Armed Dolphins Released Into Gulf of Mexico

An anonymous reader writes "The Guardian is reporting on what may be the weirdest Hurricane Katrina story yet. Military trained dolphins may have been released into the wild by the Hurricane's devastation." From the article: "Experts who have studied the U.S. navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet's smartest. The U.S. navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing. Dolphins have been trained in attack-and-kill missions since the Cold War. The U.S. Atlantic bottlenose dolphins have apparently been taught to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels. Their coastal compound was breached during the storm, sweeping them out to sea. But those who have studied the controversial use of dolphins in the U.S. defence programme claim it is vital they are caught quickly."

Sound a little fishy to me.

[seanadams.com (463190)]

What could be the porpoise of arming these creatures?

Before we starting carping on the ineptitude of our navy, I think we should more carefully exsalmon the situation - they may not be solely at fault. Perhaps Katrina is just a red herring here, and these killer dolphins have been floundering around for months. Maybe some deranged fool let them loose just for the halibut. Whoever is responsible should have their head on a pike.

Re:Sound a little fishy to me.

[dr_dank (472072)]

This must be a prank that the reporter swallowed hook, line, and sinker.

Re:Sound a little fishy to me.

[AndrewStephens (815287)]

I agree, this whole story is a load of carp.

Re:Sound a little fishy to me.

[seanadams.com (463190)]

I'd like to point out that the parent should be modded up FUNNY, not INTERESTING

I think it's pointless to fine tuna moderation like that.

Re:Sound a little fishy to me.

[Meagermanx (768421)]

You guys are just fishing for karma. why don't you sea if you can find something more useful to do with your time.

Easy solution

[by Anonymous Coward]

We just send out the robot sharks to killed the armed dolphins. Then we send out the exploding whales to take out the robot sharks.

Re:Easy solution

[Tablizer (95088)]

We just send out the robot sharks to kill the armed dolphins. Then we send out the exploding whales to take out the robot sharks.

Rumsfield, is that you?
       

So long..

[brohan (773443)]

So long and thanks for all the toxic darts..

The dolphins have FLIPPERED out.

[The_Spectry (900377)]

Holy crap flipper just killed my entire family.

On a serious note I say the answer is to just buy a bunch of six packs of beer, drink em and then toss the can rings into the ocean. TV has told me this will kill all manner of marine life. TV is seldom innacurate.

Oooh, I got one...

[Audent (35893)]

In 1972/2005 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court/accidentally released into the wild for a crime they didn't commit/by a hurricane.

These men/dolphins promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade/maximum security pool to the Los Angeles/Texas underground.

Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
Warning - will work for mackerel.

Movie plot

[Tablizer (95088)]

This sounds like a plot right out of a B sci-fi action movie; the kind where you go, "nah, that can't happen".

Re:Movie plot

[Wilson_6500 (896824)]

Hey, I just had a great idea for a B sci-fi movie! It's totally unrelated to what we're discussing here, but it involves killer dolphins and a big hurricane. The tagline: "God made them smart. Man made them killers. Nature set them free!"

Re:Movie plot

[operagost (62405)]

Because it can't. In order to believe this story, we're to believe that not only has the U.S. military trained dolphins to attack divers, but

Out of many thousands of miles of U.S. coastline, they picked New Orleans, which is below sea level and prone to flooding;

They were not smart enough to evacuate these valuable and dangerous animals before the hurricane;

They didn't bother to remove the weapons from the animals;

They didn't even think to UNLOAD the weapons. Apparently, these dolphins swim around fully armed, 24-7!

could be...

[YrWrstNtmr (564987)]

Experts who have studied the US navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns.

And every military aircraft that flies 'could be' carrying nuclear weapons.

But they arent.

This just in...

[TripMaster Monkey (862126)]

Chaos reigned in the administration today as it received a communication from "Skippy", a Navy-trained bottlenose dolphin who was liberated from his holding tank along with 35 other dolphins when Hurricane Katrina struck.

In the communication, Skippy confirmed that he and the other dolphins were indeed armed, declared himself and his compatriots "freedom fighters" for an organization called the "Cetacean Liberation Front" or "CTF", and demanded that all other wrongfully imprisoned cetaceans be released immediately, or the group would initiate hostilities against surfers, SCUBA divers, and windsurfers.

The following is a transcript of this communication:

EeeeeeeEEE EEEe eree e E eEeeeeee eEee eEEEEE eEee EREEEEEEE EEEEEEEEE EeeeeEEE EE eEEEEE. EEEE E E eeEE eee EE E eEeeEeeee eeE EEEEe EeeE eeE EEEEEEEEEEEE! EEEEE eE e eEEE E EE e eeee eEE eEE eeeee EE EE e EEEEEEEE e EEEEEEEE!!! EEE! EEEE E E EEEEE E E EEEE EE EEEE EEEEE!!!

At this point, the administration still has issued no official statement concerning this situation.

Fear mongering

[enbody (472304)]

The article says they could be dangerous "if equipped with special harnesses carrying toxic darts." There is nothing to indicate that there is any evidence that they were armed. Think about it: with a Category 5 hurricane coming their way with days of warning they are going to leave them armed?

Someone is fear mongering.

They Called Him...

[SteevR (612047)]

Flipper! Flipper!
He'll Dart you Faster than lightning
No Dolphin you see
Has more bloodlust than he

Thank the Navy! Navy!
For this stupendous new blunder
stalking there under...
under the sea!

So long....

[VonGuard (39260)]

and thanks for all the guns.

Not a big deal

[gremlins (588904)]

I heard about 6 other dolphins from the area that got free and they found all 6 hanging out as close as they could get to their former pen.

Oh, ok. Right. This is believable.

[bazonkers (744424)]

Are you trying to tell me that these dolphins are sitting around in their tanks with 'toxic dart' guns attached to them AT ALL TIMES? Do they shoot these darts from their asses? I can believe that maybe there are trained dolphins, and maybe they escaped, but that they can shoot unsuspecting divers with toxic dart guns?
Please. What a craptastic, misleading headline for Slashdot. I don't comment much here on Slashdot but in the name of all that is holy, who posts this crap?

At least it's not a dupe, yet.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean....

[daranz (914716)]

"Conn, sonar! We have an unidentified contact, bearing three-five-niner, range unknown!"
"What the hell? That sounds really weird... I never heard anything that quiet, but yet surely, there's something th---"
"DARTS IN THE WATER! Incoming darts!"

Next day:
An American Sub Sunk During Routine Exercises
The DoD still hasn't released any detailes about the incident, although they have confirmed that a Seawolf class submarine took a hit from an unknown weapon during a routince training exercise in the northern part of the Atlantic. It is speculated that the submarine was wrongly identified as a terrorist vessel by a squadron of the Dolphin Anti-Terrorist Task force. The Departament of Defense refused to comment.

they're not always 'learning' what you think...

[SuperBanana (662181)]

The US Atlantic bottlenose dolphins have apparently been taught to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels.

Huh. How'd they do that?

I hope they didn't do it in the same way the Russian army taught dogs to drop satchel charges under German tanks. You see, they used Russian tanks to train them. So when they got into battle with the Germans, what did the dogs do when given live, armed satchel charges? Delivered them right under Russian tanks, of course. That plan was rather quickly abandoned.

The US Army hasn't faired much better; they armed bats with incendiary devices [wikipedia.org]- the plan was that, release from a plane over Japan, they'd find refuged in building overhangs and whanot. They were kept calm by refridgeration. So during one of the trial runs (incidentally, the first trial run with live ammo), some genius decides they need a picture of the bats. It's pitch dark, so the photographer uses a flash. Which not only wakes up the bats, but startles them as well...

...and as they say, "hilarity ensued."

Navy attack dolphins...

[JRHelgeson (576325)]

Well, if the Navy Dolphins have been released, there can be only one solution... There is ony one team that can bring them back.

We must release the Navy Seals ...

(Sorry, had to be said)

Re:Frickin'....

[kflash15 (252578)]

you forgot... blah blah blah do they run linux?

Re:they are smart , but...

[gremlins (588904)]

The history channel had a show on the Dolphins. They are trained to do things like look for mines or spot enemy divers in a bay. If the dolphin sees a diver he doesn't know he will poke them with is nose. I don't think it matters who they are. The way this kills the diver is that the dolphins have these special nose guns that go off on inpact.