Better Living Through Nukes?

perkonis writes "So, you've got 23,000 nukes laying about and no one to use them on. What to do with them? Well, you blow up stuff for fun and profit. Some of the ideas range from good on paper (such as mining oil shale) to just downright bad (such as making a new Panama Canal). Making a big ditch by blowing up nukes — what could possibly go wrong?"

Ideas

[OldProgrammerDude]

I always wanted to get back at John for that prank!

Mutants anyone?

[iammani]

What about creating mutants?

Re:This is an old idea

[Brian Gordon]

Now there's an understatement.

Then the radioactive waste is poured into the subterranean cavity so formed

"Radioactive waste is dangerous and toxic so we need a safe way of disposing of it without the possibility of it leaking into the ground. I propose pumping it into the ground."

Sell them for cash, lots of it.

[auric_dude]

Sell them to Iran, North Korea or whoever wants some and use the cash obtained to finance various economic stimulation packages. Then as soon as the money, gold, diamonds or whatever is in the bank have them self destruct via some CIA,NSA bit of trickery. Seen it in a James Bond film so it must be possible.

pickle 'em?

[Theolojin]

I don't get what the big deal is. How can they lead to healthy living? They don't exactly have a lot of nutritional value---just a smidgeon of vitamin C. Don't get me wrong; they are yummy and all---especially the hot house variety, with fewer seeds and the flavor...oh, the flavor is wonderful.

Wha? Oh. *N*ukes.

Sorry.

Re:what I thought was interesting.

[ColdWetDog]

( and some huge bass ponds )

Mutant bass? With lasers?

I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Global cooling

[russbutton]

Several years ago, the Brits published a study that even a small scale nuclear exchange would kick up enough crap in the atmosphere that it would cool the planet. Here's a way to get rid of a few nukes and stop global warming at the same time! Hey! You could call this... are you ready... Glow-ball cooling! Whaaaaat? You want me set to the damn things off with a match?

Re:Horrible idea.

[fahrbot-bot]

This is one of the dumbest, most henious and dangerous ideas I have ever heard.

You must be new here. Stick around; I'm sure something dumber, more henious or dangerous will be posted soon - probably by a reader!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to cook and dye some Easter eggs so I can leave them out for hours in the warn weather for kids to find tomorrow...

Great!!! This will be the greatest...

[Anonymous Coward]

4th of July EVER!!!

Geothermal Boreholes!

[sam_handelman]

You puncture a big hole in the earth's crust, and let the ocean flow in. You use the electrical output from the turbines to re-smelt the turbines (because they get coated with salt), and you use the steam as fresh water.

well if we're talk FUN and profit

[circletimessquare]

you have to implement all these schemes from orbit

its the only way to be sure

Re:Been tried, major fail

[Anonymous Coward]

What if these results in some sort of mutant PETA/Greenpeace/Harbor monster?! It might protest us to death!

Re:I don't know if someone proposed this but...

[mrmeval]

Can we do that to California?

If a wide enough opening is made in the mountains between California and other desert states would it bring good climate change? If Arizona, Nevada, etc could be made lush I'd nuke 'em.

Winter

[evilphish_mi]

With all the hub-bub about "man made global warming" why not counter it with man made nuclear winter.

Mines, you say?

[benjamindees]

You mentioned the ratio of ten women to each man. Wouldn't that necessitate abandoning the so-called monogamous form of sexual relationship?

Re:I don't know if someone proposed this but...

[omris]

To a geologist, this makes you sound about as stupid as the people who believe that California is going to fall off into the ocean the next time we have a large earthquake.

Hey. We can hope, can't we?

Re:I don't know if someone proposed this but...

[pedalman]

I hear that Somalia could use a few....errrrr...adjustments.

Re:Security and Radioactivity

[Jurily]

and I don't trust your people more than the russian people.

The Hungarian army couldn't take over Heathrow Airport, so that's understandable.

Oh, you thought I was American?

Re:Security and Radioactivity

[Anonymous Coward]

IANYourL. This post is my rambling, not legal advice. Do not rely on this post for any reason.

And here I was, about to use your profound insight to make life changing decisions. Pompous ass.

Re:I don't know if someone proposed this but...

[Bageloid]

Lex? Is that you?

Re:I don't know if someone proposed this but...

[igny]

I suggest blowing all the ice in Antarctica to put more water into oceans to dissolve all that dangerous CO2 to keep it away from the atmosphere to stop the global warming and finally to avoid the melting of Antarctica.

Re:Security and Radioactivity

[aliquis]

Yes I can!

Re:Security and Radioactivity

[Ihlosi]

In fact this might be a way to turn around the economy. Hydrogen bomb test in the middle of the pacific. Charge $5,000 a pop for the cruise and complimentary glasses and ear plugs. $2,000 to the cruise company and $3,000 to the government.

I think you found the one joke they forgot to include in Fallout 3.

Re:I don't know if someone proposed this but...

[Anonymous Coward]

So we get to naturally select out people who don't listen to warnings. Sounds like a good trait to be rid of.

Re:Security and Radioactivity

[fractoid]

Flamebait? Nope. I'm pro-global-warming, wanna know why? The world that the Dinosaurs knew was destroyed by global cooling. The carbon locked away by millions of years of fossil formation left the Earth vulnerable to the 'white earth' scenario, a fate which we very narrowly escaped a few times. Now we have the technology to liberate all that carbon and return the world to its pre-Cambrian state as a warm, lush paradise. Sure, a few coastal cities may need relocating but necessity is the mother of invention and hardship fosters ingenuity and all that.

Re:Security and Radioactivity

[dkf]

The Hungarian army couldn't take over Heathrow Airport, so that's understandable.

A lesser known fact is that they tried a few years ago, but are still waiting for their bags to arrive...

Re:Security and Radioactivity

[Anonymous Coward]

you fucking Hippie, get with the program.

1) USA = the über, super most awesome, can't do anything wrong, best fucking country in the world ... no USA === World
2) Any country outside of USA borders is full of animals living in straw huts
3) Russia is a special case, they somehow turned a straw hut into a beeping gizmo and send it to God so it could circle around the USA AKA World so we hate them the most.
4) Mhhh, I think I could get rid of 2) and 3) and just have 4 say, everybody outside of the USA is a TERRORIST. That explains the moderation above.

Clear now? I sure fucking hope so!