Speeding up Evolution

DaytonCIM writes ""We can rebuild him. Make him stronger... faster..." Slate.com has a great article on next generation gene research that promises to build "Supermen" or "Superwomen" out of us all. Insulin-like Growth Factor genes to make us stronger without ever visiting a weight room. EPO to generate more red blood cells and enable us to run "forever." Engineered human "Blood" to speed up evolution, so that we become less susceptible to disease and injury."

Khaaaaaan!

[Chairboy]

Of course, according to Star Trek, the Eugenics wars took place during the 1990s, so these supermen must already be among us. I'm sure that when the footage is de-classified, we'll all enjoy a bunch of fascinating documentaries on how these scientists already did their stuff back in the 70s....

Supermen or Superwomen?

[telstar]

Last time I checked Superman was in a wheelchair, and Supergirl had been cancelled by the WB.

In the year 2000!

[binary_life]

In the year 2000, genetic enhancements will make everyone look super beautiful, the downside being everyone will look exactly like one another. Ahhh... Don't you love conan obrien?

Superman? In whose eyes?

[euxneks]

He can code large masses of programs with a single keystroke, Absorb boxes of pizza with nary a thought, never shaves for days on end! It's... Internet boy!.. Genetically modified so that... oh.. wait.. we already have people like that...

Re:Lack of diversity can kill us.

[telstar]

"...and when we change all our DNA to be coded a certain way, we'll find some strange illness that affects what would have been 0.02% of the opulation now threatens to wipe out"

• We've already got large sectors of the population randomly leaving the letter "P" out of words...

Re:And where..

[quintessent]

Just check your e-mail in-box. Your spam filter has probably been inadvertantly deleting messages that explain how to get enhancements.

We're gonna need new bayesian filters

[1nv4d3r]

I never thought I'd see the day when only two of these were spam, and the others were actual opportunities of a lifetime.

"Make your penis 3 inches longer."
"Grow Muscle Mass without exercise."
"Horny cheerleaders wet 4 u"
"Run virtually forever without breaking a sweat."

Good luck to the SPAM Assassin folks if I can't tell the difference.

Re:And where..

[josh crawley]

---Just check your e-mail in-box.

(checking).....(done)

Well, I've got a very high potential of increasing penis and breast size. And if I act now, I'll get double the 'supplements'.

Great...

[ConMotto]

Great, now all the old folks will leech my social security momey fovever. As if social security wasn't screwed already.

Re:Supermen or Superwomen?

[buffer-overflowed]

I'd rather be in a wheelchair than be cancelled by the WB.

Where's my warranty card?

[eidechse]

If those damn aliens had a decent QA team I wouldn't need any enhancements.

Re:hmmm...

[MoronGames]

The obvious solution would be to find new and exciting ways to murder people!

Spider-Man?

[ufoman]

Can they make a radioactive spider bite me so I can walk on walls?

My evolution is speeding as you read this.

[mcmonkey]

Soon, I'll be so far ahead of the rest of humanity I'll be able to read /. stories an average of 10 to 20 minutes before the rest of you surrender-monkeys.

Do people still use it?

[1nv4d3r]

I tried it and went back to mutt. I do agree that evolution should be sped up, though. It was a little on the slow side, as I recall.

Re:hmmm...

[Anonymous Coward]

On the plus side, countries that are more technologically advanced have falling birth rates.

Ideally, we should only allow someone to live forever if they are sterile, is that a good trade off?

Re:"Speeding Up Evolution"

[hype7]

and it's also important to remember, you end up with two distinct classes of hyper-evolved beings: the good guys, led by Professor X, and the evil mutants, led by Magneto.

Re:Do people still use it?

[dotgain]

Well, I chose "Quit" about thirty minutes ago, but it's still tidying up, so I suppose I'm still using it, yes.

Re:jocks

[Anonymous Coward]

...That you can't do anything with because you've become impotent. This is the true cause of 'roid rage.

Re:"Speeding Up Evolution"

[JanusFury]

And the women all have big breasts, oddly colored hair, and wear little to no clothing! I love evolution, don't you?

Re:Do the Evolution!

[Discordantus]

actually, I think it'll lead to more variety... I can just see the kid begging their parents:
"Jack's mom let him grow horns! Why won't you just let me get tusks?"

And Where can I buy my super-sex bot gene?

[liupang]

That's the killer application that genetic engineering solely needed. oh yeah.

Re:We're gonna need new bayesian filters

[Anonymous Coward]

If I'm reading the article correctly, in point of fact, ALL of these can be made possible with the correct gene mods. Arguably, you might need to get the cheerleaders to undergo the mod at the same time, but it could work..

Re:Spider-Man?

[ramzak2k]

I would rather be bitten by a butterfly so that i could fly, be multicolored, walk around with wings & MSN tag on it.. eeek.. never mind, pass the spider after you are done.

Re:Lack of diversity can kill us.

[wcbarksdale]

Sure it's not a "C"?

Re:Problems with longevity

[TheCyko1]

The heart beats only so many times before wearing out (as an aside almost all animals have the same number of lifetime heart beats regardless of size, environment etc except humans have about 3X as many

So, theoreticaly, I could greatly enhance my lifespan simply by sleeping more, avoiding stress, and never exercising?

Did anyone else read the header and think...

[Anonymous Coward]

...why does an email client need to be turbocharged?

Speeding up Evolution? Right...

[Anonymous Coward]

They think they can speed up a mail client by giving it features like blood? This is going to be even more bloated than Outlook... not good.

Re:Supermen or Superwomen?

[Evil Adrian]

There was a supergirl-esque porno movie... some girl giving a guy a BJ whilst flying over metropolis...

Re:Superman? In whose eyes?

[Carnivorous Carrot]

> How many parents in America want a brunette
> child with a stocky figure in a girl?

More likely the waif look would fall by the wayside as every girl now will have an iron tight, thin waist but wide, doorway scraping hips and a full round ass. (Not to mention full, bicycle inner tube-sized lips and heavy, pendulous D-sized breasts with dark, 6" diameter areolae "ah-REE-oh-lay".)

May I quote from Holy Writ?

"I like big butts,
And I cannot lie.
You other brothers
Can't deny
When a girl walks in
With an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung."

Re:Slightly off topic...

[Anonymous Coward]

"I'd wand really black skin, two small horns, and (most important) a thick layer of soft, white sheep wool (everywhere but on my face, hands, etc.). That way, I wouldn't have to think about what I want to wear when I go out. In the summers I'd have myself shorn so that I wouldn't get too hot, and I'd always be experimenting with dying my wool in various artistic ways."

You vote democrat, don't you?