Let the Games Be Doped 773
Hugh Pickens writes "John Tierney poses the question in the New York Times 'what if we let athletes do whatever they wanted to excel?' Before you dismiss the notion, consider what we're stuck with today — a system designed to create a level playing field, protect athletes' health and set an example for children, that fails on all counts. The journal Nature, in an editorial in the current issue, complains that 'antidoping authorities have fostered a sporting culture of suspicion, secrecy and fear' by relying on unscientifically calibrated tests, like the unreliable test for synthetic testosterone that cost Floyd Landis his 2006 Tour de France victory and even if the authorities manage to correct their tests, they can't possibly keep up with the accelerating advances in biology." Read on for more.
Hugh Pickens continues: "Bengt Kayser, the director of a sports medicine institute at the University of Geneva argues in an article that has been supported by more than 30 scholars in the British Medical Journal that legalizing doping would "encourage more sensible, informed use of drugs in amateur sport, leading to an overall decline in the rate of health problems associated with doping (pdf). In the competition between increasingly sophisticated doping — e.g. gene transfer — and antidoping technology, there will never be a clear winner. Consequently, such a futile but expensive strategy is difficult to defend.""
I've already seen this (Score:5, Funny)
Are you not entertained?!? (Score:5, Funny)
I think we should give them steroids & in the case of American Football, chainsaws as well.
A couple of hundred years later... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:A couple of hundred years later... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:No (Score:5, Funny)
You should join the debate club with that incredible logic you're using.
Oblig. Futurama Quote (Score:5, Funny)
FARNSWORTH: He's good, alright. But he's no Clem Johnson. And Johnson played back in the days before steroid injections were mandatory.
BENDER: Clem Johnson? That skin bag wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old Robot Leagues! Now Wireless Joe Jackson, there was a blern hitting machine!
LEELA: Exactly! He was a machine designed to hit blerns! I mean, come on, Wireless Joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels.
BENDER: Oh, and I suppose Pitchomat 5000 was just a modified howitzer?
LEELA: Yep.
Re:No (Score:5, Funny)
I can see your point.
Sweet! (Score:5, Funny)
I say let 'em go for it. Have an "Unlimited" class of Olympic events, with half-ton, fission-powered, gene-spliced, titanium-boned monstrosities jacked up on nervous system stimulants strong enough to make Case from Neuromancer piss himself. Pole vaulting with nuclear pulse detonation boosters? Biathlon with AEGIS-guided weaponry?
We'd of course need to clear a sufficient radius around the arena so we can squash the frothing bastards' inevitable thirst for global domination by nuking the hell out of them at the "closing ceremonies".
Re:And then the olympics will die. (Score:1, Funny)
WE don't want a bunch of "The hulks" competing with each other to see which company has the better steroids mix.
Speak for yourself
forced competition (Score:2, Funny)
if you want to influence the kids, don't let the athletes with bodies wrecked by years of enhancements just fall off the map to shrivel and die in the corner, no, force them to continue competing. show kids what happens after the glory wears off. the problem isn't that the bad stuff is hidden up front, it's that we hide the ugly effects on the back-end.
what? that would be cruel and unusual?
damn.
Re:Sweet! (Score:2, Funny)
We'd of course need to clear a sufficient radius around the arena so we can squash the frothing bastards' inevitable thirst for global domination by nuking the hell out of them at the "closing ceremonies".
Why do you think we make the 3 most powerful ones stand next to each other on a nice raised platform.
Re:Anybody remember? (Score:5, Funny)
Well if it is your mother, she is quite mannish.
Re:No (Score:5, Funny)
Just think of it as evolution in action. Plus how else are you going to get free lab rats for human enhancement technologies? Let the gene and drug doping flow, then we can just cherry pick the ones that stand the test of time and use em on real people.
Only socially constructive use for professional athletes i can think of, anyway ...
/joking
Re:No (Score:5, Funny)
We shouldn't let journalists dope either. Case in point: this article.
Re:body-building demolition derby (Score:3, Funny)
Rollerball!
Re:Sure, and then.... (Score:5, Funny)
I draw the line at androids! no athlete should have less then 40% natural body parts! THEIR body parts!
Re:Gladiators anyone? (Score:3, Funny)
Should we allow fights to the death as sport so long as the contestants aren't forced into it?
You pose good questions, and after having contemplated it, I think the answer is clear. We need more steroids and, far more importantly, good old fashion blood sports.
UFC with knives? Greatest suggestion... ever.
You really framed that whole thing well, thanks.
Re:I've already seen this (Score:5, Funny)
http://www.broadcaster.com/clip/9253 [broadcaster.com]
Should work... if not... in the "All Drug Olympics" "Sergei Akmudov(?)" is going for the world weightlifting record (over 1500 pounds)... and proceeds to rip his arms out of his sockets.
Re:Sure, and then.... (Score:5, Funny)
Wrong direction, everyone should be riding the exact same bike. The Tour is about the athletes not the equipment.
I completely disagree with this. There are approximately 200 athletes in the Tour de France and I think it would be cruel and unusual to make them share one bike. It would be hard enough to get them to fit on there let alone figure out who actually won.
Re:No (Score:2, Funny)
No illegal steroids that is :)
What happens when we allow doping we get an even more skewed playing field as we get athletes who need to be rich in order to compete.
Also didnt SNL do a skit on this once...I seem to remember a guy doing the dead lift and his arms ripping off....
Because I too make all my decisions based on what happened in a skit played on SNL.
Re:Sure, and then.... (Score:5, Funny)
And more for those who die on the track...
It would be just my luck to get picked for the ski-jumping...
Re:And then the olympics will die. (Score:2, Funny)
Isn't that the only reason for undergoing LASIK?
Re:Won't work. (Score:5, Funny)
Yes, I have dominated a little kid at checkers, and I enjoyed every moment of my victory, including the precious look of frustration moments before he threw the board and started crying. As a matter of fact, before we even started playing, I super-glued the board to the table to make sure he couldn't even throw the board. *THAT* was a priceless look of frustration, let me tell you.
I also made sure I got to play the black side, and I put needles in the red pieces, so every time he tried to move a piece, I got to see him wince -- and once, when I let him make a move that would king him, he got so excited he gripped the piece hard -- whoo boy, the screams and the hint of blood on his finger just cracked me up.
Seriously, who dominates a little kid at checkers? If you're going to win, at least make it close. Present the kid with options of multiple decent moves, and let him experience the ramifications of choosing the better move, and the ramifications of choosing the worse move. Use the game to reward strategic thinking, to reward planning ahead.
Aside from your checkers example, though, you make a very good point. The system in which the athletes perform rewards winning, and it rewards cheating without being caught. It does not reward honest play directly.
Re:Sure, and then.... (Score:1, Funny)
Because you touch yourself at night.
Triathlon Deathmatch (Score:3, Funny)
My brother is of the opinion that they should put the swimming as the last part of the triathlon. That would really weed out the field.
Indeed (Score:3, Funny)
Give them all drugs and you have leveled the playing field. Its not as if its about anything but money anyway.
Re:No (Score:1, Funny)
Re:No (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Oblig. Futurama Quote (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Sure, and then.... (Score:2, Funny)
I'm obesiting on my caved in couch right now, you insensitive clod!