Purchase Your Personal Gene Map

dstone writes "Craig Venter, Time Magazine's Person of the Year in 2000 has a new hobby: collecting rich people's DNA. Millionaires are lining up to buy their personal gene maps for the cool price of USD$621,500. The process takes a week and you get some insight into your genetic mutations that may correlate with illnesses, cancers, Alzeimer's, etc. Venter is a high profile character in the genetic sequencing scene and the Human Genome Project. More info on him may be found here(1) , here(2), and here(3) . If you had the pocket change, would you give this man your business?"

Anybody want to venture a guess

[Noose For A Neck]

...as to how long it is until someone patents my genes?

Like PT Barnum said

[rimcrazy]

A sucker is born every minute....

"MAPS TO CELEBRITIES GENES.....$2.00"

[Thatto]

"Ever wonder which hollywood stars and starlets share common sequences?" Oprah's grandmother's dirty little secret!" "THE RICH AND POWERFUL: Genetically Inclined?"

no thanks

It's a good thing this is expensive....

[raehl]

My girlfriend never forgets my mistakes as it is - the last thing I need is her sending in a hair sample and getting a map to all of my flaws in advance.

Re:Well.

[delta407]

How long before we're doing this for unborn fetuses

Yeah, but how many unborn fetuses have six hundred thousand dollars?

I already know mine

[HashDefine]

My approx 30000 genes (PDF!) [stanford.edu] are divided up thus

1200 genes - beer drinking

1568 - code (as in source code!)

97 - Pizza Eating genes

14 - Project Management

and the rest 27219 are in a gene pool to be used in case more beer background worker genes or background code genes are required.

Re:Anybody want to venture a guess

[micromoog]

I wouldn't worry if I were you.

Hmm

[zurmikopa]

I plan to release my DNA under the gpl.
Feel free to fix me and release additional copies into the public domain.

Re:Anybody want to venture a guess

[Anonymous Coward]

Mmm, if they did this as a work for hire, couldn't you patent your own genes? That might be fun!

Copyright yourself so others can't do it for you...

My first thought: Obligatory Simpsons Reference

[Monkey-Man2000]

Comic Book Guy:

Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you, this will be much less breeding. For me, much, much more.

New Gene Mapping Service Lets Blame Buck be Passed

[raehl]

Many corporate executives who have recently run afoul of the law are taking advantage of a new genome mapping service.

Said former Enron exec Kenneth Lay, "This genome service became available just in time. Now when I meet with federal prosecutors the next time around, I can point right to the DNA sequence on my 12 chromosome and definitively say 'You see that sequence there? That's the one that made me do it.'"

The RIAA is also expected to use the service on a random samping of students from college campuses. "We believe that our study will show that 98% of college campus residents possess a gene which almost guarantees they will download pirated music if stringent Digital Rights Management software is not installed on their computers," said RIAA rep Anna Hacker.

But the service could be a boon to some college students as well - while family clout already goes a long way to getting students with good surnames into school, the service could also be used to show that students can skip the four year process altogether. "I had a rough time last year," said Ralph Perot, grandson of billionaire and former presidential candidate Ross Perot. "With this new service, for a mere couple of hundred thousand dollars, I can show that my genes will inevitably lead me to be at least a millionaire and I should just get my degree now." Some experts caution that such evidence may also be directly tied to the timing of the elder Perot's death and the pricise language of his will.

Venter's DNA

[morcheeba]

Craig's company Celera was mapping a suposedly anonymous genome, but then craig admitted it was his dna [guardian.co.uk]. As a Celera shareholder [yahoo.com], I wonder if that qualifies as a $600k perk that he got.

Re:Anybody want to venture a guess

[Suicide]

I already have. There will be a per child charge, for using my patented material to create a derivative work. Charge will be based on whether or not you'd like to buy the rights to said derivative work outright (allowing your children to have charge free children), or simply borrow it for the single copy (they will have to pay for the patented material received from you passed down to their derivative work, although at a lesser rate).

Re:If I had $621,500...

[Anonymous Coward]

(20:40:30) MovieDudeTX: have u been harassing FoxY ChicK 8403?
(20:40:38) Gordon Shanley: Nope.
(20:40:45) MovieDudeTX: fucking liar
(20:41:01) Gordon Shanley: I'm not harassing.
(20:41:06) Gordon Shanley: Are you named Glenn?
(20:41:17) MovieDudeTX: no im not named Gleen
(20:41:19) MovieDudeTX: *Glenn
(20:41:25) Gordon Shanley: Oh.
(20:41:40) MovieDudeTX: have u been talking to FoxY ChicK 8403?
(20:41:44) Gordon Shanley: Yes.
(20:41:46) Gordon Shanley: How about you?
(20:41:54) MovieDudeTX: yeah
(20:41:59) MovieDudeTX: she said u were bothering here
(20:42:00) MovieDudeTX: *her
(20:42:06) Gordon Shanley: Am I still bothering?
(20:42:21) MovieDudeTX: how did u get her sn
(20:42:27) Gordon Shanley: My subprofile.
(20:42:35) Gordon Shanley: But I took it down since then.
(20:42:37) MovieDudeTX: do u know her?
(20:42:49) Gordon Shanley: I'm not sure.
(20:42:55) Gordon Shanley: Do you?
(20:43:20) MovieDudeTX: yes I do
(20:43:30) Gordon Shanley: How old are you?
(20:43:44) MovieDudeTX: u first
(20:43:58) Gordon Shanley: You can ask Heather how old I am.
(20:44:41) MovieDudeTX: where do u know her from?
(20:44:56) Gordon Shanley: I don't know, she was in my suprofile.
(20:47:35) MovieDudeTX: ive got a copy of the convo u had with her so if i dont confess to bothering her, im
(20:47:44) MovieDudeTX: *if YOU dont confess
(20:48:01) Gordon Shanley: She didn't tell me I was being bothersome. You sound like a control freak.
(20:48:20) MovieDudeTX: you've got one last chance before I report you to AOL
(20:48:48) Gordon Shanley: One last chance for what? I don't understand what you're asking me.
(20:49:09) MovieDudeTX: LEAVE HER ALONE OR I WILL REPORT YOU TO AOL. I HAVE A COPY OF THE CONVO
(20:49:26) Gordon Shanley: Why didn't you just say it like that to start with?
(20:49:46) MovieDudeTX: perhaps i didnt make myself clear
(20:49:54) Gordon Shanley: That would be a safe assumption.
(20:50:03) MovieDudeTX: LEAVE HER ALONE OR I WILL REPORT YOU TO AOL. I HAVE A COPY OF THE CONVO
(20:50:09) MovieDudeTX: THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE
(20:50:34) Gordon Shanley: I'm not even saying something to her anymore. Are you some kind of moron?
(20:50:53) MovieDudeTX: u leaving her alone?
(20:51:33) Gordon Shanley: Yes, of course. I have manners, unlike you.
(20:51:44) MovieDudeTX: allright then im not gonna report you
(20:52:38) Gordon Shanley: But I wonder why she couldn't just ask me to leave her alone. It seems awfully weak for someone else to have to say that.
(20:53:00) MovieDudeTX: maybe u were scaring her? ever think of that
(20:54:01) Gordon Shanley: No. And if I was, she should just ask me to leave her alone, instead of being spineless about it.
(20:54:16) MovieDudeTX: just dont talk to her again
(20:54:31) MovieDudeTX: because if u do and i hear about it, im reporting you to AOL, you got that?
(20:54:35) Gordon Shanley: I won't unless she IMs me first.
(20:54:42) Gordon Shanley: And you're a total control freak, man.
(20:55:03) MovieDudeTX: no im not a total control freak, man.
(20:55:25) Gordon Shanley: Then what are you, just some kind of Texan redneck?
(20:55:41) MovieDudeTX: i dont live in the fucking sticks
(20:55:56) MovieDudeTX: and where r u from
(20:55:59) Gordon Shanley: Yeah, you're not good enough for that.
(20:56:05) Gordon Shanley: I'm from Wichita, Kansas.
(20:56:13) MovieDudeTX: oh a kansas farmboy
(20:56:18) MovieDudeTX: now whos the redneck
(20:56:24) Gordon Shanley: You need food.
(20:56:37) Gordon Shanley: You don't need guns to shoot down traffic lights.
(20:56:58) MovieDudeTX: I happen to live in a very affluent area
(20:57:14) Gordon Shanley: That doesn't mean you're not a total idiot.
(20:57:24) Gordon Shanley: Now here's how I would have approached the situation:
(20:57:33) MovieDudeTX: but at least im not a poor hick like u
(20:57:59) Gordon Shanley: "Hi, my friend FoxYChicK8403 would prefer not to talk to you. Could you please leave her alone? Thanks."
(20:58:16) MovieDudeTX: well that wouldnt have worked with a fucker like u
(20:58:20) Gordon Shanley: See, it works much better that way. You rich boys have no manners.
(20:58:31) MovieDudeTX: Gordon Shanley>!-- (8:58:25 PM)--> : Hi, my friend FoxYChicK8403 would prefer not to talk to you. Could you please leave her alone? Thanks.
(20:58:32) Gordon Shanley: It certainly would have worked.
(20:58:43) Gordon Shanley: Sure.
(20:58:45) Gordon Shanley: See?
(20:59:05) MovieDudeTX: fucking dickhead
(20:59:12) Gordon Shanley: Sounds like an apt description of yourself.
(20:59:27) MovieDudeTX: least im not a kansas redneck
(20:59:36) MovieDudeTX: i live in an affluent suburban area
(21:00:15) Gordon Shanley: Yeah, keep telling yourself that's worth something.
(21:00:29) Gordon Shanley: You're probably the stupidest person I've ever talked to in my whole life. Congratulations.
(21:00:58) Gordon Shanley: And they need servants in affluent areas. Although I'm sure you haven't worked a minute in your life.
(21:02:29) MovieDudeTX logged in.
(21:03:32) Gordon Shanley: Check out my new profile.
(21:04:16) MovieDudeTX: thats it
(21:04:23) MovieDudeTX: ur gonna hear from aol real soon
(21:04:40) Gordon Shanley: You only deserve it. Get a sense of humor.
(21:07:06) MovieDudeTX: u know what?
(21:07:25) MovieDudeTX: meet a friend of mine
(21:07:25) MovieDudeTX: his name is BLOCK
(21:07:32) MovieDudeTX logged out.

Re:Hmm

[jmv]

I just found a security hole in your DNA, I strongly suggest you apply a patch as soon as it is released. This patch will fix a vulnerability to the "AIDS" worm that's curently spreading. This worm spreads through many ports (mostly ports 6100d and 53x). In the mean time you can reduce the risks by downloading the "latex" utility.

Re:Anybody want to venture a guess

[deprecated]

Your jeans are more likely to be pantsed.

Not Funny

[foo fighter]

I see alot of comments joking about already owning their gene map and about releasing their map under the GPL.

No, you don't and no, you can't.

Most of the genes in your body are already patented, trademarked, and/or copyrighted. Those that aren't will be within the next few years.

We don't own our own bodies.

I hope that literally scares the shit out of you. It did to me: I locked myself in my bathroom until I could cope with the insanity of some corporation owning the natural devices that construct humans.

Wired had a very informative article on this some time back. Also, you can Google for the info and you'll find it.

What really scares me is that I've got at least 80 years left to live. I'm going to be fighting and putting up with a lot of shit before I can finally rest.

It'd be nice if some of you would give me a hand.

Re:Anybody want to venture a guess

[TummyX]

all your base-pairs are belong to us!

Re:I already own this...

[isorox]

However, if I do all I can to be healthy (i.e., not eating junkfood while laying on my couch all day)

I stopped that lifestyle a long time ago, I now sit in my nice comfy armchair while eating junk food, much healthier!