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Are Mobile Phones Wiping Out Bees? 419

Posted by Zonk
from the oh-i-hope-this-isn't-a-late-april-fools-joke dept.
Mz6 wrote with a link to an article on The Independent site about a most unusual scientific theory. "Some scientists suggest that our love of the mobile phone could cause massive food shortages, as the world's harvests fail. They are putting forward the theory that radiation given off by mobile phones and other hi-tech gadgets is a possible answer to one of the more bizarre mysteries ever to happen in the natural world — the abrupt disappearance of the bees that pollinate crops."
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Are Mobile Phones Wiping Out Bees?

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  • by Hennell (1005107) on Sunday April 15, 2007 @07:06AM (#18740073) Homepage
    Does this mean the best way to cope with being 'attacked' by a bee, is to whip out your mobile make a ringing sound then pass it to the bee and say "Its for you"?
  • by ReidMaynard (161608) * on Sunday April 15, 2007 @07:07AM (#18740079) Homepage
    Other reasons Bees are gone..
    *Sunspots
    *Global warming
    *Terrorism
    *CowboyNeal
  • THE BEES! (Score:3, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday April 15, 2007 @07:17AM (#18740123)
    Won't somebody please think of the bees?!
  • by Anonymous Coward on Sunday April 15, 2007 @07:21AM (#18740149)
    Bees should wear those
  • by stevedcc (1000313) * on Sunday April 15, 2007 @07:22AM (#18740157)
    The UK had 3G long before the US. But 3G mainly covers metropolitan areas. I believe bees are more rural and they don't currently benefit from 3G connections.
  • Invader Zim (Score:5, Funny)

    by yoyhed (651244) on Sunday April 15, 2007 @07:35AM (#18740233)
    Surely that was no human bee! Once I take care of the humans, I will start my war against....

    THE BEEEES

  • by BasilBrush (643681) on Sunday April 15, 2007 @07:46AM (#18740283)
    No, it's definately mobile phones. But not the radio transmissions, it's that Crazy Frog ringtone.
  • by fmobus (831767) on Sunday April 15, 2007 @07:54AM (#18740333)
    Well being allergic to them, I really like the concept. Brb, buying another cellphone.
  • New Theory (Score:2, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Sunday April 15, 2007 @08:09AM (#18740401)

    is a possible answer to one of the more bizarre mysteries ever to happen in the natural world the abrupt disappearance of the bees that pollinate crops.


    I put forth a new theory...

    It's because of the ketchup bottles.
    They were clear before, and you could *see* how much was left, but more importantly, how nasty the remaining amount looked like. When the inside of the bottle got so nasty, as to have the ShakeIt-Until-Even technique fail, the bottles would get tossed out.
    These bottles would eventually find their way to dogs, which would eat all ketchup.
    The nasty ketchup would give the dogs indigestion, and they would go take an acid shit near flowering plants.
    The acid shit would put the soil pH precisely where it needs to be, so the plants create better tasting flowers for the bees.

    With the new solid-color bottles, when we toss them out, they have too little ketchup amount in order for the dogs to get indigestion (ie, no shit).

    The alternate idea I have has to do with the Titanic.
    After all these years under the sea, finally, the women's make-up powder is reacting at those extreme pressures and depths. The resulting gases rise to the surface, and are carried by perfec harmonic frequencies to the US. These harmonics are created by the bees' perfect resonance buzz.
    The bees find the gaseous make-up powder noxious, so, they're all chillin' down in South America where there isn't such a proliferation of boutiques.
  • by johansalk (818687) on Sunday April 15, 2007 @08:30AM (#18740513)
    Gees. Another free market Darwinist; "bees are just not being competitive enough in the marketplace of pollination and are being pushed aside. So what if the bees are wiped out, the free market of nature will fill up the gap with many other providers of pollination services".
  • Not quite (Score:5, Funny)

    by linvir (970218) on Sunday April 15, 2007 @09:27AM (#18740759)
    Other studies have pointed to white guilt, neighbourhood paedophiles and industrialised society as possible causes for this and many other aspects of the ongoing apocalypse. Won't somebody please think of the children?!
  • by kimvette (919543) on Sunday April 15, 2007 @09:37AM (#18740791) Homepage Journal
    Oh that's okay, we'll just genetically engineer honeybees so that they can handle the GM crops. When honey results in severe allergic reactions in humans, well, we have an answer for that as well - genetically engineer humans, resulting in a patent fee for every human conceived (whether or not carried to term), or better yet, since it would be more profitable, like soy and high-fructose corn syrup, get all the food manufacturers to use this highly-allergenic "food" ingredients in all "food" products and give the pharmaceutical companies a business opportunity to sell antidotes to the toxins in the GM honey. This way, everybody wins!

    This has been my tongue-in-cheek crackpot theory of the day, brought to you by my frustration in trying to find soy-free foods.
  • by Jesus_666 (702802) on Sunday April 15, 2007 @09:39AM (#18740811)
    One more crippling bombshell hit the already beleaguered bee community when IDC confirmed that bee market share has dropped yet again, now down to less than a fraction of 1 percent of all insects. Coming close on the heels of a recent Netcraft survey which plainly states that bees have lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. The bee population is collapsing in complete disarray, as fittingly exemplified by failing dead last in the recent Garden Admin comprehensive pollination test.

    You don't need to be a Darwin to predict the bees' future. The hand writing is on the wall: The bees face a bleak future. In fact there won't be any future at all for bees because the bees are dying. Things are looking very bad for bees. As many of us are already aware, the bees continue to lose market share. Royal jelly flows like a river of nectar.

    The honey bee is the most endangered of them all, having lost 93% of its core queens. The sudden and unpleasant departures of long time honey bee celebrities Maya and Willy only serve to underscore the point more clearly. There can no longer be any doubt: The honey bee is dying.

    Let's keep to the facts and look at the numbers.

    Soul bee leader Q-Bee states that there are 7000 soul bees. How many bumblebees are there? Let's see. The number of soul bee versus bumblebee posts on Usenet is roughly in ratio of 5 to 1. Therefore there are about 7000/5 = 1400 bumblebees. Stingless bee posts on Usenet are about half of the volume of bumblebee posts. Therefore there are about 700 stingless bees. A recent article put africanized bees at about 80 percent of the bee market. Therefore there are (7000+1400+700)*4 = 36400 africanized bees. This is consistent with the number of africanized bee Usenet posts.

    Due to the troubles of Pitcairn Island, abysmal sales and so on, the africanized bees went out of business and were taken over by the hornets who sell another troubled species. Now the hornets are also dead, their corpses turned over to yet another charnel house.

    All major surveys show that bees have steadily declined in market share. The bees are very sick and their long term survival prospects are very dim. If bee are to survive at all it will be among insect dilettante dabblers. The bees continue to decay. Nothing short of a cockeyed miracle could save the bees from their fate at this point in time. For all practical purposes, the bees are dead.

    Fact: The bees are dying.
  • by grumling (94709) on Sunday April 15, 2007 @10:31AM (#18741069) Homepage
    Wireless phones use electromagnetic waves to transmit information
    Magnets cured my carpel tunnel/bercitus/sore back (even though there's no scientific evidence)
    Cell phone users annoy me, and are controlled by evil corporations.
    Therefore, magnetic fields (a side effect of the electro- part of the wave), are killing honeybees.

    Also, honey is used for many holistic and "natural" cures, so the evil drug companies are in on it as well. ...We're through the looking glass, people.
  • by One Louder (595430) on Sunday April 15, 2007 @11:28AM (#18741503)
    Anyone checked lately for a Vogon Constructor Fleet?
  • by alienmole (15522) on Sunday April 15, 2007 @02:19PM (#18742863)
    Darn, I blew my cover. Yes, as you guessed, I'm the representative from Canopus, here to record the final years of human life on Earth. As it happens, Slashdot is where our projections say the trigger event will occur, so I have to keep a close eye on the place. The projections differ on what the trigger event will be - some say it'll be the release of Duke Nukem Forever. Did I say years? I meant decades.
  • by kir (583) on Sunday April 15, 2007 @06:35PM (#18744753) Homepage
    That's a poor analogy. It's not like every critter in the area has been trying to eat said canister for millions of years.

    Critter 1: Damn... this is some good canister.
    Critter 2: Uh huh. I ain't had canister like this in years.

    Critter 3: STOP! I just heard that canister the boys over the hill are munching on started spewing some kinda noxious fumes.

    Critter 2: That happens sometimes. You can get used to it though. It's just bromoacetone.

    Critter 3: Not this stuff man. Looks like xylyl bromide or chlorine or something.

    Critter 1: Damn. Forget this! For now on, when I see one of these canisters, spewing or not, I'm outta here boys.

    Critter 3: Me too!
    Critter 2: Uh huh!
  • by Nerd4News (661915) on Monday April 16, 2007 @05:31PM (#18757005)
    There may be something to this. Up here in Minnesota, we use cell phones to keep the alligators away. Works very well.

Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Godel's Theorem. -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"

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