Mind Control Parasites in Half of All Humans

iiii writes "According to a Yahoo News story, half of the world's human population is infected with Toxoplasma, a parasite shown to alter the brain function of rats, inducing them into behavior that benefits the parasite but is suicidal for the rat. So what affect does it have on humans? Article comes complete with Heinlein 'Puppet Masters' reference. I call dibs on using Toxoplasma as a name for my rock band."

Welcome...

[Elitist_Phoenix]

I for one have ALREADY welcomed our parasitic overlords.

You gotta have mind controollllllllll

[Anonymous Coward]

HYPNOGERMS!!!

Yet another proof...

[TheCreeep]

...of God's Intelligent Design(TM) here on Earth!!

Re:mind controlling bugs

[Anonymous Coward]

I wonder how many people are going to blame their inability to work harder (if at all) on this parasite on Monday.

Not me. I'm going to blame the parasite who hired me.

just a new name

[waterbear]

'Mind control parasites':

'Toxoplasma'? I thought they were called politicians ...

(if only it was _only_ half of all humans ...)

-wb-

No surprise here!

[croddy]

I favor unreasonably huge subsidies to the brain slug planet.

Bushoplasma

[dangitman]

Does it happen to affect 51% of Americans?

Re:Nothing to see here...

[LiquidCoooled]

These aren't the parasites you are looking for.

Re:just a new name

[helioquake]

You are mean.

Apologize to the parasites.

50% of humans found with cat parasite

[LiquidCoooled]

Its no wonder so many are infected.

Us males can't stop licking pussy!

It all makes sense!

[fizzyabbo]

Is the article implying that it's NOT normal for someone to seek out cat urine-marked areas in one's house???

the cats are behind it

[arkhan_jg]

Since toxoplasma makes rats unafraid of or even like cat urine, I think it's all a diabolical scheme by the cats. I used to think cats only tolerated us until they could figure out how to operate a can-opener, but now I've realised its a much more cunning scheme - to make humans the slaves of cats!

Old ladies are obviously the most affected after a lifetime of exposure, but its only a matter of time before we all become food suppliers and grooming slaves to our cat overlords. Just look what happens to people when you show them pictures of fluffy kittens [google.co.uk], they go all gooey and unable to think straight - my girlfriend is a typical example, she defends her cats against any criticism, because they're so 'cute'.

We must act now, while some of us can still see what the cats are up to. We must destroy the cat menace!

Don't give Sony-BMG ideas!

[ettlz]

The term "bio-rootkit" is not one I wish to see in common usage!

Re:Nothing to see here...

[ArtfulDodger75]

It's not toxoplasma, it's midi-chlorians! Lucas sucks.

Crazy cat lady

[Anonymous Coward]

Oh my god, this is a scientific explaination for the crazy cat lady phenomenon... I'm serious RTFA!!!

Re:the cats are behind it

[Belseth]

Since toxoplasma makes rats unafraid of or even like cat urine, I think it's all a diabolical scheme by the cats. I used to think cats only tolerated us until they could figure out how to operate a can-opener, but now I've realised its a much more cunning scheme - to make humans the slaves of cats! Old ladies are obviously the most affected after a lifetime of exposure, but its only a matter of time before we all become food suppliers and grooming slaves to our cat overlords. Just look what happens to people when you show them pictures of fluffy kittens, they go all gooey and unable to think straight - my girlfriend is a typical example, she defends her cats against any criticism, because they're so 'cute'. We must act now, while some of us can still see what the cats are up to. We must destroy the cat menace!

Where have you been? We've been trying to tell you for years that cats are evil.

Signed "Commander of Canine Resistence, Los Angeles Chapter",

"Long live the revolution!"

Re:the cats are behind it

[Lisandro]

Well, it does make sense. For a dog, you're God and the universe revolves arround you. Cats wouldn't give two shits about you if you weren't the one feeding them - in fact, they always have this "leave me alone, dumbass" look on them after they're done with their meal. The ungrateful bastards :)

This is not a dupe

[Ambush]

C'mon guys, this isn't a duplicate story. This one is referring to the other half of the population. The truth is that we're all infected. ;-)

All above posts are FUD

[eclectro]

Toxoplasma is actually the eggs for body thetans. If you do not want to believe this, read this link [cdc.gov]

The earth is a battlefield, my friend. I'm going to get audited errrr tested.

Re:just a new name

[somethinghollow]

They are called Republicans...

Re:just a new name

[thx1138_az]

Which parasites? Toxoplasmas or politicians?

Re:And the other half?

[musakko]

Insert Political/religious/OS statement here.

[Political/religious/OS statement]

woah

[Jesus IS the Devil]

For a minute there, I thought the article was talking about women...

Score one for the cat haters

[eamonman]

Most women are cat lovers.
Most men will say most women are schizo.
The prosecution rests your honor. ;)

Move along

[LiquidEdge]

These aren't the droids we're looking for.

Re:Welcome...

[Nuclear Elephant]

Toxoplasma gondii is a common parasite found in the guts of cats

Sheesh, c'mon, as folllowers of gondii, they're peaceful toxoplasma.

Thank you, Slashdot editors

[Council]

Every day, I wake up. I get a drink and read the paper, I check my blog feed, and then I look at Slashdot. Across the board I see headlines like "Microsoft hires person X" and "GM cuts this and that" and "Drought in Borneo" and "Economic growth at risk". Or even the supreme dullness indicator, the dreaded "trade summit".

Suffice it to say I've been waiting to see a headline like "brain-controlling parasites control 50% of the human population" for a long time. Thank you, Slashdot editors.

So where did the other 27.001% come from...

[ArsenneLupin]

... who voted for Bush?

Re:Name taken

[ZeroExistenZ]

Just imagine all the hippies endulging in cat feces...

Better yet..

[damneinstien]

All your base ... nah..
Half your heads are belong to them.

Well...

[Snooper_1989]

This may actually explain George Bush.

Re:Welcome...

[gronofer]

I like the bit where the Czech researcher is baffled how the 1996 result suddenly appeared in the British press ... in 2003.

Now we can be equally baffled about how the 2003 press articles suddenly appear on Yahoo/Slashdot.

Re:And the other half?

[FhnuZoag]

[Extremely angry rebuttal]

[Questions about #2's intellect]

Bacteria

[Anonymous Coward]

In other news: bacteria find that they are being used for slave labor in the Human digestive system. That same day they started protesting, forcing the human to call in sick for a day and flush many of the protesters down the toilet.

Re:And the other half?

[Hal_Porter]

[Quote from Hitler which when taken wildely out of context which has some similarities to #3's post, comparison of #3 to Hitler]

Re:And the other half?

[Bewbewbew]

[Accusation of bash.org plagiarism]

Re:And the other half?

[musakko]

[Unnessecarily long, misspelled defence of original statement] [Sarcasm] [witty, annoying sig]

Re:Name taken

[Farmer Tim]

Just imagine all the hippies endulging in cat feces...

Hey man, this is good shit.

Re:Name taken

[Anonymous Coward]

There are 11 types of people in the world: those who can count in binary, and those who can't.

Is that intentional irony, or merely an attempt to look smart gone ironically wrong?

Allergy Theory

[simul]

My guess is that people who are allergic to cats are, most likely, NOT infected.

Ever notice how people who are allergic to cats are .... well, different, from the rest of us? As if they don't fit in to the system. ... ...

Re:Welcome...

[aichpvee]

Which one has the parasite in their brain?

Re:And the other half?

[Xaositecte]

[attempt to carry the joke out long past when it was funny]

Re:This could not be news

[dajak]

Does this explain why religion is on the decline? As less people are infected, less display symptoms of schizophrenia, such as "feeling the divine presence", and "talking to God". Maybe true devotion in the middle ages was a neurochemical imbalance caused by a parasite, and now that humans are living more cleanly, the "faith" we have left is just residual from the earlier teachings?

No! Are you suggesting that Christianity is caused by rats? Please be so kind as to inform us which country you reside in, so that we can burn down your embassy and demand an apology from your government.

Re:just a new name

[heinousjay]

see, you took a funnyu joke and made it mean. I bet whenever you join in a raucous conversation full of laughter, everything grinds to halt, with people shaking their head sadly.

KHAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!

[m93]

Let me introduce you to Ceti Alpha V's only remaining indigenous life form; what do you think? They've killed twenty of my people, including my beloved wife. Oh, not all at once and not instantly, to be sure. Their young enter through the ears and wrap themselves around the cerebral cortex. This has the effect of rendering the victim extremely susceptible to suggestion. Later, as they grow, follows madness, paralysis -- and death. These are pets, of course -- not quite domesticated.
That's better! Now: tell me why you are here -- and tell me where I may find James Kirk.

Re:And the other half?

[Billygoatz]

Ironic that you wrote the whole joke, instead of using it's proper name 769,549.

000001 A oldy but goody

Re:And the other half?

[Theatetus]

Insert Political/religious

Error: division by zero signalled

Old news.

[nege]

Hermes Conrad: Onto new business. Today's mission is to go to the brain slug planet.
Dr. Zoidberg: What are we going to do there?
Hermes Conrad: Nothing. Just walk around not wearing a helmet.

Re:And the other half?

[slashdot_commentator]

[Invokes Godwin's Law]

Re:Welcome...

[TychoCelchuuu]

Hm. That explains why some people like cats then :D

Re: Intelligent Design

[Anonymous Coward]

It's a secularist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

Sincerely;

Commander Ripper

Re:And the other half?

[irc.goatse.cx troll]

[Reference to irony of plagerizing a site thats nothing but people plagerizing comedians and other old jokes by adding their irc nicks where appropriate]

Re:Welcome...

[The Mad Debugger]

Obviously, you must destroy all cats! That worked so well for Europe last time.

Re:Name taken

[nazsco]

> There are 11 types of people in the world: those who can count in binary, and those who can't.

there are 11 types. those who can count in binary, those who'd love to. and those who have friends.

Re:Welcome...

[dr_dank]

Intermediate hosts are infected either by eating food or water contaminated with infected cat faeces; by eating undercooked meat from other intermediate hosts containing Toxoplasma cysts

To be safe, make sure you cook your cat feces to 170 degrees or higher before eating.

that's risktaking behavior

[r00t]

Loving a cat will usually make the cat really mad at you. It could scratch or bite. Also, you could go to jail. In many places it is illegal to love a cat.

Re:And the other half?

[stinky wizzleteats]

[ belated and lame attempt to get in on the running joke ]

[ non-sequitur afterthought that might have worked as a post all by itself, but fails when combined with the first statement ]

Re:And the other half?

[FlameboyC11]

That's because the Toxoplasma doesn't want you to know...

Re:And the other half?

[Mattintosh]

[repetition of the title of the song]

[apology in advance to Davinci's Notebook [davincisnotebook.com]]

Re:And the other half?

[springbox]

[Adult Swim]