The Dangers of Being A Microbiologist

Anonymous Coward writes "Globe and Mail is running a story for all the paranoid conspiracy theorists among us: "Eleven microbiologists mysteriously dead over the span of just five months.... Throw in a few Russian defectors, a few nervy U.S. biotech companies, a deranged assassin or two, a bit of Elvis, a couple of Satanists, a subtle hint of espionage, a big whack of imagination, and the plot is complete, if a bit reminiscent of James Bond.""

Ah ha!

[AbraCadaver]

Maybe this has something to do with that nifty Self-assembling "nano-building" virus from a couple stories ago :)

"Wait, this isn't my drink! AARRGGHH!!"

Elements of madness

[Jucius Maximus]

"Throw in a few Russian defectors, a few nervy U.S. biotech companies, a deranged assassin or two, a bit of Elvis, a couple of Satanists, a subtle hint of espionage, a big whack of imagination..."

You forgot CowboyNeal.

Plot not yet complete

[gregfortune]

Until you add in the part where the Anonymous Coward who submitted the news item was hired by the same biotech company who paid an editor at Globe and Mail to publish a story to scare the living crap out of their microbiologists.

Ahhhh, the simplicity of safe-guarding IP.

Spoiler Warnings????

[daeley]

The assassin was *deranged*???! Not everybody lives on the East Coast, you guys. "License To Ill" isn't on out here for a while! A spoiler warning would be nice next time!

(apologies to the Beastie Boys)

Re:Elements of madness

[omaha]

Actually they left out the "Lone Gunmen." They bit it or rather inhaled it too.

measurement may affect results

[Anonymous Coward]

well, the fact that everyone is now wondering about these deaths, and is on the lookout for more deaths, might affect the result in several ways

1. microbiologists might start being more careful

2. people might try to kill more microbiologists, since it's the popular thing

3. contrarians (which many murderers are) might decide not to kill microbiologists, it being too passe

4. other effect

So, by all means, let us continue our scientific observations, but keeping in mind that the act of observing may influence the results, and may be dangerous to your health (if you are a microbiologist)

Where's JonKatz when you need him?

[Anonymous Coward]

HE would be able to piece this together!

Olympic games

[humming]

Now they only need a Olympic to spread this biological disease at.

Tom Clancy, the Nostradamus of our time.

//Humming

Acceptable risk

[Anonymous Coward]

I think that if you take a job that is anti-Scriptural you have to be willing to accept the risk of being killed by the moral community. Play with fire and get burned, etc.

The cast of characters....

[Wakko Warner]

Throw in a few Russian defectors, a few nervy U.S. biotech companies, a deranged assassin or two, a bit of Elvis, a couple of Satanists, a subtle hint of espionage...

I give up. Is this MTV's latest The Real World cast? Where's the loveable, misunderstood homosexual?

- A.P.

Re:"Exposure to Nitrogen"?

[Hank Reardon]

Could be, of course, that it was in it's liquid state when he entered the room.

Chilling idea, actually...

/me ducks quickly.

Re:The Microsoft Conspiracy!

[redhatbox]

The fact that the parent comment is currently ranked "+1 Insightful" makes me want to spoonfeed myself 10 kilos of ebola. If this weren't Slashdot, I'd swear the end is near...

#!/usr/bin/perl -w
my @cryforhelp = ("The", "feds", "made", "me", "do", "it!");
for ($i = 0; $i <= $#cryforhelp; $i++) {
print "$cryforhelp[$i] ";
}

Re:Heh...

[clone304]

Apparently the microbioligist obituary column is hiring at statistically astronomical odds as well.

Re:Pagan != Satanist!!!

[slothq]

get the story straight... these were no normal pagans, these were pagan's with samurai swords AND esp that can turn pizza delivery men into homa-suicidal lab assistants. therefore, obviously SATANISTS, i've already lined mine and my children's gasmasks with aluminum foil, i suggest you do the same... RECOGNIZE THE REAL ENEMY!

Re:Pagan != Satanist!!!

[SEE]

NOOO!

Aluminum foil doesn't work!

The control waves are tuned to Periodic Table group 14 -- carbon for controlling humans, silicon and germanium for controling transistors. You accordingly need to protect yourself with one of the group 14 metals -- either genuine tin, or lead. Aluminum doesn't work!

Zodiac

[Snafoo]

I think the deaths have to do with a corporation that has a twenty-year-old pile of PCB transformers rotting in the middle of the Boston harbour, and has surreptitiously genetically engineered a bacteria that converts PCBs to salt water.

Either that, or I've been reading too much Neal Stephenson again.

When I was in Grad School for Biology.

[Big Sean O]

We were always that microbiologists wash their hands before going to the bathroom.

Stories like this make me glad I selected something microbe-free for a career.

.

Quite frankly, I'm disgusted...

[zulux]

This new generaiton of Spooks and Operatives dropped the ball again - people are finding out. The just need to keep it simple - a drowing here, a maiming there - and nobody notices. Just like it should be. By now-a-days, these whipper snappers have to get clever - swords, nudity, pagens and these new-fangeled aero-planes. Lets get back to business, and just do our jobs, and leave the 'flair' for the Operatives in San Francisco.