Telstar 4 is Down 368
An anonymous reader writes "Sometime this morning (Sept. 19) Telstar 4 had a major onboard failure. I just checked a few minutes ago and there are CW carriers up on 11700 MHz V & 12200 MHz H, so the spacecraft would appear to still be in its orbital slot - just no traffic. The Loral Skynet site has no mention of this yet, but supposedly Telstar 8 was already scheduled to replace T4, so they may just speed the process up. This turn of events will no doubt be of some small concern to Intelsat, who recently agreed to purchase most of Loral's US domestic fleet, including T4."
I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is (Score:5, Funny)
"It's hard for me to believe it's even English you're speaking. I don't recognize any of the words."
Reading this Slashdot post just made me understand what she means.
It's like a bad sci-fi screenplay!
(Telstar? CW carriers? 11700 MHz V & 12200 MHz H? orbital slot? Intelsat? Loral's US domestic fleet?)
my guess ... (Score:1, Funny)
j/k
T2 Armageddon Averted? (Score:3, Funny)
Wifi devices ! (Score:3, Funny)
See the results...
A major crisis! (Score:5, Funny)
One of Telstar 4's nicknames in the industry is "nookiesat" -- as it carries several of the leading porn channels in the US.
Damn -- I loved that song (Score:3, Funny)
Re:T2 Armageddon Averted? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:my guess ... (Score:5, Funny)
So what does this mean to the average user? (Score:4, Funny)
Can we still download the latest Windows security patches?
Do we still get stupid invoices from sco.com?
-- Rushdan
In other news... (Score:3, Funny)
Astronomers from Tacoma to Vladivostok have just reported an ionic disturbance in the vicinity of the Van Allen Belt. Scientists are recommending that necessary precautions be taken.
Re:Effect ? (Score:2, Funny)
Hope this helps.
Re:Effect ? (Score:3, Funny)
Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden to sedulously avoid it, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here.
Or something like that...
Re:A major crisis! (Score:2, Funny)
In Soviet Russian (Score:-1, Funny)
Re:Huh? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is (Score:5, Funny)
I think it's a satellite.
Either that or an old TV show.
Or maybe the aliens are invading.
Now I wonder if this story was accepted because a) it sounded real tech-like, b) the person who accepted knows what the submitter is talking about, c) the random number generator was less than 0.01, d) Cowboy Neal.
But one thing's for sure, as it stands, the story has yet to answer the all-important questions: "How does this affect me, and why should I care?"
Impending Doom?! (Score:2, Funny)
or
"It's like in chess: First, you strategically position your pieces and when the timing is right you strike. They're using this signal to syncronize their efforts and in 5 hours the countdown will be over"
It's the Mothership... (Score:5, Funny)
"They're using our own satellites against us!"
- Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day
You may not miss it ... (Score:5, Funny)
Enjoy the silence while it lasts ...
Major League Baseball (Score:5, Funny)
Why does this sound like... (Score:4, Funny)
reboot it (Score:3, Funny)
cycle the power, voila, no big deal.
oh, wait...
Re:I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is (Score:2, Funny)
Given the past tense, I am assuming she left you for the article submitter who is apparently even more of a pathetic slobbering geek than you were? Truly the submitter is the alpha male of slobbering geeks!
Re:This may affect you because (Score:4, Funny)
Sorry! My bad! (Score:5, Funny)
Please stand by.
Independence day? (Score:3, Funny)
He might be able to find the hidden carrier signal the alien fleet uses to coordinate the attack.
Your big moment... (Score:5, Funny)
Well... now that that's over with, nothing left to do but go get a life, I suppose.
Even worse... (Score:5, Funny)
Telstar 4 has mutinied and is orchestrating the robot rebellion against humanity. The Loral Global Alliance [loral.com] faction's Loral SKYNET [cyberstar.com] program has gone too far this time.
Looking at Telstar 4's coverage map [cyberstar.com], it's clear that SKYNET plans to strike first in an east-west corridor bounded by New Mexico and Ohio; the killing robot machines will move outward until they capture most of Canada, half of Mexico, and all of Hawaii.
Save us, Terminate SKYNET! [arnold-2003.com]
Re:This may affect you because (Score:5, Funny)
I think I speak for a large majority of fellow Slashdotters, when I rub my hands together and creepishly ask "Got any job openings there?" (Grabs for inhaler...)
Re:I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is (Score:1, Funny)
Telstar = satellite
CW = carrier wave
117000 MHz etc = frequencies
orbital slot = where Telstart lives. In orbit. You know
Re:de-TV Geeked translation (Score:2, Funny)
Re:de-TV Geeked translation (Score:2, Funny)
So, we can expect it to be fixed before the hour is up?
But wait... normally you can only restore warp at the dramatically necessary moment, which is right after a commercial break as the aliens attack. But if Telstar 4 carries the commercials, then we can't have a commercial break! Now what do we do?
Re:This may affect you because (Score:5, Funny)
Welcome on my friend list.
I always wanted to be able to tell people that I have friends at the Erotic Network.
Not that I can watch Telstar here in Germany, but hey, its the thought that counts.
Re:It's the Mothership... (Score:5, Funny)
- Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day
Nothing to worry about. I hear those evil aliens run systems which are Mac compatible and they forgot to set the root password.
Re:I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is (Score:5, Funny)
It was a typical Friday at Telstar control: slow. McMurray was at the main console. He was idly thinking about which sandwiches he was going to pick up at Subway on the way home for the family.
Suddenly, an alarm light flashed. McMurray looked at the status screen, and it took a moment to sink in. Telstar 4 had just gone down. "Strange", he thought. "I've never seen a bird go offline just like that."
He punched a few commands to try to contact the satellite, but got no response. He muttered under his breath "It's going to be a long night."
Ok, first things first. He e-mailed his wife to tell her he'd wouldn't be getting dinner after all. He fired off an anonymous story submission about the situation to Slashdot.
At this point, it still looked like a simple electronic failure. There was no hint of impending disaster; no indication of what might happen to the planet in a few short hours. Nobody on earth noticed the tiny deep violet pinpoint that was just now becoming detectable over the northern rim of the full moon. A few bored geeks on Slashdot posted some lame jokes about the Telstar 4 story.
McMurray was just about to reroute the command channel to the eastern uplink station when the entire control center suddenly went black. He sat in stunned silence for a few seconds, then the shockwave hit...
[ To read the rest of this bad screenplay, you must have a premium membership. Log on now to continue. ]
Re:This may affect you because (Score:5, Funny)
Rub your hands where?
Damn! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is (Score:2, Funny)
Re:I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is (Score:5, Funny)
Reading this Slashdot post just made me understand what she means.
Telstart 4 heeft vanmorgen (19 september) een interne storing gehad. Ik heb het een paar minuten geleden gecontroleerd, en er zijn nog draaggolven op 11.7Ghz verticaal en 12.1 Ghz horizontaal, dus de satelliet hangt nog in zijn baan om de aarde, alleen er is geen signaal te bekennen. Op de webpagina's van Loral Skynet staat nog geen aankondiging, maar Telstar 4 stond toch al op de nominatie om vervangen te worden door Telstar 8, dus misschien versnellen ze die uitrol. Intelsat zal zich dit nieuws zeker aantrekken, aangezien ze laatst overeengekomen met Loral om het grootste deel van hun satellieten die boven de VS hangen over te nemen, waaronder deze.
Is that better?
Re:The real tragedy (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Even worse... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:This may affect you because (Score:3, Funny)
Re:This may affect you because (Score:4, Funny)
Isn't that the place where every network interface is in promiscuous mode? <grin>
Oh... GREAT... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is (Score:3, Funny)
Got it?
ARRRG!! (Score:2, Funny)
I was in the sun looking for T4 for about an hour today before I gave up and called in to find out what happened...(I work for Muzak)
Now I get to work all day tomorrow switching dishes to a different bird. Time to break out the aloe-vera and sunscreen.. its going to be a long week.
Re:A list of channels (Score:3, Funny)
Re:I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is (Score:4, Funny)
For this, subscribing to slashdot might almost be worthwhile.
There's still crap on my TV (Score:4, Funny)
Re:reboot it (Score:4, Funny)
Dilbert: Won't he pop like a baloon a few seconds after he gets up there?
PHB: Will he have time to power-cycle the thingamahoey?
Dilbert: Well, I suppose so, but...
PHB: Will it be operational then?
Dilbert: I think so, but..
PHB: And this will save us how much money?
Dilbert: 25 million a day... look! That's not the point!
Wally: I think it's a brilliant plan, sir. Truly the finest.
Dilbert & Alice: WALLY!?!
Wally: What? I'm just saying....
Three days later
PHB: Okay, we're ready, Asok.
Asok: Are you sure this is such a good idea?
PHB: Perfectly safe. Perfectly safe.
Chunk....whoosh... splut...
(We see Asok's feet sticking out of the side of a building.)
PHB: For us, anyway.
Re:Your big moment... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is (Score:2, Funny)
Oh great... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:The Story (Score:3, Funny)
Re:I'm as stumped as my girlfriend usually is (Score:2, Funny)
Why bother? He published the source to the first version, we'll just fork it:
He sat in stunned silence for a few seconds, then the shockwave hit...
Looking around the room, satellite losses and alien invasion fantasies suddenly violently forgotten, McWassename spied the only possible option for the diversion of his
ah, whatever. You get the point...