Think And Click

cecil36 writes: "Yahoo! has reported that scientists have discovered neural technology that allowed a monkey to control a mouse cursor using the brain. ... Further reading states that this technology can be used with the paralyzed or those with Lou Gehrig's Disease to allow them to use their computers."

Finally!

[Toby Truman]

It's about time, because Doritos crumbs and Coke syrup are wrecking my mouse ball!

Better than an optical mouse, it's...a cognitive mouse?

All right...

[Archie Steel]

...does that mean we're now going to have to design computers that are easy enough for a monkey to use?

The new distribution's name could be: Mandrill Linux 8.2 (also known as Red Butt Linux...)

Hmmm...I guess those Ximian guys have been on to this for a while...

And for some reason...

[Dimwit]

And for some reason, we kept getting all these different screenplays...something called "Hamlet", and another called "Othello"...

That and complaints about having wires jammed in its brain...

The truth about these...

[The Living Fractal]

Is that I will no longer be beatable in any FPS game. My mental aim is flawless. You are all dead.

Operating from your subconcious?

[mattbelcher]

Wouldn't it be embarrassing to find your computer downloading pr0n everytime one of those Herbal Essences commercials comes on the TV?

the monkeys from "Project X" maybe...

[liquidsin]

...scientists have discovered neural technology that allowed a monkey to control a mouse cursor...

That's right. AOL 7.0 is all new, and easier than ever!

Allowing a monkey to control a mouse cursor...

[copyconstructor]

Good to see Katz is taking Dubya up on his volunteerism agenda and making himself available as a research subject.

Re:Good training

[Stevis]

I'm quite surprised they were able to do that with the current level of communications between humans, period.

Stevis, frustrated at his local scientific communication

Re:All right...

[Grape Shasta]

Well, we don't want to give the monkeys too much power, they might cause some damage, or accidentally write some Shakespeare or something. We just need to give them toy computers. Something cute. Maybe something that looks like a flower or something. Hey, wait a minute...

We need this.

[smack_attack]

This will allow me to keep both hands free while I surf for porn.

The only problem remaining:

[SuperKendall]

Getting the monkey to understand where you want to move the mouse.
.

FIREFOX LIVES !!!!!

[CDWert]

Alright now all we need a plane you could fly this way :)

Seriously think of the plethora of military applications, Im sure they are. I wonder how much room for error or lingering thoughts there is .

Its esay , sometimes to think about something and not pysically execute that movement. WHAT HAPPENS when you JUST THINK and it happens, I could think of all kinds of scenarios this would be MUY bad, remember the end of the first ghostbusters movie :)

Typing in this manner or "mousing" would be pretty cool if they could come up with a completley exeternal device, having wires sewn into my brain sac dont sound like much fun. Hopefully this is a firt step in 2 way electronic to neural communication links, think about what a computer could teach a person who was say paralyzed, analyze neural paths and make calculated reccomndations for rerouting directly to the brain, that was your movement would be through EXISTING undamaged pathways, then again a glitch in the software might make you wet your pants every time you try to scratch you foot but hey its progress :)

good news!

[mrroot]

``In fact,'' she said, ``we found that he became quite reluctant to move his arm to the reach command once the cursor was introduced into the game. Apparently it was easier just to think about reaching.''

Wow, this is good news not just for the handicapped but also for those of us who are just plain lazy. Often times I find myself _thinking_ of doing things but never actually _doing_ them.

Re:Really?

[.sig]

Well, it wouldn't be hands-free, just no hands working the computer....

Sorry, couldn't resist that one

Here comes the patents!

[pheph]

US Patent #5,960,412 : One-Thought-Shopping:

A method and system for placing an order to purchase an item via the Internet. The order is placed by a purchaser at a client brain and received by a server system. The server system receives purchaser information including identification of the purchaser, payment information, and shipment information from the client brain. The server system then assigns a client identifier to the client brain and associates the assigned client identifier with the received purchaser information. The server system sends to the client system the assigned client identifier and an HTML document identifying the item and including an order button. The client brain receives and stores the assigned client identifier and receives and displays the HTML document. In response to the selection of the order button, the client brain sends to the server system a request to purchase the identified item. The server system receives the request and combines the purchaser information associated with the client identifier of the client brain to generate an order to purchase the item in accordance with the billing and shipment information whereby the purchaser effects the ordering of the product by selection of the order button.

Re:FIREFOX LIVES !!!!!

[Em Emalb]

"I could think of all kinds of scenarios this would be MUY bad, remember the end of the first ghostbusters movie :)"

What--you don't like toasted marshmallows?

Re:And for some reason...

[Toby Truman]

...and software called "Office" and "Windows"...

Re:The truth about these...

[Grape Shasta]

This could happen to you: "j00 got 0wN3d by ResearchMonkey38"... how humiliating!

Researchers urged caution, however...

[jpellino]

As the monkey immediately used Amazon 1-Click to order 17,324 copies of "Curious George".

Conspiracy theorists! Get your tinfoil hats ready!

[Cutriss]

Keyloggers are a thing of the past now! Now the big bad men in suits can just sit outside your apartment and scan your brainwaves to detect all your pr0n and warez passwords! Just think! Or...erm...don't!

Re:Great....

[davidsmind]

I think we should be more worried about the possibility of him kicking our butts at CS.

Wait...I saw the movies---

[tino_sup]

Great, here we go, next thing you know our decendants will be ruled by super monkeys.

Let me say it now 'Get your filthy paws off me you damned dirty clicking ape'.

Borg monkeys will be the bane of organ grinders everywhere.

Regards,

Angry monkey...

[Rothfuss]

The details:

First the monkey was tricked into installing "Comet Cursor." Then, after the 17th X10 popup ad, he finally just began hurling feces at the monitor. Fortunately, Matthew Broderick came along and rescued him.

woot!

[fearboy]

"...or those with Lou Gehrig's Disease to allow them to use their computers."

whoa....the mighty stephen hawking [mchawking.com] (already a "fucking quake master") with implants...step back.

...You say, "impressive", I already know it,
I'm a hardcore player and I'm not afraid to show it.
I got a Phd in pain and a masters in disaster,
the mighty Stephen Hawking is a fucking QuakeMaster...

Re:Telepahy

[zangdesign]

Great! I await the day when some anarchist hacker decides to hack into my headspace and post messages about evil corporate conglomerates!

Excellent! I can't wait until my brain is subpoenaed by law enforcement because I've supposedly hidden warez files in my left temporal lobe:

"We're gonna have to confiscate your brain."
"Do I get a replacement brain?"
"No."
"Uh, you do know that the human body can't FUNCTION with a BRAIN, don't you?"
"Not my problem, criminal."
"I haven't been convicted yet."
"You will be. You will be."

This just gets worse and worse. First, Ashkrofft and Busche, and now this? I was gonna be funny and now I'm just scared.

I'm gonna go hide under a rock for a while.

I want this tech!!!

[TheCarp]

I want it...I must have these implants. I must have them for one reason and one reason only... the most important reason of all!

So I can say
"It is by will alone that I set my cursor in motion"

-Steve

If you think popups are bad...

[PotatoHead]

Just wait until someone discovers that by displaying a shocking image, they can trigger the click.

Some poor schmuck triggers the wrong thing, gets trapped in the pr0n maze and ends up in the hospital with 'schizoid forced feedback syndrome'.

After the various lawsuits work their way through the system...

Someone else will come out with 'web blinders' for the safe calm web experience. No one should surf without them, or Peace of mind is a precious thing, preserving it with Web Blinders is the easiest most effective investment toward your future sanity you can make today.

Re:All right...

[Chris Burke]

Naw, it just means that the archaic input device known as the "mouse" will now be replaced with the much more sophisticated "monkey".

Though I'm not sure trying to convince a monkey to click somewhere on the screen is really a step up from just moving a mouse yourself. :)

You mean...

[jmv]

technology that allowed a monkey to control a mouse

You mean even G.W. Bush will be able to use a computer...

Re:Finally!

[skware]

Oh great, so now we can have a shocked monkey playing the "Shock the monkey to win $20" game.

Re:Good training

[Adversive]

I know I'm going to hell for this...

But its easy!

1. Teach the monkeys how to play the game using their arms.

2. Cut off their arms.

Re:Operating from your subconcious?

[dimator]

Wouldn't it be embarrassing to find your computer downloading pr0n

I'll settle for my computer downloading pr0n on my command, while I'm sitting in front of it, so that my mouse arm can occupy itself with... other "jobs"