NASA Warns of Cluttered Space

Ant wrote to mention a National Geographic article looking at the cluttered nature of Near-Earth Orbit. From the article: "Since the launch of the Soviet Union's Sputnik I satellite in 1957, humans have been generating space junk. The U.S. Space Surveillance Network is currently tracking over 13,000 human-made objects larger than four inches (ten centimeters) in diameter orbiting the Earth. These include both operational spacecraft and debris such as derelict rocket bodies. 'Of the 13,000 objects, over 40 percent came from breakups of both spacecraft and rocket bodies,'Johnson said."

IMHO

[Premo_Maggot]

I really think it matters if we use space as a garbage dump, there's still more space!

Space Janitor

[Anonymous Coward]

A big laser mop, that's all I need.

My Solution

[alta]

Make everything heavier, so it will float back to earth quickly.

Or, make it lighter and 'launch' it at the sun, the great incenerator in the sky.

Yeah, I know, so don't bother telling me...

Re:Alright, let's get this out of the way...

[Anonymous Coward]

Try ritalin.

You think that's cluttered?

[Anonymous Coward]

You should see the pile of quantum foam I cleaned out of my ears last night!

First thought

[metamatic]

"NASA Warns of Cluttered Space"--they've seen my office?

Re:Alright, let's get this out of the way...

[MadTinfoilHatter]

"The enforced labor works with the prison system on highways, why can't it work in space?"

Because the crime rate might skyrocket when people try to get thrown into jai^H^H^H space?

Ok. I don't think my karma can take any more bad puns... :-P

Re:ball it up

[Sirfrummel]

Sounds like a game of Katamari!

first ob. geeky "Quark" reference

[Thud457]

I'll take the job, as long as they send Betty1 and Betty2 [snowcrest.net] along!

Armchair Rocket Scientists to the rescue!

[Illserve]

Alright everyone, I'm sure we can figure out how to solve this problem in our spare time between meetings and system rebuilds. After all, there's no problem NASA thinks is insurmountable that we can't convince ourselves is easily solved.

Re:ball it up

[Tengoo]

I'm with you here. Plus, should the giant junk ball become a threat to the planet somehow, we could simply build another one and launch it into the incoming ball of junk!

Re:13,000...!

[Anonymous Coward]

I have trouble keeping track of my car keys, wallet, and house keys - and they're usually within 10 metres of me. Perhaps I need a House Surveillance Network

Why reinvent the wheel? Just ask the NSA if you can use theirs.

"Star Trek" Solution to Space Garbage

[reporter]

On 2005 August 24, Slashdot reported that Washington is working to develop laser cannons (i.e. "phasers"). [slashdot.org]

On 2006 January 5, Slashdot reported that Washington is working to develop warp engines [slashdot.org].

Perhaps, now would be the right time to work on developing shields. They could protect starships from both phasers and space garbage. Is anyone developing shields?

Solution!

[alx5000]

Send the World's Biggest Magnet [fsu.edu] to orbit round the Earth! (Remember to attatch some politicians to it in order to clean both Earth and near Space)

Re:Turn the problem on its head...

[cashman73]

The solution presents itself:

1. Send up rocket to collect space junk and bring it back to earth.

2. Look at said space junk for any resemblance to the Virgin Mary, Jesus Christ, Abraham Lincoln, or anyone else famous.

3. ????

4. Sell said space junk to Golden Palace [goldenpalace.com]. Profit!

Nasa the nag

[digitaldc]

Man, first my wife complains and now NASA?

I just need my space.

I like space junk

[gru3hunt3r]

I like space junk - it keeps the aliens away.

First off it makes us look like a poorer planet, I mean honestly who wants to conquer a home with a trans-am up on blocks in the front driveway and thousands of beer cans strewn about the lawn?? Sorry little green guys, we already stripmined this place!

But it's also practical -- long before the impending alien invasion can occur, they'll need to clean up the space junk before they can place their ships in near earth orbit. As soon as the space junk is gone, then there is really nothing to stop them from enslaving us and using us as a food source (mmm.. protein)

As far as i'm concerned space junk is one of the few things keeping us safe, that -- and of course the avian flu. (I'm harboring infected chickens in my cellar just in case one of those little green men shows up at my door)

Solution:

[skintigh2]

Start grabbing them out of orbit and sell them on ebay to goldenpalace for $25,000 each. That way they can clean space and make a profit!

Re:Planetes

[Anonymous Coward]

The music amuses me - the fellow singing on the opening and ending sounds for all the world like a Japanese cross between Weird Al and Frank Zappa.