First Human Clone Born?

slantyyz writes "A religious cult, the Raelians, has claimed that the birth of first human clone is one of theirs. While this hasn't been corroborated yet, it's making headlines in Canada, where the cult is based. There's supposed to be a press conference on Friday in Hollywood. This story just may have legs."

Send in the Clones!

[Anonymous Coward]

Don't bother, they're already here....

Legs

[YellowSnow]

Hopefully the clone will have legs too!

News?

[SteakJerky.com]

This is news? Come on, who among us didn't expect the first cloned baby to come from a Canadian religious cult? Duh People!

Anyone have the schedule?

[ergo98]

I want to know when the next ship to Blisstonia [thesimpsons.com] is.

Hollywood?

[Paul Burney]

There's supposed to be a press conference on Friday in Hollywood

Hollywood? Come on. This is just some funky promotion for Lucas' next Clone movie.

clones

[ryan89]

Just what we need, a bunch of cloned Canadiens... Why didn't they choose to clone some Swedish chicks?

Missing a period

[Aggrazel]

"I've missed a period" - girl
"Shit! ... are you sure?" - cult leader
"Well, yes, dammit. I told you to use protection! What do you care, you've gotten half the women in this cult pregnant." - girl
"Yeah, but they're not 15 ... this could be bad. Uh... I know! We'll send you away for a while!" - cult leader
"What about the kid? What do we do when he comes back?" - girl
"We'll put out a press release saying he's really a clone, we'll even post it on slashdot! I'm sure everyone will believe us!" - cult leader

First Human Clone Born?

[rant-mode-on]

• This story just may have legs

Yes, but how many?

I've heard this one before...

[DCowern]

A woman gives birth to an exact clone of herself. A couple years down the road, the child learns to speak and its first word is a cuss word. It turns out that the child is an EXACT replica of the mother except for the fact that it can only speak swear words. This drives the mother crazy and eventually she drives to a large canyon and pushes the child in. When she returns home, the police arrest her...

For making obscene clone falls! Ba dum ching!

Re:clones

[dr_dank]

Don't be fooled. It's all a plot to resurrect this guy [timhortons.com].

I, for one, welcome our hockey and donut-eating overlords.

Re:I Don't Believe It

[Ded Bob]

Maybe they used cold fusion technology? :)

Re:For your INfo

[eric_ste]

Resistance is futile... You have already been engineered by them as an anonymous coward.

As for the spelling and grammar, I was unfortunately implemented with the french grammar traits. But hey, let's compare your french grammar with my english grammar. ;)

Re:No way to stop it

[CorkieVII]

If you clone yourself and it gives you a BJ, is it considered oral sex or masturabation?

Re:Silly People Don't Realize...

[Gyan]

"I have a twin borther and have had for hte past 20 odd years."

And before that ?

(duh)

Please, dear God, let this be true...

[Halloween Jack]

From a Salon article [salon.com] on the cult:

I'd heard that a disproportionate number of Ralians come from the exotic-dance community.

Hey, we want these people to clone themselves!

This guy has the right idea...

[Lokatana]

Two quotes:

• "According to Grescoe, "Raël's success seems to derive from providing a structured environment for decadent behavior: He offers a no-guilt playground for hedonism and sexual experimentation.
• Like all good religious leaders, Raël expects his followers to support him. A 10% tithe is the norm.

Hmm... this guy's got it made. All the unrestricted sex he can have, and his followers all pay him to live like a prince. I thought you had to be a U.S. President to live like this!

-Lokatana

Re:clones

[Glytch]

And at the last supper, He took a Boston Cream, broke it and said, "This is what's it's all aboot. Munch on this in memory of me." And he took the Medium Double-Double, drank from it and said, "Hey, drink this in memory of me, eh?"

(I am *so* going to hell...)

Re:Send in the Clones!

[diverman]

It has begun!

Re:News?

[stevejsmith]

Merrian-Webster [m-w.com] defines a cult as a religion regarded as unorthodox or spurious. I think that a majority of us can agree that the idea that we were cloned from aliens is unorthodox.

Re:Defects

[Pinky]

I had no idea not having a soul could lead to arthritis.

When in need of loot:

[Dark Lord Seth]

1. Found obscure cult involving aliens.
2. Ask "tithes" for support and basic nescecities. (6 acres of land, 4 million USD villa, heated swimming pool, turkish sauna, botanic garden, 4 wives, 4^n children, 3 Mercedes', 2 BMWs, 2 Cessnas, 1 Learjet, 1 converted Boeing 727 and a division of lawyers to keep the 4 wives from running away with all aforementioned "nescecities".)
3. Profit!

Re:Silly People Don't Realize...

[jgerman]

That's ridiculously stupid. I mean besides the fact that it shows you have no touch with reality, everybody knows that those boy bands aren't clones of each other. They're robots. :p

Re:Sounds better than Scientology

[_Sprocket_]

...where he was entertained by voluptuous female robots and learned that the first humans were created 25,000 years ago by space travelers called Elohim, who cloned themselves.

...

That's a lot more believable and less violent than the Xenu and the volcanoes story.

Eventually it'll come out that the Raelians' and Scientologists' belief systems were based on visits by the same alien race. Its just that the Scientologists got stuck with intergalactic Puritans. Rael's aliens? Apparently cosmic hippies out spreading free love and having a good time.

Re:They're gonna invade

[Chris Mattern]

> The Canadians are gonna invade with there army of clones. Let's nuke'm

Jeez, don't you know *anything* about military stuff? When your going to get invaded by an army of clones, you send out your Jedi. *Everybody* knows that...

Chris Mattern

clone prediction

[muyuubyou]

I'm sure as hell this post will be "cloned" quite soon, too.

Re:Sounds better than Scientology

[dkoyanagi]

Raëlians are followers of Raël, a French-born former race-car driver who has said he met a four-foot space alien atop a volcano in southern France in 1973 and went aboard his ship, where he was entertained by voluptuous female robots and learned that the first humans were created 25,000 years ago by space travelers called Elohim, who cloned themselves.

Hmmm, let's see...
Volcano, check.
Space ship, check.
Clones, check.
Short "alien", check.
Fembots, check.
What? Where are the sharks? I asked for sharks with friggin "lasers" on their heads.

Re:Silly People Don't Realize...

[Flounder]

Yes, we call it "having sex". It's an amazing cloning technique that nature gave us that allows one to combine traits and create "clones". If you really want purity, incest might be in order: Some sisterly love and you'll have a virtually perfect family clone.

This is Slashdot, mind you. Most of us are closer to being able to clone ourselves with ordinary household items then we are to having sex with another person.

I've been trying to clone myself for years. I guess jacking off into a paper towel just wasn't the proper medium to propogate life, eh?

Re:Christians == Jesus Cult

[EnlightenmentFan]

shut up with your bigotry. Will you assholes ever learn to respect other religions or do you need a few more 9/11s to get it through your thik skulls.

Your goals are too modest--I think the deep thought, humane empathy, and tolerance expressed by this AC deserve not only to be imitated in the US but all over the globe.

In fact, I think in a lot of places they already are quite standard.

Re:Hollywood?

[MAXOMENOS]

Great, it's been one day and they've already cloned Hollywood. What disasters will come next?

FUCK!

[Anonymous Coward]

I just submitted this story by accident.

current odds of it being published to the front page:

20:1

paypal me the money at [e-mail]

Obligatory Star Wars quote

[Zog The Undeniable]

Begun this Clone War is!

Re:Silly People Don't Realize...

[Anonymous Coward]

they should have set that variable to zero!

This is how the OpenDNA project got started. NetDNA had all those uninitialized variables and mRNA overruns (where it would copy the wrong DNA), so some Scientologists in Canada forked the DNA and have been auditing it to remove these bugs.

Re:A few holes

[Tall Rob Mc]

Replies:

1) It's not xenophobia. It's a joke. Your boredom stems from your overly-serious approach to internet posting. If I wasn't American, I'd rip on Americans all day. I'm not French, so I'll rip on the French as much as I please. I invite all French readers to reply with their worst, understanding that the interaction will all be in good fun.
2) My list isn't in chronological order. I apologize profusely and pledge to keep all further postings involving multiple events in a timeline format. This appears to be the only actual "correction" that you have made.
3) You said the same thing I did, but you used more details because you google searched for "Raelians" and reported what you found.
4) We all agree here. :-)
5) Anything that involves group sex is at least worth a look.

Maybe Rael hit the wall a few too many times during his racing career: This would explain his status as a "former" race-car driver and as a lunatic.

After previewing this message I decided it was too agressive. I assure you the only reason for this is that I'm bored at work and I'm searching for any source of entertainment I can find. As I've mentioned, internet posting can only be taken seriously to a point.

Re:Cult?

[SuiteSisterMary]

As seen on a /. sig...

Cult: A small, unpopular religion.

Religion: A large, popular cult.