Astrologer Sues NASA Over Comet Probe

0110011001110101 writes "NASA's mission that sent a space probe smashing into a comet raised more than cosmic dust -- it also brought a lawsuit from a Russian astrologer. 'Bai is seeking damages totaling $300 million -- the approximate equivalent of the mission's cost -- for her "moral sufferings," Izvestia said, citing her lawyer Alexander Molokhov. She earlier told the paper that the experiment would "deform her horoscope." ' "

Her parents should be proud...

[It doesn't come easy]

Obviously at least one Russian citizen has wholeheartedly embraced the US style of democracy.

How good an astrologer is she?

[FunWithHeadlines]

"She earlier told the paper that the experiment would "deform her horoscope."

Oh, and she didn't see this coming?

That's not the only lawsuit

[arc.light]

It appears the inhabitants of Tempel-1 are lawsuit-happy [transterrestrial.com] as well.

NASA's next probe

[dave-tx]

NASA's reply to Marina Bai: "Would you be happier if our next probe was smashed into Uranus?"

Waaa.

[say__10]

I wish NASA would be as cynical as I am in their response. "Are you going to cry about it?" Then proceed to blow chunks out of 10 or 15 more comets, to show them who is boss.

Well then

[epiphani]

That settles it! I'm going ahead with my lawsuit against slashdot. I've never gotten a first post, and its fucked up my chi.

Bit silly

[lilmouse]

NASA should charge this nut for deftly moving the comet a milimeter from its original course, thus saving his love-life from complete misery.

OTOH, I'm glad to see the Russians finally learning to do things the American Way (i.e., sue the pants off everyone).

--LWM

I should sue them, too

[daniil]

After all, they did just alter my fate. If a butterfly flapping its wings can cause a hurricane, then who knows what consequences this change of Universal order might have!

I know, I know (raises hand)

[squarefish]

She needs to be beaten with a clue by four [everything2.com]

Cost analysis

[TripMaster Monkey]

From TFA:

Marina Bai has sued the U.S. space agency, claiming the Deep Impact probe that punched a crater into the comet Tempel 1 late Sunday "ruins the natural balance of forces in the universe"
Bai is seeking damages totaling $300 million -- the approximate equivalent of the mission's cost -- for her "moral sufferings"

So...the cost of ruining the 'natural balance of forces in the universe' is $300 mil US. Wonder how she arrived at that figure...could we see a breakdown?

Violent americans up to no good again!

[bani]

You infidel aggressors are simply not content to bomb afghanistan and iraq!

American aggressors are now bombing innocent comets!

What do you think you will find, WMD or oil in Tempel I? Stupid USA!

NASA should go back to doing what it does best, making fake moon landings!

Your Daily Horoscope

[BorisSkratchunkov]

You may be persecuted by American space agencies today, dear Libra. However, despite your "moral sufferings" you will be able to gain great fortune from friends, family, and coworkers. Embrace your lawyers, Libra, for they will save you from the unnatural entropy of the universe caused by space probe crashes!

Re:NASA's next probe

[PhilHibbs]

They're going to name it "Urectum" to avoid all the silly jokes.

Yeah

[Anonymous Coward]

Because even when someone does something stupid and wrong in another country, in the end it has to be the fault of the US!

Re:Not the first

[Chris Mattern]

> A few years ago a psychic in florida sued a MRI facility. Her claim was that the MRI had robbed her
> of her psychic abilities.

According to her lawyer, "She had no idea this would happen."

Chris Mattern

Counter sue.

[LWATCDR]

If this goes through I will counter sue for one billion dollars. The damage to my karma this will cause will be HUGE. I mean it. I will be so mad at this woman that my aura will never be the same. I could end up coming back as a rat or worse fan of Ayn Rand or some other low form of life.
What amount of money would be enough to make up for this eternal setback? A billion would be a good start.

On a more reasonable note. You can sue anyone for anything. It is nothing but a stunt.

Re:The Russian court has got see reason, here.

[Nplugd]

Right, because "inane, utterly frivolous lawsuits" never EVER happened in the US so far. Ever.

Deform?

[Viking Coder]

She earlier told the paper that the experiment would "deform her horoscope."

NASA: Okay - how's about this - we spend all the money required to create a new horoscope, which incorporates the changes we made to the "fabric of the universe", and has just as much predictive power as your old horoscope.

Total price: $0.

Studying astronomy instead of astrology: Priceless.

For bullshit predictions based on the position of the planets at the moment of your birth, there's Madame Marina Bai. For everything else there's NASA.

Re:Lets fire lawyers at the rock next time?

[Anonymous Coward]

Careful, man. The rest of the universe would see that for what it is- the Earthlings firing weapons of mass litigation out into free space.

Such barbaric acts of open hostility would not be tolerated by the Universal Counsel. The Arashongon battle fleet would surely arrive to pulverize the Earth in short order!

Re:Lets fire lawyers at the rock next time?

[Shadow Wrought]

What do you call shooting 100 lawyers at a comet from a space probe?
A good start.

The best thing about Lwayer jokes? Easily adaptable to any circumstance;-)

Defense

[retinaburn]

Defense Lawyer: Your honour, if you let this case proceed our court systems will be flooded with inane frivolous lawsuits, and the number of lawyers in our country will rise exponentially. As proof I would like to enter into Evident Exhibit A, the United States legal system.

Judge: Case Dismissed!

Re:NASA's next probe

[Anonymous Coward]

FRY: This is a great, as long as you don't make me smell Uranus. Heh heh.
LEELA: I don't get it.
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.
FRY: Oh. What's it called now?
PROFESSOR FARNSWORTH: Urectum.

Re:Her parents should be proud...

[Saeger]

Greedy parasitism isn't democr... oh.

Re:Bit silly

[tomhudson]

OTOH, I'm glad to see the Russians finally learning to do things the American Way (i.e., sue the pants off everyone).

No, it only means we're going to get more russian spam like this:

Subject: Y0u4 FR33 V4C4T10N IS R34DY

How I Made $$$$ by SUING NASA.

Comrade, I am writing you with this GREAT BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY. Surely you must have heard about the astrologer who sued NASA for wrecking her horoscope?

Remember all those rumours of the SPACE SHUTTLE LAUNCHES CHANGING THE CLIMATE? You too can sue NASA for all the costs you've run into, such as having to buy air conditioners, an outdoor pool, and vacations to cooler lcimes.

Think of it. Who wouldn't want a FREE SWIMMING POOL?

Don't be like the last person who rejected this offer, and had a chunk of SPACE DEBRIS kill their family dog (or if you do, remember to CALL US so we can GET YOU COMPENSATION).

Deewey, Cheetum, and Howe, LLP
1-888-BUT-PLUG

NASA's dark secret...

[NotQuiteReal]

The REAL reason they popped that comet, was to improve the Feng-shui of the local celestial neighborhood.

Horoscope for 4 - 10 juli

[Bromrrrrr]

The lawsuit you will start this week will be lost. Also you will be the laughing stock of the world.

*sigh* damn space probe......

Right...

[kingj02]

And I'm going to sue Bill Gates b/c of these [neowin.net]. They've been haunting my dreams for a while now!

Re:How good an astrologer is she?

[xystren]

And how do we know it wasn't the "will of the universe" to have a probe smashed into this particular comment.

Then again, how do we know it's not the will of the universe for her to open up some Pandoras Box of silly lawsuits?

Then again, how do we know it's not the will of the universe to have Pandoras Box opened to have silly lawsuits run rampant?


Then again.... DAMN!!! I'm trying to get to a:
.....
PROFIT!

DAMN DAMN! Maybe I should have been a lawyer. -+[shaking head]+-

Xyst

In the Stars

[Doc Ruby]

She should have seen this turn of events coming.

Re:Somebody needs to step out of the middle ages..

[Number6.2]

Get your ass in gear then, and sic a werewolf or a vampire on this lady! What good is an "irrational belief" if it does you no good!

"Sorry, her irrational belief was torn to shreds by a delusional thought!"

Poetic Justice, I say! Hell, Justice for ALL POETS!

--
My mom is only forgetful sometimes. Does that mean she has Somezheimers?
Generated by SlashdotRndSig [snop.com] via GreaseMonkey [mozdev.org]
--
Stirring the pot since 19 mumblty mumble...
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When did...

[Anonymous Coward]

When did Slashdot become a tabloid? Oh wait...

Re:Her parents should be proud...

[Anonymous Luddite]

>> if the courts determine astrology is legally valid

I predict great disapointment in her future ;-)

Re:The Russian court has got see reason, here.

[mooingyak]

It's not just the Christians. Those who believe in the FSM want their theories [venganza.org] put into classrooms too.

Re:The Russian court has got see reason, here.

[krell]

"That's okay. Someone stole the Darwin fish off my car just before I left Texas."

Look at your trunk lid again. No fish, right? Look closely. See that salamander? Yes, that one, next to the keyhole. The fish was not stolen. It merely evolved.

Gives me an Idea

[mackil]

I should sue my city of origin for light pollution. Just think of the moral suffering resulting from that abomination if your friendly neighborhood astrologist can't get an accurate reading. Oh the humanity! Class action anyone?

Breaking News

[Peter_Pork]

In an unprecedented prank, NASA engineers sent capsule with astrologer and her lawyer towards Mercury. Her parents sued over the suffering endured by her daughter while sharing the tiny capsule with a lawyer. "Ok, I must admit that part was not nice", said a nerdy NASA engineer. Oddly enough, this "astral trip" was part of a previous settlement...

This makes no sense

[Junior J. Junior III]

Any real astrologer knows that the courts are not the proper channel for such disputes. The correct procedure for redress of these complaints is for the astrologer to put a curse on NASA. And then, when NASA begs forgiveness, she can dictate her terms to them.

Why don't people use the established channels the way they were intended to be used anymore???

Remember, they're a persucuted minority

[Pac]

Surrounded by atheist barbarians who want to force their children into gay marriages, perform mandatory abortions on their pregnant daughters and burn all bibles in the libraries. You can never stop watching for those barbarians, else you will wake up to find 24 hours porn programming on all TV stations. With a bare-breasted Janet Jackson doing the weather.

yeah

[Anonymous Coward]

you would have thought that she saw that coming.

Re:The Russian court has got see reason, here.

[fyoder]

...that they are somehow made unique among humans by their keen intelligence, inside knowledge, and special placement in it.

Ah, sort of like slashdotters ;-)

Re:Her parents should be proud...

[Spackler]

Meanwhile, back in America, a Mr. Spackler of the entity Slashdot is suing some stupid Russian woman for $.65, which is the cost of the can of Pepsi I just spat out my nose.

Re:Her parents should be proud...

[njvic]

ah.. a typical capitalist response!

Re:The Russian court has got see reason, here.

[Ced_Ex]

So, if I change a star's position or destroy it, this might change my future?
Interesting! I might just decide blow up a planet or two, next time my horoscope tells me about Saturn's bad influence on my health or something like that...

I would say Earth has more of a bad influence on your health than Saturn.

I suggest you blow up Earth and speed up our process to go to Mars.

Is she a real astrologist ?

[stud9920]

She, for one, should have known centuries in advance about the Deep Impact mission. So she is actually a bad astrologist for not having taken it into account, and also for not knowing about it.

Re:Her parents should be proud...

[mpathetiq]

Sweet, I just sprayed snot on my keyboard. Thanks njvic! Where are my mod points when I need them. +1, Keyboard Snot

Nobody move

[zihamesh]

Moving around on the earth's surface will shift its centre of gravity. This in turn will move its gravitational field, which will subtly alter the orbits of everything in the universe. So unless you also want to be sued by this crazy babushka, I suggest that you stay very very still. come to think of it, even breathing would be a bad idea.

Question

[connah0047]

Question: If man can screw it up, what kind of god/power/higher knowledge is she serving anyway? Not too powerful, eh?

Re:McDonald's lawsuit was completely frivolous

[egjertse]

During the time leading up to the suit, McDonald's sold more than 10 cups of coffee at that temperature. There were only 700 burn incidents.

So, on average each customer burned himself 70 times on the same cup of coffee? Damn...

Re:The Russian court has got see reason, here.

[Troy]

I'm sorry, but I own the trademark rights to the words "inane" and "lawsuit". Lucky for you I have very generous liscening terms that will keep you out of court.

Nasa Reps?

[Chubby_C]

FTA: "NASA representatives in Russia could not be reached for comment on the case" My guess is they were too busy laughing their asses off at this suit

NEYT!

[TiggertheMad]

IN COMMUNIST RUSSIA, THE COMMET SMASHES-

Dear god, I can't go through with it. The one place where the stupid joke might actually belong, too.

Re:Violent americans up to no good again!

[ChillyWillie]

NASA should go back to doing what it does best, making fake moon landings!

Ahhh, but they did! This was a fake comet smashing!

Everyone knows Gee Dubya just released this fake news story and pictures to distract the public from knowing he's taking stupid pills.

ARGH!

[changa]

*Beats head against desk after reading article*

Re:Her parents should be proud...

[modecx]

Don't foget the cost of the keyboard, the physical injury (that so totally burns) and emotional distress!

Re:That's the part I find funny

[HarvardAce]

It's covered in impact craters already

So who beat NASA to the punch? Aliens? The Russians?

Re:The Russian court has got see reason, here.

[jonbryce]

In England, there is no direct relationship between the position of the hands of the clock and the departing trains[1] whether caused by a higher intelligence or otherwise.

[1] What departing trains? I don't know.

Re:The Russian court has got see reason, here.

[TopShelf]

I don't agree that it was a disgruntled Christian that ripped it off - it was an envious Linus user

So does Torvalds actually come over and help users out? I don't care much about OS's, but I sure do have a bunch of landscaping and home repairs jobs that could use attention...

Re:Her parents should be proud...

[UrgleHoth]

Did you damage the can? If there is recycling where you live, don't forget the container deposit.

Re:Remember, they're a persucuted minority

[DavidHumus]

...else you will wake up to find 24 hours porn programming on all TV stations. With a bare-breasted Janet Jackson doing the weather.

and this is a bad thing because...?

Re:Yeah

[His Shadow]

That would be in order to avoid the bombing and state-sponsored terrorism the US directly or indirectly supports. Thye have the odd notion that maybe if they are in actually in the US, the US won't try to kill them.

Re:Her parents should be proud...

[SolusSD]

that would be fantastic. Me: "hello, I was reading your magazines horoscope section... yep. yep.. that's correct I'm still not a millionare. Ok. I'll hold.. " Magazine: "Thank you for holding, this is the legal department!"

Re:How good an astrologer is she?

[HD Webdev]

Oh, and she didn't see this coming?

Of course not.

Slashdot has much better mediums than she is.

For instance, I'm currently visualizing a duplicate of this story coming in the near future.

Re:NEYT!

[da3dAlus]

"Dear god, I can't go through with it. The one place where the stupid joke might actually belong, too."

Because in Soviet Russia, punchline beats YOU!

Yeah...almost doesn't seem worth it...*sigh*