Next Step in Human Evolution

PrivateDonut writes "Where is evolution taking our species? MSNBC has up an article that examines where evolution could take the human race. The gist of it is that no further evolution will occur unless humans can be separated into isolated groups." From the article: "Such ideas may sound like little more than science-fiction plot lines. But trend-watchers point out that we're already wrestling with real-world aspects of future human development, ranging from stem-cell research to the implantation of biocompatible computer chips. The debates are likely to become increasingly divisive once all the scientific implications sink in." Class, please read Transmetropolitan for homework.

Complete rubbish

[Timesprout]

We all know that Human evolution is shorty to be off shored to Mars because martians are a dime a dozen and grow faster in the reduced gravity.

Pinky toe

[EGSonikku]

OK, that little useless thing on your foot commonly referred to as "the pinky toe" has to go. Other than ramming it into doors and such (causing great pain on colorful metaphors) I have found no practical use for it, so, according to Darwin. It has to go.

And hopefully the creationists stay out of this one, lets leave the flame wars to Fark.

Ooh I know! I know!

[Xpilot]

Adamantium claws. Telepathy. Electromagnetism. Weather control. Yeah you read it right, they'll discover that there is a gene that controls weather.

And they'll dress in spandex and fight each other for survival and/or world supremecy.

I for one, will be very entertained by our new mutant overlords.

Pass the popcorn.

WARNING WARNING NSFC

[jackcarter]

Why can't people EVER use the "Not Safe For Church" tag on these things?

Re:possible first split

[RootsLINUX]

That sounds exactly like the plot in the anime Gundam Seed, followed by the plot in the game Total Annihilation.

God I need to get a life >_

God pissed at us?

[Spackler]

There should be a warning sticker on slashdot stating that evolution is only a theory. You people with your scientific methods, can you not see that there is a perfectly good explanation to it all? What makes you think you have evolved enough to question it? (well, I didn't mean evolved, I mean what makes you think God has granted you enough of a sense of, well not granted, miricaled, yeah, just thought it into being).

Oh, and I will pray for your souls to have a sense of humor.

God is great, God is good, let us thank HIM for our food. (see, you would not even have food if God had not willed it out of the ground because photosynthesis does not exist either, and don't even get me started about the lie of everything not revolving around the earth and that Galileo punk. Just because the church apologized didn't mean the church wasn't right because it can't be wrong because the pope is infallible because if he wasn't, my whole religion would be based on lies, so no way, I now can say that I have conclusivly proved that evolution does not exist because the church told me so.)

Evolution? No.

Re:God pissed at us?

[Mother Sha Boo Boo]

Someone help me here: this is Funny or Troll?

Re:WARNING WARNING NSFC

[EGSonikku]

And you sir should give Galuthuzar a chance. He created the earth out of the intestine of the Great Sinless Goat 150 years ago. My Grandpa said so, and if you don't believe you'll be thrown into the great Walrus' pit, where you will be gorged for eternity!

But don't worry, the sinless goat will return one day, and shepard it's children into the great valley where we will know only the finest grass for eating.

I agree with you though, that only basic evolution has occured since then. I mean, anyone who looks for logical evidence and who believes that in this INCREDIBLY INSANELY HUGE world there is life outside this earth is surely a nut job.

Re:No evolutionary drive

[rokzy]

plugs and wires is the kind of crap you see in movies. we already have good wireless tech so why would we use horrible wires?

at the very most, the sign of an "enhanced" human would be an apple-shaped white LED just under the skin that pulsates when you're asleep.

Re:Pinky toe

[EGSonikku]

"Does that pinky toe hinder your ability to breed?"

running around screaming like a lunatic and punching walls doesn't usually put my girlfriend in the mood, so....

Re:Pinky toe

[athakur999]

Yes.

Scenario 1 - Guy with pinky toe:
Hot woman: Hey there, wanna come over?
Guy: Hell yeah, let me walk ov... GOD DAMN IT I JUST STUBBED MY PINKY TOE... sweet mother of God this hurts. Make it go away!
Hot woman: Wuss.

Scenario 2 - Guy w/o pinky toe:
Hot woman: Hey there, wanna come over?
Guy: Hell yeah, let me walk over there.
Hot woman: WTF happened to your pinky toe?
Guy: I got rid of it. For you. It means more of my blood can now be used for a thicker, long lasting erection.
Hot woman: Nice.

Re:Complete rubbish

[Spacejock]

... shorty to be offshored to Mars ...

If there's a chance of growing faster, shorty will probably be first in line.

Re:Ooh I know! I know!

[Chris Burke]

Yeah you read it right, they'll discover that there is a gene that controls weather.

They've already discovered that gene. Turns out it is present in puppies, but gets disabled in adult dogs. So next time rain ruins your picnic, remember this and kick a puppy. Make sure to tell everyone that the rain is the puppy's fault, so they don't think you're kicking puppies for no reason. That'd be mean.

Re:WARNING WARNING NSFC

[Anonymous Coward]

Can someone please tell me how I could have avoided that double negative?

Yes. If you'd put your faith in Jesus then the double negative would not have been needed.

Of course evolution will continue!

[mixonic]

In the future, everyone will be that asshole who stole your girl at the bar.

-mix

Re:Pinky toe

[Spacejock]

Yeah, or scenario 3 - Guy with pinky toe:
Guy: How was it for you, babe?
Girl: What did you use, your pinky toe?
Guy: Mumbles with embarrassment.

Scenario 4 - Guy with pinky toe:
Guy: How was it for you?
Girl: What did you use, your pinky toe?
Guy (Confidently): No way, babe!

Re:Pinky toe

[Anonymous Coward]

no, i was just speaking hypothetically

Re:possible first split

[EightMillion]

That sounds exactly like the plot in the anime Gundam Seed, followed by the plot in the game Total Annihilation.

God I need to get a life

Sounds like you are your own isolated group. Maybe they should study you. :)

Re:One word - Disease

[Alsee]

I fully expect another 'Black Plague' to emerge and wipe out 25% of the world's population within my lifetime.

Well at least the geeks will survive. Even airborn contagions generally require at least a passing social proximity.

-

Next step for evolution? Here's what I want...

[atomm1024]

A tail, and opposable toes on handlike feet. Totally. Damn lucky apes/monkeys, why did they get tails and opposable toes, while we humans are stuck with useless tailbones and flat feet with pointless toes? Bah.

I mean, seriously, that would be awesome. If I got tired of typing with my hands, I could do it with my feet. And I could use my mouse/trackpad with my tail for maximum efficiency. Wouldn't that rock?

Re:Really looking at the situation

[SamSim]

Call me a crackpot, but I'd conjecture that over the next few centuries, the average IQ of the human race will remain at precisely 100.

Re:WARNING WARNING NSFC

[subtropolis]

LOL.

I was just thinking that it'd be funny if the xenophobic fundies started advocating segregation so as not to interfere with evolution.

Hey, stranger things happen. Have you heard about Neal Horsley [foxnews.com], the anti-abortion zealot who fucks animals? No, really. In his own words:

AC: "You had sex with animals?"
NH: "Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."
AC: "I'm not so sure that that is so."
NH: "You didn't grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?"
AC: "Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?"
NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality... Welcome to domestic life on the farm..."
Colmes said he thought there were a lot of people in the audience who grew up on farms, are living on farms now, raising kids on farms and "and I don't think they are dating Elsie right now. You know what I'm saying?"
Horsley said, "You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You're naive. You know better than that... If it's warm and it's damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it."

Perhaps it's just the biological imperative. He does it to further our evolution.

Evolution is a conspiracy

[Anonymous Coward]

Everyone knows evolution is just a "theory" concocted by the liberal media. Since we were all created by a higher being (a superintelligent goat probably), this whole concept is as silly as the separation of church and state.

Women need to evolve.

[xs650]

The next logical stage of human evolution is for women's eye to migrate to their breasts so they can maintain eye contact with men.

Tasting Hands...

[BlueFashoo]

I don't want any taste or smell organs on my hands thank you very much. I still have to wipe my ass when I take a shit.

Re:Space...

[mrchaotica]

Yeah, but short fat ugly rich people interbreed with slim rich beautiful poor people all the time.

Re:Human evolution

[Anonymous Coward]

My girlfriend was born without wisdom-tooth buds and has never had a cavity in her life.

Well of course not. They don't put teeth in those blow up dolls.