NASA Puts A Stop To Space Romance

electro-donkey writes "According to a New Scientist article, romantic entanglements among astronauts could derail long-haul space trips. A top-level NASA panel has decided, though it could alleviate boredom, space sex could cause trouble too. On a mission to Mars, for example, which would take up to 30 months, sexual conflict or infidelity could lead to a 'breakdown in crew functioning'."

Geez...

[ratnerstar]

No space sex? Why the hell am I wasting my time at astronaut school, then?!

Where no man has gone before

[Mori Chu]

Haven't these people seen Star Trek? Kirk did it with every green woman in space, and that crew turned out fine...

Do they really want to publish this?

[yurnotsoeviltwin]

Being an astronaut is about to swiftly leave the number one spot on the "cool careers" list for most people.

Instead of sex...

[Anonymous Coward]

they will be reading Slashdot. It's the only medicine for 30 months without sex.

Easy one

[RedLaggedTeut]

Just send a married couple, two gays, two lesbians, the Pope and Darl McBride on the mission.

Since no one loves Darl, and the Pope loves everyone but does not have sex, relationships are stable.

Without sex for 30 months?

[BottleCup]

In a mission to Mars, for example, which would take up to 30 months, sexual conflict or infidelity could lead to a 'breakdown in crew functioning'.

30 months??? Who the heck can function properly without sex for 30 months?

Employ Me

[thedogcow]

I am offering my services to NASA. As a true geek (obvious by reading Slashdot at 8:30Z) I would stick to the pure sciences of the mission and clearly state now that I not interested in sex by any means. Who needs sex when you have zero gravity anywho!

Wacking off?

[Mysteretp]

This sounds prelude to state sponsored wacking off. Does NASA provide the pron? I'm waiting for that next announcement with them saying they do support flogging the dolphin.

Nothing new

[flamearrows]

30 months? Nothing the slashdot crowd ain't used to, then

Yeah, right.

[Anonymous Coward]

NASA expects people to go without sex for 30 months? I suppose it's possible, but from everything I know about people, it seems improbable. What if two astronauts get married while they're on the mission, is it okay then? GOD SAID IT'S OKAY FOR ME TO SQUIRT LIQUID INTO YOU

Simple solution

[DrXym]

Ensure that every member is a complete slut.

Re:Without sex for 30 months?

[FooGoo]

As a married man...I can tell you it is possible although I wouldn't recommend it.

In space, ...

[Mori Chu]

At least you'd have privacy for the moment of climax. In space, no one can hear you scream...

Out-of-this-world sex?

[Mori Chu]

Out-of-this-world sex could jeopardise missions

What if the men promise to do a mediocre job of it instead?

Re:Where no man has gone before

[aussie_a]

Yes but Kird never did it with McCoy or Spock or Ensign Rand. That's the important part. NASA isn't banning interspecial sex, just sex among the crew (what NASA will do if it decides to send George Bus^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H a moneky along with the human crew is anyones guess). After all, look at Tasha and Data. He has sex with her one time, and that's it she's all like "yeah I wanna leave now. Can I get killed off or something?"

And also look at Neelix and Kes. He is a pedophile (she wasn't even 10 years old!) and has sex with her and she turns into an evolved being that tried to destroy Voyager. Sure it turned out okay in the end, but she left the ship (and AFAIK NASA doesn't want any one-way trips for it's crew in it's planned missions).

No, sex within the crew of a spaceship can only mean disaster. I agree with NASA, save the pecker for the green martians.

Masturbation?

[qualico]

How can I tactfully ask this?
nevermind, I'll be point blank...

So are you allowed to jerk off?

Sick I know, but imagine this stuff floating around in zero G.
Forget I said that...better *ban* this activity also.

*sigh* There go my dreams of Mars.

Re:Where no man has gone before

[SpzToid]

Yeah, and then consider how freaky Spock is to be around when he's not 'regular'.

Astronaut pickup line

[Mori Chu]

Hey baby, want to join the 238,857-mile-high [wikipedia.org] club?

In space

[nihilistcanada]

no one can hear you go "uuuuuunnnnngggggghhhhh".

huge marketing opportunity

[tcatt]

Heck, NASA thinks they're so smart. If they we really thinking they would realize that a trip to mars with 8 crew members along with all the so-called 'infedelity' and 'intense relationships' is a perfect chance to corner the reality TV market!

They'd be killing all their birds with one stone, for pete's sake. Huge media coverage, lucrative advertising sponsorships... man NASA would be overfunded and popular again for the first time since the 60's. C'mon NASA, give America what it really wants!

They could call it "Pigs in Space" or wait.. yeah that one was taken. Too bad it's a classic.

"Vote 'em off the shuttle!"

Re:Without sex for 30 months?

[aussie_a]

Who the heck can function properly without sex for 30 months?

Well slashdotters are able to function properly without sex for 30 years... oh wait.

Living in parents basement: Check
Anti-social behaviour: Check
Radical beliefs: Check
Terrorist activities: Check


Hmmm, I guess even slashdotters can't function properly without sex for 30 months (which explains a lot).

Seriously? 30 months without sex?

[Anonymous Coward]

I'd be humping everything in sight by then.

"Jesus, Jeff, have you ever noticed how supply the mass spectrometer sample port looks? Grab me some of that lithium grease. You know four weeks of getting off with the rubber folds of the remote arm manipulator have me really chaffed."

Re:Easy one

[Guppy06]

"Just send a married couple, two gays, two lesbians, the Pope and Darl McBride on the mission."

A mission to where, a bar?

Re:Instead of sex...

[Anonymous Coward]

IMO /. is more a cause for 30 months without sex than a remedy.

Re:Without sex for 30 months?

[payndz]

30? Pish. I'm approaching 168 months without sex, and still functioning perfe- GNYAAAAHHH! AAARGHHHH!

Ahem. So, where do I sign up for this Mars thing?

Re:Easy one

[pintomp3]

and what happens when the married guy suggests a 3some involving one of the lesbians and his wife?

Re:Easy one

[njcoder]

"The only two crews where no sex is not going to be a problem is an all male or an all female crew with no homo- and bisexuals, and only if there is enough porn on board."

Yeah... that theory has been working out well in the prison system and in all girl colleges.

No Sex, Need to rely on other means ...

[oztiks]

NASA said no sex with fellow crew members, so i guess they'll be flying about in the hope that some UFO comes find them to give a good old probing!

Star Trek as a model for a Mars Trip

[some guy I know]

You're forgetting the pilot and first officer of Serenity.
(You know, that blonde geeky guy and the hot chick from Cleopatra 2525.)
They're married and get it on regularly (it seems), but the only conflict that I've seen them have is that he sometimes gets jealous of the relationship between his wife and the captain, and she wants a kid but he doesn't.
Also, Serenity is a small ship with a small crew, and no holodeck, replicators, or transporters.

All in all, Firefly seems to be a much closer match to what an actual Mars mission would be like, in terms of technology and the size of the ship and crew, than the various Star Trek scenarios.

Well, except for the artificial gravity.

And the hooker.

Re:Easy one

[AmicoToni]

> I have an even better Idea .
> Let's send 6 lesbians porn stars and a A film crew.

This sounds like the plot of "Lesbian Spank Inferno" [bbc.co.uk]...

Re:For the consideration of our male astronauts:

[Hogwash McFly]

Re-entry.

Eunuchs

[The Original Yama]

Why not just send a bunch of eunuchs? They can even bring along their own operating system [unix.org].

Yeah, but....

[Anonymous Coward]

if I were married to your wife, I would recommend it. (just had to be said :) ).

Re:What is worse

[NitsujTPU]

60 months with out sex.

It's called grad school. You don't have sleep either. I think that most of the scientists aboard such space missions are quite used to not getting laid, and the adaptation to life without sleep is probably beneficial in space as well.

Re:Geez...

[Junior J. Junior III]

This should be modded Insightful. If space sex were mandatory, we'd be on Alpha Centauri by now.

Re:Where no man has gone before

[Xyrus]

We'll by the time they can do a mission to Mars, the solution will be present:

Virtual Valerie, a fully interactive holographic sex goddess. You want three boobs, you get three boobs.

For the women, from what I hear, they're happy just with this thing called a "Rabbit" right now.

~X~

The only thing sexier than SPACE SEX

[defile]

is FORBIDDEN space sex

Re:From TFA

[Anonymous Coward]

That is the worst possible solution. Sooner or later all crews' menstural cycles will match. Imagine mission control tyring to communicate with the spaceship, full of sensitive and somewhy enraged women with a 20 minutes transmission delay.

solution

[labyrinth]

I think NASA should adopt the Dr.Strangelove solution.

General "Buck" Turgidson: Doctor, you mentioned the ratio of ten women to each man. Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so-called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?

Dr. Strangelove: Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious... service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature. Ambassador de Sadesky: I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.

Re:Without sex for 30 months?

[bcrowell]

GROUND CONTROL: Ah, Mars One, we just wanted to check whether you folks have been, ah, following the policy against sex, over.

(five-minute delay while the signal propagates to the spacecraft at the speed of light, and then another five-minute delay while the reply makes its way back to Earth)

MARS ONE: Ah, roger that, Houston. We're following that policy.

Absolutely Brilliant!

[MooseByte]

"Sex and romantic entanglements among astronauts could derail missions to Mars and should therefore be studied by NASA, warns a top-level panel of US researchers."

So in reality we've got a top-level panel of US researches who are tantalizingly close to achieving the ultimate Holy Grail - pursuing workplace sex, romantic entanglements and porn in the name of "research".

Godspeed lads, godspeed.

Re:Where Slashdot threads have gone before

[secolactico]

Ah, yes, it just wouldn't be a proper Slashdot thread with the totally inane and unnecessary Bush bashing just to (try to) prove to the rest of the /. community that you're politically astute, would it?

It still isn't a proper Slashdot thread. It's missing a pointless computers/cars comparison.

Re:Sex is an important part of life.

[vertinox]

Call me old-fashioned (at 30), but... this is a joke, right? Space mission != sex camp.

Quiet you! You'll ruin our plans! How else do you expect hopeful astronaut nerds to get laid we more than one woman in a years time!

Re:Astronaut pickup line

[jkauzlar]

Hey baby...

• can I try to guess your mass?
• those boots look great with that jet-pack
• that NASA uniform looks good on you, but it would look better floating around empty in my bed chamber
• can I get you another cup of tang?
• I like how you always keep the cabin properly pressurized. It reminds me so much of my mother
• Is the Hubble telescope pointed at this vessel? (Why?) Because I feel like I'm *very* close to you [this one could use some work]
• Are you sure your suit is shielding gamma-rays properly? (Why?) Because you look so hot
• those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world!

My favorite funny earth pick-up line:
"You remind me of my mother-- my sexy, sexy mother..."

Re:Where Slashdot threads have gone before

[tonywong]

That's the whole point of this discussion... whether bush bashing in space is necessary or not.

Thank you, I'll be here the rest of the day. Make sure to tip your waitress.

Re:Speak for yourself...

[Fishstick]

>I think a device would be needed here [for] raw material capture and containment

What, no kleenex on board?

Yeah, I can picture it now. NASA spends millions studying the problem and comes up with a 'device' to ensure the containment of seminal emissions and develops the thing at a cost of millions more.

The russians just jack off into kleenex like everyone else.

Re:Easy one

[Saidin]

The truth of Apollo 13 is finally released...

Re:Absolutely Brilliant!

[Wytil]

Since anti fertility shots aren't a problem, 2 problems remain: 1) How many tons of saltpetre will be needed to reduce the libidos on board. 2) Is NASA planning on leaving a trail of feminine sanitary products orbitally headed for Mars? Of course limit the expidition to astronaults over 65 who can handle/solve all of those problems.