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Town Fights Cricket Plague With Led Zeppelin 190

Posted by samzenpus
from the certain-mariah-carey-notes-make-dolphins-abduct-and-eat-small-children dept.
The residents of Tuscarora, Nevada are getting ready to fight the annual invasion of mormon crickets with the power of Rock-N-Roll. Trial and error has shown that the crickets don't think much of Led Zeppelin or the Rolling Stones. The residents circle the town with boomboxes at regular intervals to drive off the millions of crickets. "It is part of our arsenal. You'll wake up and there'll be one sitting on your forehead, looking at you." says Laura Moore, an unemployed college professor and one of the town's 13 residents. The crickets devastate crops, cause slicks on the highway and evidently love rap.

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Town Fights Cricket Plague With Led Zeppelin

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  • Well... (Score:5, Funny)

    by fyngyrz (762201) * on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:11PM (#27748369) Homepage Journal

    The crickets devastate crops, cause slicks on the highway and evidently love rap.

    I suppose that ends all speculation that rap isn't cricket, eh, old man?

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward

      I suppose that ends all speculation that rap isn't cricket, eh, old man?

      I didn't realize Buddy Holly even played rap.

    • Re:Well... (Score:5, Insightful)

      by jo42 (227475) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:31PM (#27748699) Homepage

      "rap" 75% of the word "crap".

      • Re:Well... (Score:5, Funny)

        by 4D6963 (933028) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:36PM (#27748783)

        "rap" 75% of the word "crap".

        Impressive find! Semi-relatedly, I think you just proved to have 75% of the wit necessary to start writing rap.

        • Re:Well... (Score:5, Informative)

          by cabjf (710106) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:44PM (#27748907)
          That makes him overqualified for a career in the music industry.
        • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

          Some people have a low opinion of rap, and admittedly a lot of rappers simply aren't very good. Fine. But there are some rap artists who deserve a lot more respect than they either get, or indeed might even want.

          The bottom lines is, rap is poetry. Or at least, rap is our societies current form of poetry. Don't believe me? Would you believe a Nobel Laurette [bbc.co.uk]? Rhyming verses, set a to meter. To be sure, rappers do not frequent poetry readings or college debating societies, but these are not essential artistic

      • Re:Well... (Score:5, Funny)

        by fyngyrz (762201) * on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:50PM (#27749009) Homepage Journal

        About 14% country
        And 75% rap
        These are the components
        of 100% crap

        Thumping and bumping
        And your old belt buckle
        A gat and a nine
        and your old truck'll...

        [chorus]:

        ...produce 100 per cent
        Stupid and ig-nor-ent

        Bumpkin and ghetto
        It ain't no libretto

        It's just 100 per cent
        crap.

        Chords are G, A, and E. Bass line is subsonic and at least 12 db higher than the vocals. Wear a kerchief and cowboy boots when performing. Ad libbing about your dog is permitted.

      • by cayenne8 (626475)
        ""rap" 75% of the word "crap"."

        Don't forget, the words 'rap' and 'music' are mutually exclusive terms.

        • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

          by Anonymous Coward

          Oh, I thought De la Soul, A Tribe Called Quest, et. al. produced quite decent music...

        • Re:Well... (Score:5, Funny)

          by gnick (1211984) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @03:13PM (#27749327) Homepage

          I think that the idea that they like rap was just invented by the local parents.

          "If you keep listening to that, the mormon crickets will come and get you!"

          I'll have to remember that trick for when mine are old enough to start playing crap on the radio. "Sorry, m'boy. The only way we can keep the boogy-man away is to spin up some of Dad's Floyd albums. Maybe you can listen to your music really quietly in the basement."

          • Re:Well... (Score:4, Insightful)

            by ConceptJunkie (24823) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @03:47PM (#27749683) Homepage Journal

            I'll have to remember that trick for when mine are old enough to start playing crap on the radio. "Sorry, m'boy. The only way we can keep the boogy-man away is to spin up some of Dad's Floyd albums. Maybe you can listen to your music really quietly in the basement."

            My oldest is 15, and so far he has been immune to peer pressure on the subject of music. And most other things too... he's a good kid. In any event, he's been exposed to a lot of good music since he was a baby, and has definitely acquired a taste that is similar to mine (and to a lesser extent his Mom's, but only since she doesn't listen to music nearly as much as I do). The same thing happened to me growing up. I ended up really liking what I was hearing from my Dad ("classic" rock, back before it was a cliche, some country, some proto-progressive music), and my tastes branched off from there. I completely bypassed disco (ugh!) and punk and other popular movements.

            My kids are free to listen to whatever they like, but since they've been exposed to so much good stuff at home (all kinds of progressive rock, jazz and classical) they tend to like that. Will they change their tastes or interests as they get older? Maybe... and that's fine. Nevertheless, my plan has been to set the example and let things grow as they may. The contrast between what I consider to be "good" music and what's popular is much stronger than it was in the 70s when pop music hadn't yet completely devolved to the level it's at today.

            My little brother (13 years younger) liked some of the same things as me when I was still living at home. After I moved out, he went through a brief rap phase, discovered the "classics" (big air quotes because I refer to "classic rock", not classical music) and now digs jam bands and bluegrass. There's are not often my cuppa, but are definitely something I think is cool.

            It's all a matter of what you're exposed to. In the absence of good music, many people won't find that overly simplistic and repetitious music can get tiresome, or that better alternatives are out there. Some people never see music as more than background noise or something to dance to. I also have a personal pet theory that tone deafness is a spectrum and that most people have it to some degree or other, so melody and harmony just don't have the same effect on them as it does for others. Others don't have the patience or interest in acquiring the taste. (e.g., I sometimes didn't like many of my favorites the first time I heard them). And other people just like what they like, and there's never anything wrong with that.

            Of course, I find the idea of scary stories very appealing...

            • My 2 year old niece is already gaining an appreciation for Iron Maiden and Star Trek... and soon most other forms of music.

            • It's all a matter of what you're exposed to. In the absence of good music, many people won't find that overly simplistic and repetitious music can get tiresome, or that better alternatives are out there.

              I was 14 when my mom showed me some hard rock & heavy metal. I hadn't had any contact with such music before, but I remember I've *never* liked almost anything they've played on the radio.

              Others don't have the patience or interest in acquiring the taste. (e.g., I sometimes didn't like many of my favori

      • Re:Well... (Score:5, Funny)

        by djdavetrouble (442175) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @03:40PM (#27749619) Homepage

        "rap" 75% of the word "crap".

        "classical" 100% of the word "ass".

        Seriously, how long have you been quoting that stupid cliche......

      • Also 75% of the word "rape".

    • by bughunter (10093)
      I know elvis impersonator reggae isn't rap, but I wonder how the Mormon Crickets would react if you played 'em some Dread Zeppelin [dreadzeppelin.com], mon?
    • by Nazlfrag (1035012)

      Indeed it does old chap. Why, just the other day I was bowled over by a fine gentleman rapper. I believe his composition was entitled Straight out of Surrey [youtube.com].

  • More proof that Jimmy Page was a satanist!
    • by cayenne8 (626475) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:53PM (#27749051) Homepage Journal
      "More proof that Jimmy Page was a satanist!"

      Or that Keith Richards can scare the hell out of anything....

      • "More proof that Jimmy Page was a satanist!"

        Or that Keith Richards can scare the hell out of anything....

        I grew up in an era when the Rolling Stones were considered evil by most parents, rather than something you hear in elevators and shopping malls.

        I knew all along that he was King of the Pirates, and felt strangely vindicated when I saw him in that role.

        Beware, Richard Stallman, Beware. Your glorious ninjitsu skills are nothing compared to the power of an ancient, rusted Rickenbacker 6.

        • by cayenne8 (626475)
          "Beware, Richard Stallman, Beware. Your glorious ninjitsu skills are nothing compared to the power of an ancient, rusted Rickenbacker 6."

          Or, an extremely worn, 5-stringed Telecaster, tuned to open G.

          :)

  • PC police (Score:5, Funny)

    by BadAnalogyGuy (945258) <BadAnalogyGuy@gmail.com> on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:14PM (#27748419)

    The crickets devastate crops, cause slicks on the highway and evidently love rap.

    That's racist.

    • by Gat0r30y (957941) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:17PM (#27748479) Homepage Journal
      They are Mormon crickets dude.
  • by multipartmixed (163409) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:14PM (#27748421) Homepage

    At first, I thought they were trying to get rid of haughty Englishmen with funny bats!

  • by Mordok-DestroyerOfWo (1000167) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:14PM (#27748423)
    I wonder how they feel about Buddy Holly?

    I'll go ahead and hit myself for that one.
  • by Anonymous Coward
    Finally another species that hates Led Zeppelin as much as I do.
  • You'll never have one show up on your head when you fall asleep if you sleep to the sounds of Stairway to Heaven.
    • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

      by mikael (484)

      Stairway to Heaven by Rolf Harris would get me out of bed in zombie mode and change the CD-player/radio to anything else.

  • by BadAnalogyGuy (945258) <BadAnalogyGuy@gmail.com> on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:17PM (#27748469)

    FTA: Rock music blaring from boomboxes has proved one of the best defenses against an annual invasion of Mormon crickets.

    Yeah, but you get one alone and he'll drink all your beer.

  • by diablovision (83618) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:17PM (#27748475)

    I guess they really must hate "Trampled Underfoot".

  • by LaminatorX (410794) <sabotage.praecantator@com> on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:18PM (#27748499) Homepage

    In addition to Rock n Roll, the mormon crickets are repelled by alchohol, caffine, premarital sex, and gay marriage.

  • by oldhack (1037484)
    Don't they know that Yeni is the weaspon of mass destruction?
  • by Sponge Bath (413667) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:19PM (#27748519)

    TFA: "...best defenses against an annual invasion of Mormon crickets"

    Mormons and Zeppelin don't mix?

    Tuscarorans are preparing once again to get out their extension cords, array their stereos in a quarter-circle and tune them to rock station KHIX

    Sounds like another Burning Man festival.

  • The residents of Tuscarora, Nevada...circle the town with boomboxes at regular intervals to drive off the millions of crickets.

    If the crickets have got any sense, they'll be Going to California. [wikipedia.org]

    • by creimer (824291)
      We here in California will roll up those Mormon crickets in a joint and smoke 'em to heaven.
  • by castironpigeon (1056188) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:31PM (#27748697)
    Playing copyrighted music out in the open like that?! Better hope the RIAA doesn't get wind of this.
    • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

      by Red Flayer (890720)

      Playing copyrighted music out in the open like that?! Better hope the RIAA doesn't get wind of this.

      If a Led Zeppelin song is broadcasted but there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound^H^H^H^H^Hvalid claim of copyright violation?

      Seriously, though, this is why they should play from a radio station broadcast -- then the royalties were already paid. If they play from CD or from mp3, then they could be subject to a public performance complaint... plus then they'd have to deal with the not-so-fun i

      • by Burning1 (204959)

        Unless the stereos are right on top of each other, they will have synchronization issues regardless.

        Sound only travels through the air at ~750 miles per hour. If the boom boxes are 600 feet apart, there will be a half second of lag time between when you hear a note from your box, and a note from the guy to your left.

        • Stand where the vectors intersect. There's no reason you have to stand on/near the arc itself.
          • by Burning1 (204959)

            If I'm holding one of the boom boxes, I pretty much have to be standing on the arc.

            • Most boomboxes are produced with four (4) "feet" that allow the boombox to stand unattended for prolonged periods of time. Don't be fooled, the boombox is NOT actually alive.
      • "publicly" (Score:4, Informative)

        by tepples (727027) <tepples&gmail,com> on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @03:16PM (#27749365) Homepage Journal

        If a Led Zeppelin song is broadcasted but there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound^H^H^H^H^Hvalid claim of copyright violation?

        Probably not, because US copyright law [copyright.gov] defines "publicly" as "at a place open to the public or at any place where a substantial number of persons outside of a normal circle of a family and its social acquaintances is gathered", and a cricket isn't a "person" except perhaps in works of fiction written by Carlo Collodi or George Selden.

        Seriously, though, this is why they should play from a radio station broadcast -- then the royalties were already paid.

        The royalties to ASCAP and BMI were already paid, but not for performance in an establishment "open to the public". Such royalties are the responsibility of the owner of the establishment "open to the public" unless the performance qualifies under 17 USC 110(5), which was enacted as a rider to the Sonny Bono Copyright Term Extension Act.

    • by Dmala (752610)
      It's OK, the crickets hate lawyers even more than they hate the music.
    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by dcollins117 (1267462)

      So what are you going to do - sue the crickets for being illegally repelled by Led Zepplin?

      ps. That's a sentence I'd never thought I'd write

    • by T Murphy (1054674) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @04:27PM (#27750289) Journal

      Playing copyrighted music out in the open like that?! Better hope the RIAA doesn't get wind of this.

      Did you even read the summary? Their music wards off pests.

    • by Thaelon (250687)

      Doubtful.

      The one thing that imaginary property mongers won't touch is religious organizations - the undisputed kings of imaginary things.

      I seem to recall there was some religious organization (maybe even the Mormons again) where some guy was ripping off Nintendo games and turning out "clean" rebranded versions and selling them for profit. Despite blatant and obvious copyright infringements, they never touched the guy. It may have even been on slashdot.

      • The one thing that imaginary property mongers won't touch is religious organizations - the undisputed kings of imaginary things.

        Mormon crickets are not, as far as I am aware, members of any religious organization.

        I seem to recall there was some religious organization (maybe even the Mormons again) where some guy was ripping off Nintendo games and turning out "clean" rebranded versions and selling them for profit. Despite blatant and obvious copyright infringements, they never touched the guy. It may have e

    • by Locke2005 (849178)
      The RIAA doesn't have a problem with this, so long as they collect a license fee for each and every cricket listening.
  • I actually read the article for once. I hate to be negative but it was a bit confusing (almost like a meander along a winding road) and had at least one typo (Morman instead of Mormon). Anyway, that's my negativity for the day. :)
    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by mrbcs (737902)
      You must have read it in Quarks voice. I say Mor-man like Quark used to say Hu-man. Pretty funny actually.. well I'm amused.. doesn't take much... this whole thread has been a riot!
  • ...since Buddy Holly died.

  • by MillionthMonkey (240664) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @02:50PM (#27749007)

    Just put each cricket in a little box with a caterpillar. That will teach them not to screw with your town.

  • by zindorsky (710179) <zindorsky@gmail.com> on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @03:04PM (#27749185)

    ... says Laura Moore, an unemployed college professor and one of the town's 13 residents

    If you're unemployed, you're not a college professor. You're a former college professor, or a wannabe college professor. Also, maybe a town of 13 doesn't have a lot of college professor openings?

    • by Chris Burke (6130) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @03:19PM (#27749397) Homepage

      If you're unemployed, you're not a college professor.

      Bah, that's as stupid as saying that I'm not an unemployed Divine Emperor of Everything! And I'd crush you beneath my boot heel (or rather order my underlings to crush you) for saying such a thing. At least as soon as a position opens up...

    • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

      by Anonymous Coward

      How does a place with thirteen people in it qualify as a town, again?

      • by mdielmann (514750)

        How does a place with thirteen people in it qualify as a town, again?

        Yeah, I thought it was called a 'crossroad'. Oh look, 4 houses within shouting distance! Whatever shall we call this place? And who would care.

      • by rts008 (812749)

        Probably because they have a Post Office there.

        13 people? That's over twice the population of 'in-town residents' of the town I moved from in PA.(six persons)

  • daitomaceous earth (Score:4, Informative)

    by Zecheus (1072058) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @03:05PM (#27749197)
    Hints from Helen: diatomaceous earth (from a pool store) and borax scratch open the shell of these bugs and they dry up. Little is needed unless it blows away. D.E. can irritate the nose, but otherwise earth friendly. D.E. is tiny fossils. I guess it can take out other insects, too, but in that town, it doesn't seem that there are any other insects.
  • Just don't use ZZ Top's Velcro Fly or the town could turn out like Lud [wikipedia.org].
  • Pun (Score:5, Funny)

    by Mr_Icon (124425) on Tuesday April 28, 2009 @04:03PM (#27749927) Homepage

    Not that shocking -- they normally listen to the beetles.

  • Wait till the RIAA gets wind of this!
  • I remember I was deployed to Panama for Operation Just Cause as an forward air observer and Manuel Noregia fled to the Vatican's Embassy (Apostolic Nunciature) and the US set some boom boxes around the embassy and they played rock music all day and night. We were camped about mile from the embassy and we can still hear the music clearly from that distance so I know much louder it was at the embassy. Nevertheless, Manual Noregia gave up afterwards.
         

    • Yup, I remember that. Guess what the favorite song was?

      Answer: 'Panama', by Van Halen.

      Gotta love military humor.

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