Should We Clone a Neanderthal? 990
SpaceAdmiral writes "Forget cloning a woolly mammoth — should scientists clone a Neanderthal? Such a feat should be possible soon, although it raises a number of bioethics concerns, including where to draw the line between humans and other animals."
Yes, because they would make (Score:5, Funny)
Yes (Score:5, Funny)
Cause then it would no longer be socially acceptable for women to call us that anymore.
Dibs! (Score:2, Funny)
Advertising! (Score:2, Funny)
1)Clone Neanderthals
2)Make Geico commercials
3)Profit!
Geico (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Yes (Score:5, Funny)
Legal Rights NOW! (Score:2, Funny)
Since it's pretty clear that it's only a matter of time. we need a constitutional amendment that grants person-hood and citizenship to any and all future Neanderthal clones. Just get that crap out of the way.
Re:Yes (Score:5, Funny)
The jokes are funnier if I don't have to explain them.
Clone 'em??? (Score:5, Funny)
Well (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Yes (Score:3, Funny)
Cause then it would no longer be socially acceptable for women to call us that anymore.
That wouldn't matter. The Neanderthals being the new "hot" in town would steal everyone's girlfriends. They would even be making movies out of it, probably calling it something like "dusk."
I have an ethical problem with that.
Re:Well (Score:3, Funny)
Wouldn't that be like knowingly bringing someone into the world knowing that they are going to be horrendously ugly and live their life lonely?
Really? Some of the boys I see attached to some girls would fit the description "Neanderthal" quite well ;)
Re:"The Dead Will Rise" (Score:5, Funny)
Religious point of view (Score:5, Funny)
What? (Score:5, Funny)
That's like asking "Should I flash linux onto the Microwave so I can use it as a file server?" or "Should I port Doom to the Credit-card reader I bought off eBay?" or "Should I build a deliberately complicated system of relays, pulleys, levers, programs and scripts so that I may control the precise movements and power output by a bog-standard toaster remotely, from 500 miles away?". I mean, really, do you have to ask? Of course we fucking should!
Re:Well (Score:4, Funny)
What would the ethical ramification of this be?
I'm a consultant ethicist that could advise you on this.
I have a base package where I look very vaguely at the surface of things and decide most things are immoral. I also have a premium package where I look much deeper into the history of the issues and decided that what your asking is actually ethically ok.
Evolution (Score:5, Funny)
Of course! (Score:3, Funny)
Of course we should clone one...
How else am I going to get a date?
Sure, why not? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Yes (Score:5, Funny)
What if it turns out they are just like us?
I wouldn't worry about that too much. At this very moment, there are several millions of Neanderthals among us, both male and female [somethingawful.com].
CJ
Re:queue... (Score:5, Funny)
Geico would make an Obscene CLone Fall
RIP, Phil Hartman (Score:5, Funny)
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: "Did little demons get inside and type it?" I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when a man like my client slips and falls on a sidewalk in front of a public library, then he is entitled to no less than two million in compensatory damages, and two million in punitive damages. Thank you.
Re:Yes (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Yes (Score:5, Funny)
Given the boyfriends my ex has been through in the past couple of years, I think nobody might be a bit strong.
Re:Yes (Score:5, Funny)
I for one welcome our previously extinct smarter overlords.
Re:Well, arguably not... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Evolution (Score:5, Funny)
Re:"The Dead Will Rise" (Score:4, Funny)
Eh, I'm still confused about my sarcastic comment being modded insightful.
Re:Not nearly as viable an idea (Score:2, Funny)
I heard of a museum called POTUS (Primates Of The United States, I believe it stands for) where they claim to have just one such specimen, though the exhibit is due to be decommissioned in early 2009.
gaps (Score:1, Funny)
we'll just fill in the gaps with frog DNA. what could possibly go wrong [slashdot.org].
Re:This has been on my mind for a few years ... (Score:5, Funny)
4. We could if we sent it to public school.
Re:Not so. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Evolution (Score:3, Funny)
but the NHL does
Re:Evolution (Score:5, Funny)
1) Extinct. Seems a bad move but:
2) Wait for Sapiens clone them up."If they extincted, they cannot be smart"
3) Rule the world! Muhahhahha
I guess xkcd could make a comic with this script.
Re:Yes (Score:5, Funny)
(I can't believe I'm sinking to this level)
It also might depend on just how huge that issue really is. Wink, nudge.
I am speaking of penises .
Slave Caste (Score:5, Funny)
Let's bring them back to use as a subjugated slave caste doing jobs that are too hard or dangerous for humans.
Re:Quick question (Score:4, Funny)
No, no, no, no, NO!
You've missed the point.
You do not start by cloning geniuses. Then you might end up with an evil genius and that would just end badly for everyone involved. No, it's far better to start with neanderthals and work your way up. Dear lord, you need to watch more horror movies.
Re:Not animals (Score:5, Funny)
So "not animals" only applies to plant life.
And once again our fuzzy friend the fungus has been ignored.
Mushrooms have feelings too you insensitive clod.
Re:Quick question (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Yes (Score:3, Funny)
No, they would probably stop trying to explain it to you....
I think its a safe bet that the neanderthal picks up on it before you do....
Re:Yes (Score:5, Funny)
Put me in a room with a bear, repeat a hundred times and see who comes out on top. Doesn't mean the bear is smarter.
I think it might mean that, actually. You just said "Put me in a room with a bear". Well, duh... you're clearly not that smart.
Re:Not animals (Score:3, Funny)
"It's capable of the lower levels of human functionality. Say, somewhere between Forest Gump and a chimpanzee"
This is exactly why we shouldn't do it. It's bound to vote Republican...
Re:Yes (Score:5, Funny)
Interesting. You know, that same argument gets used all through history. In fact, it is the same argument that was used by Germans in WWII. And the truth is, that it DID yield MANY useful items. Much of our surgical tech. CAME from those experiments. Our knowledge of a number of diseases certainly came from there. Later Americans gained all sorts of useful knowledge by performing experiments on living humans, such as we learned a lot about syphilis in the 50s.
But I think that we should round up all the illegal aliens, Al Qaeda terrorists and neo-cons (all have been shown to be disastrous to America) and start a new round of medical experiments.
Or is there some objection via ethics and morals?
Re:Slave Caste (Score:3, Funny)
Like this job here [wikipedia.org]?
Re:Yes, because they would make (Score:3, Funny)
Better still, croquet players.
Re:What about modern diseases ? (Score:2, Funny)
Already Done (Score:1, Funny)
and George W Bush was a failed experiment
Re:Already Done (Score:3, Funny)
Yet, the way it could pave,
For another resurrection:
Burma Shave
Re:Silly Humans! Clone an EINSTEIN !! (Score:5, Funny)
Indeed. What I want to know is what attracts them all to YouTube.
Re:Not animals (Score:3, Funny)
"It's capable of the lower levels of human functionality. Say, somewhere between Forest Gump and a chimpanzee"
This is exactly why we shouldn't do it. It's bound to vote Republican...
I'd say with credentials like that, he or she could be Sarah Palin's running mate!
Possible soon? (Score:4, Funny)
One top scientist was quoted as saying, "It's so easy a caveman could do it".
Re:Yes (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Yes (Score:5, Funny)
That wouldn't matter. The Neanderthals being the new "hot" in town would steal everyone's girlfriends. They would even be making movies out of it, probably calling it something like "dusk."
Our only solace is that the Geico commercials will really piss them off.
Re:Yes (Score:2, Funny)
Given the boyfriends my ex has been through in the past couple of years, I think nobody might be a bit strong.
I did your ex you insensitive clod!
Once I shaved her back, she wasn't too bad.
Comment removed (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Yes (Score:5, Funny)
Now thats a reality show I would watch
Re:Clone 'em??? (Score:1, Funny)
C'mon - Bill's been out of office for years....
The interns are safe.
Re:Yes (Score:4, Funny)
I was unaware bears and humans were attempting genocide on one another -- can you let me know when this happened? I was very surprised to hear the bears were doing this -- I thought they ate honey and stole picnic baskets all day.
A larger issue, I suppose, would be the uniquely human capacity to completely exterminate a species. Even in our early days, we show great promise at genocide.
Re:Yes (Score:4, Funny)
I don't know if it's that cut and dried.
Remember that, theoretically, up to half the bears would be smarter than the average bear.
Although having said that, they are likely to be a lot more boo-boos for the humans to take advantage of and ... which way did you say the door was?
Re:Silly Humans! Clone an EINSTEIN !! (Score:2, Funny)
Indeed. What I want to know is what attracts them all to YouTube.
Well, I can't speak for all cave dwellers, but I go for the free food. And the chicks are cool.