Hypo-Allergenic Cats Now Available for Pre-Order

Hypo-Allergenic Cats Now Available for Pre-Order 744

Posted by michael on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @05:52PM from the get-them-while-they're-hot dept.

humuhumunukunukuapu' writes "Allerca Inc is now taking reservations for genetically engineered hypo-allergenic cats, which it calls 'lifestyle pets'... and apparently they are just the beginning... Read the press release here... and you can take delivery of a cuddy non-sinus bothering bundle of joy for just $3500. 'The hypoallergenic cats produced by ALLERCA will allow consumers to enjoy the love and companionship of a pet without the cost, inconvenience, risk, and limited effectiveness of current allergy treatments. Clients will take delivery of the first ALLERCA kittens in 2007. The hypoallergenic cat is the first of a planned series of lifestyle pets that ALLERCA will develop over the next few years.' Meow!"

Hypo-Allergenic Cats Now Available for Pre-Order

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Yeah, but... (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @05:53PM (#10635635)

Who would want to own a cat?

Sincerely,
A Dog Person

Finally, a dog I can love (Score:5, Funny)

by SIGALRM ( 784769 ) * writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @05:53PM (#10635636) Journal

The hypoallergenic cat is the first of a planned series of lifestyle pets that ALLERCA will develop over the next few years

My sincere hope is, Allerca [allerca.com] will someday engineer a Yorkie that won't constantly pee on my carpet. Now that would be marketable. Cute yes... but Yorkies are damn monster sprinklers.

</wishfulthinking>

Comment removed (Score:4, Funny)

by account_deleted ( 4530225 ) * writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @05:53PM (#10635638)

Comment removed based on user account deletion

$3500... (Score:5, Funny)

by Big Mark ( 575945 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @05:54PM (#10635646)

...and you've still got to housetrain the bastard.

Now... (Score:5, Funny)

by DarkHelmet ( 120004 ) * writes: <mark AT seventhcycle DOT net> on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @05:54PM (#10635649) Homepage

If only they'd genetically engineer fashion models to like nerds... Overweight fetishes are a plus.

Sharks... (Score:5, Funny)

by Psiren ( 6145 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @05:55PM (#10635661)

Call me back when they have lasers on sharks. Then I'll be impressed...

Heh... (Score:3, Funny)

by Burgundy Advocate ( 313960 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @05:55PM (#10635671) Homepage

without the cost

RESTRICTIONS: 'Without cost' offer excludes $3,500 startup fee, prices and participation may vary.

Re:And what happens... (Score:4, Funny)

by Marxist Hacker 42 ( 638312 ) * writes: <seebert42@gmail.com> on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @05:56PM (#10635690) Homepage Journal

For $3700, I would hope that they'd come pre-neutered.

This cat is also Zero-G approved! (Score:5, Funny)

by smug_lisp_weenie ( 824771 ) writes: <cbarski.4503440@bloglines.com> on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @05:56PM (#10635693) Homepage

video [216.40.242.213]

$3500 for a cat... (Score:5, Funny)

by Thunderstruck ( 210399 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @05:56PM (#10635695)

We got a cat, it was free... we named it 1.

We did this for two reasons. First, if it has a number, we're less attached to it when the inevitable happens. Second, my wife was allergic to cats but we weren't sure how badly.

If we had spent $3500 on a cat, we're then somehow obligated to spend $4000 on feline coronary bypass surgery, $8000 on a feline tummy-tuck, and $3000 on feline counseling services.... Where does this end?

Re:Hyper-Allergenic (Score:5, Funny)

by eln ( 21727 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @05:57PM (#10635705)

Wait until one mistake that turns these cute little kittens into Hyper-Allergenic.

Don't worry, I hear as long as you don't feed them after midnight, everything will be fine.

Re:$3500... (Score:5, Funny)

by BrookHarty ( 9119 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @05:58PM (#10635723) Journal

$3500 for a cute kitten.

$250 but for dress shoes.

Stepping in a pile of cat hairball vomit. Priceless.

Im sick of... (Score:5, Funny)

by TEMM ( 731243 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:00PM (#10635736)

corporations genetically engineering my favorite foods.

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:5, Funny)

by Nos. ( 179609 ) writes: <andrew@th[ ]rrs.ca ['eke' in gap]> on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:00PM (#10635739) Homepage

You're obviously not a cat person. Every cat person knows that nobody owns a cat. The cat will accept your presence in their home, provided you clean their litter box, provide food and water, and attention when requested

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:2, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:01PM (#10635757)

If I'm paying $3500, I better well damn own the thing.

does it come with an MP3 player? (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:01PM (#10635758)

For $3500, kitty better have at least 20GB of storage in her butt.

Also good for... (Score:5, Funny)

by Sponge Bath ( 413667 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:03PM (#10635779)

...dogs with dietary allergies.

Seriously, if you are that hard up for companionship, $3500 will pay for some nice hookers.

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:4, Funny)

by Anne_Nonymous ( 313852 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:04PM (#10635790) Homepage Journal

For $6,500 I'll sell you a cat with the exact genome of a dog. Everyone wins! Your girlfriend gets to have a cat. You enjoy the animal because it acts and looks like a dog. And I get enough money to pay for October's bandwidth.

Promising News (Score:0, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:06PM (#10635815)

Maybe they will be able to genetically engineer a woman who won't be repulsed by my face

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:5, Funny)

by Vainglorious Coward ( 267452 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:09PM (#10635851) Journal

I've heard this expressed as "dogs have owners; cats have staff"

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:12PM (#10635894)

I like cats... I can just never eat a whole one.

Obligatory Simpsons Quote (Score:5, Funny)

by MagicDude ( 727944 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:13PM (#10635901)

Homer - "I know, I'll breed the pets together. Soon, I will have a miracle hybrid with the loyalty of a cat and the cleanliness of a dog."

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:5, Funny)

by dheltzel ( 558802 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:14PM (#10635921)

Maybe after they have the allergy thing covered, they can genetically engineer a better disposition for the cats.
Imagine a Siamese with a pleasant disposition! Maybe they could splice in some dog genes to get a cat that wags it's tail and plays fetch.
While they are at it, they might as well add that "glow in the dark" gene they put in fish. That would give the little critters they hunt at night a fighting chance. It would be really cool at Halloween too, I'd like a black cat that flouresces red or purple.

Re:House training (Score:2, Funny)

by Unordained ( 262962 ) writes: <unordained_slashdotNOSPAM@csmaster.org> on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:15PM (#10635930)

Indeed. The only accident we ever had was when we tried to re-train our cat to use the human toilet instead of a litter box. He refused. He wound up peeing on things that were his (bed, chair, whatever we never used anyway) and pooped once right in front of the bathroom where his litter box had been up until recently. He won, he got his litter box back, not had a problem since. Our cat and his sister were found on the doorstep of the local vet's office, way too young to be weaned. He's been a little weird emotionally, but potty-training is *not* an issue with cats, even when they've not had a mother caring for them. Now, a genetically-engineered cat who won't steal your post-its of your desk in the middle of the night, that'd be nice. And one who won't wake you up before your alarm clock goes off. And one who doesn't greet you in the morning by biting your foot. And ...

Re:Hyper-Allergenic (Score:3, Funny)

by vivin ( 671928 ) writes: <vivin,paliath&gmail,com> on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:18PM (#10635970) Homepage Journal

Don't put water on them either. Now you know why cats don't like water. Hmmm?? Hmmm??

Screw hypoallergenic... (Score:5, Funny)

by SmurfButcher Bob ( 313810 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:19PM (#10635981) Journal

Totally useless.

How about a cat that doesn't shed, a cat that sleeps AT NIGHT instead of during the day, a cat that doesn't s**t behind the couch when you piss it off, a cat that is hairball resistant, a cat that doesn't care if the bowl isn't exactly full, a cat that can actually decide if it wants to be inside or outside (as opposed to wanting both simultaneously), a cat that views keyboards as natural preditors, a cat that will not release any "presents" in the house until said "gift" is completely DEAD, a cat that will actually kill said "gifts" that get into your house by other means, a cat that'll bring home USEFUL things instead of the typical birds, rabbits, mice, frogs... a new lawnmower would be nice once in awhile, or maybe some PC hardware - but no, it's always half-dead stuff.

THAT would be a cat worth a couple grand.

FInally! (Score:2, Funny)

by killermookie ( 708026 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:21PM (#10636008) Homepage

I can eat Vietnamese food without the runny eyes and the sneezy.

The ideal pet (Score:2, Funny)

by slars ( 410355 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:28PM (#10636096) Homepage

If I'm going to fork over that kind of money, I think I'll just head to Japan, and buy Sony's latest release - Dog 3.2. I won't have to worry about the "sprinkler effect", no allergies, no puking on the carpet, no "I'm mad cuz you went on vacation and didn't take me" dumps on your bed, and 4 D batteries monthly has GOT to be cheaper than Science Diet. Am I right?

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:4, Funny)

by mikael ( 484 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:36PM (#10636188)

While they are at it, they might as well add that "glow in the dark" gene they put in fish.

An excellent idea. Trying to find my way across our basement in order to reset the cutout switch during a thunderstorm is like trying to walk across a minefield of highly mobile furry landmines. Put a foot on the wrong place and there is a sudden load noise followed by a sharp pain in your leg.

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:3, Funny)

by yo303 ( 558777 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:52PM (#10636350)

A dog ponders his relationship with man: "He feeds me, he loves me, he takes care of all my needs... He must be God."
A cat thinks: "He feeds me, loves me, takes care of me. I must be God."
yo.

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:2, Funny)

by AlfredoLambda ( 654892 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:54PM (#10636364)

I am Persian, you insensitive clod!

Hypo allergenic? How about hypo poopagenic? (Score:2, Funny)

by Grendel_Prime ( 178874 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:57PM (#10636403)

Nevermind the allergens, how about engineering a cat that won't poop or pee?

yeah but (Score:5, Funny)

by commodoresloat ( 172735 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @06:59PM (#10636429)

those cats might be free-as-in-beer, but they are not free-as-in-speech. Call me when there's an open source cat.
Of course, the only truly free cat will be free-as-in-willy....

Re:does it come with an MP3 player? (Score:2, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @07:02PM (#10636459)

Honey, the cat core dumped in my hat!

Re:And what happens... (Score:3, Funny)

by jafac ( 1449 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @07:09PM (#10636532) Homepage

I have "rescued" 5 dogs in my life.

Each and every one of them, without exception, pissed on the rug.

The reason these animals are in the shelter, is because somebody else screwed up in the house-training phase.

I will never ever again adopt someone else's mistake. My next dog (after my current one expires or runs away) will be a new puppy. And I will make certain that the new puppy is house-trained *RIGHT*.

And if I fail - then it's off to the animal shelter!

Re:Prior Art (Score:3, Funny)

by stephanruby ( 542433 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @07:14PM (#10636564)

Cats, the article said cats, not rats that look like cats.

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @07:38PM (#10636781)

Nope, you're only buying a license.

Re:Screw hypoallergenic... (Score:3, Funny)

by darrylo ( 97569 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @07:46PM (#10636858)

... a cat that can actually decide if it wants to be inside or outside (as opposed to wanting both simultaneously) ...

How do you think the Heisenberg Uncertainty Priciple was developed???

Re:Im sick of... (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @08:03PM (#10637030)

$3500 dollar kittens give Morbo gas!!!! Puny humans.

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:4, Funny)

by Brummund ( 447393 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @08:05PM (#10637044)

I think you might enjoy The War Between alt.tasteless and rec.pets.cats [wired.com]

Quote:

Someone - no one remembers who - suggested invading another Usenet group. A Usenet panty raid! The suggestion was well received by other a.t.'ers. But whom to raid? After much discussion, a likely target emerged:

Rec.pets.cats.

Rec.pets.cats, as you can tell from the name, is a Usenet group for serious cat lovers. It's the kind of place where people like to discuss cat health problems and adorable things their kitties did. If you were able to put all of humanity on a giant spectrum, cat lovers would undoubtedly occupy the frequency opposite people who are alternatively tasteless.
:-)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:4, Funny)

by AndyChrist ( 161262 ) writes: <andy_christ@NoSpAm.yahoo.com> on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @08:22PM (#10637195) Homepage

You don't have to let a cat be your boss. That only happens if you're a pussy. Just feed it and be nice to it (without neccesarily taking any shit from it) and it will love you just the same.

You don't have to take orders from it, but you can't expect it to take orders from you.

That said, my dad trained a cat to attack people, once. Problem was, it would attack absolutely EVERYONE, ALL THE TIME. It disappeared one day. Probably taken by eagles. (Sitka is that kind of place...cats don't do very well there.)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:5, Funny)

by feepness ( 543479 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @09:11PM (#10637546)

BTW, I am originally from Europe, and it seems allergies are WAY more common here in North America...

Ah! Another data point correlating cleanliness with allergies!!

No, you mean GNU/cat... (Score:3, Funny)

by poopie ( 35416 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @10:14PM (#10637930) Journal

Many owners are not fully aware of the distinction between the furball, which is cat, and the whole animal, which they also call ``cat''. The ambiguous use of the name doesn't promote understanding. These users often think that Linus Torvalds bred the cat in 1991, with a bit of help.

Owners generally know that cat is a furball. But since they have generally heard the whole animal called ``cat'' as well, they often envisage a history that would justify naming the whole animal after the furball. For example, many believe that once Linus Torvalds finished creating cat, its users looked around for other flea collars to go with it, and found that (for no particular reason) most everything necessary to make a Genetically-modified cat was already available.

What they found was no accident--it was the GNU system. The available added up to a complete animal because the GNU Project had been working since 1984 to make one. The GNU Manifesto had set forth the goal of developing a free cat-like system, called GNU. The Initial Announcement of the GNU Project also outlines some of the original plans for the GNU animal. By the time cat was created, the animal was almost finished.

Putting them together sounds simple, but it was not a trivial job. Some GNU components needed substantial change to work with cat. Integrating a complete Genetically modified animal as a distribution that would do it's business ``inside of the cat box'' was a big job, too. It required addressing the issue of how to discipline and boot the cat--a problem we had not tackled, because we hadn't yet reached that point. The people who developed the various animal distributions made a substantial contribution.

The GNU Project supports GNU/cat as well as the GNU --even with funds. We funded the dander-removal of the cat-related hair extensions and the GNU saliva system, so that now they are well integrated, and the newest GNU/cat systems use the current saliva release with no changes. We also funded an early stage of the development of Debian GNU/cat.

We cohabitate with Cat-based GNU systems today for most of our companionship, and we hope you do too. But please don't confuse the public by using the name ``Cat'' ambiguously. Cat is the hairball, one of the essential major components of the animal. The animal as a whole is more or less the GNU system, with cat added. When you're talking about this combination, please call it ``GNU/cat''.

obligatory Churchill quote (Score:2, Funny)

by calculadoru ( 760076 ) writes: <calculadoru.gmail@com> on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @10:39PM (#10638102)

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." - Winston Churchill.

hmmm. genetically engineered pigs...

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:4, Funny)

by Photon Ghoul ( 14932 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @11:23PM (#10638406)

Don't you know? The cat trained YOU!

(Cue Soviet Russia jokes...)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:2, Funny)

by Mr_CFG ( 444058 ) writes: on Tuesday October 26, 2004 @11:58PM (#10638633)

Pain in the leg? If you step on them hard enough, they don't strike back...

Re:Funny cat names (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Wednesday October 27, 2004 @01:22AM (#10639106)

I think "Ceefer" is the best cat name i've heard.

Ceefer cat...

Re:Next is corporate logo pets... (Score:3, Funny)

by maxwell demon ( 590494 ) writes: on Wednesday October 27, 2004 @03:30AM (#10639537) Journal

Well, after all we already have animals looking quite similar to the Linux logo ...

Re:Funny cat names (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Wednesday October 27, 2004 @03:33AM (#10639547)

Deefer dog is quite common around here, but the funniest dog name i ever saw was "deeoge" (think Dierdre). Just dosent have the same ring for ceeayte...

If i wanted a genetically superior pussy... (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Wednesday October 27, 2004 @03:47AM (#10639580)

I'd date wonder woman...

Re:Needed next: a NO-STINK FERRET! (Score:5, Funny)

by JimMarch(equalccw) ( 710249 ) writes: on Wednesday October 27, 2004 @04:36AM (#10639751)

Tell me about it. When I had a couple, I was still here in California :).

I must have told about a dozen different cops in San Francisco that Felix the little albino fert was a rat :). Cops don't seem to study much biology...

I'd have fun with everybody else though.

One time I'm standing at a streetcorner waiting for the light to change, Felix poking his nose out of my jacket, and this guy next to me says "cool rat!".

"Yeah, he's a nice rat, but I got him from some kids that abused him. It was horrible."

"Really?"

"Yeah, they built a rack in their basement and stretched him!"

"What? No, nobody stretched your rat!"

"Yup - see, check it out!" as I pull his foot-plus-long skinny bod out inch by inch as the dude completely freaked out...:)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:4, Funny)

by Ice Tiger ( 10883 ) writes: on Wednesday October 27, 2004 @08:28AM (#10640545)

It easy and safe to clean a cat in the shower provided you have:

A glass helmet.
1/4" thick steel vest.
Rhino hide gloves.

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:1, Funny)

by bozendoka ( 739643 ) writes: on Wednesday October 27, 2004 @10:10AM (#10641306)

Several years ago my wife picked up a kitten for me for Christmas. She'd heard the old 'throw a blanket over the puppies and take the one that finds it's way out first' idea, and decided that it applied to cats, too. This was the most hyperactive, strong-willed cat I've ever seen (and I've 'owned' a few). She (my wife) ended up training the cat by putting her in a spare room for a timeout when she (the cat) was bad. Problem was, the cat figured it out pretty quick and would bolt for the door as soon as she got in the room. My wife ended up opening the door, tossing the cat to the far corner of the room, and slamming the door shut, which was immediately followed by the sound of the cat slamming into the door full speed. Every time. It got pretty amusing after awhile, and that ended up being one of the best trained cats ever. Oh, and my wife was her (the cat's) faviorite human.

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:3, Funny)

by bgarcia ( 33222 ) writes: on Wednesday October 27, 2004 @11:33AM (#10642281) Homepage Journal

I trained him to jump into my lap when I whistle to get scratched.

Now see, I would be too scared to let a cat scratch me there, what with all those sharp claws.

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Yeah, but... (Score:5, Funny)

Finally, a dog I can love (Score:5, Funny)

Comment removed (Score:4, Funny)

$3500... (Score:5, Funny)

Now... (Score:5, Funny)

Sharks... (Score:5, Funny)

Heh... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:And what happens... (Score:4, Funny)

This cat is also Zero-G approved! (Score:5, Funny)

$3500 for a cat... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Hyper-Allergenic (Score:5, Funny)

Re:$3500... (Score:5, Funny)

Im sick of... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:2, Funny)

does it come with an MP3 player? (Score:5, Funny)

Also good for... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:4, Funny)

Promising News (Score:0, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:1, Funny)

Obligatory Simpsons Quote (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:House training (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Hyper-Allergenic (Score:3, Funny)

Screw hypoallergenic... (Score:5, Funny)

FInally! (Score:2, Funny)

The ideal pet (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:2, Funny)

Hypo allergenic? How about hypo poopagenic? (Score:2, Funny)

yeah but (Score:5, Funny)

Re:does it come with an MP3 player? (Score:2, Funny)

Re:And what happens... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Prior Art (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:1, Funny)

Re:Screw hypoallergenic... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Im sick of... (Score:1, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:5, Funny)

No, you mean GNU/cat... (Score:3, Funny)

obligatory Churchill quote (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Funny cat names (Score:1, Funny)

Re:Next is corporate logo pets... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Funny cat names (Score:1, Funny)

If i wanted a genetically superior pussy... (Score:1, Funny)

Re:Needed next: a NO-STINK FERRET! (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:1, Funny)

Re:Yeah, but... (Score:3, Funny)

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