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Researchers Discover How To Make the Perfect Phone Call
Posted by
samzenpus
on Wed Nov 19, 2008 02:11 PM
from the thanks-guys dept.
from the thanks-guys dept.
Having made amazing discoveries such as how to make the perfect cheese sandwich, linking heavy caffeine use to sleeplessness, and figuring out where all the teaspoons have gone, science has made the greatest breakthrough yet. They have uncovered the secrets of making the perfect phone call. The perfect phone call clocks in at a mere 9 minutes and 36 seconds, easily 11 minutes shorter than any conversation I've ever had with my mom. Unlike a call to mom, the perfect phone call is almost devoid of any gossip about her divorced neighbor and her heavily tattooed daughter. Instead three minutes should be spent catching up with news about family and friends, one minute on personal problems, a minute on work/school, 42 seconds on current affairs, 24 seconds on the weather, and 24 seconds talking about the opposite sex. What's left of your 9 mins 36 secs is a free for all.
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WTF samzenpus? (Score:5, Insightful)
This is not science.
This is not "stuff that matters"
This is not "news for nerds"
Why the hell are you posting this crap?
Re: (Score:1)
Re:WTF samzenpus? (Score:5, Funny)
This is not science.
This is not "stuff that matters"
This is not "news for nerds"
Why the hell are you posting this crap?
You should call samzenpus up and have a good 9 minute 36 second disucssion about this.
Parent
Re:WTF samzenpus? (Score:5, Funny)
I doubt it would be a perfect phone call due to the 9 minutes of reaming.
Parent
Re: (Score:2)
It would be a perfect phone call if we can all listen in on it.
Schadenfreude is the pleasure we all love to hate :)
Re: (Score:2, Informative)
Re:WTF samzenpus? (Score:5, Insightful)
Idle was created for this very reason... yet it's polluting science.slashdot.org
Parent
Re: (Score:2, Funny)
> Why the hell are you posting this crap?
They needed someplace to show off all of Shampoo's inventions.
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
Then needed one more excuse to use the Bush with the phone upside down picture before having to switch to the Obama one. [snopes.com]
Re: (Score:3, Informative)
Silly me (Score:4, Funny)
In my world, a perfect phone call wouldn't involve my mother at all.
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In my world, the only reason to have a phone is for accoustic coupling......who needs to talk when you have a TTY terminal.
Layne
Re: (Score:3, Funny)
In some one's world, a perfect phone call would involve your mom.
Re:Silly me (Score:4, Funny)
Would seem silly to use the phone to make a call from the basement to upstairs.
Parent
Re: (Score:2)
I had a perfect call with your mom last night.
Re: (Score:2)
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In my world the perfect phone call would probably involve news about some blow, four playmates, and a large case small unmarked bills. YMMV.
Rather (Score:2, Funny)
Why doesnt the BBC use slashcode in forums (Score:3, Funny)
If only they could discover how to make the perfect first post.
No Phone call is the perfect phone call (Score:1)
Daughter? (Score:4, Funny)
Is the heavily tattooed daughter single?
Re:Daughter? (Score:4, Insightful)
Is the heavily tattooed daughter single?
that is surprisingly the most relevant post to Slashdot so far.
Parent
"Perfect?" Standards? (Score:5, Insightful)
Has "perfect" taken on a new meaning? The summary didn't explain, and neither did the freaking article as to what they mean by "perfect" or "ideal." Is this merely what the researchers themselves prefered? "9:36 is the ideal time, because that's exactly how long it takes me to walk from my lab to my house."
NOT SCIENCE DAMNIT!!
Re: (Score:2)
More importantly, can we please get samzenpus's mom's neighbor's daughter's phone number?
Re: (Score:2)
I would imagine perfect is another word for optimal. There are many things in your life that can be affected by a phone call. Take that impact on average, considering all the phone calls that you are typically making, and the perfect phone call becomes the objective phone call, the kind of call that you want to make every time, the Holy Grail of phone calls.
Even more perfect... (Score:1)
Perfect phone call (Score:3, Funny)
"Profane Muthafucka, It's for you"
"Tell them I'm on the toilet and if it's important they can send me an email."
My perfect phone call (Score:2)
- 5-8 hours long
- Speaking to a member of the opposite sex who I am romantically interested in
- May or may not be G-rated in parts
- Costs under $2
- (Definitely not a phone sex line - never called one of those)
Re: (Score:2, Funny)
Hey guys!! Come look at this. There's a girl on /.
http://slashdot.org/~syousef
Re: (Score:2)
You have NO idea what you're missing.
The article also forgot to mention... (Score:1)
And the king of calls is the Prison / jail call (Score:3, Funny)
And the king of calls is the Prison / jail call.
Re: (Score:2)
Now what (Score:3, Funny)
Instead three minutes should be spent catching up with news about family and friends, one minute on personal problems, a minute on work/school, 42 seconds on current affairs, 24 seconds on the weather, and 24 seconds talking about the opposite sex
I am currently doing your heavily tattooed daughter, who I've meet at work, under pouring rain. There, covered, family, work, current affairs, weather and opposite sex. Should I hang up or use the 9 minutes 36 seconds on the details?
Lost Teaspoons (Score:4, Funny)
I just read the lost teaspoons article and I have to admit it was actually kind of interesting and funny. If they had been able to draw any real conclusions it's almost IgNobel worthy. My favorite part came at the end, when they surveyed the people they had been researching. Of the people that responded to the survey, "Thirty six (38%) were male, 57 were female (61%), and one was undecided."
divorced neighbor and heavily tattooed daughter .. (Score:1, Redundant)
Do you have the phone number for the heavily tattooed daughter?
I might like to give her a perfect phone call ...
Most imperfect phone call? (Score:1, Funny)
When you dial a phone-sex line and talk for 9 minutes and 36 seconds before realizing the person at the other end is actually your mom...
Phones = Super Satan (Score:1)
for chicks, maybe (Score:5, Insightful)
That may be a perfect phone call for chicks, but 9:36 is WAY too freaking long for guys.
Perfect guy phone call:
*ring*
Guy 1: Hello.
Guy 2: Hey man, I'll meet you at the *bar/your place/bowling alley/casino/strip club/etc.* in 30 minutes.
Guy 1: Cool.
*click*
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In a similar breakthrough (Score:2, Funny)
Re: Hofstadter would be proud! (Score:2)
His post contains 25 words and a slight jab at the article.
Re: (Score:2)
The perfect post also has to contain two speling errers and a grammatical error. And an unrelated car analogy, which the parent post does not.
Possibly research was involved (Score:1)
It's not too hard to imagine this being actual research, rather than immediately considering it subjective junk science -- but I agree that the article is crap for not giving any details. Is there a newsier, nerdier article available?
no editors today (Score:1, Redundant)
Another BS "formula" story (Score:2)
These "scientists have discovered the formula for" sorts of stories make (actual) scientists look like nutty boffins who make no real contribution to the world. (Actually, the word "boffin" is, in the Commonwealth, a pretty good marker for BS science stories.)
Newspaper science reporting is bad enough already. Do we really need this pure liquid crap flowing through Slashdot too?
(Ben "Bad Science" Goldacre has had rather a lot to say [google.com] about these sorts of stories, and the whores who create them, over the years
opposite sex? (Score:2)
24 seconds talking about the opposite sex.
I'm gay, you insensitive clod.
Oh, wait.
No I'm not.
Relevance question (Score:2)
Why is this summary illustrated by George W. Bush with a telephone?