Science Askew 385
| Science Askew: A Light-Hearted Look at the Scientific World | |
| author | Donald E. Simanek and John C. Holden |
| pages | 310 |
| publisher | Institute of Physics Publishing |
| rating | 7 |
| reviewer | Stella Daily |
| ISBN | 0750307145 |
| summary | Geeks poking fun at themselves, with mixed success. |
Whoever came up with that joke definitely doesn't know geeks, or he'd know that they most certainly do appreciate the opposite sex and that that programmer would have been all over the frog in a second. But when geeks make fun of themselves? Now that's something to see -- and Science Askew is a collection of just such humor. The jokes run the gamut from one-liner to extended essay, and almost every major branch of science is represented.
The great strength of Science Askew is that, unlike so many collections of humor about a particular group of people, these aren't just blonde jokes with "chemist" or "computer programmer" or "mathematician" substituted for the word "blonde." It's subject-specific humor -- and at its best, it's good for some serious belly laughs. (An example: "Never lend a geologist money. They consider a million years ago to be recent.") Most of the time, a specialized knowledge of a particular branch of science isn't necessary to get the jokes -- merely being a generalist geek is more than enough.
You'll find many old chestnuts gathered here, such as the "Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide!" essay, mixed in with original material by Donald Simanek and lesser-known pieces plucked from magazines. John Holden's illustrations, which range from the brilliantly funny to the incomprehensible, are sprinkled throughout.
Why does Science Askew rate only a 7? While it's nice to have so many science jokes gathered in one place, you're likely to have heard a good number of them before -- and even if you haven't, you can find them (and many more) for free here. While there is a significant amount of original and hard-to-find material, it tends to be of lesser quality than the stuff you can find on the Web. Thus, it's hard to justify the $30 price tag. Plus, as a chemist, I can't help but be miffed that there's no section for chemistry (though there are a few chemistry jokes scattered in other parts of the book). There's an entire 23-page chapter devoted to the life and times of a single fictitious scientist, so why not a chapter for the chemists?
When geeks lampoon each other, the results can be dangerously funny. Unfortunately, as Science Askew shows, the jokes can also fall flat -- but there's enough good material inside to make it worth a look.
You can purchase Science Askew from bn.com. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page.
Actually... (Score:4, Funny)
Actually no, I haven't.
Re:Actually... (Score:5, Funny)
Actually no, I haven't.
Your first mistake was assuming that you were part of we.
Re:Actually... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Actually... (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:Actually... (Score:5, Funny)
"Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this gorgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'."
The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
* NOTE: I'm not the quoted person(s) above
Re:Actually... (Score:5, Funny)
A guy I went to grad school with (molecular biology) was riding his bicycle to UCLA. A beautiful woman in a Porsche pulled up next to him at a light and asked him, "You look sweaty. Do you want a lift?" He said, "No, I'm almost there," came into work and told the story to his labmates, who nearly lynched him for his stupidity.
And I'll throw in a joke:
A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are standing outside a building. They watch one person walk in, and two people walk out.
The physicist says: The law of conservation of mass holds, after accounting for experimental error.
The biologist says: Apparently they're breeding.
The mathematician says: If one more person enters the building, it will be empty!
Re:Actually... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Actually... (Score:2)
Actually no, I haven't.
You better sue taco for slashdotting your ears, but its good you read it before your eyes got slashdotted ;-)
Re:Actually... (Score:2, Funny)
geek jokes (Score:3, Funny)
Comic 1 [utoronto.ca]
Comic 2 [utoronto.ca]
I know that there's an error in the calculation in the second comic, i just haven't fixed it yet. If you spot it you win... nothing.
oh... and here's the link to the comic's website [profjack.org].
Re:geek jokes (Score:2)
I think Neptune is a bit closer than 200 light years away...
Re:Actually... (Score:5, Funny)
For a refutation of this statement, see Jones, C., One Froggy Evening
Re:Actually... (Score:2, Informative)
- What is your experience, is geek taste in female beauty different than "normal" guy's taste? (It better be, because we will never get a chance to touch such a girl anyhow.)
Hey, some geeksMight as well post a joke - (Score:5, Funny)
A: What are you, an idiot?
Re:Might as well post a joke - (Score:5, Funny)
RTFM.
Re:Might as well post a joke - (Score:5, Funny)
The bartender says, "What is this, some sort of joke?"
Re:Might as well post a joke - (Score:4, Funny)
I'd have thought at least one of them would have ducked.
Re:Might as well post a joke - (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Might as well post a joke - (Score:5, Funny)
Software Engineer: "It's a hardware problem."
Re:Might as well post a joke - (Score:3, Funny)
MS coders: 0. This is a marketing job. Redefine the industrial standard to "Darkness".
Re:Might as well post a joke - (Score:5, Funny)
Software Engineer: "It's a hardware problem."
Hardware Engineer: "We'll just work around it in software."
Re:Might as well post a joke - (Score:2)
repeat as necessary
Re:Might as well post a joke - (Score:4, Funny)
A: None, the bulb gets screwed as soon as it is slashdotted
Re:Might as well post a joke - (Score:5, Funny)
Disclaimer: Above links only intended for use by intoxicated consenting adults
Science and humor (Score:3, Informative)
S
Yuck, Yuck, Yuck! (Score:5, Funny)
The officer says, "Excuse me, sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg says, "No, but I know where I am."
Gets better every time I hear it.
Re:Yuck, Yuck, Yuck! (Score:2)
J
Re:Yuck, Yuck, Yuck! (Score:5, Funny)
To get to the same side!
Re:Yuck, Yuck, Yuck! (Score:5, Funny)
schroedinbug /shroh'din-buhg/ n.
[MIT: from the Schroedinger's Cat thought-experiment in quantum physics] A design or implementation bug in a program that doesn't manifest until someone reading source or using the program in an unusual way notices that it never should have worked, at which point the program promptly stops working for everybody until fixed. Though (like bit rot [tuxedo.org] ) this sounds impossible, it happens; some programs have harbored latent schroedinbugs for years. Compare heisenbug [tuxedo.org] , Bohr bug [tuxedo.org] , mandelbug [tuxedo.org] .
Leeched from the Jargon Files.
Re:Yuck, Yuck, Yuck! (Score:2)
Re:Yuck, Yuck, Yuck! (Score:5, Funny)
We're forgetting about one group of readers (Score:2, Funny)
What about the presumed 10% of Slashdotters who are gay ?
Disclaimer: I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that....
Re:We're forgetting about one group of readers (Score:5, Funny)
You're right, there's absolutely nothing wrong with not being gay.
Re:There's one group that has it worse! (Score:2)
two strings (Score:5, Funny)
The first one says "I'll have a beer"
The second says "Yeah, I'll have a beer tooadsfjjl45080f4[].(&$#@jhf,f324...."
The first one replies "sorry my friend isn't null terminated"
*badaboomski*
Re:two strings (Score:5, Funny)
Ba-dum-ching
Not to be nitpicking... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Not to be nitpicking... (Score:2)
Re:Not to be nitpicking... (Score:3, Interesting)
Some research on the fsfmag website turns up "Warts and All" by Esther Friesner in the March 2001 issue. Strongly recommended.
the frog joke (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:the frog joke (Score:2)
For me this joke is funny, not because it pokes fun at geeks' supposed social ineptness, but because it has a kind of shock-of-truth quality. One of the things that sets geeks apart is an interest in things that other people take for granted.
Re:the frog joke (Score:5, Funny)
I always liked the frog joke, but my favorite in that vein is still the following "adultery koan":
Junior Developer: "My wife's always on my case because I'm working too hard and never see her anymore, but I can't spend any time with her if we're gonna get this project done."
Senior Developer: "I had that same problem until I found a mistress."
Junior Developer: "What? How so? Doesn't that make it worse?"
Senior Developer: "Not at all, Grasshopper. Every engineer should have both a wife and a mistress. That way, you can tell your wife you're with your mistress, and tell your mistress you're with your wife. Only then will you have enough time to get to the lab and work!"
Upon hearing this, the junior developer was enlightened.
Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide! (Score:2, Funny)
- Swannie
One of my favourites... (Score:5, Funny)
(This whole discussion is going to degenerate into our favourite sci/geek jokes, isn't it? Not that I'm complaining, mind...)
The cat problem.... (Score:2)
From: Johan Blixt blixt@trantor.math.kth.se
I found this in "The Guardian." (UK)
Disregarding the metaphysical aspects of Schrodinger's cats, (Letters,
April 28) I must protest at the use of (possibly live) animals for
experiments such as these. I urge readers to boycott whatever product
this research is leading to.
Roger Bisby, Reigate, Surrey.
[Note - originally appeared in RHF during second quarter of 1990 - ed]
From: "Anthony Coulter" c17gmaster@earthlink.net
There is nothing wrong with the Schroedinger's Cat experiment! You aren't
actually killing the cat until you measure it... When the Humane Society
comes up and looks into your box, you can rest assured that the cat's death
is their fault...
Re:The cat problem.... (Score:4, Insightful)
Ah, physics jokes (Score:2)
Well, actually, I think I've even seen that in textbooks.
And of course, there are the three laws of thermodynamics:
Re:Ah, physics jokes (Score:5, Funny)
A red sign on the door of a physics professor: 'If this sign is blue, you're going too fast.'
this one I never forget.. (Score:5, Funny)
Law 2: A toast always falls with buttered side down
New Technology: Scientists have proposed that we will glue cats to unbuttered sides of toasts. By law one and 2, both will never fall and keep spinning above the ground. This buttered cat array will be used for high speed cat-but-lev trains.
*ducks*
Re:this one I never forget.. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:this one I never forget.. (Score:2, Funny)
A physicist, a minister, and a computer scientist (Score:5, Funny)
(From Things a Computer Scientist Rarely Talks About by Donald Knuth)
A few of my personal favorites (Score:5, Funny)
Entropy ain't what it used to be
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Descartes! You want a beer?" Descartes replies, "I think not" and *POOF*, Descartes disappears
Groan (Score:5, Funny)
That night Feynman nudged Sagan.
"Look up," he said. "What do you see?"
"Billions and billions of stars," said Sagan.
"Yes, yes," said Feynman. "What can you deduce from these stars?"
"There are billions and billions of stars. If only a fraction of a percent can support life, then surely we are not alone in the Universe."
"No, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!"
Re:Groan (Score:5, Informative)
Reference: http://www.laughlab.co.uk/press/press.html [laughlab.co.uk]
(The final results and the winning joke can be found at http://www.laughlab.co.uk [laughlab.co.uk])
More jokes (Score:5, Funny)
A: There were Poles on the right half of the plane!
Q: What is the Fourier Transform of this? (moves hand in a horizontal fashion to indicate a constand function)
A: This! (give person The Finger to indicate the Dirac Delta function).
A mathematician, a physicist and an industrial enginner are asked "Are all odd numbers prime?". So the mathematican goes "Let's see 1 is odd and prime, 3 is odd and prime ... okay by mathematican inducation all odd numbers are prime." The physicist is next. "1 works, 3 works, 5 does, 7 does, 9 doesn't, 11 does, 13 does ... okay that 9 is probably experimental error so, yes, all odd numbers are prime." The industrial engineer is last. "Okay 1 is odd and prime, 3 is odd and prime, 5 is odd and prime, 7 is odd and prime, 9 is odd and prime ..."
Laugh, damn you!
GMD
OT: Did you know that... (Score:2)
Re:More jokes (Score:2)
Software engineer: "1 is odd and prime, 3 is odd and prime, 3 is odd and prime, 3 is odd and prime, 3 is odd and prime
Re:More jokes (Score:2)
So why do machine-level programmers confuse... (Score:4, Funny)
So why do machine-level programmers confuse Christmas and Halloween?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
(Thats OCTal 31 = DECimal 25, for those who don't get it.)
Just Desserts (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:Just Desserts (Score:2)
Re:Not all of us (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Not all of us (Score:3, Funny)
Some years ago when I was working for a toxicology laboratory, I happened to run into an old high school acquaintance.
Him: So what do you do now?
Me: I test drugs.
[pause]
Him: Cool. So, do they just like give them to you?
Jokes are OK, but don't tolerate the untolerable (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Jokes are OK, but don't tolerate the untolerabl (Score:2)
She was probably trying to hit on me but, well, I was in grade six and a geek. And people gave me a little more space after that.
Unfortunately, these days "zero tolerance" means that you can be tormented all day long, but as soon as you push the bully out of your way you're expelled.
Joining the merry throng (Score:5, Funny)
One of my favorites, stolen from the Canonical List of Math Jokes [pk.edu.pl]:
A project manager, a hardware engineer, and a programmer were in a car. Coming down a hill, a tyre got a puncture, the car went out of control, and a bad crash was only narrowly averted.
The project manager wanted everyone to help draw up a plan of how to fix the car and carry on.
The hardware engineer wanted to change the tyre and carry on.
The programmer wanted to go back to the top of the hill, drive down again, and see if the problem happened again.
MC Hawking's crib (Score:4, Informative)
Einstein's Joke Paper (Score:3, Funny)
Has anyone ever read Einstein's joke paper on relativity? Basically opens like this:
"Spend an hour with a beautiful woman and it feels like a minute. Spend a minute sitting on a hot iron and it feels like an hour - this is relativity." He then goes on to describe his experiment where he first finds a beautiful woman and spends an hour with her and indeed it feels like only a minute has passed and then describes how he sat on his wife's stove for a few seconds and how it felt like an eternity of pain...
New Jersey trilogy?? (Score:2, Funny)
Uncertainity principle (Score:2)
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
It would be cool! (Score:2)
It would! I always wondered what that frog in FROGGER would have said as he/she was getting splattered while crossing the road.
while we are discussing splattered animals... (Score:3, Funny)
A. His rear end.
Ba-da-boom.
wow (Score:4, Funny)
I didn't know such a thing existed.
It's a question of limits (Score:2)
(It's not entirely technically correct, but that's not the point of the joke.)
Phun with Physics (Score:3, Funny)
CAUTION: DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT LASER WITH REMAINING EYE
All Nerds think about... (Score:4, Funny)
Girl: Are all Nerds as good as you?
Nerd: Yes!
Girl: Wow! Why is that?
Nerd: Because all jocks think about is sports. All Nerds think about is sex.
From experience, this is true.
Science Askew 2 (Score:4, Funny)
30 Bucks !!?? (Score:4, Funny)
.
.
.
[silence... crickets chirping...]
Absolute Zero Gravity (Score:2, Funny)
You can get it from your local bookstore or favorite online site (ISBN 0671740601).
Here are a couple of my favorites (from memory):
Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
A: Nothing. You can't cross a vector with a scaler.
A group of gamblers wanted to try to make horse racing pay by studying it scientifically. So they hired three teams of scientists: a team of biologists, a team of mathematicians, and a team of physicists.
After six months, the teams were called in to give their reports. The biologists, who had spent the most money, went first. They told the gamblers, "We've solved the problem completely. We can set up a selective breeding and genetic engineering program to breed the perfect racehorse within 20 years, at a cost of only $200 million per year."
That seemed a bit steep to the gamblers, so they called in the mathematicians, who had the longest paper. The head of the team told them, "We're happy to announce we have a complete solution to your problem. We've been able to prove that every race is won by at least one horse. In fact, we've gone further and shown uniqueness: every race is won by exactly one horse!"
That didn't satisfy the gamblers either, and the physicists were called in. They, too, assured the gamblers that their troubles were over. "We've performed a complete physical analysis of horse racing and understand it completely. However, we've had to make a few simplifying assumptions. First, let each horse be a perfect rolling sphere..."
Old but good light bulb jokes (Score:5, Funny)
A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to recognize that the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality inside a netherworld of endless obscurity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Fish.
Car Troubles (Score:5, Funny)
The Mechanical Engineer, surveying the wreckage, says "I think the steering column may have broke, causing the wheel to turn violently to the right."
The Electrical Engineer, disagreeing, says "No, I think there may have been a short circuit in the power assisted steering system."
The Software Engineer, looks at the other two, and says "Well anyways, let's push the car back up the hill, on to the road, and see if it happens again."
(Disclaimer: I am a Software Engineer with a CSE degree.)
Gotta love science comics (Score:2)
The caption reads "George Boole Ordering Lunch."
Did you hear about the statistician ... (Score:2)
Thanks Fortune (Score:4, Funny)
consequences and implications of a married man having a mistress. The
sociologist's opinion was that it is absolutely and categorically
unforgivable for a married man to forfeit the bond of matrimony, and
engage in such lowly and lustful pursuits.
The psychologist's opinion was that although morally reprehensible,
if a man MUST have a mistress to achieve his full potential as a human
being, then -- well -- he may go ahead and choose to have a mistress,
as long as he is considerate enough to keep this secret from his wife.
The engineer then interjected: "I also believe that, if necessary,
a married man is entitled to a mistress. However, I do not see why
the affair should be concealed from the wife. On the contrary, if the
affair is out in the open, then on Friday evenings he may tell his wife
that he is going to see his mistress, tell his mistress that he is
going
to be with his wife, then go to his office and get some work done!"
Reminds me of an old cartoon I saw (Score:2)
A similar joke was a sign outside a motel in Las Vegas during a physicists' convention:
"HEISENBERG MAY HAVE SLEPT HERE"
Sooooo... (Score:3, Funny)
What's the difference between an introverted computer scientist and an extroverted computer scientist?
The extroverted computer scientist looks at YOUR shoes.
Re:Sooooo... (Score:2)
An extroverted accountant looks at your shoes when talking with you.
Fun with Nuetrons!!! (Score:5, Funny)
A proton, an electron, and a neutron walk into a bar. They approach the bar tender and the proton orders a drink. The bartender asks him for a buck. The electron steps up and orders the same drink, again the bartender asks him for a buck. Finally, the neutron walks up, orders and the same drink, and the bartender merely hands it to him stating "For you, no charge"!
*bada ba boom!*
=)
Mnemonics (Score:5, Funny)
Columbus sailed the ocean blue
In Fourteen-hundred and ninety-two
Divide that son-of-a-bitch by two
And that's how many watts are in a horsepower.
Truth is rarer than fiction (Score:3, Funny)
"Shortly after the discovery of the huge Tharsis volcanoes on Mars, various names were proposed for them. Someone ([Carl] Sagan discreetly described him as "a European savant") suggested that the mountains should be named after various Roman deities - there would be a Mons Martis, a Mons Jovis ... and a Mons Veneris. Planetary scientists seem to lead very sheltered lives - it fell to Sagan to point out that "mons veneris" is a phrase already used to designate a well-loved portion of the female anatomy, and that it could only induce sniggering at the back of the class if the same name were given to a 20-kilometre-high volcano."
(snippet from this page. [bubl.ac.uk])
Any other good real-life science humor out there?
Science Humor - Annals of Improbable Research (Score:2)
www.improbable.com
It is "THE Journal of Record for Inflated Research and Personalities" This journal is also the sponsor for the IgNobel awards.
If you get a chance, read the article "Electron Band Structure in Germanium, My Ass" by Lucas Kovar, in the May/June 2001 Issue (Vol. VII, No. 3)
By far, the best in scientific humor I have ever read, and the best part is that most of the really funny stuff is based on REAL research actually done by a researcher.
A comp-sci joke (Score:2)
First he looks both ways to check if any cars are coming.
How does a computer programmer cross a road?
First he looks to check if there is a road.
On the gold course (Score:5, Funny)
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
"The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause]
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't! they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Human Body (Score:4, Funny)
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Looking for an electron joke... (Score:3, Funny)
A family of atoms is walking down the street and the little baby atom runs up to his parents and says, "Momma! Momma! I think I lost an electron!" and the Momma atom says, "Are you sure?" and the baby atom says, "Yes, I'm positive!"
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender plunks the mug down in front of the neutron. The neutron asks the bartender how much he owes, but the bartender says, "For you, no charge."
psych expirement (Score:3, Funny)
They start with an engineer. The engineer grabs the bucket, runs to the sink, fills it with water and throw it on the fire which promptly goes out.
Next up was a physicist. The physicist whips out his slide rule, does some quick calculations, take the bucket over to the sink, fills it and throws it on the fire. The fire goes out exponentially.
Then they let an applied mathematician try it. The Amath guy fills bucket, sets it down next to the fire and leaves. Astonished, the psychologists ask why he didn't put the fire out. The Amath guy repplied that he had reduced it to an already solved problem.
Last up was a mathematician. The mathematician looked at the fire. Then he walked over and looked at the bucket. Then he walked over to the sink, looked at it, and nodded. He then left the room. The psychologists were completely baffeled by this and asked the mathematician about his behavior. "Simple," he replied. "I just proved that a solution existed."
Put out the fire (Score:3, Funny)
Not all nerd sex jokes... (Score:4, Funny)
A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes that she is headed straight toward his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation sweeps over him.
Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?" She turns and smiles and says, "I'm giving a talk to the Sexual Freedom League."
Whoa! He swallows hard--here's the most gorgeous woman he's ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she's talking about sex! Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what's your talk about?" She looks into his eyes, and says, "I plan to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really," he says, swallowing hard, again. "And what myths are those?" She explains: "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed. In my experience, the Native American is the most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers. I have found, instead that men of Jewish descent make the very best lovers, on average."
"Very interesting," the man responds. Suddenly, the woman looks embarrassed and starts to blush. "I'm sorry," she says, "I feel awkward discussing this with you--why, I don't even know your name." The man extends his hand and replies, "It's Tonto. Tonto Goldstein."
Re:Idea (Score:2)
Step 1) [Something innate]
Step 2) ????
Step 3) Profit!
Not to mention a couple billion Beowulf cluster jokes and "all your base" references.