Studies Confirm That Bad Boys Get More Girls 960
seattlle foodie sends along a New Scientist article outlining two recent studies that confirm what many have long suspected: bad boys get the most girls. "The finding may help explain why a nasty suite of antisocial personality traits known as the 'dark triad' persists in the human population, despite their potentially grave cultural costs. The traits are: the self-obsession of narcissism; the impulsive, thrill-seeking, and callous behavior of psychopaths; and the deceitful and exploitative nature of Machiavellianism. At their extreme, these traits would be highly detrimental for life in traditional human societies. People with these personalities risk being shunned by others and shut out of relationships, leaving them without a mate, hungry and vulnerable to predators."
study doesn't comment... (Score:1, Interesting)
Women are somewhat masochistic... (Score:4, Interesting)
Women always say they want a man that is nice, helpful, respectful and will treat them right. But, you see it time after time...they go for the guys that are assholes, abusive (sometimes even physically).
I personally like to be a 'nice guy'. But, in my early years...I would often find myself ending up as the "friend" of the girl, and ended up listening to them go on and on about how much of a jerk this guy or that guy was, yet they still went with and slept with these guys. And, once you are in the friend zone before sleeping with them, you generally never get out of that zone.
I tried after all that, to emulate somewhat the actions and attitudes I saw the successful 'assholes' did towards women, and guess what? Yep...I started getting more 'lucky'.
If you are a bit aloof, and difficult...they for the most part won't leave you alone.
Women generally don't seem to really want what they say they want in a man.
Oh..they may eventually grab the steady, meeker nice guy, and have kids with them because they are stable, but then they will often go out and cheat....with the bad boy they meet and find they are sexually attracted and excited by.
Great. (Score:4, Interesting)
These traits are hardly evil (Score:1, Interesting)
Even if the "bad boy" thing is true.
Taken to their extremes they may be, but self-confidence, thrill-seeking, and the daily deceits of life are the price we pay to function in society. Is it deceit to tell someone that you don't find particularly attractive that they look good today? You often do this with gatekeepers you need on your side.
And self-confidence and narcissism can lead to trying new things and succeeding at them. This is a feedback loop that leads to more success. Sometimes feeling that you are better than others is merely a reflection of simple truth. How that translates into how you treat others is the test of whether it is psychopathic. Some people that are superior look down on others. Some become mentors and try to lift all the boats around them.
It seems many of these traits are only seen as evil by those that feel that everyone is a unique special snowflake which reality proves is incorrect every second of every day.
OK fine (Score:4, Interesting)
dating books (Score:5, Interesting)
There are some how-to books for dating that advocate being a complete asshole. I download (pirate) books more than anything, and occasionally I'll see a dating guide that I'll skim over. Anyone with a social life has probably noted that there is a serious art in treating women like crap, and it will get you laid quickly.
To speculate why this trait would be advantageous from an evolutionary standpoint, many people who treat women like crap have a "me-first" attitude, and are skilled manipulators of their social surroundings. To use an anecdote, I have a friend who is very good at picking up smokin'-hot young women in college bars (hes in college too). Despite having a relatively-low GPA, being a serious pot-head, and alcoholic, he has managed to finagle scholarship after scholarship out of his department. People like him; but I have never met anyone that the adage "familiarity breeds contempt" applies to more. I unfortunately know him well enough to understand that he is a borderline psychopath in regards to his empathy for other human beings.
Back to why this is an evolutionary advantage, his "me-first" attitude will become an "us-first" attitude when he gets married, he will have no problem fucking-over his friends, co-workers, bosses, and neighbors for personal gain, because people will tolerate it to a certain extent. This is because he is largely like-able, although he avoids people enough so that they don't grow tired of his constantly selfish attitude.
To sum my point, so-called "bad boys" that women like are skilled social manipulators that pull no punches. They probably are impressed by that, although this person has few desirable traits, people seem to like him, and also he gets what he wants by asserting social dominance through being well-liked.
Re:Captain Obvious Strikes Again (Score:5, Interesting)
I suspect many of the guys here have heard that, and I am no exception. I used to joke that I was the most attractive guy in the world to women who weren't looking for a relationship because of how frequently married women had wonderful things to say about me. (the most painful was when they implied I must be fighting off the women because I was so wonderful; that certainly never matched my experience)
Since I have gotten married I these comments haven't stopped, though they are now made to my wife instead of me. My wife is constantly being bombarded with "You're so lucky!", "How on earth did you find him?", "Where was he hiding?" and the like. Like others here, not only was I not hiding, but couldn't get a date for the life of me (I can count the women I dated on my thumbs, and interestingly they both asked me out, meaning that exactly 0% of the women I ever asked out said yes).
I don't know why it should be so shocking that if the criteria you use to choose your dates doesn't have anything to do with what you are looking for that the chances of getting what you are looking for are slim. However, it seems that for most people (women and men) the idea of screening candidates by qualities that actually match the things you want is alien.
Re:That's nice (Score:5, Interesting)
Or, in other words, you should be smart enough to figure it out.
Not exactly. "Aware" is a better word that "smart". You could have a PHD in financial forecasting or evolutionary biology and still fail to see a person is using you due to emotional feelings.
Simply being aware of your biological limitations doesn't solve the issue either but its a start. It doesn't require any intelligence other willingness to pay attention to yourself and to question your own actions which many in western society see as a character flaw.
But in truth, once you start asking "Why am I doing this?" you see how stupid you can be sometimes.
Of course telling people that love is a chemical that can be synthesized makes you unpopular with the ladies, but I've gotten out of unhealthy relationships with that mentality.
Re:Women are somewhat masochistic... (Score:2, Interesting)
Come on. Give me a LITTLE credit. Not all women are drawn strongly and inexplicably to "bad boys".
I will point back to the numerous posts about confidence. If you are too nice to ask someone to have sex with you, and too shy to do it in a suave and confident manner, you're not going to convince someone to sleep with you. Here you can blame women all you want. We sit back and wait for you to do all the work. If you wait for some signal or hint (which they are probably sending and you're not getting) then someone else will wander into the room and say "Hey, wanna do it?". Then we say yes, and shrug, assuming that you weren't interested. Maybe we have sharp knees.
Sex is not a long term commitment in this day and age. Whether you want to date someone or just try them out once or twice, you really do have to ask, and actually have some confidence. If it's any consolation, what with the rampant use of condoms, we may yet outbreed the assholes. Until then, start asking. Most women I know are waiting impatiently for the geeks to ask them out.
Power causes both, genes are not the cause? (Score:3, Interesting)
This research makes just as much sense when flipping it around: If you got some genes that makes the girls come running, it may cause your personality to become self-centered and exploitive.
Or there could be a root cause and have nothing to do with genes at all. For example, "power". Girls like guys with power, while power corrupts the personality.
Re:but.. (Score:5, Interesting)
Doesn't matter. If it gets more women, more children are likely to result. Any behavior that results in more children is likely to be selected for because we have such a low mortality rate and competition for survival is low. Competition for resources is not, but it's pretty hard in today's society to well and truly not be able to survive. There are lots of people who "go hungry" but much rarer to have people starve.
This is an unfortunate situation for humanity. On one side, we have to treat everyone as humans, we are all in the same boat together. On the other, we have a variety of incredibly negative selective pressures that could drown our species. We can't advocate social darwinism, we know what that leads to, so I think it's time for science to go up to bat for our future. Not eugenics or darwinism, rather, our goal should be to improve -everyone-. If so-called stupid people reproduce more, and we don't do anything to make everyone smarter, through widely available gene therapy or better schooling or whatnot, then we will eventually have far, far too many of those stupid people.
I don't mean to make any accusations here or insult anyone, but there are a number of traits that are widely agreed upon to be negative that seem to be correlated with reproductive rates. Humanity has been so dominant for so long that there are no selection pressures for the opposite traits, and we're going to be left with the consequences unless some radically successful genetic modifications take place. We cannot, should not ever punish anyone or infringe on the rights of anyone who we think is dumb, or is mean, or is a narcissist merely because of those reasons. I cannot stress enough that isn't a position I advocate. But we can encourage widespread adoption of genetic advancements. It needs to be fair, it needs to be free, and it needs to be global. We managed to eradicate small pox with something remarkably close to gene therapy, it's time to do it again.
The longer we wait the harder it will be to accomplish.
Re:but.. (Score:5, Interesting)
Girls are attracted to that guy who steps on everybody's toes for his own personal gains. A go getter, powerful person who aims high. These are people with leadership qualities, and in the "badboy" circle, they're "ring leaders."
I know a guy like that... he's in college with me; very intelligent, rather charismatic, extremely eloquent and well-educated -- and at the same time very arrogant, narcissistic and even a bit Macchiavellian. Oh, and either very insecure, or very threatened by me. Or both.
Unlike him, I'm rather anti-social and quite geeky and nerdy. When we met, I was in a stable relationship, which has ended in the meantime. He had some short flings, of which I've heard from his ex girlfriends.
Now, when my relationship ended some year and a half ago, we were near the point of mutual disdain; I don't know what exactly about me bothered him, but I find it convenient to simply reciprocate other people's attitudes. Anyway, at that point he was trying to establish his macho identity, juggling around four girlfriends at any given time, though never really getting to sex. That is why some of the single girls he was toying with dumped him. But mostly, he kept trying to steal other guys' partners; I know of at least three relationships he tried to destroy.
Then I got involved with my current girlfriend, who is in college with us, and who is almost as anti-social as I am, and a far better judge of character (so what you're reading is in great part her analysis, as presented to me). And he tried for a coup de grace: stealing his arch-nemesis' girlfriend. I had been pretty broken up about my first break-up, so the second one should have destroyed me, I guess.
Needless to say, my girlfriend would never suffer the likes of me if she weren't madly in love. So his advances were unsuccessful; even more so because I do not act jealous, especially when there is a possibility that I am simply being provoked. She saw through his plan, too (his previous actions with other couples were a dead giveaway), and outright rejected him.
He ended up with a freshman girl, and now appears to be monogamous.
Now, what was this lengthy and probably fairly boring story about: even the so-called bad guys, with everything working for them, don't end up with all the girls.
Most of the girls my colleague had been juggling were quite entranced with him; one of them told me she'd been considering breaking up with her boyfriend for him. But apparently, the bad boy failed to steal a single good guy's girlfriend.
BTW, I don't know whether I qualify as a good guy; I don't care much how people perceive me, but I do know that I tend to come off as arrogant and cynical until you get to know me better.
Point is, bad boys spend quite a bit of energy on getting girls. I watched some of my colleague's efforts, I heard rather more about them, and I know I would never invest so much energy in such a venture. The reason they get more girls, when they do get them, is also correlated with the amount of energy they invest.
I invest my energy in one girl at a time. That means that if I do not succeed, I fail 100%. My colleague, juggling four girls at any given time, fails only 25% whenever he is rejected. And even if each of us courts the same number of girls, he will have gone through his girls much faster than I. This alone gives him "more girls".
Obligatory (Score:3, Interesting)
I like that article. Reminds me of the Ladder Theory. [laddertheory.com]
Re:Captain Obvious Strikes Again (Score:5, Interesting)
When this topic arises, I often, if not always, link to the article What Happened to All the Nice Guys? [craigslist.org] .
Every nice guy's recommended reading.
Re:That's nice (Score:2, Interesting)
The above post is right, and the suggestion to kiss her is solid and very realistic.
Re:Women are somewhat masochistic... (Score:2, Interesting)
i have to disagree here. if you never directly ask me to sleep with you, i really will wander away thinking that you didn't want to.
now, i know that a lot of girls do NOT agree with me on this aspect, but there really are plenty of us who do concur. if you invite me up for coffee, i think that there will be coffee, which does not really include sex. if i don't happen to like coffee, and was hoping instead for sex, i might say 'no thanks' and think 'DAMMIT... i really wanted to bang him.'
maybe i'm totally off base, but for the love of god, say what you mean, mean what you say, and learn to ask for what you want. what am i, psychic?
i am an n of one, but i try to give good advice to male friends. such as "don't touch that one without a pre-nup" and "if i were you i wouldn't bang her with HIS dick". all honesty here.
Amen! (Score:3, Interesting)
Yes I agree, if she's saying that, then you should try and try hard.
Well basically the male is obligated to try hard with any female he really really wants. It is fine if she says no, but your not trying will just make everyone unhappy.
Re:Captain Obvious Strikes Again (Score:5, Interesting)
That's what happened to me in High School. I was the stereotypical 'nice guy' until I realized that I wasn't being nice as much as I was being horney and (unsuccessfully) using 'nice' as a way to fulfill that need. So, I based my social interactions on the truth, that I was in fact horney, and nice (but not nearly as nice as I had acted before). The nice learned it's limit fast, the horney made itself obvious, but not desperate (lude jokes, obvious sexual passes, but not lamenting about a lack of sex life) and I stopped caring so much. I ended up losing a couple female friends. I also ended up loosing a couple female friends. (my first joke based on a typo! yay!) Overall, just the refreshing honesty of being myself was a relief, the fact that it WORKED, CONSISTENTLY, was outstanding. In fact, by the time I settled down, I was picking and choosing between women.
I still wore glasses, I still was fat (250 or so on a 5'11" frame, I didn't lose any weight until I was nearly married), but I was witty (like most nerds can be when not overwhelmingly nervous) I was seemingly confident (it was actually apathy, at first) and I was laid on a regular basis.
There ya go, neomunk's nerd-dating testimonial. You can live your dreams, I'm living proof... Beefcake!
Re:Women are somewhat masochistic... (Score:3, Interesting)
maybe i'm totally off base, but for the love of god, say what you mean, mean what you say, and learn to ask for what you want. what am i, psychic?"
You JUST contradicted yourself here. The part about the coffee....you first say you get asked up for it and you don't expect sex...then if you wanted it, but, the coffee isn't up to par, you leave saying shit...I wanted to bang him???
Man..talk about not saying what you want. REally...I think most guys in the world would be MORE than happier in life if women that wanted to bang you didn't try sending out 'signals', and just said "Hey, I wanna fuck your brains out"....you just illustrated the problem most guys have trying to figure you girls out.
We're pretty simple,if we as a guy are paying you ANY attention whatsoever, we are wanting to sleep with you. Plain and simple. These signals you send out, the subtlety and all...those are what seem to require most guys to be psychic. We want it....we often have no fucking idea if you do or not...until we physically grab you and try something at which point we dunno what will happen...a good roll in the hay, or a lawsuit and cops at your door for being too aggressive. Hell, on the latter...with out all the dramatics...no one like to chance grabbing you to see if you want to or not and be rejected. Be upfront with us....we're very easy as guys...we want you if you are there. You women on the other hand...are not so simple.
Slashdot Pseudo-Science, again (Score:5, Interesting)
Yes, women are to blame for what they do. They have the same responsibility for their own actions as men.
This is just more of the same old Slashdot pseudo-science that is posted as a real story.
"Bad boys" communicate that women have no responsibility toward them. That's what women want when they just want to have sex. Only that. Try it yourself. If you communicate that women have no responsibility, they will want sex with you, too.
You might need considerable practice, because at present you may have no idea what you are actually communicating.
Yes, it is a compliment when a woman wants to be intimate with you. But, after a lot of that, it gets annoying. Only a real, responsible relationship with a woman who wants to be true partners will give you what you need as a human.
If you communicate that you want a real relationship, then it will be difficult to find a woman in the United States, because the culture in the United States is going through a period in which women are very negative toward men.
Try different countries. Things can be very, very different in a country other than your home country. Put on a backpack and hitchike through Europe during the summer. I recommend the Greek island of Ios in July. (But, I haven't been there in a long time.) The Greeks are nice but the real attraction is other travelers from all over Europe. Two-thousand-five-hundred women and an equal number of men, with nothing to do but socialize.
Take buses and trains in less-developed countries. Stay in cheap hostels for backpackers. Read Let's Go: Europe. Read the Lonely Planet guides. You will meet women travelers who are a bit different because they also have decided to do a little more with their lives than stay home.
If you want a wife, try looking in Brazil, where women are a little less religious about avoiding responsibility. If you look in Brazil, don't just marry the first Brazilian woman who seems wonderful. Talk to your woman about responsibility. If you don't get good answers, try other women. Learn the Brazilian culture. Learn the Brazilian social sophistication.
You might also try Thailand, but you would probably need to learn to speak and write Thai, and you would need to learn an Asian culture, and it would be more difficult to find a truly mature woman. Remember the lyrics [stlyrics.com] of the song [youtube.com] "One night in Bangkok". Don't just fall in love with the first Thai woman who is nice to you.
Quote from the song: "One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble. Can't be too careful with your company."
The song is about a real event. One year the world chess championship was held in Thailand. The men went out at night, and were not prepared for the experience of being treated with gentleness. The Dalai Lama says that Thai people are gentle, and he's right.
I've seen it myself. One night, a long time ago, standing on the corner of Patpong road, a western woman was trying to get control over her western man again after he had seen in a Thai bar that a woman could be truly gentle with a man. All the man had known in his entire life, apparently, was women being harsh with men.
Again, don't marry the first Thai woman who is nice to you. Learn the culture. Learn the special challenges of being multi-cultural yourself and having a multi-cultural relationship.
A good idea, if you are in a country in which the native language is not English, is to hang around a school that teaches English. When you see a woman who is interesting, offer to have a conversation in English with her, so that she can practice, if she will teach you the Thai culture. In Thailand, you might try visiting the
Revisionist Dating Histories (Score:3, Interesting)
His theory is that they now have daughters in high school, and wish their daughters were interested in males like him, and not like the ones they themselves had dated.
Re:That's nice (Score:5, Interesting)
Not to be mean, but you wasted your best fuck years in your teens and twenties....
1) Virtually all studies agree conclude that the vast majority of heterosexual males go a lifetime with fewer than 15 partners. And many conclude numbers half that. Look it up. I'm -possibly- slightly below average in partner count, but I doubt it.
2) Its not like a low number of partners predicts a low frequency of sex. In fact, most studies conclude that sexually active couples in their teens and 20s generally have far more sex than 'sexually active singles'.
3) I think most people who've tried both agree that 'one night stand sex', especially while intoxicated, is actually generally pretty lousy.
Thanks for your concern, but I really didn't 'miss out' on all that much.
Re:Captain Obvious Strikes Again (Score:3, Interesting)
I'm just starting to figure out this technique myself. I'm 23, and a recovering nice guy. Not only was I aloof during high school, I didn't figure it out in college either. But now, I'm starting (crosses fingers) to make up for lost time.
Here are a few things I've learned in the short time since I started to "get it":
Overall, cast a wide net. The probability of success is not quite 0. The more women you talk to, the greater the chance of succeeding with one of them.
Re:That's nice (Score:3, Interesting)
Really?
That is really news to me. I am WAY behind some people I know...and while I don't actually remember all the women I slept with...names and all...I was between 35-45 way back a few years ago when we sat around and tried to name them all with some friends. And..these were friends I trust and it wasn't a dick swinging contest that night either...it was as honest as I could believe it could be. Again....I was low head count out of many of the group.
I know guys in the hundreds...and they're not rock stars either...
Re:but.. (Score:2, Interesting)
The Dalai Lama.
King Bhumibol Adulyadej of Thailand.
Many would say Senator Obama.
All the rest of the examples I can think of now are dead.
Re:That's nice (Score:5, Interesting)
Therefore, this is being biologically ingrained in us by women. Which is not to say that it's not biologically ingrained in them, too.
The other thing I find offensive about calling sex with men violent is that presently 50% of the males born right now in this country get some of the most sensitive parts of their penis removed in a routine medical operation (furthermore, when the "sex with men is violence" meme arose, it was closer to 80% of male babies). This is mutilation, even when there are no complications, such as the skin ending up too tight, or the shaft getting damage, resulting in a dysfunctionally bent penis, or part of the glans being removed, or hemmorraging. Anyway, best-case scenario, you desensitize the penis, which makes guys like rougher sex with unnatural levels of friction.
It's hilarious when a feminist tells you that circumcision isn't genital mutilation. Maybe next time one does, you can slap her and get laid. :D
(disclaimer: don't slap the bitches)
Re:That's nice (Score:5, Interesting)
There is a large amount of time difference in the time a 'nice' guy will spend trying to seduce... and the amount of time a 'bad' guy will take to brush off the one who's not putting out.
Indeed. Many years ago I had a friend who was not what one would call handsome, but was one of these "bad boys" who slept with many, many, women. He even revealed one how he did it - if he asked 50 women in a night, he knew he'd get at least one. Clearly he was not in the least bit emotionally invested, and to cover that number of women he'd be spending maybe 5 minutes on each one before moving on.
The "nice" guy on the other hand is more likely to obsess on one woman the entire night (if he gets that far), and might cover 50 women in a year or two. He gets emotionally invested very quickly.
Of course the "nice guy" might not find it particularly appealing to succeed in the same manner the "bad boy" does since the "nice guy" may be more about quality rather than quantity. The number of diseased, drug-f***ed women and emotional wrecks he got involved with was scary.
This is not to say you need to adopt the "bad boy" approach if you want to succeed either. Merely adjusting expectations can do wonders - think of the person as just a person rather than as a prospective mate.
Re:The problem, in a nutshell (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:That's nice (Score:5, Interesting)
A geek who is married. I will agree with this. I got lucky, My wife was having a hard time in her life when I met her, she was out of place and in a foreign country. I stepped in as the "nice" guy I had always been told by women and books that I should be. Months went by, and suddenly one night I had this terrible day, I was stressed out, and ready to kill someone. She came by for help with an english paper.
I without thinking, already on edge, suddenly kissed her. Suddenly, I stopped being the nice guy, and turned into the guy who unexpectedly kissed her and grabbed her rear end.
Over time, I found out that polite, tame, and watered down was not what she wanted, and she claims no girl wants that. It makes them feel that they are with a weak man that will not protect or provide in rough times.
I learned that they want a manly man. I don't mean the jock. They want a man who cares, loves, and is kind to them. But is strong, powerful, and "manly".
The jocks give them the part that makes them get attracted. But they lack the decency of a good character and temperament that provides a life long mate. We can do the second part, but many of us do not have the instinctual understanding of how to act dominate. And that dominance shows a safe place to raise children, have a home that is protected. Or we have become afraid that we will be seen as a brute.
But being strong does not mean being brutish. This applies in many situations when interacting with women. Have a heart, but let it be strong and conquer. This applies to many situations, in conversation, relationship, and the bedroom.
They come to you to cry because you are a man, but a if you never act like it, the signal of sexual attraction will never come through the static.
You must combine that jock "take what I want" and "I don't need you" composure and actions, and then after you have them on the hook, let them see that you will be a caring, loving protector.
Re:Slashdot Pseudo-Science, again (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Slashdot Pseudo-Science, again (Score:5, Interesting)
I'm one of those women who reads Slashdot (occasionally), and I'm not offended.
I think it is important to realize, however, that there are some American women (feminists, even!) who are actually looking for a partnership such as you describe.
(Really, there are lots of different kinds of feminists, and lots of different kinds of feminism out there -- which is something that even some feminists tend to forget.)
While personally, I can't see myself being a permanent stay-at-home wife and mother (I'm one of those lucky people who has a job that she enjoys and finds intellectually stimulating), I think that it's great that some women choose to do so. The whole point of feminism, I thought, was ensuring that women were able to choose. (Men, too, by the way.)
I just wanted to clarify that I don't - nor, I believe, should other women - have a problem with the idea that a woman might choose to be a homemaker, as long as that is not her only option.
(However, the rest of society obviously still has a long way to go - I hope the earlier AC who responded to your post was only trolling, but there are some people who actually seem to believe his shit, or at least, in the general misogynist sentiment behind it.)
Re:Slashdot Pseudo-Science, again (Score:2, Interesting)
why would i be offended by someone who advocates being KIND and having an equal partnership? were actually on the same page, you and I.
the only qualifier i would add to your post is that we're not ALL man-hating bitches. there are a few nice girls left in the states. some of us want to move to canada, perhaps. some of us are even good in the sack to boot.
don't let the pile of bad apples detract from the two or three good ones still on the tree.
Re:Slashdot Pseudo-Science, again (Score:2, Interesting)
And because of that, it is more and more difficult for Asian MEN to find anything because most Asian woman are out for white men. The campaign is just very tough for us, especially if you are geek/nerd/1337 type Asian man, you have the Mount Everest to climb.
I know many cases of East Asians and don't know about American WHITE women, get burned pretty badly. Here are some examples:
1. A relative of a friend of mine, who is a loan officer at a bank, get a divorce. And he got 75% of his paycheck withheld for alimony. Although he is a very good person and very responsible as I know it, and the circumstantial evidence points out that the woman have MANY external affairs running while married, the judge seems ignoring the evidence and just put it based on the ratio of the income between the man and the woman. The more you make, the more you have to pay. And of course, the children goes to the mom side. So he lost his children to a bitch, and still have to pay for their living while having no right to see the children. TOO BAD HE DIDN'T SIGN A PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT FIRST, OTHERWISE THESE COULD BE ALL AVOIDED.
2. Another more distant case. This is a cousin of a friend of a friend of mine. He is in a PhD program at CMU. He was in a relationship with a red-headed girl, and after sereval month, for some reason, she accuse him of "statutory rape", while what I heard it is just some touching. Of course he got no money for a lawyer, and you know that in our culture, we taught to be accepting whatever is coming our way rather then fighting. He got put in jail for 6 months and with a criminal record. He committed suicide after that because there YOU KNOW there will be no job prospect in academia or IT field if you have a criminal record of any kind.
Stay out of American women, those who raised up here. Immigrants are different story.
Re:Captain Obvious Strikes Again (Score:1, Interesting)
I think this discussion is incomplete without mentioning This Article on Myth and Truths about Women. [craigslist.org] ............
No Go help yourself by reading it .
Whats the point of doing expensive research [with TAx Dollar] to re confirm which we all know since
Re:Slashdot Pseudo-Science, again (Score:3, Interesting)
Sorry, but I don't think that's the difference. At all.
I think it's gender roles. East Asian men have a hard time with Western women because the gender roles are flipped out of the favor of East Asian men.
East Asian men who are totally Anglo/Western, culturally, do not seem to suffer any of the problems you're describing--problems I know exist, because I, too, have seen them affect friends. But even in those cases, I have to say, it really looks more like a cultural misunderstanding than anything else.
My advice to you would be to look for a girl with a degree in Asian Studies or something. Someone who "gets it." You may not feel that you're different from a white guy from Iowa, but I'm betting you are, in subtle ways.
But I'll warn you: Even my Anglo female friends who live here--and by that I even mean Asian-Americans who are culturally Anglo--aren't in the market for East Asian guys. When you ask why, they say that East Asian guys are male chauvinists. To some extent they are, and to some extent Western women think every guy is a pig. Anyway, throw "geeky" on top of that, and it gets even harder, I think.
Hell, my Chinese (as in, from Guangzhou originally, but moved to the states when he was in grade school) language and literature prof back in my undergrad did a whole class on this. It's a tough issue, and you're right, I'll never know what it's like to be in your shoes. But believe me when I say that I've noticed how tough it is. Ganbatte kudasai! (Japanese for "do your best!/persevere!/good luck!/you can do it!")
Re:Captain Obvious Strikes Again (Score:3, Interesting)
ARE YOU PEOPLE LISTENING TO YOURSELVES?
Your post is great, actually, but I dont agree it has to do with being nice. I think you just became more confident. Its not a "technique".
Please lets get back to our browser war discussions before the women reading slashdot take notice and decide that we really arent a good idea after all.
Re:Slashdot Pseudo-Science, again (Score:3, Interesting)
The problem with women in the U.S is they are all taught that the most important thing in the world is that they are important players for team women.
Every point that they score is a point for everlasting victory of the female team and a tribute to women who struggled everywhere throughout the world throughout history for their rights.
So if you have to wash the dishes, you lose a point for "team women".
If you do something out of the ordinary nice for him you lose a point for "team women".
If you do something out of the ordinary nice for him and he doesn't appreciate it with absolutely overwhelming complements you scored an own goal and your team mates are going to be disappointed in you unless you earn 10 points back for "team women".
If he does something nice for you without you doing anything you get a point.
That's the American women mentality that is so wrong. The successful marriages I know are the ones in which the "team" the women and the man in the marriage are playing for is "the family".
The reason foreign women are a lot better mates is because they haven't been taught at a young age the whole "women team" thing from the mass media and their educational system and are more focused on the strength of the relationships with people they actually know and are related to instead of their relationship to these mythical collective mass media archetypes that American women are so obsessed with.