protect delicate scientific equipment than hundreds of scientists and engineers with post graduate degrees?
Well in this instance it looks like you might be right?
Parent
Re:Put a roof over it or something? (Score:5, Insightful)
Nope
The bread was discovered on a busbar - an electrical connection inside one of eight buildings above ground on the 17-mile (27km) circuit in the Swiss countryside.
They don't need to invest in roofs, what they really need are doors.
Parent
Re:Put a roof over it or something? (Score:5, Funny)
The bird breadboarded a busbar inside a building.
The problem is Windows.
Parent
Re:Put a roof over it or something? (Score:5, Funny)
“Nobody knows how it got there,” she told The Times. “The best guess is that it was dropped by a bird, either that or it was thrown out of a passing aeroplane.”
If they've regularly got aeroplanes flying unnoticed through their buildings, they probably have bigger problems than birds and pieces of bread...
Obviously they should put up "no flying in buildings" signs.
Parent
Re:Put a roof over it or something? (Score:4, Funny)
put some kind of roofing over the most vulnerable exterior equipment.
There was a roof over it... but unfortunately they forgot about the tunnel effect...
Parent
Misleading summary title (Score:5, Insightful)
The LHC was not operational at the time of the incident
and the TFA
This incident won't delay the reactivation of the facility later this month
Re:Misleading summary title (Score:4, Funny)
Parent
Here's an idea (Score:5, Insightful)
Hypothesis: There are multiple universes. Many of them build the LHC. In those that build it, most turn it on, destroying themselves. Not only do they destroy themselves, but they take out their planet, their galaxy, and their universe, including time, such that they essentially never existed.
Obviously we can't live in one of those universes, so a series of accidents, bizarre or mundane, probably take place until someone decides it's not worth the effort and the project is scrapped.
That would explain the long delays and the mind-bogglingly arbitrary accidents.
Alternative hypothesis: The LHC is an internationally-funded, politically-changed science experiment of immense complexity. That alone would explain the delays and problems, and would also lead to it probably never being switched on.
3rd hypothesis: The LHC is switched on eventually, gives us much scientific knowledge, and doesn't kill us all. But really, that's boring and doesn't make for compelling science fiction. Just compelled science.
LHC not actually shut down (Score:5, Informative)
There's a saying (Score:4, Insightful)
"Never attribute to a time traveling malicious Higgs boson what can easily be attributed to human stupidity."
Physicists spend too much time in the lab in theoretical situations. It's amazing that when they design a machine that will go outside, they forget that birds tend to crap on everything.
The temp rise in question (Score:5, Interesting)
http://hcc.web.cern.ch/hcc/cryo_main/cryo_main.php?region=Sector81 [web.cern.ch]
Pretty wild to think that a rise up to 8 kelvin is a "serious overtemp event".
(And fancy CERN having all their engineering data online like that, open to everyone..... anyone'd think they invented the internet or something.)
Re:le sigh... (Score:5, Interesting)
Because if it was, it would had been the roof collapsing that would had disabled it, and that would had caused a lot worse mess.
As a side note, I think that this confirms my pet theory concerning time travel: any attempt to do it will change the past, which changes the conditions of the travel slightly, which changes the past, and so on, until the travel never occurs and the past stops changing. In other words, a spacetime where time travel happens is unstable and decays into one where it won't. Quantum uncertainty would, in this interpretation, be there to allow causality to "stretch" enough to allow such decay; a hypothethical universe without quantum uncertainty but with sentience and time travel (which is an inevitable outcome of the Theory of Relativity, which in turn is an inevitable outcome from the laws of physics being the same for all observers) would tear itself apart. You can thus deduct the Uncertainty Principle from the Anthropic Principle (we are here, so this universe must be able to support sentient life).
I wonder if you could calculate the minimum required amount of uncertainty for spacetime to stay consistent, and how it would relate to observed/otherwise calculated values? Assume that the first singularity formed at t=0, and has been moving infinitely close to lightspeed ever since, and connects to every other time period through a wormhole, and go from there. The math is beyond me, does anyone else care to try?
Parent