Killing Cancer With a Virus 662
just___giver writes "The U.S. National Cancer Institute has just decided to fund multiple human clinical studies to test the reovirus. This naturally occuring virus has a remarkable ability to infect and kill cancer cells, without affecting normal, healthy cells. Here is a before and after picture of a terminal patient with an actively growing neck tumour that had failed to respond to conventional treatments. This tumour was eliminated with only a single injection of the Reovirus. Researchers at Oncolytics Biotech have shown that the Reovirus can kill many types of cancer, including breast, prostate, pancreatic and brain tumours. Human clinical trial results indicate that there are no safety concerns and that the reovirus shrinks and even eliminates tumours injected with this virus. Numerous other third party studies show that the reovirus should be an important discovery in the treatment of 2/3 of all human cancers."
Yeah but.... (Score:-1, Funny)
Beat me to it. (Score:5, Funny)
Never create what you can't control. (Score:0, Funny)
Until it mutates into a deadly pathogen!
Poor FARK.com (Score:5, Funny)
Scientific study concludes that eating a lot of fast food and sitting in front of the TV makes you fat. Still no cure for cancer.
Oh great- (Score:3, Funny)
SMOKE THEM IF YOU GOT THEM! (Score:3, Funny)
Hah, here I was thinking I'd have to quit. Now, I'll just get a shot and knock the tumor right out.
..."non-pathogenic virus"... (Score:0, Funny)
Sure, that's what it WANTS us to think. Friendly, helpful virus. Easy to get along with virus. "I'll help save 2/3 of all cancer victims" virus.
Then when we're licking reovirus lollipops and gulping down reovirus power shakes, that's when it reveals it's true agenda: World domination.
I, for one, do NOT welcome our new reovirus overlords. Who's with me?
Well... (Score:4, Funny)
Calgary builds Cure for Cancer (Score:0, Funny)
Re:Beat me to it. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Okay, lets try it then... (Score:5, Funny)
Ah, that could present a problem right there. The pharmaceutical industry industry has invested a lot of money in R&D for patentable anti-cancer drugs. If it turns out that there is a naturally occuring substance that aids some cancer patients they'll probably lobby to have it outlawed.
Coming soon: The War on Naturally-Occuring Pool-Dwelling Viruses; sponsored by your favorite big-time pharmaceutical companies.
Am I overreacting? Yeah, probably.
Re:Not only a cure for cancer... (Score:3, Funny)
"Smoke up! We'll grow more!"
Think George Carlin.. (Score:3, Funny)
And at that time, the big fear was polio.. No one in my neighborhood ever got polio.. EVER! You know why?! BECAUSE WE SWAM IN RAW SEWAGE! The polio never had a prayer, we we're tempered in liquid shit!"
- George Carlin
Ahh yes.. once again science proves truth in comedy.
Re:Clarify (Score:5, Funny)
And people used to LAUGH at me when I would swim around in raw sewage!!! Who's laughing now, huh?!?
Re:Copyrighted virus ? (Score:3, Funny)
I agree; copyrighting natural phenomena is outrageous. This is what patents are for.
This treatment brought to you in part by... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Beat me to it. (Score:5, Funny)
IS NOT!!!
Oops, gotta go. Mom needs the phone.
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Re:good... (Score:4, Funny)
Oh man, my doctor doesn't want two appointments a day with me to discuss what happens every time I think of Natalie Portman...
Re:good... (Score:2, Funny)
No, it was frequent masterbating caused memory loss in 66% of men
WOO HOO! LIGHT EM UP BOYS! (Score:2, Funny)
It's about time!
I can hear Phillip Morris (Or whatever their name is now) cheering.
Re:good... (Score:2, Funny)
Eek!
Re:good... (Score:2, Funny)
Hmm.
Re:Well... (Score:2, Funny)
=Smidge=
Re:Waitasec, they're SOCIALISTS in Canada.... (Score:1, Funny)
*begins inscribing on the side of it*
Despite the Crown (and I suppose 'The People') ultimately controlling the natural resources around here, that doesn't exactly mean that there's no profit motive in Canada. Capitalism lives, just with higher taxes.
*WHACK*