US Ready to put Weapons in Space

An anonymous reader writes "The Guardian reports "America has begun preparing its next military objective - space. Documents reveal that the US Air Force has for the first time adopted a doctrine to establish 'space superiority'." If this goes ahead, it will be in violation of the 1967 Outer Space Treaty which forbids the militarization of space."

The Reason?

[Anonymous Coward]

There are terrorists in space, duh!

Movie reference alert!

[kc0re]

Um, bad movie where this happens. Under Seige 2 Superman... 3? There are many bad movie references I could make here.. Wasn't this the Star Wars program? Or part of it?

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

End of the world

[Anonymous Coward]

That's it:
1) Put weapons in space.
2) Send Snake Pliskin to LA to pick up the black box.
3) Snake Pliskin rolls everything back to Stone Age ...
4) Profit ???

Dear USA and/or the Administration,

[Mars Ultor]

Please stop being mega-jerks and maybe start keeping SOME of the promises you make. I believe you did just re-elect someone who campaigned on 'values' or some such business - abiding by international treaties probably falls somewhere under that category.

Thanks,

the rest of the world

Ohh Goodie

[Aqua OS X]

Who needs good public schools or child healthcare... we're go'na have mother f***'n space lasers!

Now, if anyone tries to have a gay marriage, they'll be fired upon from the United Defense death star orbiting above.

Re:Movie reference alert!

[Misch]

Spies Like Us [imdb.com]

Re:This does not violate the treaty

[general_re]

Never let the facts get in the way of a good story....

Don't forget...

[Gudlyf]

Don't forget Real Genius [imdb.com] with the huge, frickin' hotter-than-the-sun laser that could disintegrate a single human from space or, even more frighteningly, overcome a two-story home with a giant container of Jiffy Pop popcorn!

...in other news...

[Linker3000]

Hubble shot down in friendly fire incident.

Re:Ah yes, the Guardian

[johnalex]

You weren't ignored. They voted for Bush [cnsnews.com].

Re:The Reason?

[xYoni69x]

Bush: Alright, how's the ladder going, General? Are we beating the Japanese?
General: Not quite, but we have a new problem, Mr. President. Our recon team on the ladder just found new evidence of threats... from Saddam Hussein.
Bush: Saddam Hussein? But... we killed him! We secretly took him out months ago!
General: Yes sir. And now we believe he's building weapons of mass destruction... in heaven.

- South Park, "Ladder to Heaven"

Re:The Reason?

[Anonymous Coward]

GNAA would like to take this time to say that we are NOT terrorists!

Re:Ah yes, the Guardian

[Marxist Hacker 42]

I think Cobra did in one of the GI Joe cartoons. But then again, Cobra was as smart as bin Laden's terrorist organization- their overriding concern in choosing bases was neat ways to hide airports in hugely out-of-the-way locations where they wouldn't be bothered.

Re:Ah yes, the Guardian

[Ohreally_factor]

I included my adress to them, but no answer. I guess I was ignored. Oh well.

Perhaps you shouldn't have used this paragraph as your introduction:

I REPRESENT MOHAMMED ABACHA, SON OF THE LATE GEN. SANI ABACHA, WHOWAS THE FORMER MILITARY HEAD OF STATE IN NIGERIA. HE DIED IN 1998. SINCEHIS DEATH, THE FAMILY HAS BEEN LOOSING A LOT OF MONEY DUE TO VINDICTIVEGOVERNMENT OFFICIALS

=)

Thank goodness!

[Hoplite3]

Now we're safe from aliens too. Take that, ET!

What? They're pointed back at Earth?

It's hard to establish military superiority

[melted]

When you can't even fly to your space station on your own. It's time for Russians to renew their anti-satellite program. Yeah, the one that they've developed back in the "Star Wars" day to shoot satellites down using a high-intensity military laser sitting on the ground.

This reminds me of that joke about NASA developing a ball pen that would function in the state of weightlessnes. Three years and a hundred million dollars later they've developed such a pen. In the meanwhile Russians used pencils.

Re:Only nukes are true WMDs

[CriX]

You are such a nerd. :-P

Re:meteor defense

[happyfrogcow]

It doesn't even need to be redirected (depending on size...) just delay it enough so that the earth spins a bit more so it hits one of those Evil(TM) countries instead of our own.

Question to President Bush:

[Anita Coney]

How do you plan on getting those weapons past the firmament?!

Re:Ah yes, the Guardian

[rednip]

I wrote to three persons in Clark county, Ohio and explained them who this election affects much, much more than themselves and why Bush is a bad republican.

I'm curious, did it work, or did you just motivate 3 more Bush voters to go to the polls? As a Kerry supporter (I did call center work), I found that most people had their minds made up, the real difference is how motivated they were to get out and vote.

For future reference, if you want to make a difference in an American Election, give money to the canidate, or to 527 groups so they can buy advertisements and do it early in the election process. If you do the 527 groups, make sure you pick ones that are willing to put out outragous slanderous charges; most American's will tell you that the 'truth is somewhere in the middle', if you say someone is the 'son of satan' they will think that he's just a first cousin or something.

Re:Ah yes, the Guardian

[Discoflamingo13]

Sometimes that works when you're fighting an army so ineffectual they never managed to kill a single enemy on purpose.

Re:Uh... guys...

[Xcruciate]

Isn't their motto: "In your face from outer space" ?

Sea Superiorirty?

[mekkab]

Space? They can't even put a laser on a frickin' shark!

Re:Ah yes, the Guardian

[Discoflamingo13]

Indeed - people who live in houses made of poorly-constructed metaphors shouldn't throw allegories.

Look, we have to militarize space damnit!

[Anonymous Coward]

If we don't militarily dominate space, how will we be able to ensure our right to force global warming on the rest of the planet?!
This is a must. We need nukes up there like yesterday. I shit you not my fellow christian white Americans. This is a matter of supreme national security.

Re:Sneaking In

[TopShelf]

Like, I'm pretty sure that you should totally let us know what treaty you're talking about, OK? I don't remember an International Don't-Put-Weapons-On-Drones Treaty, but who knows, it's so complicated, ya know?

Re:Ah yes, the Guardian

[discontinuity]

Yup, Europeans like me. I wrote to three persons in Clark county, Ohio and explained them who this election affects much, much more than themselves and why Bush is a bad republican. There are good republicans and bad ones, you know. I included my adress to them, but no answer. I guess I was ignored. Oh well.

I'm going to guess that despite your intentions, you actually inspired them to vote for Bush.

Think about it: a bunch of people already wary of terrorism get letters from another country urging them to vote a particular way!?! I realize that the UK is not a terroist hotbed, but that's hardly the point. I think many Americans would be suspicious of any foreigners who tried to influence the election in any way.

Perhaps this is somewhat ironic, since we Americans are so good at exerting our influence over world events then recoil at the thought of the world intruding on us. in some sense, we are like rebelious adolescents. You should have tried reverse psychology and written in favor of Bush!

Re:But will they...

[Mage Inq.]

Orbital Mind Control Lasers! Those crazy Gnomes of Zurich...

Re:Ah yes, the Guardian

[Olix]

I think it would be cool if Britian became leader of the world again. England was really good when we had an empire, and now we have a little weedy country. So what we (UK) need to is reclaim all our colonies, The America's included, retake Europe, bring Queen Victoria back to life, conquer China (We need the tea) and use the sum of the worlds technology to lead it into a new era of space exploration... Hell, we could even shove all the criminals on some barren planet like mars, just like the good old days...

Re:Ah yes, the Guardian

[jerde]

Yep. He'll announce that, ooops it turns out he didn't win in 2000, he's very sorry, but he'll be glad to make it up to everybody in a "second term" in 2008.

Re:No Violations Here

[BranMan]

Oh, I don't know - guided 2 meter crowbars would make a handy anti-tank weopon. Clusters of them could be used as "artillery support" - I imagine it would be a very useful capability to be able to support a small airborne combat team ANYWHERE in the world with what amounts to heavy artillery. Make a nice force multiplier.

It would be kind of expensive to set up "orbital artillery", but then you'll be able to reload them from the winning vehicle of the American Space Prize competition, so it might not be so expensive after all.

Re:Ah yes, the Guardian

[Pope]

That's one of the things that irked me the most watching GI Joe. I could tune into Robotech and watch major characters get killed as part of the story arc, and enemy aliens get blasted to kingdom come during epic space battles, but oh, no, not GI Joe.

Death Star

[Anonymous Coward]

Well, it's high time US Empire builds a Death Star. It was all foretold in the prophecies. After the construction of the death star begins, we will see the return of the last messiah.

The messiah will attack the death star with a craft similar to SpaceShipOne and crash Internet Explorer that's running on the main DeathStar controller.

However, this joyous moment is not without its sadness, as Darth Chaney accidentally knocks out Obiwan "Dalai" Kenobi who was on a peace mission.

Re:Biased or not the space arms race begins

[Short Circuit]

*whoosh*

Sorry...that was supposed to be a humorous quote from a humorous movie [imdb.com].