Cotton Swabs are the Prime Suspect In 8-Year Phantom Chase 344
matt4077 writes "For eight years, several hundred police officers across multiple European countries have been chasing a phantom woman whose DNA had been found in almost 20 crimes (including two murders) across central Europe. It now turns out that contaminated cotton swabs might be responsible for this highly unusual investigation. After being puzzled by the apparent randomness of the crimes, investigators noticed that all cotton swabs had been sourced from the same company. They also noted that the DNA was never found in crimes in Bavaria, a German state located at the center of the crimes' locations. It turns out that Bavaria buys its swabs from a different supplier."
Ewwwwwww... (Score:5, Funny)
So they shredded a woman for swabs? I thought we were only good for barbecue, masks, book covers, lampshades and creepy garments.
CSI to the rescue (Score:1, Funny)
Mega criminal mind
Great way to hide (Score:5, Funny)
It's clear what this means (Score:2, Funny)
Re:CSI to the rescue (Score:5, Funny)
Mega criminal mind
The handler of swabs really is a serial killer.
Re:It's clear what this means (Score:2, Funny)
OJ didn't do it!
Re:CSI to the rescue (Score:5, Funny)
It's a new spin off!
CSI: You're Doing It Wrong
Always state your assumptions (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Sherlock Holmes (Score:4, Funny)
I suspect a highly secretive and powerful organization known only as the GNAA.
Yours truly,
Slashdot Troll.
What?? (Score:5, Funny)
Wait... Are you bitching that you can't read the article? As in, you wanted to read the article before making a post?
I feel... like I've seen a unicorn or something...
Bad Slice (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Sherlock Holmes (Score:3, Funny)
Inconceivable!
Prawo Jazdy (Score:5, Funny)
This sounds similar to the case of Ireland's most reckless driver. [bbc.co.uk]
Real life is slow... (Score:3, Funny)
Prawo Jazdy (Score:5, Funny)
This reminds me of the "Prawo Jazdy" story. The Irish police were looking for this dude "Prawo Jazdy" who accumulated a very large number of speeding tickets. He kept committing infractions all across Ireland but always got away whenever he was stopped by giving a different address each time. They thought they had a supercriminal fugitive speeder on their hands until someone noticed that his name was Polish for "driver's license".
I knew biotech would lead to this! (Score:5, Funny)
We should NEVER have developed human-cotton hybrids.
Re:CSI to the rescue (Score:2, Funny)
I'm pretty sure that there'd be about 96 billion ways to disprove each individual charge.
APB (Score:5, Funny)
Re:CSI to the rescue (Score:1, Funny)
My grandmother's name is Monique not Mazi, you insensitive clod!
Now get off her lawn!
keepen das cotten-pickenen hans in das pockets (Score:0, Funny)
Who'd think THAT prophecy of Blinken Lights will come true?
Re:CSI to the rescue (Score:3, Funny)
The Coen brothers are set to do a CSI spin-off, Crime Scene Incompetence, sort of like Fargo meets Scary Movie.
I wish I wasn't kidding, that would be a riot!
"Officer Grissom, are you concerned about the security of... your shit?"
Re:Sherlock Holmes (Score:1, Funny)
You keep using that word.
I do not think it means what you think it means.
Re:Prawo Jazdy (Score:3, Funny)
Well, that's only to be expected. The British never partitioned Poland.
Re:Ewwwwwww... (Score:5, Funny)
Oh my, are you like, a woman?
Oh my oh my oh my oh my
What about her accomplice? (Score:5, Funny)
In other news, Irish police, working on the theory that such a well-travelled criminal may have been been provided with transport by an accomplice, have apparently identified her driver:
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/frontpage/2009/0219/1224241418104.html [irishtimes.com]
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7899171.stm [bbc.co.uk]
Re:Great way to hide (Score:5, Funny)
There are some jobs where you really shouldn't express dissatisfaction by spitting in the products.
Re:What?? (Score:3, Funny)
virgin, virgin :-b
Re:Ewwwwwww... (Score:2, Funny)
Neh, you're pretty good for doing the dishes, too.
Re:This is actually pretty scary (Score:5, Funny)
It took a lot of conversation to reach this insight.
Re:CSI to the rescue (Score:5, Funny)
I always thought... (Score:5, Funny)
I always think that when they take a swab on CSI.
CSI_Stokes - "Sir, I am afraid to tell you this, but,
Re:CSI to the rescue (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah, that's why I leave my semen in every room I every visit, and on every person I meet.
Cotton Swabs Prime Suspect In 8 Year Phantom Chase (Score:2, Funny)
Cotton Swabs Prime Suspect In 8 Year Phantom Chase
Cotton Swabs is innocent! Free Cotton Swabs!
-Loyal
Re:This is actually pretty scary (Score:1, Funny)
You also need to research 'affect' and 'effect'. To 'effect a crime scene' is to commit a crime. To 'affect a crime scene' is to have sex with the dead hooker.
Re:Ewwwwwww... (Score:5, Funny)
The thing women can be useful for that you notice is not on the list is really the dishes ? Wow. This really is Slashdot!
Re:Ewwwwwww... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Ewwwwwww... (Score:2, Funny)
Also Soylent Green. And hot dogs.
Re:CSI to the rescue (Score:4, Funny)
Re:This is actually pretty scary (Score:3, Funny)
Maybe the judge was just unable to get past this question:
"If you're so smart, Mr. Jordan, why weren't you smart enough to intentionally score low enough to get the job?"
Re:CSI to the rescue (Score:3, Funny)
"Officer Grissom, are you concerned about the security of... your shit?"
Oh, you're talking about Crime Scene Incontinence?
Re:CSI to the rescue (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Ewwwwwww... (Score:3, Funny)
So they shredded a woman for swabs? I thought we were only good for barbecue, masks, book covers, lampshades and creepy garments.
I'm pretty sure you missed one...
Re:Great way to hide (Score:3, Funny)
Please sit down, I have some difficult news for you. The test results have come back and it seems the man you knew as your father was not your biological father. DNA testing shows that your true father was a middle aged german woman, possibly with a congenital heart condition. I know this must come as a shock to you.