Chimps Belong in Human Genus?

Bradley Chapman writes "I found this interesting story from Discovery News about our ties with chimpanzees. Excerpts: 'Chimpanzees share 99.4 percent of functionally important DNA with humans and belong in our genus, Homo, according to a recent genetic study. Scientists analyzed 97 human genes, along with comparable sequences from chimps, gorillas, orangutans and Old World monkeys (a group that includes baboons and macaques). The researchers then took the DNA data and estimated genetic evolution over time. They determined that humans and chimps shared a common ancestor between 4 and 7 million years ago. That ancestor diverged from gorillas 6 to 7 million years ago.'" Genus is the next step up from species, if you recall your taxonomy. Humans are the only living species in genus homo, currently.

They're definitely in the same genus as...

[3waygeek]

George W. Bush [bushorchimp.com]

Dumb

[Anonymous Coward]

Wolves are genetically identical to Dogs. You can't tell the difference (Hence the bizzarre laws used against wolf/dog hybrids). But I don't see anyone pushing to call a wolf a dog, do you?

This is just plain stupid. And so are the people who are backing it.

So now...

[truthsearch]

A new insult: "You're the other kind of homo."

(sorry, couldn't resist)

I toast to our family reunion

[Anonymous Coward]

*throws feces*

I feel enlightened..

[knightinshiningarmor]

This explains so many of /. readers' behaviors. Understanding CowboyNeal has gone a step further.

Great!

[Psychic Burrito]

The repulicans will like this... Another 50 million that pay taxes... Oh, "taxonomy" is something else... sorry!

IM all for including some chimps in the human cat.

[Unknown Poltroon]

But that on the condition that i can downgrade some humans to monkey.

Personally...

[bgeer]

I think Senator Santorum needs to open an investigation into whether public tax money is being spent researching Homo chimps.

Sure! Let them in!

[Lord Grey]

I've often wondered if some of the people I see driving on the freeway belong in the Human Genus, based purely on their lack of motor ability. If those people can make into that classification then surely our furry, feces-throwing relatives can make it. (I'm talking about the chimps, here.)

I can hear the screaming..

[grub]

All over North America, greasy rednecks with pimpish moustaches and long mullets [mulletsgalore.com] are saying "What 're them scientist-types saying? They're calling me "homo"? I'm gonna kick all their asses."

We share many things in common with chimpanzees

[diatonic]

Goodman added, "In terms of culture, social behavior, language and other factors, we share many things in common with chimpanzees."

There was a guy at a nursing home I worked at that would throw poop at the staff.

I guess Fish and Chimps out of the question now?

[truth_revealed]

First they discover that fish can feel pain - and now this! Damn science! What am I supposed to eat?

Re:But isn't the real test...

[feed_me_cereal]

to see if they can make babies?

are you signing up for the experiment?

Can't resist

[daves]

Humans are the only living species in genus homo, currently.

If we are the only species, that would make us "homo genus".

Genus?

[Chromodromic]

So we're all a bunch of homos?

My conspiracy theory

[Anonymous Coward]

This is just the White House doing damage control [bushorchimp.com].

Chimps are slackers

[doublem]

Why not put them in the same Genus as us? They've had just as much time to evolve.

Clearly, we made better use of that time than they did. They slacked off instead of evolving, so they don't get to be in the same rank.

I don't get this desire to uplift losers with false titles designed to boost the self esteem of those who fell behind.

Of course now with Hollywood and TV causing humans to devolve, the Chimps will have a chance to catch up.

Re:Great!

[pthisis]

Sadly, most chimps can't take advantage of the dividend tax cut. Only a handful of the richest chimps will benefit.

TROLLING FAQ 0.6 PLZ FIX KTHX

[Anonymous Coward]

The /. troll HOWTO
This is version 0.6 of a troll HOWTO, sort of a companion piece to jsm's excellent troll FAQ. As a draft, comments and criticism are always welcome, if not appreciated :)

Section 1 - Trolling techniques
There are techniques used by successful trolls to elicit the maximum amount of responses from unthinking /.ers. This section is dedicated to explaining how to use these in the course of your trolls. Remember though, a great troll can break any or all of these and still be successful...

Timing
Because you're posting as an AC, your troll will generally be ignored in favour of posters using their accounts, and so getting in early is essential. A good guideline is to get into the first 20 posts, so that people reading the article will see the troll before it is swamped out. One way of increasing the speed with which you get your troll into play is to prepare them beforehand, and then quickly customise them for the current article. This is easier than it sounds since /. typically repeats stories with small variations and runs lots of similar stories.

Note that this is why Jon Katz stories are pretty worthless as trolling material - by the time you've found the article and prepared a troll there's already 50+ posts on it, most of them flaming Jon Katz anyway :)

Exposure
Once you've got your troll in, you need people to actually read it. You also want replies - /.ers are more likely to read your troll if it starts a large thread. You also want to remember that some people have set their comment thresholds to values higher than 0 - to get the attention of these you either want to get your post moderated up (see Style, below) or get a reply which gets moderated up to 4 or 5, in which case your troll becomes visible to all.

Accounts
An alternative to the time-honoured tradition of AC trolling is that of creating a "troll" account. This gives you the advantage of posting at 1 rather than 0, and slashbots are more likely to take you seriously, especially if you at least sound reasonable. If you do this, try to avoid posting stuff where it is obvious you're a troll under the account - post it anoymously instead - some slightly more canny readers actually check your user info before they reply. Not many though :)

The ultimate goal of the troll account is to secure the +1 bonus, which is currently received once you hit 26 points of Karma. To get there, employ the techniques of karma whoring that we see every day on /. and watch the karma roll in. And of course once you get the +1 bonus, the world is your oyster in terms of /. Posts made at a default of 2 hit even those people with the threshold of 2, are more likely to get moderated up even further if they are at all coherent, and people tend to lose their critical thinking abilities in the face of the +1 bonus. Milk it for all it's worth.

Layout
To get people reading it a troll needs to be easily readable. Make sure you break it down into easily digestible paragraphs, use HTML tags where appropriate (but always make sure you close them properly) and use whitespace appropriately.

Size
Generally a troll shouldn't be too short, otherwise it'll get lost in the crowd. A workable minimum is a couple of medium paragraphs. Conversely, it shouldn't be too long, or no-one will bother to read it. Keep it to a happy medium.

Spelling
Whilst spelling is important if you want the troll to be taken "seriously", key spelling mistakes can draw out the spelling zealots, especially if you mis-spell the name of a venerated /. hero, like Linus Torveldes or Richard Strawlman (thanks dmg). Related to this is the use of the wrong word, explaining an acronym as being something it isn't or making a word into an acronym even when it isn't.

Subject
The subject line needs to draw attention to your post without maki

Re:People don't realize....

[pi radians]

Did you just call my chimp gay? Cause that really pisses him off.

Now the shits gunna fly!

Department of Redundancy Department

[djeaux]

"Humans are the only living species in genus homo, currently."

Does anybody else find this repetitive and redundant?

It should have been edited to "Humans are the only living extant species in the genus Homo, currently at this time."

Re:People don't realize....

[bathmatt]

People don't seem to realize that we didn't actually evolve from chimps,

This is especially true where I work, People here havent even evolved TOO chimps

*Sigh*

[403Forbidden]

5 million years apart and we still fling our poo at eachother...

I think i see how we're 99.4% alike...

Re:It's about time...

[Funkitup]

Nonsense, the human brain is at the pinical of evolution. Not only that, it has transcended evolution - we can now alter evolution and use it as a computer algorithm.

It's about time the human race realised it is in _charge_ of its own destiny, and while nature is a powerful force, the concious mind is the greatest known thing on the planet. It should be developed and nurtured.

this topic

[sstory]

this topic is just going to provide more evidence that moderators on slashdot need a -5 Creationist selection.

Spelling police

[bgarcia]

The repulicans will like this... Another 50 million that pay taxes...

Sorry, just had to point out that you misspelled democrats

Obligatory Friends quote..

[tfinniga]

.. so what if it's not from the Simpsons, it's still good :)

Joey: If the Homosapiens were, in fact, "Homo-sapien", is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, Homosapiens are people.
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging.

In other news...

[BigBadBri]

Michael Jackson now feels vindicated.

OTOH, Bubbles feels violated.

Re:Chimps are slackers

[MsGeek]

They slacked off instead of evolving, so they don't get to be in the same rank.

I think if you read your Book of the Subgenius you would understand that those slacker Chimps are more evolved than we are.

Bonobos are even more evolved than Chimps because they settle things by having sex rather than by fighting.

Bob said it, I believe it, that settles it. [subgenius.com]

Eeee Eeeeee!

[MacGod]

Eeee eee! Ooo oo ooo! Awr oo eee awr Awr Awr eeeee!

oooo oooeee eeeeoooo oooo

The Chimps' Spokesman says 'No, thank you!"

[budalite]

And in other news, the Chimpanzee World Spokesman, uu uu waaa uuu u, says they want no part of any "tree" that has humans in it, thank you very much, and, besides, it's against THEIR religion to believe that humans evolved from Chimps. Especially the ones with fake hair.

How to remember the taxonomic system

[fudgefactor7]

REAL:..........MNEMONIC:

Phylum.........Please
Class...........Come
Order..........Over
Family..........For
Genus..........Gay
Species........Sex

Thanks to Robert Smigel (his cartoons) and Saturday Night Live!

My family

[verloren]

From the article: "Imagine taking the hand of your grandmother, who was holding the hand of her grandmother and so on down the line. 155 miles out, one of the women would be holding the hand of a chimpanzee."

If you'd met my family you'd know that a line round the block would pretty much get you there.

Re:Dumb

[multipartmixed]

> They also are willing to interbreed.

And you're saying that mice and humans aren't?

Re:Dumb

[Lemmy Caution]

Do you *know* humans and chimps can't interbreed? Have you *tried?*

I'll second that...

[WIAKywbfatw]

We share 50% of our DNA with lettuce - that's how common much of our genetic code is on the planet.

Last time I checked, nobody was comparing the salad aisle of the supermarket for long-lost relatives.

Re: didn't you learn it the /. way?

[ip_vjl]

Karma Points Come Only For Geeky Slashdotters

(Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species)

It tastes of chicken

[armaghetto]

Does this mean I can eat a chimp and indulge in 99.4% cannibalism?

Loose Morals

[verloren]

Having seen the lack of selectiveness in sexual matters exhibited by Bonobo chimps, calling them 'Homos' would seem to work on several levels.

Cheers, Paul

(Disclaimer: This isn't a phrase I like or normally use, just required for the purposes of this joke, until I had to qualify it, when the joke kind of died...)

Amazingly enough...

[CptChipJew]

Scientists then discovered that Apes have a 100% DNA match with Vin Diesel.

Please no...

[kiwimate]

that'll be fun. "you seem to be 96% human. you get 96% of a vote in the next elections."

Please no...how would the Florida elections turn out with that in the mix?

Mnemonics, was Re:Taxonomy

[clintp]

Or from the electronics geeks, for resistor values: Bad Boys Rape Our Young Girls But Violet Gives Willingly. (Black 0, Brown 1, Red 2, Orange 3, Yellow 4, Green 5, Blue 6, Violet 7, Grey 8, White 9).

Boy did my HS Physics teacher get some weird looks for that mnemonic.

Re:Bogus

[macdaddy357]

Placing chimps in the same genus as humans would be highly insulting...

...to chimps.

Re:Bogus

[John Biggabooty]

And a bunch of monkeys with typewriters made this website to boot! You just can't ask them to write Shakespeare. [washingtonpost.com]

Re:I'll second that...

[Alric]

Talk about code reuse...

God's not a deity.

He's just an advanced organic chemist with some crazy OOP skillz.

Re:It's about time...

[Anonymous Coward]

No human is just another monkey. Not even you.

no human? [bushorchimp.com]

Re:It's about time...

[elemental23]

Chimps have had 4-7 million years since we split from a common ancestor (according to the article) and they're still swinging in trees.

You're right, the chimps are definitely the smarter ones here.

Re:I'll second that...

[euxneks]

Last time I checked, nobody was comparing the salad aisle of the supermarket for long-lost relatives

Except for maybe that guy who's head is shaped like an eggplant...
Or maybe Bush? Get it? Bush! ...
*sigh*
Maybe I'll just go sit with the chimps. =)

Re:Bogus

[KDan]

Come on, be more generous. If we don't include even them in the human genome, what chance does Bush stand???

Daniel

Re:Someone had to say it...

[Anonymous Coward]

They only eat fruits and nuts

And after all, you are what you eat.

Re:Bogus

[Anonymous Coward]

has a female Chimp ever been fertilized with Human sperm?
uh ... not me dude, I swear she didn't look like that last night.

This gives new meaning to the phrase

[captaindelphi]

"Yeah.. When monkeys fly out of my butt!"

Microsoft involved?

[myom]

The question is, if the creator of humans used 99.4% of the code lifted straight from the apes... is it a large enough difference so it would not be considered violation of Intellectual Property rights?

Does SCO own the rights, and is it just a plan to lure IBM into buying humanity for a huge profit for the current SCO owners?

Or is this a Microsoft plot to buy the rights to the humans, copyright the genome and send pirate hunters to track license violators.

- Will they insert a product activation code into all new humans created, where the child stops functioning if not registered.
- Will they include new bugs and get the new humans bloated (wait...)
- Will we be equipped with a Start button? (:
- Will the newborns cry "bling BLING bling BLINGGG" instead of "WAAAAH!" with their first breath?
- Will the new children make secret phonecalls to Microsoft telling on their parents?
- How will copy protection work? Chastity belts?

And will the open source movement provide an alternative with fresh code not depending on any components of the human genome?

Re:Bogus

[The_dev0]

You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! God damn you all to hell!!

Hey man! That's not funny!

[jabber01]

I have an uncle who stroked out. He's a vegetable!

This is what REALLY happened.

[rice_burners_suck]

I'm sick of all these wrong evolution theories so I'm gonna tell what really happened.

Let's set up the scene with some background information (it'll be short, I promise).

So there was Adam and Eve and they chilled in Heaven just minding their own business. (We're skipping the whole "On the first day" story because you already know about that.) So the Lord told Adam, "Don't eat the fruit of this tree or you'll croak. And tell your wife."

So Adam goes and tells his wife, "See that tree over there? Don't eat its fruit. In fact, don't even go near the damn thing; Pappy said if you touch it, you'll croak."

So Eve is chillin' when this serpant comes around and says, "Pssst... See that tree over there? Eat its fruit! It's good!"

So Eve says, "But if I even touch that tree, I'll croak!"

So the serpant says, "Nuh uh! See, I'll touch it... Nothing happens!"

Seeing this, Eve gathers a little bit of courage, goes up and touches the tree... Nothing happened. So she grabs a big juicy naranja off the tree, peels it and takes a taste. Mmmmm! Then Adam comes over and sees what's going on... "What the fsck, Eve, I thought I told you not to touch that tree!"

And Eve says, "But you see, I did touch it and nothing happened!"

So Adam takes a taste. Then, the Lord's voice comes booming over the public address system, "I told you kids not to eat that damn fruit!!!" Adam and Eve grab a leaf or something to cover up their privates, see, because they suddenly realized they were naked, and the Lord drove them out of heaven in his red '64 Chevy II.

So here they are, on Earth now, and they have a couple of kids... One of 'em kills the other and is subsequently punished by being forced to forever roam the Earth with a Windows logo tatooed on his forehead.

Now just so you understand, the Lord created a bunch of animals, like fish and tigers and whatever, and then He created people. The people he created were special... Much more intelligent than animals by a far measure. Much more intelligent than any person alive today. They were "superhumans." Now this hermano with the Windows logo on his forehead walks around and screws every chimp and gorilla and baboon in sight. (Yeah, I know, that's gross.) His superhuman genes mixed with their animal genes and created some "middle-of-the-road" creature.

That's the human being of today... It's why many of our genes are similar to those of the animals. I know all of this for a fact and I have undeniable proof: On separate occasions, two different people, who do not know each other, both told me they heard this somewhere.

Re:I'll second that...

[davidstrauss]

He's just an advanced organic chemist with some crazy OOP skillz.

He's probably using Java, since multiple inheritance (two different species reproducing together) doesn't work.

Re:I'll second that...

[one9nine]

What about a mule or a hinny?

Re:I'll second that...

[A Naughty Moose]

They're a hack.

Re:Bogus... NOT!

[JohnsonWax]

Hmm, I think I've met a few of the humans in the 99.9% range...

Re:I'll second that...

[davesag]

We share 50% of our DNA with lettuce

That's just the tip of the Iceberg.