Armed Dolphins Released Into Gulf of Mexico 534
An anonymous reader writes "The Guardian is reporting on what may be the weirdest Hurricane Katrina story yet. Military trained dolphins may have been released into the wild by the Hurricane's devastation." From the article: "Experts who have studied the U.S. navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet's smartest. The U.S. navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing. Dolphins have been trained in attack-and-kill missions since the Cold War. The U.S. Atlantic bottlenose dolphins have apparently been taught to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels. Their coastal compound was breached during the storm, sweeping them out to sea. But those who have studied the controversial use of dolphins in the U.S. defence programme claim it is vital they are caught quickly."
Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:5, Funny)
Before we starting carping on the ineptitude of our navy, I think we should more carefully exsalmon the situation - they may not be solely at fault. Perhaps Katrina is just a red herring here, and these killer dolphins have been floundering around for months. Maybe some deranged fool let them loose just for the halibut. Whoever is responsible should have their head on a pike.
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:3, Informative)
On the other hand, water (seawater, that is) transmits blue-green light pretty well -- losing "only" about 5% of its original intensity for every meter it transmits through water.
It drops to 1/2 power every 14m. So at 100m your down to
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:4, Interesting)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0149261/ [imdb.com]
and i'm not really sure if sharks are more dangerous than dolphins that are powered with poison darts
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:4, Insightful)
most dangerous (Score:3, Funny)
Re:most dangerous (Score:5, Funny)
Re:OT: Your .sig (Score:4, Informative)
You're referring to fascism , "the merger of state and corporate power" (according to Mussolini, its first biggest booster).
"Corporate" doesn't mean what you think it means in this context.
Wikipedia gives a good history of corporatism [wikipedia.org].
"Under Fascism in Italy, business owners, employees, trades-people, professionals, and other economic classes were organized into 22 guilds, or associations, known as "corporations" according to their industries, and these groups were given representation in a legislative body known as the Camera dei Fasci e delle Corporazioni."
So you see, "the merger of state and corporate power" doesn't just mean businesses. Today such a system might include corporations such as the AFL/CIO and other labor unions. Yes, they are corporations, too.
And business never "owned" government under Fascism. Fascism is primarily about putting the state above the individual, indeed above everything, include businesses.
Doctrine of Fascism [wikipedia.org]
"The corporate State considers that private enterprise in the sphere of production is the most effective and usefu [sic] [typo-should be: useful] instrument in the interest of the nation. In view of the fact that private organisation of production is a function of national concern, the organiser of the enterprise is responsible to the State for the direction given to production.
State intervention in economic production arises only when private initiative is lacking or insufficient, or when the political interests of the State are involved. This intervention may take the form of control, assistance or direct management. (pp. 135-136) "
Benito Mussolini, 1935, Fascism: Doctrine and Institutions, Rome: 'Ardita' Publishers.
Re:OT: Your .sig (Score:3)
Maybe I need to break out of my idiot savant mode and study some political science.
It's not surprising that fascism might look attractive. Dictators don't just come to power with zero support. There have to be enough people to believe in and be attracted to the philosophy. It has to look good for people to accept it. Hitler and Mussolini had plenty of popular support.
What's interesting is how time and again this idea of placing society al
Re:OT: Your .sig (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:2)
And as a pre-emptive response, dolphins are mammals, not fish, so I stand by the above statement.
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:5, Funny)
I think it's pointless to fine tuna moderation like that.
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:5, Funny)
How would that go?
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:4, Funny)
Quit horsing around! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:2)
Wit and Slashdot (Score:4, Funny)
Resisting my immediate Pythonesque urge to say "No, it isn't." and start an argument (the long course), I thought about that.
I guess that might make Slashdot the antithesis of the US Air Force then. Their slogan is "aim high". Slashdots might be "aim low and keep sinking" (as far as particularly sharp witticisms go).
Obviously, this post just proves the point. My IronyDetector(TM) is in overload mode.
Anyway, I don't seal what the big flapper is about this cod-forsakenly-bad humour. This isn't the funniest bit since Noah's shark. And we keep hoping it dolphin ish up soon. Further posts could make folks crabby. You'd have to be a strange manta want more. It's an eel impulse, I tell you. Perch the thought!
(Okay, that was a poor copy of the original few, who used up most of the good seafood...)
Re:Wit and Slashdot (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:5, Interesting)
If you want a real account of military-trained animals getting out and causing havoc, check this out [defensetech.org]. One of my old biology profs knew a guy who worked on this.
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:5, Funny)
Information on Marine Mammal Systems (Score:5, Informative)
Assuming that these dolphins are not part of a separate program, presumably the loose mammals are part of Marine Mammal System Mark VI. Note that the Navy Marine Mammal Program FAQ [navy.mil] includes the following item:
Does the Navy train its dolphins for offensive warfare, including attacks on ships and human swimmers or divers?
No. The Navy does not now train, nor has it ever trained, its marine mammals to harm or injure humans in any fashion or to carry weapons to destroy ships. A popular movie in 1973 ("The Day of the Dolphin") and a number of charges and claims by animal rights organizations have resulted in theories and sometimes actual beliefs that Navy dolphins are assigned attack missions. This is absolutely false. Since dolphins cannot discern the difference between enemy and friendly vessels, or enemy and friendly divers and swimmers, it would not be wise to give that kind of decision authority to an animal. The animals are trained to detect, locate, and mark all mines or all swimmers in an area of interest or concern, and are not trained to distinguish between what we would refer to as good or bad. That decision is always left to humans.
I find trace references [about.com] to the fact that the former anti-swimmer system (the Shallow Water Intruder Detection System) was supplanted by something new involving dolphins. In the old system, a sea lion would swim up to an unknown frogman with an open-jawed clamp attached to a line attached to its nose, ram into the frogman, and then signal the handler -- the frogman would essentially become "handcuffed" to the line, easy to reel in.
Re:Information on Marine Mammal Systems (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:5, Funny)
It's not like some idiot just let them trout, for shellfish purposes or otherwise -- tuna in to your tv, there was a hurricane. It's not like they cod have seen this as a possiblity with all the crabby, hammer-headed officials higher up in the food chain. Ask any general, and eel tell you that this was some shrimpy, reefer smoking, floundering good-for-nothing in charge, and didn't plan ahead.
As they left... (Score:5, Funny)
"So long and thanks for all the fish"
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:4, Funny)
For once this seems almost appropriate:
Wet Dreams by Kip Addotta
It was April the forty-first / Being a quadruple leap year / I was driving in downtown Atlantis / My barracuda was in the shop / So I was in a rented stingray / And it was overheating
So I pulled into a Shell Station / They said I'd blown a seal / I said, "Fix the damn thing / And leave my private life out of it / Okay pal?"
While they were doing that / I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar, a real dive / But I knew the owner / He used to play for the Dolphins / I said "Hi Gil" / You have to yell, he's hard of herring
Think I had a wet dream / Cruisin' thru the Gulf Stream / Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh / Wet dream
Gil was also down on his luck / Fact is he was barely keeping his head below water / I bellied up to the sandbar / He poured me the usual
Rusty snail, hold the grunion / Shaken not stirred / With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side / Heavy on the mako
I slipped him a fin / On porpoise / I was feeling good / I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for / Jerry's squids / For the halibut
Well the place was crowded / We were packed in like sardines They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsal / What sole
Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna / Salmon Chanted Evening / And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers / Probably there to see the bass player
One of them was this cute little yellowtail / And she's giving me the eye / So I figured this is my chance for a little fun / You know, piece of Pisces
But she said things I just couldn't fathom / She was too deep, seemed to be under a lot of pressure / Boy, could she drink / She drank like a . . . / She drank a lot
I said "What's your sign" / She said "Aquarium" / I said "Great, let's get tanked" / Think I had a wet dream / Cruisin' thru the Gulf Stream / Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh / Wet dream
I invited her to my place for a midnight bait / I said "Come on baby, it'll only take a few minnows" / She threw me that same old line / "Not tonight, I gotta haddock"
And she wasn't kidding either / Cause in came the biggest, meanest looking haddock / I'd ever seen come down the pike / He was covered with mussels
He came over to me and said / "Listen, shrimp, don't you come trollin' around here" / What a crab
This guy was steamed / I could see the anchor in his eyes
I turned to him, I said / "A-balone, you're just being shellfish" / Well, I knew it was going to be trouble and so did Gil / Cause he was already on the phone to the cods
The haddock hits me with a sucker punch / I catch him with a left hook / He eels over / It was a fluke but there he was / Lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel / Kelpless
I said "Forget the cods Gil / This guy's gonna need a sturgeon" / Well, the yellowtail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend / She came over to me, she said / "Hey, big boy, you're really a game fish
What's your name" / I said "Marlin"
Think I had a wet dream / Cruisin' thru the Gulf Stream / Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh / Wet dream
Well, from then on we had a whale of a time / I took her to dinner, I took her to dance
I bought her a bouquet of flounders / And then I went home with her / And what did I get for my trouble / A case of the clams
Think I had a wet dream / Cruisin' thru the Gulf Stream / Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:5, Funny)
"Our intelligent designer has never created an animal that we couldn't improve by strapping a bomb to it."
That's gold!
Re:Sound a little fishy to me. (Score:4, Funny)
Easy solution (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Easy solution (Score:5, Funny)
Rumsfield, is that you?
Re:Easy solution (Score:3, Funny)
We just send out the robot sharks to kill the armed dolphins. Then we send out the exploding whales to take out the robot sharks.
Rumsfield, is that you?
Look, when you're ordered to send your trained-aquatic-creature navy to war, you go to war with the trained-aquatic-creature navy that you have.
Re:Easy solution (Score:5, Interesting)
In February 1998, dozens of dead dolphins began washing ashore along the French Mediterranean. According to Jon Henley, a reporter for The Observer, "Most bore an identical, and mysterious wound - a neat, fist-sized hole - on the underside of their necks."
Marine biologists were baffled but Leo Sheridan proposed the only explanation that has not yet been dismissed. "I am convinced that these were dolphins trained by the US Navy and that something went badly wrong," Sheridan told The Observer.
Sheridan believes "they were disposed of to conceal the existence of the Americans' military dolphin program." In fact it was 1989 when the U.S. Navy began its classified Cetacean Intelligence Mission. The San Diego-based operation involved fitting dolphins with neck harnesses that pressed small electrodes into their skin.
The animals were taught to recognize and drown enemy divers. The dolphins could be remotely monitored and controlled via electric signals transmitted through the neck harness. In order to prevent the dolphins and the Navy's technology from falling into the wrong hands, a small explosive charge was planted in the harness on the underside of the animal's neck.
Sheridan noted that 16 of the dead dolphins displayed the same kind of round puncture wound that is "consistent with a small detonation. "It seems to me no accident that these dolphins first began washing up in the middle of a military crisis when American warships and submarines were en route to the [Persian] Gulf."
I'd also not kill each with the same mechanism. Some could enjoy the release of a toxin they might have naturally eaten too much of, others an electric shock they might naturally have happened upon. In any event I'd be more inventive than blasting equivalent holes in 16 necks, then tossing on a few dozen other dolphins to cover the ass of a classified program.
BG
Re:Easy solution (Score:5, Insightful)
Marine biologists were baffled but Leo Sheridan proposed the only explanation that has not yet been dismissed. "I am convinced that these were dolphins trained by the US Navy and that something went badly wrong,
I am convinced it was done by aliens hiding on the Canary islands... can't dismiss that either. See, it's easy to say something is the result of some secret project: Since all the evidence you would need to prove your case is secret, of course you can't provide any evidence.
In fact it was 1989 when the U.S. Navy began its classified Cetacean Intelligence Mission.
Well, if you trot over to the program's official web page [navy.mil], you can see they have been training toothed whales since 1962. And once again, how does he know the specifics of something supposedly top secret (but with an official web page, of course)? Maybe it began in 1987, and it's even more advanced!
Speculation is fun, but when you do it too much and for too long you simply start seeing patterns that aren't really there. You start believing anything that fits your pattern, even when far simpler explanations fit equally well. Occam's Razor goes out the window. I wonder what Sheridan thinks of the movie A Beautiful Mind [imdb.com].
Re:Easy solution (Score:5, Insightful)
The first two google hits are for other people, but the third one is this [bbhmg.com]. It appears to be a story about Leo leading a team of divers that claimed in the press that they found the long-lost plane wreck of Amy Johnson. However when questioned directly by officials in London, they said they hadn't actually found anything. That was in 2003 and nothing additional seems to have happened. So, while I was honestly trying to find out more about Leo, the first hit seeems to indicate he likes to make bold exagerations when speaking to the press. This isn't helping my confidence...
Nothing on the Navy page you point to dilutes Sheridan's account of a classified program. That is to say, the existence of open source and/or declassified programs and material says nothing about whether a classified program exists.
Actually it has lots of interesting tidbits, such as this: "Why have there been so many rumors about the NMMP over the years? Several decades of classification of the program's true missions of mine-hunting and swimmer defense, led to media speculation and animal activist charges of dolphins used as offensive weapons, speculation and charges that could not be countered with facts due to that classification. Additionally, fantasy is often times more interesting than reality. With declassification of the missions of the program in the early 1990s, the Navy has repeatedly and openly discussed those missions, but rumors are not easily forgotten, and there are those who continue to actively promote them."
So it was classified, but it isn't anymore. Now, they could easily be lying, but I don't know why I should trust Leo any more than the Navy. In fact I don't trust either in the absence of any proof, which argues for the Null Hypothesis.
SZ, have you ever heard of a straw man?
Have you ever heard of failure of proof of the negative is not proof of the positive? Why *must* it be true that dead dolphins killed by explosions were part of a secret Navy program gone awry? If the dead dolphins had "US NAVY" stamped on them, that would be one thing, but instead we simply had evidence that they were killed in the same unusual way. That raises the following questions:
- Why would the Navy test something in the Mediterranean unless they were sure it would work?
- If the dolphins could not be allowed to fall into the wrong hands, why didn't they keep them in holding tanks during transit? (like the ones they used for the Katrina dolphin rescue)
- Why use dolphins to guard a fleet in transit, when there is no risk from divers? Navy ships can travel at 30 knots, so you don't have to worry about anyone swimming up to your vessel.
- Why not design the device to fall off of the dolphin into the sea rather than explode and kill the dolphin? It's not like the dolphins are going to swim up and sell their secrets to a foreign goverment.
- Why couldn't these belong to a foreign government's navy? After years of information about the US program, and the relatively low budget required, why wouldn't navies test this idea?
- Why use dolphins at all for offensive operations, when the Navy's published research indicates that sea lions are far better for this purpose? (Dolphins are only used for mine hunting now, security and "force protection" against divers is provided by sea lions)
Here's an alternative: Dolphins get trapped in fishing nets all the time in that sea (see here [bbc.co.uk]). Maybe some fishermen were bored and hated dolphins enough to kill all the ones landing in their nets with explosives. Or maybe they were part of a secret ritu
Dart guns??!! (Score:3, Funny)
So long.. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:So long.. (Score:5, Funny)
The Pan-dimensional creatures have officially returned to the cosmic spotlight after a reclusion in the backwater planet of Earth, taking the second most intelligent race with them.
When asked to comment about their unusual extraction method, they issued this statement:
"We have completed our mission, and so have left Earth. Having found the secret to life, we can now return to the mainstream galaxy, and establish our control over the interdimensional biosphere.
In our effort to leave, we caused a weather distortion, and as such have taken the dolphin race with us to act as our agents in galactic control."
When asked to elaborate upon the dolphins, they replied:
"The dolphins were conducting a case study of the primitive humans and how they used the tools at hand to advance their agenda. They allowed themselves to be retrofitted with primitive weapons by the humans, let themselves be 'trained'. They were on the verge of prooving their thesis that primitive government is overrated, and is doomed by corruption though the lack of intelligence in the upper classes of society when we were forced to extract them. While their thesis remains unprooved, they gained valuable experiance in terrorizing with head-mounted implements. We plan to upgrade them from dart guns to lasers in the near future."
When the galactic president, Zaphod Beeblebrox, was asked to comment, he refused to say anything but "I for one welcome our head-mounted laser-wielding attack dolphin overlords."
The dolphins have FLIPPERED out. (Score:5, Funny)
On a serious note I say the answer is to just buy a bunch of six packs of beer, drink em and then toss the can rings into the ocean. TV has told me this will kill all manner of marine life. TV is seldom innacurate.
Re:The dolphins have FLIPPERED out. (Score:5, Funny)
Hi, this site is all about dolphins, REAL DOLPHINS. This site is awesome. My name is Robert and I can't stop thinking about dolphins. These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.
Facts:
1. Dolphins are mammals.
2. Dolphins fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the dolphin is to flip out and kill people.
Dolphins can kill anyone they want! Dolphins cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this dolphin who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the dolphin killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a dolphin totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.
And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dolphins with Toxic darts? (Score:2, Funny)
Tracking...? (Score:2, Funny)
Oooh, I got one... (Score:5, Funny)
These men/dolphins promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade/maximum security pool to the Los Angeles/Texas underground.
Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
Warning - will work for mackerel.
In other news... (Score:2)
Re:Oooh, I got one... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Oooh, I got one... (Score:5, Funny)
Squid pro quo, Clarice. Squid pro quo.
OH MY GOD, FLIPPER!! (Score:2)
Movie plot (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Movie plot (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Movie plot (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Movie plot (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Movie plot (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Movie plot (Score:5, Insightful)
Out of many thousands of miles of U.S. coastline, they picked New Orleans, which is below sea level and prone to flooding;
They were not smart enough to evacuate these valuable and dangerous animals before the hurricane;
They didn't bother to remove the weapons from the animals;
They didn't even think to UNLOAD the weapons. Apparently, these dolphins swim around fully armed, 24-7!
Re:Movie plot (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Movie plot (Score:3, Funny)
Many sea creatures were washed inland instead of out to see. It seems likely that at least one of them lost its memory in the accident. Cared for by some simple, ignorant folk after the hurricane, he's now making his way to Switzerland to investigate the only clue to his identity: a bank account number embedded into a microchip in his dors
A message from the NRA (Score:5, Funny)
You know what they say; an armed society is a polite society. Have you heard of a single dolphin-on-dolphin crime using a toxic dartgun that occurred when both dolphin were armed?
I didn't think so.
Natural enemies? (Score:2)
could be... (Score:5, Insightful)
And every military aircraft that flies 'could be' carrying nuclear weapons.
But they arent.
Re: could be... (Score:5, Insightful)
Naval Dolphin Trainer 2: Yeah?
Naval Dolphin Trainer 1: The mother of all hurricanes is about to come down on us.
Naval Dolphin Trainer 2: So?
Naval Dolphin Trainer 1: You think we should strap-up our dolphins with a full rack of poison dart guns right about now?
Naval Dolphin Trainer 2: Hey dude! Good idea! *goes off to the munitions locker*
Now I know the military can be stupid sometimes, but surely not stupid enough to have their trained killer dolphins armed up during an incoming major hurricane?
Seriously?
Re: could be... (Score:3, Insightful)
Are they stupid enough to keep armed dolphins? You tell me.
Dolohin Looters (Score:3, Funny)
Perhaps the Dolphins were just defending their fish supply from the other dolphins who were trying to loot it.
Comment removed (Score:5, Informative)
Flipper? (Score:2)
This just in... (Score:5, Funny)
In the communication, Skippy confirmed that he and the other dolphins were indeed armed, declared himself and his compatriots "freedom fighters" for an organization called the "Cetacean Liberation Front" or "CTF", and demanded that all other wrongfully imprisoned cetaceans be released immediately, or the group would initiate hostilities against surfers, SCUBA divers, and windsurfers.
The following is a transcript of this communication:
At this point, the administration still has issued no official statement concerning this situation.
You have to be kidding (Score:3, Funny)
Re:You have to be kidding (Score:3, Funny)
Re:This just in... (Score:3, Funny)
Not to be confused with the organization of their tree-dwelling brothers called the CLIT, the Coalition for Liberation of Iti
Re:This just in... (Score:3, Funny)
EeeeeeeEEE EEEe eree e E eEeeeeee eEee eEEEEE eEee EREEEEEEE EEEEEEEEE EeeeeEEE EE eEEEEE. EEEE E E eeEE eee EE E eEeeEeeee eeE EEEEe EeeE eeE EEEEEEEEEEEE! EEEEE eE e eEEE E EE e eeee eEE eEE eeeee EE EE e EEEEEEEE e EEEEEEEE!!! EEE! EEEE E E EEEEE E E EEEE EE EEEE EEEEE!!!
Translating machine: "We come in peace... We come in peace...."
Crowd: "Ooohh! Ahhh!"
The Dolphins open fire.
Crowd: "Aaahh!!! Arrrrghh!"
Fear mongering (Score:5, Insightful)
Someone is fear mongering.
They Called Him... (Score:5, Funny)
He'll Dart you Faster than lightning
No Dolphin you see
Has more bloodlust than he
Thank the Navy! Navy!
For this stupendous new blunder
stalking there under...
under the sea!
So long.... (Score:5, Funny)
they are smart , but... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:they are smart , but... (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:they are smart , but... (Score:5, Informative)
I heard... (Score:5, Funny)
(sorry!)
Not a big deal (Score:5, Informative)
It's because of the walls in the pens. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Not a big deal (Score:4, Interesting)
That hotel is completely gone now, of course.
Not that I actually believe much of this fish tale, but I would think that if these dolphins were being used for such a purpose, they would be tagged with radio transponders so that just such a situation like this one could be handled. The transponders could always be removed if the "soldiers" were to actually be deployed.
Eh.. (Score:2)
Oh, ok. Right. This is believable. (Score:5, Insightful)
Please. What a craptastic, misleading headline for Slashdot. I don't comment much here on Slashdot but in the name of all that is holy, who posts this crap?
At least it's not a dupe, yet.
Meanwhile, somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean.... (Score:5, Funny)
"What the hell? That sounds really weird... I never heard anything that quiet, but yet surely, there's something th---"
"DARTS IN THE WATER! Incoming darts!"
Next day:
An American Sub Sunk During Routine Exercises
The DoD still hasn't released any detailes about the incident, although they have confirmed that a Seawolf class submarine took a hit from an unknown weapon during a routince training exercise in the northern part of the Atlantic. It is speculated that the submarine was wrongly identified as a terrorist vessel by a squadron of the Dolphin Anti-Terrorist Task force. The Departament of Defense refused to comment.
they're not always 'learning' what you think... (Score:5, Informative)
Huh. How'd they do that?
I hope they didn't do it in the same way the Russian army taught dogs to drop satchel charges under German tanks. You see, they used Russian tanks to train them. So when they got into battle with the Germans, what did the dogs do when given live, armed satchel charges? Delivered them right under Russian tanks, of course. That plan was rather quickly abandoned.
The US Army hasn't faired much better; they armed bats with incendiary devices [wikipedia.org]- the plan was that, release from a plane over Japan, they'd find refuged in building overhangs and whanot. They were kept calm by refridgeration. So during one of the trial runs (incidentally, the first trial run with live ammo), some genius decides they need a picture of the bats. It's pitch dark, so the photographer uses a flash. Which not only wakes up the bats, but startles them as well...
...and as they say, "hilarity ensued."
Re:they're not always 'learning' what you think... (Score:5, Insightful)
The most critical part about retrieving them is not that they *could* "attack" divers with their head-mounted laser beams (where are those sharks when you need them), but that they've been captive-raised all their lives, much like the dolphins at the SeaWorld parks.
How'd they do that? (Score:5, Funny)
US Space Command...to the rescue! (Score:4, Funny)
General "Ohhh, so now you like our dolphin jamming satellites!"
Navy attack dolphins... (Score:5, Funny)
We must release the Navy Seals
(Sorry, had to be said)
A whole year already? (Score:3, Insightful)
A serious post (Score:5, Interesting)
Anyway, I seriously doubt that dolphins are being used with poison darts, since the Navy seems to prefer using sea lions [usatoday.com] now (They don't need storage pools, work better in tight areas like harbors and piers, and tolerate more varying temperatures). And even if there *were* poison dart weilding dolphins, why on earth would they be left armed while at a training facility during a storm?
In unrelated news... (Score:4, Funny)
Now THATS dolphin safe tuna.
All Hail King Snorky (Score:3, Funny)
All Hail King Snorky
The real question... (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Frickin'.... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:don't mess with the dolphins (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:don't mess with the dolphins (Score:3, Funny)