Ray Gun Puts Voices Inside Your Head 517
Sportsqs writes "The Sierra Nevada Corporation claimed this week that it is ready to begin production on the MEDUSA, a damned scary ray gun that uses the 'microwave audio effect' to implant sounds and perhaps even specific messages inside people's heads."
Ha! See! I told you! (Score:5, Funny)
There you guys sit, all laughing at me at pointing and jeering at my Tinfoil Hat 3000(tm), but look who's sitting pretty now! Ha! Fsckers!
Since 1986... (Score:5, Funny)
Sierra Nevada? (Score:5, Funny)
I wonder how many Pale Ales you have to drink to get the same effect.
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:1, Funny)
Of course a tinfoil hat will be no defence since your head will burst into flames.
They obviously didn't consider.. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:5, Funny)
There you guys sit, all laughing at me at pointing and jeering at my Tinfoil Hat 3000(tm), but look who's sitting pretty now! Ha! Fsckers!
You won't be sitting pretty when you shiny new hat starts to spark and arc like a fork in the microwave!
Is this the same... (Score:5, Funny)
Equality (Score:5, Funny)
It's like curing Schizophrenia the backwards way!
The Sierra Nevada Corporation? (Score:5, Funny)
Are they working out of Black Mesa?
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:5, Funny)
I was going to make fun of you, but then my new friend Roger told me not to.
So will the 2.0 version use Gamma Radiation? (Score:5, Funny)
In my day they only had ads on TV and radio. And in magazines and movies and ball games and on buses and milk cartons and written in the sky. But not in dreams, no-siree!
I AM laughing at you! (Score:5, Funny)
http://people.csail.mit.edu/rahimi/helmet/ [mit.edu]
Conclusion
The helmets amplify frequency bands that coincide with those allocated to the US government between 1.2 Ghz and 1.4 Ghz. According to the FCC, These bands are supposedly reserved for ''radio location'' (ie, GPS), and other communications with satellites (see, for example, [3]). The 2.6 Ghz band coincides with mobile phone technology. Though not affiliated by government, these bands are at the hands of multinational corporations.
It requires no stretch of the imagination to conclude that the current helmet craze is likely to have been propagated by the Government, possibly with the involvement of the FCC. We hope this report will encourage the paranoid community to develop improved helmet designs to avoid falling prey to these shortcomings.
Ha Ha!
And we wonder why people are paranoid? (Score:1, Funny)
Look at me, I can't even post under my username anymore.
That explains it. (Score:5, Funny)
Getting laid more (Score:3, Funny)
Denise Richards & the olsen twins here I come..
Re:The Sierra Nevada Corporation? (Score:5, Funny)
that was a joke,
ha ha
fat chance
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:4, Funny)
Of course, that's the REAL purpose of this weapon - something to use against all the tinfoil hats out there!
Obligatory Futurama (Score:3, Funny)
Buy Lightspeed Briefs!
Re:Since 1986... (Score:5, Funny)
Reagan? Wasn't that the name of the possessed girl in The Exorcist?
Thanks to these microwave guns, you no longer need to be schitzophrenic to hear voices. There have been a lot of tinfoil hat jokes (of course) in the comments, but it appears that if you're going to be part of a political demonstration from now on, a tinfoil hat may be necessary to keep the Secret Police out of your head.
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Getting laid more (Score:5, Funny)
Toot with this i can now insert the message "Sleep with me" in the heads of attractive women everywhere!!!
Denise Richards & the olsen twins here I come..
Ok, now I'm confused.
Re:Actually (Score:3, Funny)
Ahhh! You sound just like Jake!
These are not the droids you are looking for. (Score:3, Funny)
"...These are not the droids we're looking for."
You weak minded fool! He's got a Jedi mind gun!"
Re:Obligatory Futurama (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:1, Funny)
"sure I'll hear that demo. . ."
"Were no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do i
A full commitments what Im thinking of
You wouldnt get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how Im feeling
Gotta make you understand
never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you"
"AHHH make it stop!!!!!"
One step closer to Futurama (Score:5, Funny)
Fry: So you're telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams?
Leela: Of course.
Fry: But how is that possible?
Professor Farnsworth: It's very simple. The ad gets into your brain just like this liquid gets into this egg. [Holds up an egg and injects it with liquid from a syringe until the egg explodes.]
Although, in reality, it's not liquid, but gamma radiation.
Leela: Didn't you have ads in the 21st century?
Fry: Well sure, but not in our dreams. Only on TV and radio, and in magazines, and movies, and at ball games... and on buses and milk cartons and t-shirts, and bananas and written on the sky. But not in dreams, no siree.
Re:That explains it. (Score:3, Funny)
Never mind the voice that's telling me to visit a house that's about to be filled with popcorn. Just think, they could have avoided the effort of the implant, and used microwaves for both.
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:5, Funny)
1) Subliminal messages don't work. It's a sham that a psychologist made with fake data,,,
That's right! It's nothing but a load of rich creamery butter!
What's Next? (Score:5, Funny)
OK, I can deal with the fact that the Tinfoil Hat people have been right all along. Fine. I apologize for some of the unkind things I've said about them.
But dammit, I'm NOT going to start being nice to all the Moonbats, People Who Live In Their Parents' Basements, Loons, Head Cases, Half-wits, Technophobes, Technophiles, UFO Abductees, Conspiracy Nuts, Jerks, Berks and Wanna-be Captain Kirks just because, like a broken clock, they might manage to be right twice a day.
I mean it!
Sierra Nevada (Score:1, Funny)
This explains why I like their beer so much. They're using mind control!
Re:They obviously didn't consider.. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:5, Funny)
This [dkimages.com] + this [ggpht.com] = WIN!
N.B. Links are JPEGs.
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:3, Funny)
Brilliant! I hereby nominate you for the position of Head Messiah at the newly founded Ministry of Godly Voices.
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:5, Funny)
Something tells me these are not the droids I'm looking for...
Re:Blocking (Score:3, Funny)
Are we reaching Alternate Universe X-Men territory?
Magneto is now the good guy & Professor X is evil?
First message sent (Real Genius homage) (Score:5, Funny)
Ken! This is Jesus. Stop touching yourself!
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:5, Funny)
Because audible spam in my head would be even worse than the e-mailed spam in my in-box or the visible spam on billboards (and bus stops, sides of buildings/cars, etc.)
Nah -- the voices already in my head will be able to shout it down...
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:5, Funny)
80,000 ACDC fans screaming "....TNT, I'm Dynamite...." out of tune ..... nothing peaceful about that....
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:5, Funny)
i agree and the wonderful folks at sierra nevada deserve more grant money
i agree and the wonderful folks at sierra nevada deserve more grant money
i agree and the wonderful folks at sierra nevada deserve more grant money
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:5, Funny)
1) Subliminal messages don't work. It's a sham that a psychologist made with fake data that scared the crap out of politicians so that a law was implemented quickly and people fear it to this day (though I still do fear spammers using this, as they have no morals).
Yeah, I can account to this. Back in when I was in a course in psychology we did a blind study and on sublidrinkminal messduffages to influbeerence a taste test. One side we would set it up with out a subliminals being piped in in the music and one with. The resdrinkults were wimorethin 2% of eaduffch other. We beerconcluded that subliminal messages where bullshit.
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:5, Funny)
It works well (Score:1, Funny)
I'm pretty sure they've been testing this on my ex-wife!
no problem here. (Score:3, Funny)
The Voices are strong, they drown out all other sounds.
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:4, Funny)
We can target people without the metal hat's just fine, but we can target people with them faster and at greater distances.
In fact, we have had between an 84.6% and 97.5325333333% success rate with people wearing foil helmets. The success rate depends on the type of metal used in the foil and the weave designs.
In people without metal hats, we found that we get about an 89% success rate on average.
So yes, the metal hat's do prevent us some, but the problem is, with the unsuccessful it is not that the message does not get through, it is that death is a side effect and thus is defined as a failure during our tests.
We tested over 10 million diverse humans, and found that the only people to survive with 100% success rate were those that were born with both sets of sexual organs. But we consider them useless statistics anyway since they are unable to reproduce.
Another interesting side effect is we have the ability to also define genetic memories of the voices. That way every spawn from the target is also a victim.
We thank you for reading the FAQ of BrainTrain International Corp.
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:2, Funny)
And here is the real reason subliminal messages are not used. While in fact you feel the need to drink duff beer right now. because of a mistimed cadence within the GP that same beer will now taste alot like cow manure.
crap - advertising you cant turn off (Score:3, Funny)
just what we need - advertising with no volume control, :-P
and no way to turn it off.
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:3, Funny)
Actually, nobody's laughing at you. That's just me with my ray gun putting laughing voices in your head.
Tinfoil is so tacky... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:3, Funny)
4. Telling Westboro Baptist Church members that God doesn't hate fags, She hate _them_.
Finally! (Score:1, Funny)
Sierra Nevada special powers (Score:2, Funny)
Increasing the dosage slightly makes you impervious to the voices OUTSIDE your head as well. Comes in handy when others want to "abort the mission".
Amazingly, increasing your dosage even more actually renders you completely INVISIBLE. Might be a slight shimmer like predator, because others with Sierra Nevada Invisiblility can still occasionally find you, especially if you owe them money.
Unfortunately, when you try to bring any of your newfound powers near a car or other vehicle, motorized or not, dangerous wormholes can be created, warping you right into nearby objects with startling unpredictablility. DO NOT ATTEMPT. That whole "great power, great responsibility" thing.
I wonder what a Military-Grade/Weaponized version of the holiday Celebration Ale would do....
Re:Ha! See! I told you! (Score:3, Funny)
Damn you - I won't be able to get those bloody Vikings out of my mind for days now!