NASA's Orbiting Carbon Observatory Mission Fails

jw3 writes "The NASA Orbiting Carbon Observatory scheduled for launch today has failed its mission: the payload fairing failed to separate and the launch managers declared a contingency. George Diller, NASA launch commentator, said, 'It either did not separate or did not separate in the way that it should, but at any rate we're still trying to evaluate exactly what the status of the spacecraft is at this point.'" Update: 02/24 14:17 GMT by T : Reader fadethepolice points out a Reuters report which says that the craft crashed into the ocean just short of Antarctica.

Global Warming

[Anonymous Coward]

is a hoax, and the rocket knows it was just wasting time and money. It threw the launch.

Evaluating the status?

[elrous0]

Without a full investigation, I'd hypothesize tha the status is "laying in many pieces on the ice somewhere in Antarctica."

It's Official !!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

Aliens sabotaged the launch so they can continue to warm the planet to make it more palatable to their bodies when they invade 20 years from now.

According to CNN... (Well, some of it)

[ShadowBlasko]

The satellite will now be re-purposed to study carbon and methane emissions that need to be observed to determine the current threat level regarding activity in R'lyeh.

"Initial indications are the vehicle did not have enough [force] to reach orbit and landed just short of Antarctica in the ocean."

I'm sure the ancient ones are happy to have some new tech to plunder.

All hail the new tentacle observer!

Fantastic!

[The Fun Guy]

The telemetry from the satellite is reading zero across the board. That must mean there's no carbon dioxide in the atmosphere anymore. Now we don't have to worry about global warming - fantastic!

Good work, NASA. I knew we could get this climate change thing cleared up once we had better data.

Re:Whick rocket?

[zappepcs]

That was _last_ season. This season we'll be monitoring CO2 levels from space. Also planned are mapping cow farts via Google maps mashups and planned for season three: a Google maps/Zillow mashup showing the exact number of humans on the African sub-continent who could have survived for more than a month on the energy wasted through the carbon footprint of every house in America. That's right. Search for your house in Zillow and be instantly notified of how many people died so you could watch the superbowlcrapgame in comfort and style. Additional efforts by season 2 sponsor AT&T will allow you to track high CO2 outputters via GPS in their phones. Season 3 sponsors AT&T and General Dynamics plan to bring you HCO European edition via UAV. That's right, each week we'll allow one Republican Evangelical to get "up close and personal" with one of Europe's most prolific CO2 outputters via UAV. The fun never ends.

Thanks to the FTC, EPA, and several other federal agencies, there will be no tax credits, carbon credits, alternative energies, or in fact any plan to reduce CO2 outputs. We just want you to see what you could have done to help the world. It's a feel better move, change you can relax with.

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What actually happened is that the aliens hiding behind the moon realized we'd notice their trail of hothouse gases from terraforming equipment on the moon, and have disabled the rocket to ensure the satellite does not do its job.

Civilization Sabotage!

[Mr_Perl]

Dear Lincoln,

Ha ha old man, I had to spend much in sabotaging your CO2 monitoring satellite. But now all your base are belong to us.

Signed,
Chairman Mao
Chinese Empire

Re:Evaluating the status?

[ruin20]

Well that's what they get for trying to launch a satellite with a Taurus [wikipedia.org]. I had one back in the late ninties and the tranny on them was completely worthless. It should come as no surprise that, just when you needed, a Ford [urbandictionary.com] breaks down.

Re:well we're f*****d

[tpheiska]

So we lost a machine that would have given us concrete evidence on the *possible* increase in carbon dioxide concentrations in the atmosphere. And now NASA lost it even though they haven't lost an earth orbit bound spacecraft in a while. Let me get my tinfoil hat.

Re:Taurus XL

[drinkypoo]

Seems more like they used a Taurus [wikipedia.org]. If one of those gets where it's going, it's a miracle.

Re:Evaluating the status?

[jimwormold]

I was thinking of an entirely different type of tranny, you old time talker you.

Re:NASA Satellite lands in ocean

[ruin20]

So this means that in the battle against climate change, the biggest shot NASA has taken thus far is a rocket attack on Antarctica.

Nope, we're screwed even worse

[jbeaupre]

This sucks! No C02 means: 1) All plants will soon die 2) All animals die soon after (including us) 3) ? 4) !profit

Re:What's the contingency for these missions?

[Lumpy]

So you are saying it will take another 7 years? Why did they launch all the plans and engineers up with it?

I bet they can build a new one in months if they did not kill all the engineers and burn all the documentation.

but then I dont know what NASA's new operation rules are. That might be a requirement. Place all that in the pit below the rocket just before launch...

"Sorry dave and john, you knew this would happen when you signed your employment papers."
"OOps! halt the countdown! we frgot to throw in all the computer backups as well! WHEW! almost screwed that one up!"

Re:NASA on Twitter

[bughunter]

That's a pretty accurate (if twitterpated) version of what it's like to be live at a launch that fails... excitement, Excitement, exCITEment, EXCITEMENT... letdown.

Re:NASA Satellite lands in ocean

[GaryOlson]

No...to measure ice melt properties in Antarctica, NASA scattered a non-homogeneous collection of light reflection and absorption particle on the shelf. Approval to scatter material all across Antarctica would have been delayed in committee for months using normal methods. This way, everyone feels sorry for NASA that they lost a scientific rocket when in fact they have succeeded.

Re:NASA Satellite lands in ocean

[ashitaka]

An ICBM is what happens when you take a shit outside in Antarctica.

Re:Nope, we're screwed even worse

[Anonymous Coward]

This sucks! No C02 means: 1) All plants will soon die 2) All animals die soon after (including us) 3) ? 4) !profit

You're right! I just looked out the window for the first time in months and noticed the trees have no leaves on them -- surely a sign that there is no more CO2 in the atmosphere -- and the ground is covered in tiny ice crystals -- undoubtedly a sign that global warming no longer exists!

We're all gonna die!

Re:Evaluating the status?

[MikeBabcock]

In other news, the Antarctic research station isn't responding :-)

Re:What's the contingency for these missions?

[Anonymous Coward]

Of course the Taurus XL launch vehicle hasn't been an overwhelming success...

Unless we restate things as, "NASA successfully lands Carbon Observatory in Pacific ocean".

Re:Rebuild?

[JoeFromPhilly]

But perhaps I'm just nitpicking. :)

Not at all. In fact, to further refine it, I'd say "That's like saying your car broke down because the truck hauling it from the manufacturer to the dealership was actually a rocket propelling it into orbit which failed to separate properly from your car which is actually a satellite and then they crashed into the ocean near Antarctica."

Re:Evaluating the status?

[Chris Burke]

I was thinking of an entirely different type of tranny, you old time talker you.

I think we are thinking of the same kind of tranny, and "the tranny in the Ford Taurus is completely useless" matches my experiences pretty well. Goddamn Wanda.

Re:well we're f*****d

[XDirtypunkX]

That's what the guy on Venus said.