The Real Body Snatchers

An anonymous reader writes "The BBC are reporting on a grisly trade lying behind the booming business for replacement body parts in medical procedures. Many unscrupulous "dealers" will procure body parts from anyone willing to deal them — e.g., undertakers, medics — and will process them for resale onto legitimate companies. Apparently a fully processed cadaver can fetch up to $250,000. Now, who says I'm worth more alive than dead?"

Attention teenage single mothers

[Malevolent Tester]

Want to own your own home instead of leeching one off the taxpayer? Apply inside. $250,000 could be yours.

Hmmm

[joaommp]

"Now, who says I'm worth more alive than dead?"

It depends... do you know the secret combination to a safe holding multibilion dollar amounts and are susceptible of talking under... preemptive advice?

Re:When does the government get involved?

[polar red]

over my dead body !

Hmm

[TheLink]

How much is my left little finger worth?

Don't get the wrong idea, I'm quite attached to it.

So you'll have to prise it from my cold dead hands (or over my dead body)...

Oh wait...

They are trading bears?

[zappepcs]

"The BBC are reporting on a grisly trade lying behind the booming business for replacement body parts in medical procedures.

According to Colbert, the number one threat to America is BEARS! These biological terrorists need to be stopped before the American Dollar is ruined.... oh wait

Re:Niven was right.

[Anonymous Coward]

How would we call illegal leg traders? Legleggers?

George Carlin was right, someonelse too

[MrShaggy]

'Thats why I dont sign my doner card. When you get into an accident and the abulance comes, and they see you have that card. Do you honestly think they are there to help you?? Hell no, they are looking for spare parts.' Or even better. knock.knock: Door opens. "Yes, can I help you??" 'Are yu such and such' 'Yes I am'. "We're here for you liver." ;)

I can beat that

[elrous0]

I've got a middle finger that I would gladly give George W. Bush for free.

Re:One future cadaver for sale, liver not included

[elrous0]

It would have to make you a little nervous. But, in practice, it's very unlikely that a company would ever risk a major go-to-jail-for-a-very-long-time-loose-everything scandal just to harvest a few bodies a little early. They would just adjust their rates accordingly.

Sure sure...

[keineobachtubersie]

"My cousin went to school with a guy that this happened to."

Are you sure it wasn't your cousin's mother's sister's uncle?

Shhhh.....

[cdr_data]

PLEASE don't tell my wife!

Oblig. Futurama

[Dachannien]

Fry: Now that you mention it, I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills.
Shady organ dealer: Yes, gills. Then, uh, you don't need lungs anymore, is right?
Fry: Can't imagine why I would.
Shady organ dealer: Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

Re:You think it's no big deal

[kalirion]

You forgot to mention that he woke up in a tub full of ice.

The Value of Taco's Body

[airship]

Has anyone EVER asserted that Taco was worth more than a quarter of a million? Anyone? Anyone?

I didn't think so.

Re:I don't get the big deal....

[Applekid]

Thankfully, I've spent many years building a resistance to such attacks by being grossly overweight with liver disease, diabetes, hypertension, and hyperactive sweat glands.

Oh, thanks a lot...

[the_fat_kid]

Now I have to change my will.

Let's see:
Organ donor card? check.
Sunday NY times? check.
1994 jeep cherokee? check.
road map of my nations capitol with dump sites marked? check.

All right, I'm ready for the end, when it comes.

"I'm not affraid of dieing. Ijust don't want to be there when it happens."

They can have my body

[maroberts]

As long as my head can be kept alive in a jar....

Re:You think it's no big deal

[Anonymous Coward]

People are laughing, but this one was reported in mainstream news

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/anonymous_philanthropist_donates [theonion.com]

Re:You think it's no big deal

[eln]

Oh man, tell me about it. My aunt's second cousin's dog's sister's father's owner's grandmother's great grand-niece's former roomate was kidnapped by aliens, but then the aliens were spaceship-jacked by a bunch of street thugs before they could even get the anal probe in all the way. She was taken to a secluded shack in Montana where Jimmy Hoffa came out with a rusty scalpel and a copy of "Home Surgery for Dummies". Luckily, a Sasquatch riding on a Chupacabra broke in just in the nick of time and took her off to his treehouse high up in the Rockies. After a few months, though, he kicked her out because apparently she was supposed to be paying half of the rent or something, and she ended up wandering around the forest for several days until she passed out. Anyway, she came to in a back-alley surgery, and there was a big guy in dirty scrubs negotiating with the zombie Jeffrey Dahmer over who got what part of her body. Luckily, she managed to break free, but as soon as she got out the door she was picked up by federal agents who flew her off to Area 51 in a black helicopter and locked her in a closet with some freaky squid looking thing from some planet in the vicinity of Alpha Centauri (or so he claimed). He was just setting out the silverware so he could devour her in a more civilized fashion when a bunch of those weird guys who like to look at Area 51 all day with binoculars in order to find government conspiracies broke in and whisked her off. Unfortunately, they were short on meth and had no cash, but they did have the phone number for the Harvard Medical School, so they knocked her out, and she came to a few days later in the middle of the 405 freeway in a tub of ice.

Anyway, to make a long story short, she was missing three fingers, her left kneecap, three and a half yards of small intestine, three quarters of her right lung, and her spleen. Really scary stuff.

Re:I don't get the big deal....

[flyingsquid]

And since money's involved, who's to say the parts they're selling are transplant quality.

Transplant quality? Of course it's transplant quality! Here at Honest Ed's Used Body Parts, all our parts are transplant quality! Take this pelvis for instance, almost good as new. Belonged to a little old lady who only used it to walk to church on Sundays. What? Yeah, I suppose that could be a little osteoporosis there, but I'll have the boys in the shop fix that right up. Put a couple of titanium pins in and it's good as new. Listen, if it's such a big problem, I can even throw in a couple of ears to sweeten the deal, maybe a lung.

Re:I don't get the big deal....

[moeinvt]

". . .the issue is that these folks were simply taking the parts, or the entire body, without the permission of either the deceased or their families . . "

I'm sure they asked the deceased, and hearing no objection, decided to sell the body parts.

Re:Sure sure...

[sm62704]

Are you sure it wasn't your cousin's mother's sister's uncle?

He's from Arkansas, it's the same guy! ;)

Over my dead body!!!

[AnomaliesAndrew]

Think I'll let somebody sell my organs without giving me a fair cut of the profits?

OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!