Rand Expert Says To Keep Mum About Killer Asteroids

crashnbur writes "NASA is conducting a survey of the sky to find asteroids large enough that a collision with earth could 'extinction-type impact', and none studied so far will threaten us in the next 200 years. Of course, if a doomsday asteroid is discovered, the current policy is not to say a word: 'If you can't do anything about a warning, then there is no point in issuing a warning at all', says Dr. Geoffery Sommer. The issue may be making its rounds because an asteroid was discovered orbiting the sun between Venus and Earth earlier this week. Space.com presents a lengthy, four-part 'Impact Debate' (next three parts coming next three Tuesdays). Apparently we are just as likely to die by asteroid impact as in a plane crash."

Duct tape.

[dpbsmith]

Duct tape. Just be sure you have plenty of duct tape. It could save your life in the event of an asteroid collision.

Godd news

[Bendebecker]

That's good news for me considering that I never fly.

This is why...

[enos]

...we have the ISS. If there is an impact in the next few months, the three men on the ISS will come down to earth and repopulate. Yeah, that's it.

Re:Excuse me?

[Anonymous Coward]

id like to know so that i could ask a girl for sex

"so... we only have 2 days left before we all die, can i fuck you?"

i must have sex before i die!

Department of Homeland Security says...

[miketang16]

In the event of an asteroid impact, lay flat down on the ground, with your hands covering your head, and you will be protected.

Slashdotted

[Anonymous Coward]

They could publish info about imminent space catastrophe and I wouldn't be able to read about it because somebody'd post it on Slashdot first.

Sweet oblivion.

Bin Laden is hijacking asteroids now???

[Nova Express]

"Apparently we are just as likely to die by asteroid impact as in a plane crash."

Since some 3000 people died as the result of airplane crashes in 2001, I don't find this terribly reassuring.

Well, if Bin laden is capable of hijacking an asteroid, then he must have gottten the rocket from somewhere. Yet another bit of missile technology Iraq failed to declare...

No way

[Timesprout]

The real reason they are keeping mum is to prevent hoardes of geeks making fools of themselves camping outside Natalie Portmans house trying to get a date before they depart to techno heaven.

This Sucks!!

[loknor]

If they don't tell us then how will we know when it is time to start looting, raping, and pillaging!

Re:Bin Laden is hijacking asteroids now???

[Znork]

Then again, some 50K people in the US died as the result of traffic accidents in 2001.

Better hope Osama doesnt get his hands on a car manufacturing plant.

Re:Duct tape.

[stefanlasiewski]

Bah, duck tape won't do anything! Too fragile, too many cracks.

Personally, I'll be sealing myself and my wife inside of a giant tupperware container.

Airbags

[Anonymous Coward]

What we need is an EABP (Earth airbag project).

We need to calculate where the asteroid will hit. Then we simply inflate a giant (the size of several US states) airbag over the region.

When the asteroid hits the airbag, it will slow down enough that it won't be dangerous, just like a guy who is falling from a building.

100% success rate! WAHOO!

[herrd0kt0r]

here's the headline on another article linked to the one posted above:

David Morrison figures his long effort to keep the world safe from asteroids has been very successful. "In 11 years of protecting the planet, not a single human has been killed," he pointed out to me recently.

heaoeahoahaohea
oh, these wacky astrophysicists and their humor. and to think, i was beginning to believe that they were, you know, all brain, no penis.

I smell a sponsorship!

[LongJohnStewartMill]

I wonder if Taco Bell will sponsor this. If a killer Asteroid hits a special target (like the franchise on my street), they could give everybody on Earth free diarrhea.

Re:Why not warn?

[tpengster]

Who is to say that with the combined ability of every nation on earth that there wouldnt be a way to put enough explosion on target to move such an object?

Just don't let France in on it. They'd probably call for us to "double, triple" the number of telescopes

The good news, and the bad news...

[titzandkunt]

I can't give my real name or tell where I work for obvious reasons...

The good news is, no matter how broke you are, if the rent's due after next Thursday, you shouldn't worry about it too much. You're probably better off blowing the spare cash on whores and booze.

You can buy yourself that Corvette you've always hankered after - trust me - the repayments will not be a problem - just do it quickly.

The bad news is you really should call your parents. Come on, a five-minute call versus an eternity of guilt!

Gotta go now: Cheyenne mountain won't just fill itself with faceless spooks, you know! Oh, and er Good Luck. You never know - we might meet up after "It", and I'll buy that Corvette from you for an MRE and a bottle of water.

Ciao,

T&K.

Plan to save the planet

[gasgesgos]

I propose that we:
A)Construct a large, white, triangular craft that shoots white dots
B)Launch it
C)Use an Atari 2600 controller to pilot it


Then we find the Twin Galaxies high score holder [twingalaxies.com] and get him to save the planet.

However, this points out how to find out. . .

[kfg]

if we're about to be hit with an asteroid, and they won't tell us.

Watch the astronomers. If all of a sudden they start mortgaging their souls to buy Porsches and big mansions with hot and cold running hookers, look out!

KFG

Re:Godd news

[Sgt York]

Oh, yeah...at sixty, you're like, practically at death's door. Who cares if you die then? You're practically dead already, right?

Re:Duct tape.

[Anonymous Coward]

It was probably that Cristo guy who likes to blight the landscape with plastic sheeting and call it art.

Duct tape!

[Inoshiro]

"Bah, duck tape won't do anything! Too fragile, too many cracks."

I think duck tape has too many quacks myself.

Re:Duct tape.

[UniverseIsADoughnut]

Is my tinfoil hat still good? Or do I have to make some sort up Duct Tape upgrade?

Re:I'm confused.

[steve_l]

They wont tell you and me, but they will tell the powers that be, who might take actions that would otherwise seem odd:-

-Go into permanent hiding in an underground bunker somewhere on the grounds of 'security'.

-Come up with an economic and taxation policy that is clearly hopeless long term.

-Settle old grudges with countries they dont like.

So, keep your eye out for things like this.

Re:This Sucks!!

[Anonymous Coward]

When is it NOT time to loot, rape, and pillage?

Re:Why not warn?

[Anonymous Coward]

NASA: An asteroid of mass destruction will hit the earth in 3 weeks.

France: Violence must be the last resort. Diplomacy with the asteroid has not run its course. It is certainly dangerous, but we have no proof that it poses an immediate threat. I am not convinced. The grainy photographs provided by the Americans tell us nothing. We need more Asteroid Inspectors. The world must give the inspectors more time. (orgasmic applause in the U.N.)

tick tick tick tick...

Remember kids

[Anonymous Coward]

In the event of a nuclear war:

Duck and cover.

I will pay...

[Anonymous Coward]

In the event of a huge chunk of rock hitting the earth and you happen to survive dispite NASA/Norad not telling people about it, I will pay one gallon of water and one roll of duct tape to anyone who terminates Geoffrey Sommer. :)

On a serious note why arn't religious groups more pissed off about this.....I have no need for it but I am sure there are plenty of people who would like to make peace with thier god/gods before they die.

Re:Excuse me?

[RobinH]

Just because NASA has no ideas what to do doesn't mean that nobody could. Some middle school kid might pop up with some brilliantly obvious way to save our asses that the hotshots all overlooked. If you're f*cked anyway you might as well let everyone else have a chance to think of something.

That's an interesting idea... here's a way to build on it: have NASA issue a warning today, that we only have 2 years until a killer asteroid is going to hit us. Then, the middle school kids with the ideas can offer them up NOW so we can actually have time to implement them! Why wait until we're all f*cked?