Researchers To Climb Ararat To Seek Noah's Ark 2226
fudgefactor7 writes "CNN/AP has a story about researchers that plan on ascending Mt. Ararat in search of the Ark of Noah. My favorite quote: ''We are not excavating it. We are not taking any artifacts. We're going to photograph it and, God willing, you're all going to see it,' McGivern said.' As if pictures can't be doctored and are absolute proof...."
Uhhh (Score:2, Funny)
Oh great (Score:0, Funny)
Cheers,
Craig
Yea, and next week..... (Score:3, Funny)
Whats next? (Score:1, Funny)
Re:So..... (Score:3, Funny)
Calling Marcus Brody (Score:5, Funny)
Of course they are... (Score:2, Funny)
You go Beavis!!!
Now we'll know for sure (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Gee... (Score:4, Funny)
Artifacts (Score:2, Funny)
I wouldn't want to take any artifacts from the ark either, given that most of it would probably consist of thousands of different kinds of coprolites.
In other news... (Score:4, Funny)
...NASA is preparing a deep-space mission to the planet Magrathea, to take pictures of Slartibartfast.
Re:Gee... (Score:1, Funny)
Proving Douglas Adams theories (Score:5, Funny)
"But," says Man, "Noah's Ark is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have occurred by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed at the next zebra crossing.
Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo's kidneys, but that didn't stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book, 'Well That About Wraps It Up for God.'
Here's what to do (Score:4, Funny)
Step 2: travel up Ararat with your purchase
Step 3: Seek the power of the Ark to find the Ark
Step 4: use the Ark to ask for another flood in which you use the other Ark to live (repaired) provided the first Ark works and you find the Ark with the Ark in the first place.
Ark Ark Ark
Re:So..... (Score:1, Funny)
If they find it at 17,000 feet that proves people knew how to build flying boats...
Re:So..... (Score:5, Funny)
No, you blasphemer! It proves that EVERY WORD IN THE BIBLE IS TRUE!!! And if you don't accept THIS CLEAR PROOF OF THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH OF THE WORD OF GOD, then clearly you are an ATHEIST SATANIST GOD-HATING AMERICA-HATING TERRORIST COMMUNIST
<wipes froth off mouth>
Oops, I must have been channeling Jack Chick for a moment. Anyway
Seriously, of course, "people knew how to build boats" is exactly what it proves, and all it proves. But that won't stop the fundies from reacting as above. A while back, someone -- wish I could remember who it was (maybe I should pray harder?) -- came up with the best answer I've ever heard to the absurd claims made by ideologues masquerading as archaeologists in regards to "proof"-by-artifact of a literal interpretation of the Bible. It goes roughly like this:
Re:Now we'll know for sure (Score:5, Funny)
Re:-1: Flamebait (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Uhhh (Score:2, Funny)
Yeah, tell me about it...
- Colin Powell
If they are lucky... (Score:3, Funny)
The one where's written this text:
"All the characters and facts explained in this book are fictive."
Re:-1: Flamebait (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Uhhh (Score:5, Funny)
Re: Atlantis. (Score:3, Funny)
Been there, done that.
Nice place to visit, excellent seafood restaurants, pleasant friendly people, beautiful women (if a little bit scaly).
Eventually, it was the little things that got me down and made me come back home: Not being able to put my base unit under the desk due to the water level, the constant wading, the never-ending drone of UFO's coming in to land at the Pythagorus Intergalaxy space port. I suppose the last is my own fault for renting a crib right under the flightpath, but it seemed cheap at the time.
Happy days, but I'm glad I left when the contract was ended. The boss offered me a permanent position, but if I was to stay I'd have to go through the whole getting-gills-implanted thing and vowing to "forsake dry land forever" at the citizenship ceremony. At the time, with Josh (my brother) having smashed his car up and Dad losing his job, I simply didn't need the extra hassle.
T&K.
Re:So..... (Score:2, Funny)
One thing it proves is that you have the literacy skills of a 6 year old.
There's a Hamas leader involved? (Score:5, Funny)
Lead Scientist - "Lets get a move on. We're only at the armpit and I hear Israeli helicopters coming!"
I really need more sleep.
Matt
The legend of Noah (Score:5, Funny)
So God said to Himself, "Well, it looks like all of humanity except for this Noah cat seems to be completely fucked up. I think I'll just wipe everyone out and start over." That wasn't the end of it, he then proceeded to test Noah's faith by giving him boils and killing off most of his flocks (not that bad, most everything died later anyway).
Then God said to Noah, "You go and build an Arky Arky." And Noah said to God, "WTF is an Arky Arky?" To which God replied, "Build a big ass wooden box and paint it black. If anyone asks you what you're doing, tell them to fuck off because they had their chance to please me and they blew it. I'm only saving you and your family Noah."
So Noah, realizing that he was dealing with a kind and merciful God, went ahead chopping down trees and eating his lunch and going to the lavatry. He built a big-ass wooden box using only his forearms as measuring devices and '3' as the value of pi when calculating circular arcs for the corners so that no one accidentally stubbed their toe on anything sharp.
This was important because God then said to Noah, "Take your kids, Ham, Shemp, and Japheth, and their wives and your wife and a shitload of animals with you on the Ark."
"A shitload, huh? Is that the offical term?"
"Okay, okay. Take 2 of every animal except for animals not found in this area. Oh, and for some animals take 7. You'll probably get hungry later."
So Noah went and gathered up all known animals because we all know that at that time the great Diaspora hadn't happened yet and some animals hadn't appeared in far away places that couldn't possibly have been reachable from the Mideast.
Once Noah was done doing all these jobs, he pulled up the door to the Ark and sealed everyone in for a long passage. God, for His part, started rain. It should be noted that until this story occured, rain didn't exist. The plants were watered by a very light mist that arose every morning.
And the rain started, and it continued raining for 40 days and 40 nights. The windows on the ark were sealed too, so it must have smelled really nice inside.
After 40 days, Noah's kids started complaining about the elephants and rhinos crapping all over the place and decided to open a window. They cracked one of the windows open and saw that they were surrounded by water on all sides. An eagle also took the opportunity to get the fuck out of there. The eagle never returned. It's thought he went over the mountain and married a nice girl eagle on the other side.
Later, the kids decided that they'd send a pigeon out to survey the area because pigeons always fly home. It flew off and came back with a branch from an olive tree. Apparently, the water was everywhere but only a few feet deep.
Next thing they know, they crash onto Mount Arafat and everyone slowly disembarked into their new home, just like their old home.
God realized that maybe killing everyone and everything with water was a pretty shitty thing to do and made a covenant with Noah that He wouldn't do it again. Next time the world would end with fire. To seal the deal, He made a nice rainbow and everyone who saw it automatically realized how good God was and stuff.
From these four families (Noah and his three sons), all of us are derived. Following our family tree back up, we can all trace our lineage back to one of these four families.
Praise the Lord!
Coincidentally... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:The survey says... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Don't believe them. (Score:3, Funny)
A 10th-century B.C. version of a practical joke?
Max
serving suggestions... (Score:5, Funny)
>He also prepared other fake wood by frying a piece of California pine on his kitchen stove in a mix of wine, iodine, sweet-and-sour and teriyaki sauces
I think my mum used to make that!
Re:Doomed to fail (Score:5, Funny)
Are you sure that's a problem?
Bruce
Re:Yea, and next week..... (Score:1, Funny)
OK, you cover the bogs... I'll check the pubs.
Re:Calling Marcus Brody (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Uhhh (Score:2, Funny)
Gilgamesh (Score:5, Funny)
Re:The Bible has been shown again and again to be (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Yea, and next week..... (Score:3, Funny)
Of course your odds of simply seeing petite women is still rather higher in the pubs, so you do have that going for you. Some of them might even be little people, but then slumming's ok, so long as she knows how to fill out an Aran sweater.
KFG
You all laugh but let me be the first to say.... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Um... it's a myth (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Calling Marcus Brody (Score:4, Funny)
But seriously, how did this get on
What have the nerds become...
Re:So..... (Score:2, Funny)
Yeah, like this 'magic box' infront of me.
Re:Uhhh (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Don't believe them. (Score:2, Funny)
Re: bullshit (Score:2, Funny)
> Yeah, I don't care what you say. All I know is that right now, there is a man all alone up there in the sky driving his chariot around [...] What would Apollo do?
At least the "What Would Appolo Drive" variant makes sense...
Re:The Lord knew what he doing (Score:5, Funny)
Take off every 'ark'. Move 'ark'. For great superstition.
Forget Noah (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Um... it's a myth (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Um... it's a myth (Score:4, Funny)
The One True Religion (Score:3, Funny)
On the other hand, *MY* religion is the 100% truth. My cat, Queen Maeve, created the universe with the appearance of age Last Thursday. You can wave your "scientific method" or "Bible" around but it won't change the Truth and I dare anyone to prove she didn't.
Absent a rebuttal, you must convert to the Church of Last Thursday or face an afterlife in the Eternal Litterbox!
Re:Gee... (Score:5, Funny)
There is a long and glorious tradition of liars and hacks searching for the Ark and other relics.
But they found the ark! Back in the 30s, I believe. I watched this documentary [imdb.com] on the subject awhile back. It's a pretty good flick, I highly recommend it.
Re:Evidence of Atheism as a Religion? Re:Gee... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Here's what to do (Score:2, Funny)
Don't you mean:
Step 6: Prophet!
What happens if (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Satellite Imagery Finds Object on Mt Ararat (Score:3, Funny)
Sleep in on Sunday, you won't regret it.
-Colin [colingregorypalmer.net]
Re:Bullshit. (Score:4, Funny)
Eat the unicorns?
-Colin [colingregorypalmer.net]
Re:The Lord knew what he doing (Score:4, Funny)
Then why'd he let those "dirty apes" onto the ark in the first place?
(I am still growing in Christ).
I grew before I entered Christ. That's the right way to do it. You don't even have to wear a rubber on that guy, he's frickin' perfect. No disease, not that it matters. I fear the day when he turns to me and says "You've got AIDS now, and I refuse to cure you. I found someone else."
Hmmm, no lightning yet. How blasphemous do I have to get before He Takes Notice of me? ;)
Holy crap, that's a lot of water (Score:3, Funny)
Arafat? (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Evidence of Atheism as a Religion? Re:Gee... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Evidence of Atheism as a Religion? Re:Gee... (Score:5, Funny)
A really big comet passes close to Earth, creating one really big tide lasting 40 days and 40 nights, peaking on Ararat.
Theory #2:
A bunch of ancient Israelites were sitting around bored one day, and one of them says: "You know what would be really funny?"
Theory #3:
Noah was already hearing voices; how much more crazy do you need to be to build a boat on the top of a mountain?
Re:The legend of Noah (Score:5, Funny)
I find... (Score:3, Funny)
God (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Gee... (Score:5, Funny)
No, Money is the root of all evil. Send $9.99 for more information.
Re:Gee... (Score:3, Funny)
Brian: "You're all individuals!"
Crowd: "WE'RE ALL INDIVIDUALS!"
Lone man in back of browd: "I'm not!"
Re:My own thoughts (Score:3, Funny)
Here:
It's a giant clump of space. Please use it to separate paragraphs.
Re:Evidence of Atheism as a Religion? Re:Gee... (Score:4, Funny)
Or, in colloquial English, "When he drank the bad booze, he said 'It's nasty,' and dropped his head and barfed.
Re:The One True Religion (my cat disagrees) (Score:1, Funny)