Beagle 2 Failure Theories

Dan East writes "New Scientist has an article discussing the failure of ESA's Beagle 2 Lander. Theories as to why the landing failed include thinner than expected upper atmosphere, extreme atmospheric temperature fluctuations, and possible physical damage to Beagle 2 seen in an image acquired immediately after it separated from Mars Express. Recent data acquired by Mars Express, as well as NASA's Mars Rovers, are helping direct investigations into the failure. So far only around half of Beagle 2's landing ellipse has been imaged in an attempt to locate remnants of the lander. USA Today is also running an AP story on these latest theories."

The reason...

[quinkin]

We fucked up...

Q.

Dr. Evil would like to remind you...

[smittyoneeach]

...that this organization does not tolerate
<nibbles pinky nail in pseudo-fascist solute>
failure...

My theory....

[TheBadger]

..it landed in a large pit of quicksand and sank.

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Bunny Thing

[pyrrhonist]

It was the Bunny Thing [nasa.gov]. Opportunity's next. Oh no!

I think I figured it out...

[Roger Keith Barrett]

Snoopy's [libero.it] Sopwith Camel [aviation-history.com] doesn't look like it is set up well enough to survive re-entry.

Beagle Hypothesis #527:

[Ironclad2]

...it wasn't promised a treat or its favourite chew toy at the end of the mission.

The reason is in the picture...

[ArmorFiend]

Houston, we have a problem: they stole our dog and replaced it with a stupid white frisbee.

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Re:Unrelated Question

[Anonymous Coward]

Using the wipers would scratch the hell out of the panels...

Well then, make sure you keep your washer fluid topped off.

Re:Well lets see

[subtropolis]

Who modded this major dick funny?

Re:I think I figured it out...

[Quinn_Inuit]

Curse you, Red Planet!

Poodle Two?

[photonX]

I just figured it had run off with a poodle, until I learned that there are no poodles on Mars. Then I though it landed in a puddle, until I was told there are no puddles on Mars. I guess that rules out a poodle puddle too.

Sometimes dogs just run off for no reason.

Great Picture

[VivianC]

Thanks for the link to the "damage" photo. It makes it all so clear. It's my own fault for reading the articles...

Hoolywood Union Problems

[highwindarea]

There was no beagle. They were go to fake it in the desert but then they had union problems.

Re:Unrelated Question

[Oylpann]

Man, the Swifter(TM) could make a killing working with NASA. Who would have known? ;)

Obvious

[dedazo]

The thing tried to enter the Martian atmosphere on the wrong side of the orbital plane. It probably collided with some old American piece of hardware gliding on the left side of the orbit. Pesky brits.

Re:No... No... No...

[cyberfunk2]

Liar, no one here has dirty monkey sex with a cute english lit student.

Use of wipers

[-Maurice66-]

[in some way I mean to be serious too..]

Use of wipers or brushes would be a Russian solution to the problem.

True American spirited solutions would require a dual processor system to control a robot arm using at least:
1 a hover device;
2 2 cameras to register 3d;
3 a brush;

Instead I would opt for the use of "Quick and Brite" the difficulty here is to apply it on the panels. Best way arround that is to ship "Quick and Brite" complete with the TellSell presenter guy...

oh... and in Russia wipers wipe you.

Re:My theory....

[Spacejock]

What'd you expect? Point a beagle at a patch of dirt and it's going to dig a hole...

Dumb it down

[Qrlx]

In order for NASA to understand the presentation, the ESA had to convert it to PowerPoint format.

Splash...

[CikaVelja]

Hit the water on Mars first...

Mars, destroyer of probes

[WarPresident]

Look, people, it doesn't get any clearer than this!

"Mission controllers said they were also considering the possibility that Beagle 2 simply crashed onto the surface of Mars because its atmosphere was less dense than expected."

We must act now to shut down Mars' mass destruction program (codenamed "ground"). Our probes simply cannot survive such an unequal mass collsion. Once we have established a permanent base on the Moon, we will be able to strike back at these terrorists.

It's European! Here's why it failed...

[writertype]

It was designed by the French. It simply gave up and quit.

It was designed by the English. The re-entry engineers got right pissed at the pub and started a drunken brawl with the aeronautics lads, who calculated that delta V makes a lot more sense with a beer bottle in the midst of it.

It was designed by the Irish, who gave up calculus for Lent.

It was designed by the Germans. Beagle was properly engineered, but poorly manufactured by the Belgians, who nobody really knows anything about anyway.

It was designed by the Spanish. It's not a communications failure, just a long siesta. Relax.

It was designed by the Polish. 'Nuff said.

just need a set of traffic lights

[nfabl]

if you build them they will come

(they being the windscreen washer people)

Pffft. Everybody knows what happened to Beagle...

[Anonymous Coward]

... but nobody is willing to admit the truth.

It was destroyed in an Earth-shattering kaboom by Marvin the Martian and his Illudium Pew-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

Isn't that lovely?

Re:Unrelated Question

[Chalybeous]

'reversing the polarity' usually only works in Star Trek :)

Rubbish.
During the late 1960s/early 1970s, when Jon Pertwee was in the title role, most technical problems on Doctor Who were solved by reversing the polarity of the neutron flow. Peter David and Bill Mumy deliberately wrote a similar gag into their show Space Cases in 1997. And anyone who's seen the stage musical Return to the Forbidden Planet knows that you absolutely, positively, never reverse the polarity of the klystron generator!

Parent has good science but loses (2D10+5) geek points for incompletely researched sci-fi reference ;-)

Re:It's European! Here's why it failed...

[Walkiry]

aeronautics lads, who calculated that delta V makes a lot more sense with a beer bottle in the midst of it.

That'll be a pint, you insensitive clod!

I can see it now...

[LaCosaNostradamus]

Two Martians are sunning themselves on a dune when a crack is heard from the sky, and then the probe hurtles down to crash nearby in the dust. All is still for a second or two, leaving the Martians to muse. Then, several explosive bolts go off and the landing cushions attempt to inflate.

One Martian looks at the other, rolls his 3 eyes, and says "Well, that proves it. There's no intelligent life on Earth."

Re:Rip off strips?

[crawling_chaos]

but considering that you are talking very minimal force, you can probably set up a bi-metalcoil wench,

Hey bub, keep your sick fetishes to yerself. This here's a family site!

Sorry, couldn't resist!