Large Hadron Collider Goes Live September 10th 409
Naznarreb writes "CERN announced today that the first attempt to circulate a beam through the Large Hadron Collider will be on September 10th, 2008. You can read the press release here. They also announced the event will be webcast live. According to the release, they're just planning to run a few tests laps, not smash any particles, so the world won't be ending quite yet." And despite that September 10th date, according to the BBC, "On 9 August, protons will be piped through LHC magnets for the first time."
September 10th? (Score:5, Funny)
And will take 1 day to warm up right?
Get your affairs in order, people (Score:3, Funny)
Aaaahhhhhhh !! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:1, Funny)
Did we ever reach an agreement about those micro-black-holes?
Um, if the entire planet is zortched out of existence, people won't really have to *worry* about having their affairs in order, will they?
Re:If the world turns into a stranglet (Score:2, Funny)
Oops (Score:4, Funny)
Dr. Dieter Kriegstien: "Acceleratz protonz to maximumn speedz. Dr. Smitz, please pushz zat big ved button."
Dr. Keron Smith: "Pushing big button... you meant the blue one didn't you Dr. Kriegstien?"
Dr. Dieter: "Insolenze...vait... vat iz dat veading on zee scopz? Hmm.. it lookz like a microsopikz vack ol..."
And at this point, the entire mass of the Earth is sucked into a minature black hole the size of a pinhead over a period of 2 microseconds.
Of course, in reality, this is as likely as me winning a superball jackpot lottery, 10'000 timse in a row. But I just CAN'T HELP MYSELF!
The End is Nigh (Score:2, Funny)
Ok. Sept 10 plus one day to warm up. Sheeze couldn't they have picked another date for the end of the world?
Ok, in the Naked Science episode which featured the Large Hadron gizmo they said that some people are concerned that "the micro black holes they create could consume an *entire* city..." then they paused for a short while and added "... and the entire earth!". Love that pause.
Other than that I got nothing.
Cern - (Score:4, Funny)
All yer antimatter is belong to us - Cern
Re:Timeline rewriting to begin shortly thereafter. (Score:5, Funny)
Unless, of course, we're finally in the timeline where the LHC never quite works.
OR the timeline where you're the only non-cloned human left alive, surrounded by clones of your ex-girlfriend. Then you'll wish you didn't get on her bad side right before 'the accident'.
Re:I hope goes a lot more smoothly... (Score:1, Funny)
That was so laugh, I forgot to funny.
Re:Cern - (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:4, Funny)
Re:They start smashing particles the next day (Score:3, Funny)
Yep... Bin Laden is about to be upstaged by a supercollider. The whole war on terror to avenge the destruction of the a few buildings in NYC will seem moot after a couple of european scientists accidentally suck the entire state into a black hole.
The Date (Score:1, Funny)
It's an interesting date. 9-10-8. Like a botched countdown.
OB Futurama (Score:5, Funny)
FARNSWORTH: So what are you doing to protect my constitutional right to bear doomsday devices?
N.R.A. MAN: Well, first off, we're gonna get rid of that three-day waiting period for mad scientists.
FARNSWORTH: Damn straight! Today, the mad scientist can't get a doomsday device, tomorrow it's the mad grad student. Where will it end?
Re:September 10th? (Score:4, Funny)
Less than 2K what? Two thousand Centigrade? Fahrenheit? Damn n00bs and their lack of units, don't you realize that's the kind of mistake that swallows worlds in a fit of microblackholish pique???
To be heard on Mars, 9/10/2008: (Score:1, Funny)
Where is the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom! This makes me [wikipedia.org] angry, very angry indeed."
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:5, Funny)
Easier to ask forgiveness that permission. Especially easy if there's no one left to ask forgiveness of.
Push the button, Dr. Freeman (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:5, Funny)
Anyone else getting this error from that link? (Score:5, Funny)
HTTP 599
Service Permanently Unavailable
The server you are trying to contact has crossed the event horizon of a black hole.
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:5, Funny)
it would be destroyed almost immediately due to Hawking radiation.
Awesome. I always knew Stephen Hawking was a badass, but now I find out he's a superhero with the power to destroy black holes!
I can see it now: thousands of people panic through the streets, while Stephen Hawking slowly wheels himself into a phone booth, only to fly out a second later and fly to the black hole, destroying it instantly with his Hawking radiation eye-beams! That's going to be sooo cool!
I must admit, his disguise is ingenious. I never suspected he was anything other than a mild-mannered physicist.
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:3, Funny)
Only a completely wild guess I'd say more than a minute and less than an hour.I
So probably not enough time to find the nearest woman and convince her you're a virgin and don't want to die that way. Unless it's closer to an hour, in which case I could probably pull that trick on two or three women.
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:5, Funny)
Oh, thank heavens... So beach front property in Geneva is still a good investment then...?
Re:If the world turns into a stranglet (Score:1, Funny)
Crowbar already sent to CERN (Score:5, Funny)
http://www.destructoid.com/reddit-sends-crowbar-to-scientists-to-protect-against-headcrabs-98281.phtml [destructoid.com]
Out of this world. (Score:2, Funny)
Advice to the scientists: When you first get back up after the explosion, make sure to stay away from the lip of the pit one screen to your left.
My 2 cents (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:4, Funny)
Re:September 10th? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:September 10th? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Time to go on my spending spree (Score:5, Funny)
NYTimes Prints Large HARDon Collider (Score:2, Funny)
http://largehardoncollider.com/nyt_lhc.html [largehardoncollider.com]
Re:Anyone else getting this error from that link? (Score:4, Funny)
HTTP 599
Service Permanently Unavailable
The server you are trying to contact has crossed the event horizon of a black hole.
You left out:
"if this problem persists, please contact your Systems Administrator"
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:5, Funny)
I can see it now: thousands of people panic through the streets, while Stephen Hawking slowly wheels himself into a phone booth, only to fly out a second later and fly to the black hole, destroying it instantly with his Hawking radiation eye-beams! That's going to be sooo cool!
The image is funnier to me if he never gets out of his wheelchair. He slowly wheels up, has his machine say "Take this, you bastard", and then the Hawking Radiation spews forth!
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:5, Funny)
Re:September 10th? (Score:2, Funny)
Giuliani? Is that you? I was wondering where you disappeared to.
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:5, Funny)
For frame of reference you have about 7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 atoms in your body.
If I am mostly carbon, that'd make me around 300lbs. Are you assuming I am American?
Re:Ok, seriously... enough with the Sept. 11 crap (Score:5, Funny)
Are you saying that 9-11 didn't change everything?
Because 9-11 changed everything.
Re:They start smashing particles the next day (Score:5, Funny)
Maybe we've finally figured out why we haven't had any luck with SETI yet? Perhaps any civilization advanced enough to begin broadcasting in the radio spectrum will, within 100 years, start running scientific experiments that are sufficiently dangerous to cause the extinction of the species? Is that possible?
On second thought... that's a silly theory, never mind! I'm going to go back to my very important medical experiments. It's pretty cool stuff, actually. I'm using virus-borne DNA to reanimate dead cells to help critically ill people. I think I'm on the verge of a breakthrough but they're going to cut off my funding if I don't get any results soon! Maybe I'll have to take a few shortcuts... use highly unstable, mutation-prone RNA instead of DNA... maybe skip straight to the human testing phase using this cadaver I have lying around my lab...
Anyhow, have a good day everybody!
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:5, Funny)
That makes me feel much better. Although, how did a micro-blackhole on Earth end up with the mass of Earth...?
<panic mode on>
Re:Ok, seriously... enough with the Sept. 11 crap (Score:5, Funny)
"The rest of the world does NOT come to a screeching halt every Sept. 11th."
The rest of the world is still scratching it's head trying to figure out what significant event happened on the 9th of November.
Obligatory... (Score:2, Funny)
Prepare for unforseen consequences.
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:4, Funny)
Screw the towel. Where's my crowbar?
Re:Notify the IEDAB (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:5, Funny)
So probably not enough time to find the nearest woman and convince her you're a virgin
I'm sure you won't have to do much convincing.
Re:September 10th? (Score:3, Funny)
It's cold. DAMN cold! How cold? Ask the guy with the frozen thumb!
Yep, well the last time I caught someone installing a key logger his thumb wouldn't fit in the coffee afterwards. And I remember one winter in Montana where it was so cold it went quiet -- everybody's words froze as they left the mouth.You never heard such a ruckus at spring thaw, though.
Re:My 2 cents (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Timeline rewriting to begin shortly thereafter. (Score:3, Funny)
OR the timeline where you're standing on the beach with one girl you never quite dared to ask out, watching bloody chunks of the 500-mile-tall version of the other girl you never quite dared to ask out fall back to earth, and everyone else has been dissolved into a global ocean of yellow goo.
Re:September 10th? (Score:5, Funny)
>Such as yourself?
I slept through middle school, high school, undergrad chemistry and physics, slept through my masters, and am sleeping on the job at my university environmental research gig.
Any questions?
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:3, Funny)
I see your Swhwarzschild is as big as mine.
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:4, Funny)
Yeah. He looks totally different without his glasses. You can't even recognize him.
That doesn't make any sense! He wouldn't be able to see.
Was Brooke Shields a scientist? (Score:3, Funny)
"Want to know what gets between me and my Kelvins? Nothing"
(I guess you will need to be an old fart like me to get that. Sorry.)
Re:September 10th? (Score:1, Funny)
Re:September 10th? (Score:5, Funny)
Yes, how can I be more like you?
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:3, Funny)
Re:September 10th? (Score:5, Funny)
And remember, there's always a bigger pedant out there somewhere. :-)
Great, now I'm gonna have nightmares about pedant bear.
Re:Get your affairs in order, people (Score:2, Funny)
Titanium 0.000013%
So if Morbo announces a mine disaster at the only supply of Titanium, my body will still be worth basically nothing... so disappointing!!
what wories me most. (Score:3, Funny)
...is that you can't spell, and you're talking about antimatter and hydrogen bombs.